Our son is beginning rehab from Oxy. My wife and I have also started going to Al-Anon and Co-Dependency group meetings. They all say to establish a contract if he still wants to live in the house. We also know that there is a strong probability that he may relapse. So, what's the reasonable terms to put in a contract with him before being asked to leave the house? Doesn't seem that you can put a hard number on it, can you? Anyone else have experience or thoughts? Would appreciate it.
How old is your son and how long has he had drug problems?
If he's over 18 and has had problems for a while I'd say the contract must be that he stays clean or moves out. I know this is rough but it seems to be the way to go. Anything less leaves open the opportunity to slip up and still have Mom and Dad to take care of you.
I guess the thing is to really think through the contract and make it something you will stick with.
He's almost 19. Just found out about 1 month ago and got him help immediately. Was on Suboxine at first, but he hated that and decided he wanted to withdrawl and did in a more intensive, Dr. managed group to withdrawl.
We're just battling with the 1-and-done issue because of the probablility of a relapse. Don't want to support additional use and want to send a message, but also want to be realistic. Does that make sense?
I really think if you are going the "tough love" route you need to be simple and clear. "Once and you are out." Addicts can only hear simple things. If there is a loop hole they will use it. It is extremely difficult to stay clean so the boundaries need to be clear. Remember you are doing this to save his life. He is also a man now and needs to accept the responsibility for his own actions.
Ask your group for lots of support. This is going to be very hard for you. Almost impossible. So prepare yourself for how you are going to handle when he uses again. And how you are going to find out. You need to believe that sobriety is an achievable goal. Think it through, all the details, imagine the confrontation and know ahead of time what each of you will say.
Is he getting support from any groups, counselors etc. That also should be part of the contract.
Good luck. It sounds like you are being wonderful parents and working hard to help your son. Remember no one can make someone clean up their act. He needs to be involved in his treatment and realize the real consequences of his addiction.
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