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Relapse
Well I relapsed on Vicodin. I didn't intend to of course and I had a kidney stone and the pain was so bad I ended up getting hooked (again) on the Vicodin they gave me. I endured the pain for several days before I went to the ER and while I wasn't looking for pain meds, I got them. I really wasn't looking for or didn't expect to get any. Then they gave me some Norco's and I wasn't going to take any and then I finally did.
When I first took them, they didn't go well with me. It felt like they were giving me heart problems and stuff. Of course in the beginning I took them as directed and then I got up to 6 ES Vics a day.....sometimes 8 but usually 6. I've been milking the urologists office for months well after the kidney stone stopped.
Part of my problem is that I'm not sure if it's best that I'm off of them. I've been diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and was hooked on Vics before and then was off of them for a year and a half. After the w/d's went away I was feeling pretty good for a few months...make that really good. Then I slowly started feeling worse and worse and worse. I tried my best to fight it but I couldn't.
I just want to stress that I didn't just cave and went and got some vics. This last time (the 4th attempt to get off) went right. It was hard at first but I never once took any once I got off them. Like this, I went cold turkey. This time going off wasn't by choice as the doctor just wouldn't refill the vics again.
After the bad first week of taking them, I started feeling happier again. Now, when I was feeling fairly down prior to the kidney stone and the vics I didn't have any urges whatsoever to take vics even though I was feeling lousy. It just seems to me that they help me.
Yes, it's a constant battle to keep down the amount that you take, but I pretty much stabilized at 6 Vicodin ES tabs a day. I'm really scared of knowing what is to come and knowing that I'm not going to feel good for some time and then I'm not sure how good that feeling is going to be. I really need some encouragement and help. While I don't want to kill myself, I do feel like dying. At least I have some Seroquel to help out a little. The Seroquel seems to take much of the symptoms away. I say that, but I'm just going into my second day, so.
It really is a tragedy as while I was on the Vics I would open up and play with my 11 year old son quite a bit and interact with him. Before I'd interact and play very little but it's like a totally different person. A person I used to be before 1994 when this whole business started. I'm just not sure that me NOT taking the Vicodin is a good think for everybody based on how I've been off of it and the fact that after a few months the urges almost went completely away and by the time I started back on them seeing Vicodin or painkillers or even being offered them did absolutely nothing to my will.
It's not a matter of me forcing myself not to take them because it's not. I've been cut off. I'm scared how I'm going to feel and just before Christmas no less.....I mean why couldn't it have happened just a week later. In the end I guess it doesn't matter but I'm certainly not in the Christmas spirit and I wish I was but I just can't. Gonna go now....it's nearly 5AM here and I haven't been to bed.
When I first took them, they didn't go well with me. It felt like they were giving me heart problems and stuff. Of course in the beginning I took them as directed and then I got up to 6 ES Vics a day.....sometimes 8 but usually 6. I've been milking the urologists office for months well after the kidney stone stopped.
Part of my problem is that I'm not sure if it's best that I'm off of them. I've been diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and was hooked on Vics before and then was off of them for a year and a half. After the w/d's went away I was feeling pretty good for a few months...make that really good. Then I slowly started feeling worse and worse and worse. I tried my best to fight it but I couldn't.
I just want to stress that I didn't just cave and went and got some vics. This last time (the 4th attempt to get off) went right. It was hard at first but I never once took any once I got off them. Like this, I went cold turkey. This time going off wasn't by choice as the doctor just wouldn't refill the vics again.
After the bad first week of taking them, I started feeling happier again. Now, when I was feeling fairly down prior to the kidney stone and the vics I didn't have any urges whatsoever to take vics even though I was feeling lousy. It just seems to me that they help me.
Yes, it's a constant battle to keep down the amount that you take, but I pretty much stabilized at 6 Vicodin ES tabs a day. I'm really scared of knowing what is to come and knowing that I'm not going to feel good for some time and then I'm not sure how good that feeling is going to be. I really need some encouragement and help. While I don't want to kill myself, I do feel like dying. At least I have some Seroquel to help out a little. The Seroquel seems to take much of the symptoms away. I say that, but I'm just going into my second day, so.
It really is a tragedy as while I was on the Vics I would open up and play with my 11 year old son quite a bit and interact with him. Before I'd interact and play very little but it's like a totally different person. A person I used to be before 1994 when this whole business started. I'm just not sure that me NOT taking the Vicodin is a good think for everybody based on how I've been off of it and the fact that after a few months the urges almost went completely away and by the time I started back on them seeing Vicodin or painkillers or even being offered them did absolutely nothing to my will.
It's not a matter of me forcing myself not to take them because it's not. I've been cut off. I'm scared how I'm going to feel and just before Christmas no less.....I mean why couldn't it have happened just a week later. In the end I guess it doesn't matter but I'm certainly not in the Christmas spirit and I wish I was but I just can't. Gonna go now....it's nearly 5AM here and I haven't been to bed.
glad that you are feeling a slight improvement, we have to hold to any good sign even if it lasts only for hours , it is good.... :)
Thanks for that. Today has been slightly better than yesterday. I hope I feel better tomorrow (or today as it were). Merry Christmas laurel453.
oh, dear... i am so sorry, it is not a day to feel in so much pain ... i hope things will get better as day 4th is usually one of the worst and things improve from then on...so lets cross our fingers that you will start feeling better on the evening !! wish you a much better christmas eve than the one you are dreading at this moment !! :)
Oh I feel SOOOO bad right now. I just want the pain to end. I'm going on my fifth day and this was the worst day....like people say. I hope today and Christmas will be good. I can't imagine it will be much better though.
The dilemma that I'm facing now is should I go back on them (if I can). I mean I just feel better with them even when sometimes they don't seem to do too much for me....it's still something though.
I'm going on the 4th day and considering I'm doing pretty well. I still feel like crap but I get little flashes of happiness. When I say flashes I really mean it. I'll feel semi-good for a few seconds and then it's gone.
I'm going on the 4th day and considering I'm doing pretty well. I still feel like crap but I get little flashes of happiness. When I say flashes I really mean it. I'll feel semi-good for a few seconds and then it's gone.
I've tried sooooo many drugs and I've about give up on them. I was taking Wellbutrin and Lamictal and I was OK for a few months then like I said before the darkness came back. Then earlier this year, I went to get new glasses and I went to 4 different places and none of the prescriptions felt right. So that's what really got me down.
I completely switched prescription (but first not taking anything for a couple weeks) and now I'm taking 40mg of Prozac with 300mb of Trileptal. My blurriness never got better and I still have it. I took a Diabetes A1C test and it came up 5.4 which they said it borderline. I've been to two different Opthomologists and both of them think it may be my prescription and they say I'm overcorrected. Well I may very well be but I know it's not that because when I got new glasses with a lower prescription, they were too weak and they were only 2 steps down from what I have.
So I'm really sick and tired of doctors. Oh there is one other thing. I started getting chest pressure and it felt like my heart was going to stop...and no, I didn't overdose but when I first started taking the Vics again I felt it in my heart, or at least that's what it felt like. Have you ever heard of Vicodin causing heart problems? Anyway maybe it's for the best for me not to have the Vics. It just ***** because I'm starting to be more reclusive now and that just ***** for the whole family and my friends.
I completely switched prescription (but first not taking anything for a couple weeks) and now I'm taking 40mg of Prozac with 300mb of Trileptal. My blurriness never got better and I still have it. I took a Diabetes A1C test and it came up 5.4 which they said it borderline. I've been to two different Opthomologists and both of them think it may be my prescription and they say I'm overcorrected. Well I may very well be but I know it's not that because when I got new glasses with a lower prescription, they were too weak and they were only 2 steps down from what I have.
So I'm really sick and tired of doctors. Oh there is one other thing. I started getting chest pressure and it felt like my heart was going to stop...and no, I didn't overdose but when I first started taking the Vics again I felt it in my heart, or at least that's what it felt like. Have you ever heard of Vicodin causing heart problems? Anyway maybe it's for the best for me not to have the Vics. It just ***** because I'm starting to be more reclusive now and that just ***** for the whole family and my friends.
I look at the pros and cons of Vicodin and it just seems that it is slightly more helpful than it is harmful. Like I said before, initially when I got off of them the last time, I felt really good for a few months. Then the dark depression slowly crept in. Even then it was 1.5 years before I started up again, due to a kidney stone.
After seeing how I am with it, I do much much better. I've come to realize that you go through periods where the Vicodin doesn't do much at all and then there are others where it really helps.
I don't know if I already said this or not but I went to my psychiatrist and I spoke about the Vicodin and he said one a day wouldn't hurt. Of course there's no way I could only take one a day, but I could stay with 6 a day.
I know this isn't what you all want to hear but I've got to try to get the doc to have me take 6 a day. He probably won't do it though and if it's only one a day, what's the point.
I know the cons to this drug is the addiction but if I stayed on track I believe I could do it.
Ironically I feel a little better today than I did yesterday. I'm talking massive doses of Seroquel and surprisingly that seems to noticeably help. It doesn't make you 'feel good' but I'd say it takes at least 50% of the symptoms off, both physical and mental.
If he doesn't go for it, then I'll have to just deal with it. At least I know that I can be off of them for a long period of time and I know I'll feel much better than I do right now.
After seeing how I am with it, I do much much better. I've come to realize that you go through periods where the Vicodin doesn't do much at all and then there are others where it really helps.
I don't know if I already said this or not but I went to my psychiatrist and I spoke about the Vicodin and he said one a day wouldn't hurt. Of course there's no way I could only take one a day, but I could stay with 6 a day.
I know this isn't what you all want to hear but I've got to try to get the doc to have me take 6 a day. He probably won't do it though and if it's only one a day, what's the point.
I know the cons to this drug is the addiction but if I stayed on track I believe I could do it.
Ironically I feel a little better today than I did yesterday. I'm talking massive doses of Seroquel and surprisingly that seems to noticeably help. It doesn't make you 'feel good' but I'd say it takes at least 50% of the symptoms off, both physical and mental.
If he doesn't go for it, then I'll have to just deal with it. At least I know that I can be off of them for a long period of time and I know I'll feel much better than I do right now.
I dont think anyone plans to relapse. As time goes by, we often forget the pain addiction caused us and why aftercare helps so many when this sorta thing happens. I feel addiction is a disease that some are afflicted with, and for many..aftercare is the only "medicine" to keep them clean.
I am not sure, but I doubt there r not many here who have not screwed up at some time or another. getting back on track is all u can do...re-evaluate your plan and what u can do differently this go around
good luck to u..if u want this it is in your power to do it! (:
I am not sure, but I doubt there r not many here who have not screwed up at some time or another. getting back on track is all u can do...re-evaluate your plan and what u can do differently this go around
good luck to u..if u want this it is in your power to do it! (:
I agree! You need to know if you're properly medicated for the bipolar. That could cause big problems for you trying to stop drugs. You deserve to feel normal all the time. There are meds that can help you with it! I have a lifelong friend who is bipolar, and she was finally able to kick cocaine and alcohol because of finding the right meds and going to counseling for the addiction. Keep us posted ok?
sorry , sithtiger... i can understand what you say about not being sure but trust me, addiction is a disease and it is always progressive, soon you will need increasing your doses, the effects you feel now, will dissappear and you would find yourself in a much worse place. maybe the problem here it is that you are not rightly medicated for the bipolar disorder so you medicated with the vics. Work on finding a better treatment, please :) How are you feeling today ?
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