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Relapse
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Relapse

Hi all! I am new to the forum. I am not in no way new to the addiction of opiates. I wished I could say i was but am not. 2 years ago I had an addiction to the lortab, percocet family. Taking 15-20 10's a day. It almost took my family away from me. I have a wonderful husband who didnt know anything about the addiction until he started looking into our money situation. He then pressured me so hard that I finally confessed, even though he already knew. I wanted to talk to him about it so bad but I couldnt disappoint him. Not only him but our two beautiful little boys!

Anyway to make a long story short about 5 months ago I relapsed taking the lortabs again. I only took up to 7 a day this time around and not taking that all the time. But as ive said many times before it doesnt matter if you take 20 or 1/2 of one its all the devil! My husband found out once again by the money end of it. He didnt know for sure and this time I came clean before it got way out of hand like last time. I have hurt him in so many ways I hope I can live with myself because of the hurt and pain Ive caused him.
He is still here with me and tells me he has some fight left in him and he will do what he can to help. He has never let me down before and I know he wont this time.
See the last time not only did I have an addiction but I also had an affair. That hurt him so bad I often wonder why he is still here with me. I was so far into it my mind was gone and I didnt care anymore about anything. I GAVE UP! this time around I didnt give up to that point. I am so thankful for that! I could never live with myself.
I dont think he will ever know how sorry I am. I feel worthless, useless, helpless, and all the above. He is truely my angel!!
Anyway I start my detoxing tomorrow with the help of him. The last time I went to a rehab center and just felt so alone even though they all were in the same boat as me and I learned a lot just not enough I guess. This time around Im going to do the NA or AA Id also like to do the 12 step program.
I guess being on here helps me a lot to. I have read a lot of really good post and know that the people on here have been through some kind of addiction. It truely helps to talk about it with someone who knows what its all about. I have tramadol to help me with the withdrawls but do not want to replace one with the other. I think anything can be addictive and its a proven fact I have a very addictive personality.
I just hope and pray that it works this time. I have no room for drugs in my life! DRUGS ARE NOT AN OPTION FOR ME ANYMORE!! thanks for listening. I know it helps. and I hope my story can help someone out there as well.
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8 Comments Post a Comment
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1801781_tn?1410753824
Being a drug addict somehow makes us do things we might never do otherwise.  Hate the drug, don't hate yourself.  I know it is easy to say, but the harder you are on yourself, the easier it will be to relapse again.  It sounds like you know that aftercare if important to stay straight.  Good Call!
Keep posting and you will get help and support here as well.  What do you need for us to help?  Have you located the thomas recipe and amino acid protocol?  They will help.  I just don't know what you took away from the rehab that helped while you were there.  You could talk to your doctor for help.  
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1801781_tn?1410753824
I almost forgot...this is from the first post I made two months ago.  It helped me understand why I relapsed over and over again.  Our brain can heal itself, but it takes time.  I hope it helps.

You have to remember how opiates work, and why you feel depressed etc. when you quit taking them and after you are over the withdrawals.

Opiates bound to the opioid receptors in your brain and body. They release their artificial endorphins to them, and block the bodies natural endorphins. After a while the neurons that produce the body's natural endorphins disappear. There is no need for them so they just don't rejuvenate like they would normally.

When you stop taking the opiates,  they leave your opioid receptors bare, and they are calling out for your body's natural endorphins, but there isn't any there at first. You body has to repopulate the neurons that make them, and this takes time.

Endorphins like dopamine  control your moods, anxiety, sadness, anger, happiness, pain etc.

You will slowly get your "old self" back as these neurons repopulate and begin increasing their endorphins production. After being off the opiates for a month, they should be about 45-50% of normal, and be back to normal within a year.
So hang in there, you will feel better and better as the months roll by.

Try keep busy and keep your mind focused on positive things instead of dwelling on the depression, anxiety, etc. that are only temporary and will disappear as your endorphins return to normal.

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Avatar_f_tn
Welcome! it's great your  getting  your life back , Ive also done things wrong in my life so i know how you feel, if you don't mind me asking what do you think was the cause of the relapse?
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Avatar_m_tn
WHere here when your reday to start your detox again will walk it threw with you we have some home remades like the thomas recipe you will find it on the lower right of this page it will give you some stuff to soften the blow good luck and God bless........Gnarly
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1888430_tn?1322323549
Hi All!
Thanks for the replies. I am on day two of the detox and so far so good. Im hurting all over and very week but nothing I cant handle. Yesterday I had 3 baths and slept the rest of the day. Today has been more rewarding, ive been a wake most of today and no hot baths although I feel one coming on. I hope it passes soon! but we have no one to blame but ourselves for getting us in this situation. I just feel so bad because my kids and hubby are here with me and i cant take care of them the way i should. but my energy is running out so ill check back tomorrow. have a wonderful day and god bless!
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1831920_tn?1320861357
Glad to hear you aren't doing too badly.  Since you are sleeping that is very good.  Hopefully your husband and children will understand that mommy has the "flu" and can't take care of them for a couple days even though your husband knows you don't have the flu.  Hang in there.  We are all here to help you through this.
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1827057_tn?1397523877
It is great and a good sign that you're sleeping.
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1888430_tn?1322323549
Well its DAY 4 and I dont even want the things! But I also know WHATS MORE IMPORTANT AND THATS MY FAMILY! even though i relapsed I will not let the devil take my life away from me! I love my family more than anything in this world and i never want to loose them, I know that i should have known that the first time around and i did, but i should have really known it the 2nd time around. THIS TIME THERE WILL BE NO THIS TIME!
even though im feeling still weak, and no not sleeping as much they are what keeps me going!
What are two little boys gonna do with out there mom? Yea my husband would make it eventiually but WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT HIM! He is having a really hard time with not knowing and i guess with what all happened the last time hes waiting for the bomb. But there is no bomb this time around. I wished i could figure out how to show that to him! Other than knowing how bad this could hurt my kids he is what kills me the most! i could never imagine my life without him!  I know and understand that he is trying to support me on this but its hard for him to do so!
Anyway i think im getting my energy back somewhat but its still slow. tomorrow will be day 5 and i hope its better. i remember the first time, it took 17 days to be back completly with energy. thanks for listening everyone! it really does help!
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