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Relapsed again
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Relapsed again

So I almost hit the year mark free of pills and I fell off!! I felt i did all the right things, meetings, therapy, surrounded myself with sober friends and I friggin relapsed!!! I came down with bronchitis about a week ago went to doc and was given hycodan cough syrup, as the doc was writing the damn script I was telling myself don't do it girl tell him you don't want it, but I didn't and here I am a little over a week later syrup gone in 2days and starting taking pills right where I left off...actually worse!!  WTF I don't get it I'm so angry, sad, ashamed.  What is it gonna take for me to stay sober and feel happy!!
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3092482_tn?1412261602
Google CENAPS model of recovery. How is it that there was no accountability at that doctor's visit? Who can go with you for any future medical needs? That's a good place to evaluate your program from. I have a year in a day or so. If I had a doctor's appointment, I'd have someone asking me what I got before I left the building. That's what it takes for me. You had a small relapse. You haven't jumped back into the lifestyle, I hope. Adjust your program and move forward. Judging yourself is natural, now, what's the verdict, what's your sentence? You still have the knowledge and progress of a year in recovery, you are not starting over. You came back pretty fast, I congratulate you on that. I'd probably try go off the deep end indefinitely, likely till death. Glad you woke up, keep growing.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello, just want to say please don't  beat yourself up over this!  You had a small relapse and you have already made the first step to getting back on track by posting here.  I agree with weaver re:  future doctor visits.  If you have a plan in place (i.e., someone to go with you), this won't happen again.  Surely you did not choose to get bronchitis; you did not plan this You are only human, ya know?  I stumbled a few times (as have many others).  So, you learn from it and move on....and GOOD for you to nip this so quickly, , , you know what to do and you know you CAN!  Pulling for you  :))
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks all, I feel so sad!! As far as docs accountability it was all me, he had no idea of my past, I wasn't honest. I don't know what go into me! So now it's time to fess up to the ppl around me and let them know what I've been 2 ugh!!! Does anyone know if I will suffer wd's I've used pretty heavy i went thru 40 pills in 7 days Vic's 10s and the cough syrup!!! I can't believe this
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1827057_tn?1397523877
I think you will go through a very short withdrawal . It won't be very bad as you only binged for a week.   It is a great thing that you are already back. you should pat yourself on the back for that because if it would have been me I would have probably used for two or three more months.  
As Weaver said above,you can learn from this and concentrate some effort into a plan for your next medical situation.  As Weaver also said in not so many words,You still have a year sober and clean and you are still more used to getting up every day and going through your day sober than you are used to going through it on pills. You gained a lot in that year and it won't be taken away by one weeks use. Just do not use again !!    glad you are back
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey 973. So you went thru one week of using 6 pills a day right? And before that you were clean for almost a year? You will be absolutely fine physically. You may have some mild sneezing. coughing, sniffles etc. Mentally it will toss you a good bit. Let this be a wake up call for everything you have fought so hard to overcome. Your back in the game. Stay busy, figure out why you slid back and move forward. I can hear the remorse in your words. Do the next right thing......I believe in you.
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Avatar_f_tn
So well said Ricart...
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3092482_tn?1412261602
It won't be as bad or as long as chronic high dose use. I think you will feel it, but your brain didn't have time to totally adjust to it. Your history and the mental part make it worse than a non-addict would feel, I don't think it will be to bad physically.

Telling those who care about you will help. Share at meetings and put more boundaries in your way. Set yourself up for success. I relapsed over and over. I finally told everyone to watch me and feel free to confront me. If I have nothing to hide, there shouldn't be a problem. I can get anything, easy, so I needed something more than avoiding temptation. I set up consequences for myself. I thought hard about what people should do if they suspect anything or if I get caught using. It took awhile. I can't allow anyone to enable me or turn a blind eye, so I put precautions in my path. I'm still working on loving myself, much less trusting myself. That has made a difference for me this time. Staying sober is definitely a WE thing for me.
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Avatar_f_tn
You guys rock!!! Making me feel really good right now lol!!! i should be proud about my 1yr it hasn't been easy, but I guess cuz of my set back i feel like crap!! I have an amazing support system 2 family members in recocery who have been a god sent and have met a lot of great ppl in the rooms!! I have come clean on here 2day and I think it's given me the courage to come clean period!! This website is really awesome!!!
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480448_tn?1403547723
I'm just curious, with over a year clean, how come you didn't tell your doctor a while ago about your addiction?  That's one of the first things needed to keep that accountability factor.  If you had told the doc, most likely, he would have never even written that script.  Having a back-up and someone go with you for appts is a great idea too.

You have to determine where you went wrong (besides the doctor appt) and make the needed changes.  You have to honestly ask yourself if you had a suspicion you would be offered a narcotic cough med when you went in...and evaluate if you were having cravings and mental relapse before that point.  Was there any possibility you were drug seeking (even if pasively?)  If so, it would help you to learn the stages of relapse so you can catch those issues a bit earlier.  

Take this as a learning lesson and move forward.  It's hard to reset that ticker I'm sure....but remember that all of the knowledge you've gained doesn't go away...you just need to do whatever it takes to better safeguard your sobriety.  

Best to you...hang in there.  It's great that you are reaching out already.  I know it doesn't probably make you feel better, but better a week than 2, or a month, or more, you know?

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Avatar_f_tn
One more confession it hasn't been a year it would've been a yr in August lol
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3197167_tn?1348972206
Welcome back, girl!  I don't know you....but yet I feel I do.  Hydros were my DOC, too.  You have already answered your own question in your second post.  You didn't practice the "H" in H.O.W. it works. (and now you are!)  

My doctor and my dentist BOTH have my charts noted that I am a recovering opiate addict.  My entire family knows.  Those were the areas I chose to be honest in from the beginning cause I KNEW I needed the roadblocks in place.  

One thing that really helped me was to learn WHY and HOW my brain is different from non-addicts.  I spent a lot of time reading, watching videos, etc. on this web site:

http://www.hbo.com/addiction/

(Also, eight short video clips by Dr. Kevin McCauley (a recovering addict himself) can be watched on youtube....type in his name and "Pleasures Unwoven".  he uses the landscape of Utah to explain how our brains differ.)

Every tab at the top opens many, many topics. (on the hbo site)  There are short videos on just about every topic you can click on.  I am one of those that wants to understand EVERYTHING about what makes me different....and why.

Like all the great people above have said....you didn't stay out long....and you're back.  Now you can tell your dr., cut off ALL your sources.....share your relapse.....and the love and support of those in recovery (including ours here on MedHelp) will flood your heart with encouragement.  Plus you will be able to help another.....cause you know you are not alone in this.

Wishing you all the best.....you're back...and THAT'S what counts~
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Avatar_f_tn
Wasn't my reg doc, i was so sick I got stuck got into one of those walk in places
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480448_tn?1403547723
Ah, okay gotcha!  Well, I can understand that, but obviously, it's important that you mention your history to any doctor.

Tough question, do you FEEL there was a chance you were drug seeking?  Sometimes there are thought processes that go with that, like going to a different provider who may not be aware of your history.  Those kinds of things.

Certainly not something you have to answer to here, but something I think is fair that you do some soul searching about, so you can be aware of the full extent of what happened.

I've met many addicts along the way that always seemed to leave a few options open (like deciding NOT to tell their doc/dentist), and often times they didn't want to hear that sometimes,. deep down, those options are left open on purpose.  It IS scary for most addicts to eliminate sources.  One of the biggest struggles during active addiction was "scoring", so it's almost second nature to be terrified of putting things in place that would make it harder to obtain a drug.  Even addicts embarking on recovery and who are serious about it (like you obviously) can sometimes struggle with that.  They think there are other reasons why they decide to withhold the info, yet usually after a relapse or two, they come to realize that they were indeed leaving a door open.

Just something to think about.  Glad you decided to post and be honest about what happened.  That's a great start!!!
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4522800_tn?1405696702
Hi. Just wanted to chime in for some Support.You got a lot of good advise from my former MH friends. I just can not stop laughing about your name on here. Down the line here you will not be FreakingOut. You just might have it this time around. Just re-track back a bit and re-build some new walls up against this darn Disease of Addiction. I do all the things that you have posted plus I find studying about this disease and how it affects different areas of our brain has became very helpful too. Clean_in_ks gave you a web site that I have all the paper work from too. Also we have some info on here MH. I also like the Video "Pleasures Unwoven" Ha! I know it sounds like a sex video so make sure you go into the Disease of Addition. Oh Boy! Giggles to you. I wish you the best this time around.
Bless
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4804873_tn?1360166137
You have gotten superb advice from everyone that's posted. I say congrats to you- it takes some big cahunas to come on here after a year if clean time and admit a relapse. Shows you know you made a mistake and wanna get back on that horse! Like Fourjays  said you are only human- we make mistakes, we aren't perfect. Now you can instill some safety nets to prevent it happening again! Btw I know JUST how you feel, during my wd's from Percocet I got the real flu and had a bad cough, and dr ( not my regular) prescribed me some with codeine. I used first night be because I could not find codeine on label anywhere- well next day I noticed I felt the teeniest relief from my wd's when I took it. Not enough to feel good or high, but it took edge of slightly- I looked and looked through pamphlet and indeed it had codeine-albeit very small amount. I called dr and asked for something else. It's hard having to be on top of this damn addiction 24/7, as you know better than me with such a long clean time. Don't beat yourself up anymore and just climb back on that horse. You obviously want to get back on track or you wouldn't be posting here.. If it were me I know I wouldn't be as quick to " check myself." Good for you and thank you for posting and sharing. Helps us newer ones starting out. Good luck and keep us updated! :)
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3197167_tn?1348972206
How are you today?  Back in the saddle?
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4810126_tn?1409496012
I just wanted to chime in & say welcome back & to second Overwhelmed10's assertion that it takes real courage to come forward. Great work! My friends above have given you EXCELLENT advice & I look forward to your further posts. So, as clean_in_ks asked, how goes it today, my friend?
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