Aa
Relapse..... help!
So I guess the temptation got the better of me............... I was doing so good, 6 days, then the craving and temptation just got to be too much for me to handle................ i took some Percs on Friday, and some more on Saturday........... OMG what was I thinking!!! Now I'm sitting here feeling bad for myself, and scoulding myself, how could I let this happen.... I'm considering the Meth program now, as I understand it helps with cravings etc, and helps you to function normally throughout the day....................... Does anyone have any feedback on that program? Good / bad experiences.... do you reccommend it?
Thanks guys!
Thanks guys!
Best Answer
I understand why it is important to tell your spouse...BUT in the steps it says to make a list of our damages and make amends, UNLESS to do so would create harm. We don't know what harm it would create in her telling her spouse because we don't know their relationship. Let's just say that in her telling him, he was to flip out? When someone says they can't tell, I don't assume its because they don't want to be accountable to that person, but that they may have very justifiable reasons at the time for not saying so. Playing devils advocate here, I know....but I also am a realist. We would all love to believe that sharing our secret will bring support, but that is not always the case. For example, most people believe the only reasons for divorce are cheating and addictions. She has shared in the past and now relapsed. How are we to know that he wont say that he has had enough? Its easy to give suggestions based on our circumstances, but we don't live in others shoes. And maybe he would be supportive...but the poster has toweigh the benefits vs cons herself. I wish I could tell my SO, BUT IF I did, too much other stuff would come out of that and it would devestate him. Sorry, but I would rather carry that cross myself. If that puts me at risk for relapse, then I need to find another way to work through this. Not trying to offfend, just how I feel about this.
hey Con... today is day 1 again............ i'm feeling crappy, physically and mentally.. ugh
a group jump would be awesome, LOL, i have a few friends that want to jump with me this year.... last year they backed out, so we will see!!
Barb.... did you ask your Dr? I'm asking because my sister also has heart problems, but he gave her clearance to go, she is going to jump tandum.
Barb.... did you ask your Dr? I'm asking because my sister also has heart problems, but he gave her clearance to go, she is going to jump tandum.
I say we do a group jump....1....2....everyone hold hands now....threeeeee.....weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! :)
You have made AMAZIN progress in the last 48 hrs!!! You're flying NOW!
So happy to hear all you have found the courage to do!!
YOU'RE SHINING!!!
So happy to hear all you have found the courage to do!!
YOU'RE SHINING!!!
Will you jump for me too? It's always been my dream, and will never happen now due to my heart problem.
You sound better, more positive. I understand wanting a one on one counselor too.
You can do it!
You sound better, more positive. I understand wanting a one on one counselor too.
You can do it!
a few posts back i said that when i quit the first time I treated myself to a Skydive.............. I just posted a pic of me " in the sky " LOL 11,500 feet in the air to be exact :-) Most AMAZING experience I ever did, and I plan on doing it again this year..... in July, I'm going to make it my 6 month clean celebration because i AM doing this!!! (cyber HUGS ) to you all!! Thank you.....
oh weaver thats awesome.... so good that they seen you and now want the same things.... being clear minded and drug free is such a wonderful feeling.... and i cant wait to be there again... i remember how much fun i used to have, and i used to laugh so much, but all that sort of subsided when i started on the drugs... I miss it .... i want it back!!!
That's awesome, you really are doing what it takes. Glad you're not doing the methadone though. My solution with connections was to talk recovery any time I saw my dealers, I didn't answer the phone, but I live in a small mountain town. You can't avoid anyone. They finally stopped calling for a few months. I just saw my main supplier the other day, it's a couple who both get huge scripts. They wanted to talk to me about the suboxone they where just prescribed. Suboxone is a good fit for them, though I usually wouldn't recommend it. They want to get clean after seeing how much better off me and some of our friends are doing. Pretty cool. Just wanted to share that, it makes me realize how much influence making good decisions has on those who witness our freedom. I'm getting a good feeling about you, I think you are on your way.
again thank you everyone, you all have so much valuable things to say that make so much sense, and most of this stuff i have never thought of before. I don't know if i would feel comfortable in a " group " setting, partially worried on who I "might" see there.. my city has only 150,000 people, and I work in the Health industry, so I'm a little worried about that, I think 1 on 1 is best for me right now.......... I'm embarrassed too, something I know I need to get over.
Con, I promise, I will be totally honest with the counsellor.... I know I have a lot of issues from my past, and from when I was a kid, that may be part of why I became an addict I don't know, But i do have a lot to say... i think it'll be nice to have someone to tell things to that I have been carrying heavy hearted for many years!
Con, I promise, I will be totally honest with the counsellor.... I know I have a lot of issues from my past, and from when I was a kid, that may be part of why I became an addict I don't know, But i do have a lot to say... i think it'll be nice to have someone to tell things to that I have been carrying heavy hearted for many years!
That's great jibi!! I think with these changes you will now be strong enough to beat this
thanks Weaver, I did get rid of my dealers contact info, the problem is, he or the gf will call or text me when they have some, i have had the same cell num for years, but i called my provider today and had the number changed so they cant call / text anymore! I had a talk with my sister in the last hour, I told her that if she wanted to do something for me then to stop enabling me, and if she loved me she would respect that and not tell me when she has them... no matter how much i beg... i think i got my point across, she said she wishes she was a strong as me, but for her giving them up right now is not an option, i told her if it ever was i'd be there for her too!
I guess I am agreeing with everyone now! Everyone is different. It all does depend on your own circumstance. There are others outside my family who I would not tell about my addiction though I was hurtful to them in the past--it wouldn't solve anything now, and I am still close to those people. Both people here and my therapist told me to tell my husband and it worked out. If you can unburden yourself to someone face to face, like your counselor &/or a group, it takes some of the weight off yourself. That is a freeing feeling! Plus you get their support in the days ahead. all the best!
addiction counselor is a positive step as far as the meth clinic i have to say NO!!! I think the addiction counselor will be great for you . I go to group with 4 people and our group leader is and addiction counselor and she is great! and has helped me stay clean and she is a recovering addict herself so she knows about all the issues and things that we need help with. Good luck on that I wanna hear all about it . It will be a great step for you!
Be honest with the counselor about everything so they can help you.
keep that appt! :) Happy for you! very good step !
One thing I also did that helped me was I Joined a gym I do daily zumba classes yoga I swim it helps with anxiety and starting healthy changes gets that blood moving and those endorphins going!
Be honest with the counselor about everything so they can help you.
keep that appt! :) Happy for you! very good step !
One thing I also did that helped me was I Joined a gym I do daily zumba classes yoga I swim it helps with anxiety and starting healthy changes gets that blood moving and those endorphins going!
If I told my SO, I would be coming on here saying now not only do I have a problem with my addiction, but now I am homeless. Add to that the burden of shame and guilt about the lies that were told to not only protect my sorry behind but his too. It wouldn't take him but a flash second to figure out the sordid details about some of the situations I have covered up. I feel bad enough about that as it is, but for him to know that I was behind some of the pain that directly hurt him would be to much for me to bear. At that point, I would just have to throw in the towel and say I am a worthless piece of Sh+t. All I can do is work on today and influence the future. I truly believe that there are some pains we create in our life that we would love to get rid of the burden of by telling our spouse or other people. However, in getting that guilt off our chest, sometimes that can bring more problems with it. That's why they are called skeletons in the closet. And maybe someday I will open that closet door or someone else will. I will have to deal with that at that point. But right now, I have to s.u.c.k. it up and deal with it. I need to focus on getting better and forgive myself first. I am not a bad person. Although when I am in my addiction, I am a very selfish person.
Thank you Con, i do appreciate all the advice I get from everyone here.. and sometimes I'll read everyones replies more then once, ( they help me through my day) I never really thought about how BAD this addiction is affecting me, but you said " you were having a hard time b/c you were escalating in your use, counting them daily planning and worrying" that hit home, cause I was like that too, worrying about my pills for the next day, not planning activities for fear i would have no pills and feel crappy, I don't want to live that way anymore, like you I'm exhausted.............. so very tired of chasing the pills, tired of worrying about my next dose and where i'm going to get the money for it.......
I had an appointment today at the Meth clinic to talk to someone about the program, but i'm not going to go, after reading what everyone has said I don't think that's a viable option for me............ I'm going to see an addiction counsellor on Thursday though, and also under regular care with my family Dr. I lost my mom and brother both due to addictions, I'm scared because I don't wanna end up in an early grave like they did, and I know if I keep going I will, because there is NOTHING good that can come out of this!
I had an appointment today at the Meth clinic to talk to someone about the program, but i'm not going to go, after reading what everyone has said I don't think that's a viable option for me............ I'm going to see an addiction counsellor on Thursday though, and also under regular care with my family Dr. I lost my mom and brother both due to addictions, I'm scared because I don't wanna end up in an early grave like they did, and I know if I keep going I will, because there is NOTHING good that can come out of this!
NoLife for me And Conhall hit the nail on the head. All our situations are different and we only want to help by sharing our experience, strength and hope. But you told some people, that's awesome. You realized an obstacle, and adjusted to do what you could. Okay, you told your secret, the next obstacle, can you be straight with your sister about your situation? It's hard to be offered pills, when you are in detox. My dealers helped me relapse many times, I couldn't make them go away. They needed money and I was sick, so they saw an opportunity and took it. I can't blame them, they're just addicts. Anyway, you seem like you really want this, I think you will find YOUR way and will be sharing your experience, strength and hope. Keep those eyes on the prize.
when we post to support you we just give advice on what has worked for us each person and you are right only you know your Mr. (hubby)
I would hate to see you come on here and say i told him and he left me or something worse happened, So i will just back off on this and like other poster(NOLIFE4ME) also said we dont know the harm it could cause in telling her spouse,we dont know your relationship what if he flips out and does something harmful or other things.
So with that I will just say what worked for many on here may not be the answer for everyone. Jibi07 I wish you nothing but success and I see you battling in your post, So much of what you write sticks out to me because I see myself and I Just want to help you, I Know what it is like to wake up each day and feel hopeless and scarred and lost, but I am here to tell you thats it is never hopeless, even after you relapse learn from it use the knowledge to help yourself. I never thought I would get this monkey off my back I was doomed to be an addict always but I just finally hit rock bottom .I was having hard time because I was escalating in my use and the pills I was buying werent lasting and the person i bought from became unreliable. I was so tired of chasing the pills counting them daily planning worrying I was truly EXHAUSTED! .
I came on here and people reached out to me told me I could do this They gave me hope. And advice and honesty. Thats all I am doing for you trying to tell you what was told to me and it does work it really does. You have an appt. coming up with a doctor for help dont you? I hope that goes well and it helps you. You deserve to be happy and deserve to come first. You are worth it. You cant change the past but the future is yours to do with :)
I would hate to see you come on here and say i told him and he left me or something worse happened, So i will just back off on this and like other poster(NOLIFE4ME) also said we dont know the harm it could cause in telling her spouse,we dont know your relationship what if he flips out and does something harmful or other things.
So with that I will just say what worked for many on here may not be the answer for everyone. Jibi07 I wish you nothing but success and I see you battling in your post, So much of what you write sticks out to me because I see myself and I Just want to help you, I Know what it is like to wake up each day and feel hopeless and scarred and lost, but I am here to tell you thats it is never hopeless, even after you relapse learn from it use the knowledge to help yourself. I never thought I would get this monkey off my back I was doomed to be an addict always but I just finally hit rock bottom .I was having hard time because I was escalating in my use and the pills I was buying werent lasting and the person i bought from became unreliable. I was so tired of chasing the pills counting them daily planning worrying I was truly EXHAUSTED! .
I came on here and people reached out to me told me I could do this They gave me hope. And advice and honesty. Thats all I am doing for you trying to tell you what was told to me and it does work it really does. You have an appt. coming up with a doctor for help dont you? I hope that goes well and it helps you. You deserve to be happy and deserve to come first. You are worth it. You cant change the past but the future is yours to do with :)
I understand what you guys are saying about telling my spouse, I get that.... but please trust me when I say, I know my Mr will leave me....... and that will as NoLife said create more harm then good. I hid that I was smoking again from him, hid it for about a month, and when he found out I was smoking again it was a HUGE deal...... He was so mad at me, still is in fact, and that was 2 years ago he found out, to this day he still gives me a hard time about picking it up again , so i could not imagine how he would take this news.... actually I can, he will leave me. I REALLY appreciate all the advice from you guys, (thats why I'm on here) and it does help me..... but telling him is just not an option ... I have told a few of my closest friends, I have support there, believe me there was a few times I almost spit it out to him, then stopped myself because I know what the consequences will be, maybe I deserve that after what Iv'e done, maybe I don't..... I will work this out, it'll take time, I know this, but I know I can get through this............ My hubby suggested one day we sell our house and move to another province.... (not much work where we live) I said ok, ( i'd be too far away from any sources and wouldn't know anyone.. good thing) But I know moving away is not the answer either, although we are thinking about it..... I have weighed the benefits vs the cons of telling him, and there are way more cons..............I sort of feel conflicted... on one hand, then on the other etc, I'll just keep posting here and talking to you wonderful people... Thank you!
"i'm going to carry this pain for him" So what are you going to do for the pain?
I tried to do it on my own for 2 1/2 years, think about just how important this is to him, you, and all the family. My wife went phew, I thought you had immune problems or some horrible disease, now it all makes sense. This is not a matter of will-power or just being tough. This is a job for your God and is a whole family disease. Tell him FOR him, rather than NOT tell him FOR him.
Anyway, I hope you don't end up like I did, for as long as I did. I barely lived.
I hope you find the way to do what it take to detox and stay clean.
I tried to do it on my own for 2 1/2 years, think about just how important this is to him, you, and all the family. My wife went phew, I thought you had immune problems or some horrible disease, now it all makes sense. This is not a matter of will-power or just being tough. This is a job for your God and is a whole family disease. Tell him FOR him, rather than NOT tell him FOR him.
Anyway, I hope you don't end up like I did, for as long as I did. I barely lived.
I hope you find the way to do what it take to detox and stay clean.
I agree with Conhall. I dreaded telling my husband but when I did, he was fine and not too surprised. It explained my mood swings and odd behavior in the past. Part of not wanting to tell was not wanting to hurt him but another part was looking bad in his eyes. And the addict in us wants to keep the whole thing secret in case we use again. Of course you know your husband best but I didn't give my husband enough credit on how he would take the news---he's been a great support. Good luck!
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