Relapse over and over

[fandf]

This summer, in August, I quit opiates. I was taking massive amounts of Tussionex every day. Since then, I went thirty days without using. Recently, I have relapsed alsmost every two weeks. I will go without for two weeks and relapse again for the next two weeks. Except now, I relapse with norco 10/325 pills. Today is my first day coming off of a three week binder. I am getting divorced right now, so everything seems really messed up. I just keep using thinking is will help me through the divorce.

[gnarly_1]

HI you need to find a program like N/A and stick to it those that go to lots of meetings usually stay clean...
N/A treats the addiction mind body and soul its a new  way to live clean and sober get plugged in wile your still alive to do it............Gnarly

[akitagurl12]

hi, you got some great advice.  I just wanted to chime in and remind you that starting and stopping and starting again is pretty much keeping you in constant withdrawal.  That is a horrible place to be stuck at.  You sound like you want freedom more than not at this point, so why not stick it out this time and get through to the other side?  Our minds will always come up with reasons why right now is not a good time to quit, but its all just part of the lies of addiction. You are worth it, and life WILL get better.  Relationships are important, and I know the pain they can bring when they change...but using pills to get through it will only cause you more problems with your health.  And you need your body & your mind free for the amazing future that awaits you.  Now is the perfect time to say goodbye to those pills.  

[OpenMind24hours]

Those are great pointers Fireby mentions above.

I'm starting over from a relapse, no, a disaster. Got 20 days today, but today is really all I got. Taking it one day at a time is a good thing, but trying to not look at stopping for the rest of my life, that's quite a burden on my thinking. Prior to my disaster I had quite a few 24 hour periods of clean time under my belt. If I look back, I really didn't notice the clean days flying by. They were the best days of my adult life. My recent disaster days have been the worst. It never gets any better out there.

I figured out why I went out and used this time: My happiness depends on circumstances going my way. My needs weren't met. And I didn't realize how powerless I am over circumstances. This time, as I go to my support meetings, I hope to turn that around and learn some acceptance of ppl, places and things. I guess while I'm clean, it's good to at least have something to work on.  If I don't change nothing changes..

[Fireby29]

I have relapsed many times the key to my current sobriety has been:

1).  Tell your secret.  You gotta have folks lined up who can protect you, and who understand that your healing.

2.). Cut all sources.  Red-flag yourself with your docs, pharmacies and dentist.  Change your phone if you have too and number to lose dealers.  Change friends if you have too.  Your sobriety and heal comes first!

3.). Aftercare.  NA, AA, therapist.  Post on here, go to church, whatever it takes to be accountable and to stay mentally healthy.

It takes awhile, sometimes a long while to heal our brains.  Eat right, exercise, take supplements and protect your clean time.

Bryan

[fandf]

OK. I will take it one day at a time. I know, given my past, that I will most likely feel better tomorrow because I have been back on for such a short time. However, I cannot keep thinking every time I feel better that I can go right back because it will be just one day of pain and then back to normal. It is messing with my head far more than it is my body. All last week, I was using, and I felt so sad. I wanted to cry all the time. I am dating someon now, and I wanted to push him away. I missed my ex which I usually don't do. Usually, I can focus on moving forward in a  new kind of relationship. This past week, all I could think about was my ex husband and the boyfriend before him. I finally realized last night that these pills could be making me more depressed than I think. This could be the cause.

[weaver71]

Very well put Free, you just told my story. Divorce is hard, done it. It's been awhile, but I still remember feeling all my ideals being shot down. I'm not sure if I started to replace my old idealism until now. It's been 15 years, the pills helped me hold onto the pain, without knowing it. Don't be fooled by the promises that drugs make. They never do what they say they will. Maybe at first, but that's just a trap. I used to be able to quit for periods of time too. It reached a point though, I lost complete control. Stay clean, just for today, you won't regret it. Keep us posted and stay strong.

[Free2agoodhome]

Nothing wrong with ya.... I did the same thing,,,,while recovering from knee surgery I had Vic scripts,,,,during that time I was faced with something similar to divorce,,,,, i started treating my emotional pain with meds,,

it was so easy to feel good in 20 minutes i bought in to the lie....I knew i was getting addicted but I would say "hell i deserve a feel good"  or "ill get serious about quitting tomorrow"

While high I would "re-live"  events,,,old hurts,,things that were said...,the unfairness of it all... the meds seemed to take the edge off,,,

The problem with what I was doing was by living in the past and staying high,,,I kept all that stuff alive...I needed time to heal naturally..instead I never matured through the experience,,,,i just delayed the inevitable....

If you continue to use....you will never heal  (my experience)

Divorce undoubtedly is painful
Suffering is optional

Stick around

Free~

[HappyDays2Come]

I am so sorry about your divorce and your depression and guilt over the relapsing, but you can do this. These pills aren't going to do anything but make you feel worse and they will eventually get worse. Please stop taking them and go talk to someone...it helps so much to talk to a counselor. I know you can do it because I've seen much worse stories on here than yours and they are now living happy and healthy lives. I hope that today is the day that you decide to change your current lifestyle and take your life back!

[Sonrissa]

Hi fandf, as you are realizing, taking pills does not help when life starts throwing you curve balls! It sounds like you need some professional support and after care to help you get through the life stuff! Identify your triggers, and come up with a solid plan to help you get through them! You are on a wicked roller coaster, and it's time to get off of that ride! You can do this! Pick yourself up, dust off a bit, and start moving forward each day! Come up with another way to deal with life's hardships!

Take care, and keep posting and reaching out for support! I wish you all the best!

[fandf]

I've been using for years. I have successfully quit for years also. I always go back, make some excuse, relapse. Even after a long period of sobriety, I will usually break. But this time, with my divorce, I can't seem to stay away from them for more than two weeks. But, the weird part is that I am still depressed even when using. It is not masking the hurt of the divorce. I am just sad and high. So, here I sit at work today with that all too familiar feeling of flu like symptoms. *****.

[weaver71]

I remember months of the 2 weeks shuffle. I never really felt good, even during to 2 weeks on part. The guilt of failure and full knowledge that I wasn't in control of my own actions ruined the high. It became harder and harder. Once of my near death experiences happened during that period, as my body couldn't handle it when I started a 2 wk binge after not taking any for 2 wks. I decided to go to counseling and AA/NA meetings a build up a support army. I realized I couldn't do it alone. I spent years convincing myself of that. Once I reached out the battle changed, I didn't feel so cornered and alone. I talked to my sponsor about that time in my life and he said, "Nothing like working the 12 steps to ruin a good high." I guess I'm trying to say, it can get so much worse, take my word for it and do what it takes to stop that cycle. We are all routing for you.

[Clong45]

There is nothing we go through in life that drugs won't make worse.  I get it.  We all get it.  What ever our drug of choice is, it is our escape from our problems.  But life keeps going on and problems get worse and it isn't till then that most of us realize that being a addict is our biggest problem.  I've relapsed more than I care to admit.  I can tell you this though.  Each time it gets worse.  How long you been using opiates?

[jhenry4]

Kicking an addiction takes a long time. Find someone to help support you that you trust, ok? And don't expect to just kick it immediately. You need to ease yourself into it.

[D713]

Bro, I know it's hard my life is really hard. my family dosent support or aint close anymore. I'm sorry to hear that but trust me after kicking this evil habbit we'll be happy...and see life diffrent...let's make a change...i relapsed several times and 1 day I just talk to myself like wow i aint going to get anywhere doing this plus seeing my cousin almost done with college. WHICH im in school....but not as far as him...Just gotta keep pushing/moving foward...im not gon lie i miss the feeling. BUt then feeling i always think of. Brought me nothing but hell and money i coulda saved and done with it to take trips and enjoy life.