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Relapse
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Relapse

I'm so sorry, I'm angry with myself and feel guilty I let down a lot of people but last night I relapse. I woke up in the middle of the night with intense muscle cramps, I barely can sleep with these cramps, my body doesn't rest and a terrible migraine. I took 2 pills of 2mg of Xanax.I really don't a future for me w/o this drug, I don't know how to beat it, the withdrawal effects are not tolerated by my body, I can't suffer that much for such a long time, I had these symptoms for almost 40 days now. Sorry, guys.
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18 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_m_tn
So wut ya gonna do now?  I know ya say ya wd's are too intense, but wuts the alternative?
remember, you letcha self down more than ya do this forum. so quit beatin yaself up and let us know wutcha gonna do now?
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614557_tn?1243711951
You don't need to apologize to anyone for being in pain, or for having a physical addiction to a drug.Without professional help, it is alomost impossible to just quit and stay clean.When we live our lives dependent on a drug- our thinking changes, our brain becomes distorted be the need.Most people think they can do it alone, but unless our brain's heal and we re educate ourselves on how to live without self medicating- how can we recover??
I totally understand the guilt and shame you feel, but the important thing is that you are aware that you have a situation that needs to change, and you care.The next step is getting the medical care you need to beat this thing once and for all.You have to be willing to do whatever it takes, if you want to succeed.
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Avatar_m_tn
Benzo withdrawal is a nasty animal.  Have you tried a very slow taper?  I suggest that you switch from Xanax to Valium (diazepam) (equate the doses, post here or mail me if you are uncertain about benzo conversion) and then, very slowly, reduce your intake of valium.  I suggest a reduction in dose of about 5-10% per week, no more.  Diazepam makes withdrawal management easier because of the very long half life of diazepam (between 100-250 hours) and so it allows for you to keep plasma levels steady.

Good luck mate!  Benzo wd can be rough.  All the best.

Ray
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Avatar_m_tn
Did you take any Tramadol or Hydrocodones?  just curious.  If it was just the Xanex, don't be that hard on yourself.  Especially if you have been staying away from the Vics and Trams.  We all know what you been going through Bob, and if a couple Xanex are going to help you a lot, I don't see the harm.  You are a good guy, trying to do right for yourself.  But,  don't beat yourself up That Much.  Just keep doing what you are doing.  Slow Tapers.  You will get to where you want to be, Hang in there Bob.  Slow Tapers.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hey, don't feel bad, I cheated for the first time since I joined this Forum and started quitting Tramadol.  I have now cheated One (1) time.  Wed, I took 11, instead of the 8 I was suppose to take.  So there it is, I've now cheated once.  That's kinda why I was avoiding the board for about 48 hours there.  It did me no good.  It did not make me feel any better, but rather worse.  It made me feel Off and kinda Sick.  I got No enjoyment from those Extra 3 pills I took.  (I just fell asleep when I got home from work)  We all human Bob!  We make mistakes, fall down, get back up, dust ourselves off and then Keep On Going!  You still the man Bob!   I feel a little better though, knowing that your muscle problems are more related to the Xanex, rather than the Tramadol, since I'm in the process of quitting Tramadol.  I don't want to have your muscle problems, sounds like hell.  Hang in there bro.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks for your support and kind words. PanSinoesis, no, it has been 24 days since I took any tramadol or vicodin. It is just that benzo wd is a killer, according to what I read benzos are hards to wd and xanax is the worst one. Lets see what happens.
Bob
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Avatar_m_tn
Good deal.  Hey at least you not taking any Trams or Vics.  Just keep tapering that other stuff, you will get where you want to be.  I never took Xanex, except 1 pill once, I did not like it.  But the withdrawals sound pretty bad from what I understand.  And the Benzo, ouch.  Slow tapering, I have found to be key.  For me anyways.  Keep fighting though!
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Avatar_m_tn
Hey Bob, again, sorry to hear about your troubles.  Here is the benzo conversion info in case you wanted it:
0.5mg of alprazolam == 10mg diazepam
So if you are taking 2 bars per dose, that would be 8 diaz 10s (sheesh, I think I would sleep for 36 hours if I ate 8 valium 10s).  Another common long half life benzo is clonazepam (Rivotril in Canada, Klonopin in the US) which could work as well and it is already the equivalent of alprazolam on a mg per mg basis.

Yeah, Xanax wd is really rough because of the short half life of alpraz (6 hours).  It leaves your system very quickly and wd is much more pronounced as opposed to diaz which stays around for weeks after a single dose (which is why it is commonly used for benzo wd management).  Here is some more info for ya, please note the section on wd management:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benzodiazepine_withdrawal_syndrome

Again, I wish you well.

ray
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Avatar_m_tn
oh, did you get your Amino Acids in the mail yet, have you tried them?  Just curious.
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Avatar_m_tn
Yes, Pan I received the amino acids, I have been taking them for 3 days w/o results, except the first night, the magnesium and calcium made me sleepy.Ray thanks for the info, I'll discuss with the doctor, which by the way is reluctant to treat xanax withdrawal w/ another benzo, he said tha the xanax can be eliminated if reducing it slowly. OMG!! and I was slowing it by 0.25mg every 4 weeks!!! there is no more slow than that, but I was still suffering miserably.
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Avatar_m_tn
I have said it before and I will say it again, most MDs are morons.  This guy clearly is.  His advice to you flies in the face of every single thing I have ever read about benzo wd management.  Everything.  Print that out and bring it to him.  The idiot.  Docs like this **** me off because it is patients like you who suffer.  Managing wd with a short acting benzo like aplraz is totally insane.  I would go and see another doc.  All the best Bob!

Ray
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Avatar_f_tn
hey Bob,


get  back on that horse.  i messed up two days ago but now i am more determined than ever.  it will get better.

love and light,
Kova
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Avatar_f_tn
Bob, I am sorry that this xanax w/d has such a hold. I have had the hellish experience of w/d from them but was quickley back on them..then I tapered very very slowly. It sure sounds like you were doing the taper slow..Don't beat your self up though and if your going to take xanax please don't take soo much ,just keep it minimal..I don't know how much you were used to taking but I got up to 7 mg a day before I started to taper down..which is an insane amount. Although I have heard of people taking more..
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Avatar_f_tn
I have to agree with Ray, I would find another doctor...You have been suffereing from this for way to long, and I know you have been trying really hard..
I went through benzo w/d's (klonopin) and It is something I don't ever want to go through again...I pray that you will get through this!!!
r2r
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Avatar_f_tn
Bob, sounds like you are trying to get off all of these at the same time - ?

It's my own personal opinion, but that's alot to tackle.  Most of us could barely get off one DOC and you're getting off a few.

I'm just tossing this out there, but why not just do one thing at a time... get a few months or so under your belt with the vik's and trams, then tackle the next beast.

That's just my opinion... and coming off vik's sure whammied me with anxiety.  To come off the benzo's at the same time seems doubly hard.

The fact you want to do it tells me you will.  I just think maybe it's alot all at once...

(but if you can do it, by all means, that's great.  i just want you to give dear ol Bob a break... be nice to Bob!)

:)
mj
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636075_tn?1223832617
i relapsed too. i too am pissed at myself but i couldnt take all the wd,s from oxycodone and xanax. im just sad and im going crazy in my onw mind! im going to stop!!!
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563594_tn?1309586732
sorry you're having a hard time with the xanax. I'm having a hard time tapering even at low amounts. My doctor wanted me at 1mg by saturday (yesterday) and I'm still stuck at 1.5. need to go down to 1.25 at least by saturday! I know its not any fun. :( I wish you the best, and hope you feel better today.
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Avatar_f_tn
don't beat yourself up, guys!!!  it's a process... and most of us relapsed along the way...

just get back up, and do your best.  and if it happens again, think about trying something new..

but don't beat yourself up... this is very hard what you're doing.  just get back up, dust yourself off, and keep trying!!!
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