Road to Recovery

Hi everyone I haven't posted in a while so I just wanted to let everyone know how things are going..Day 38 now C/T off oxys..My question for this morning is something that I don't really think we will have a sure answer for but it is worth a try. I was doing about 40 mg of oxy a day for about a year..Some days I wouldn't have any and I could get through the day physically but mentally I wanted it more than anything..About a month and a half ago I realized I had a problem so I quit and honestly with the help of this forum I quit rather easily and I am smooth sailing on Day 38, but obviously still taking it day by day. My question is, How do I know if I was addicted? Currently I don't even think about taking one again, although as everyone who has quit knows, I know I would like to but it's just not something I am going to do. The amount of relief in my life since quitting has just surpassed any high I have ever had. Anyway back to my question..Does it sound like I was addicted or physically dependent or whatever? My withdrawals were almost all mental. I struggled with sleep for a week but with tylenol pm I was able to get six hours even on Days 1-3. Any input would be appreciated. I guess I am interested to know for the future because if I was truly an addict than I need to be careful taking pain killers even for a true pain condition down the road. But I am sort of hopeful that if I do need them down the road I can take them responsibly if I need them and then just be done with them after that. I love the fact that my Days Clean continues to rise every day and I will not ruin that for any sort of recreational purpose. Anyway just wanted to hear some opinions and mainly just check in and say Hi.

[10356]

Hello
Congratulations on 38 days that is great :)) I think once we take a drug to access too where we jeopardize our health and become addicted we forever alter the way we can consume that particular drug (in my case that would be anything that gets you high) I think the mental battle would rear its head every time.. I now take 3 norco a day too help manage pain and I can tell you it is a struggle every time I take one not too swallow a hand full :( Although everyone is different..  This is only my opinion.. Again I'm really happy for you, 38 days clean :))) lesa

[rue10]

There are a lot of people here who've had surgeries, etc. that took the prescribed pain meds as directed--no more and were fine.  Situations that come with legitimate pain happen; that's part of life.  I guess you should ask yourself did you take for the "high" feeling and even when your pain was not severe enough to warrent pain meds.  If so, then you probably are an addict.  If you are, only you can make the call as to whether or not you want to take them again if you experience pain strong enough to need them.  Some gave their scripts to someone and had them given to them only when required.   Since you are not facing this now, don't worry about it.  But if you are looking to validate you not being an addict to possibly open the door to take them again..be careful.   From your post you sound so happy to be free of these dreadful pills.  Try not to anticipate something that may not happen.  You can deal with taking them if the situation ever arises.

Take care.

[twolve]

No I am definitely not looking to take them again..I feel like I escaped something Houdini style and I don't care to even learn how I got out of it, the bottom line is I did/am. I am doing great and pills are no longer a part of my life..

[worried878]

how do u know?  did u worry about being sure u had them?   did u feel sweaty/anxious when u skipped ur dose or a day?  did u ever skip a day?  did u take them for pain or for fun?  gosh///i had an easy wd as well...80 mg of hydros for 3-4 years...not much to it just a bit sleepy/runns really bad for a week but just did not have the insomnia, RLS or any of that.....mostly fatigue was my hardest thing to combat...and it lasted a while...but the physical part was not much at all......But i know i am addicted and i know when i try to take pills  i can not leave them in the cabinet like most people can...or like i used to could...i had a bottle of lortab for 3 years before!...not anymore so i think that pretty well labels me.......just be careful as u r at that point where it is in the past a bit and u may be feeling a bit "spunky"...like u can use again and be responsible...if u were an addict...u can not....and only u know this

[broknbck]

Hey, congrats! so glad for you.

This sounds real familiar. I had the same train of thought about 2 months after quitting. My taper and quit went fairly well and i was feeling great. So i thought since i do have excruciating pain quite often that maybe i could use them again only for emergencies. But after much thought i realized that is no longer a luxury for me. i can never take them again. i just finally........ got lucky enough to get off of them and have to remember all the while that i wanted to and couldn't. it is playing with fire and i intend to never go near them again. if i were to be in a hospital and admininistered them ok, otherwise forget it.

[feelingcrazierbytheday]

From what I learned in college and through work....and this is ONLY MY opinion so please don't fire too many shots after I type this........I believe it is true enough that the use of chemicals (so in your case oxys...whether it was for legit pain or not....YOU are the one who put the pills in your mouth....) HENCE  begins with chosen behavior. But if alcoholism or addiction develops, the problem has moved outside the realm of free choice. Once those nerve pathways are damaged....they are damaged for life.....Addiction is based in physical dependency created by altered neurotransmitter balances, and driven by millions upon millions of new living, functioning active neurological pathways which have been established to sustain the condition in the addicts brain. The new neurological pathways are permanently established, and they will not just disappear....these pathways would be fine if they had not been altered by chemicals to begin with.....I hope that made any sense...NOW...this does not mean that you can never function as a normal person and live as you did before....BUT....it does mean that you have to be on "defense" for the rest of your life.....becuase your cravings will come....now it's debatable as to whether or not someone is an addict could truly only be defined if I scanned your brain and compared it to that of a person who has not used....but...in MY OPINION....and only from what I"VE LEARNED....it takes anywhere from 2 weeks to a year to become addicted....depending on how often you were taking the pills and at what dose....sorry if none of that made sense...im not very good at getting words on paper...

[twolve]

No i think that definitely made sense..and to answer worried's question I did worry about whether I had them, and that's what made me realize i needed to quit. I had elbow surgery and thats what started me on vicodin. they gave me 60 Vicodin ES with 2 refills so 180 pills for an arthroscopic surgery! how stupid is that..pain wise i needed the vicodin for like 3 days max..but i liked them and over time i took every last one..and then when they ran out after like 2 months i tried an oxy and liked it and went from like 10 mg at a time to 40 mg..but didnt exceed 40 in a day bc it was so expensive..anyway i know all about how addicting oxy is i have seen friends in pretty deep..i know that if i take one again i am asking for trouble so i honestly am not going to do that..i feel so good since i quit..i have worked my butt off to get ready for my last year of college baseball..after surgery and stuff i was 185 lbs and had more body fat than ever..since i quit i have put on 15 pounds of muscle and lost a lot of body fat..im like a new person and i love every day..i wouldnt trade that in for any high..and dont get me wrong i was always chasing the high..it was never about the pain..

[feelingcrazierbytheday]

congrats...BUT remember.....now your chasing sobriety....., and triggers will come for the rest of your life.  Your brain is now conditioned to think that YOU can handle this on your OWN.  As long as you remember that your only defense is anything outside or (other than) yourself. It's when we become most assured and confidant that it is most dangerous......please don't take this as being negative as everyone else calls me on here.....I'm just sharing what I've studied and what I know to be true...... Best wishes.  You've done amazing....