Rock bottom

[LisaM530]

I guess this is where I begin. I don't know how else to do this. Several years ago, I was prescribed vicodin for a toothache. Then another script for another toothache- you get the idea. Eventually I became dependant on them to just get out of bed and make it through the day. Here I am about 5-6 years later, and still taking them. I take what I can get which can on some days be up to 8- (yellow) 1,000's, but on average- about 7- 750's a day. I am way too ashamed to talk about it, and I CANT go to a doctor and just explain this, as I have way too much riding on anyone 'finding out'. The reason I am here today started out simple enough. I simply didn't have any and started (am) experiencing withdrawls. I started reading around online looking for anything related to overcoming  vicodin withrawl, and that's how I found this site. Yesterday, I had NO desire to quit. After reading around, and feeling what I am feeling now, I think I'm ready. This is the first time in all these years I have ever even entertained the thought of quitting. Im maybe even a little enthusiastic- but I'm terrified. Taking vicodin has been the only thing I have known for so long, I don't know if I can do it.
Is there anything I can do to subside the withdrawl symptoms that doesnt involve doctors or 'outing' myself? I want to be normal again. Thank you in advance <3

[mom_of_two136]

Hey Lisa,  I am glad your tooth pain is better. One of my tooths have been hurting the last few days. I started taking some antibotics that I had. I know I need to have it looked at but I am trying to put it off. It keeps acting up and I just take antibiotics and it calms down for a while. I think I have had every procedure known to man on my teeth. Yuck!

It does feel good to type out your thoughts. Post away. Becareful about the situation with your brother. If he decides to use again you might want to distance yourself from him atleast right now. I was the queen of excuses and I could talk myself into using and justify it in my head. The best thing you can do is stay busy so you are not thinking about it. Right now its mostly mental for you since the worst of the physical stuff is over. I found that excercise really helped me so much. Anyway, Hope you have a great day and you are doing great. Keep it up.
Lisa

[LisaM530]

Hi Lisa :)
My tooth pain seems to have subsided for the last few days. I'm hoping the nerve died {for now anyway}. Day 7, I'm getting a little more energy back, no more w/d symptoms with the exception of a little fatigue & CRAVINGS as of yesterday. That really ***** too, because I thought I wouldn't have that problem.
I think the main reason for that is because of all the calls I've gotten from people leaving voicemails telling me they have them. My hubby has called them back & let them know what I'm going through, so they won't be calling back. But just knowing they are there.... that's hard. I keep telling myself 'just one or two here and there won't hurt', but I quickly push away those thoughts. I KNOW they will hurt. I've come too far to let these pills take over my body again. Also I want to mention that my brother & his wife are also addicted to opiates. My brother said I'm inspiring him to quit and he's gone 24 hours so far. I talked to him this morning & he's in a world of hurt. He said he'd rather be on them and happy again instead of off them and miserable. I'm doing my best to coach him, and that's also been a sobering experience for me. My sister in law is going to 'quit' when her kids get out of school, and I'll be keeping them at my house while she goes through the worse. Not sure why I'm typing all this out, it just helps me feel better to have an anonomous place to let it all out.

[mom_of_two136]

Hey Lisa. I hope you are staying strong and hope your pain is better. I know how it is to suffer from tooth pain. I do not know what you can take that will help besides otc. I just wanted to offer my support and hope you are staying postive. Hope today is a better day for you. Try to stay busy to keep your mind off of it as much as possible.
Best Wishes
Lisa

[wanttobeclean]

I'm sorry you are having such a bad problem with your teeth.  One pill shouldn't set you back,..look at it as a bump in the road.  But you really need to committ to this fully, or the next toothache will bring another vic or another norco and then another and another. Has the dentist said why you have such bad toothaches?  Try to get it fixed once and for all...even if it means a root canal or getting the tooth pulled.  Unfortunately, aside from tylenol or NSAIDS like motrin and Aleve, pretty much every other pain med is some kind of opiate. IMHO, it is WAY too early to start re-introducing an opiate.of any kind.

Good luck!    

[LisaM530]

Thanks for thinking of me. My optimism is wearing off because I've run into a minor setback. Yesterday, I had the worse toothache of my life. I took my sons to the Whitesox game, so I HAD to try to get by. Ibuprofin was/is dulling the pain but it WONT stay away and I'm up to about 20 a day. My uncle gave me a Norco [sp] just in case. It sat in my pocket untouched for 24 hours, but I ended up taking it about an hour ago. I feel guilty. I forgot how much I missed it and remember now HOW i got addicted. No pain right now, but I know it will be coming back and hubby feels bad for me so he has offered to get me a few more. I told him no, I'll tough it out. Almost 5 days without vic's... only to end up back where I started. Or did I? I mean, it was only one and I didn't take it because I WANTED it. Will I have to go through the w/d symptoms again?
One more question if anyone can help. If I go to a doc, is there any type of pain pill that I can take in moderation that doesn't 'remind me' of vicodin?

[mom_of_two136]

Hey Lisa! How are you today? I was just thinking of you and hoping you are staying strong. You can do this. I know how tough it can be but in just a few days the worst will be over (physically). Try to walk when you can. It really helps. And drink lots of water to stay hydrated. I am sending my prayers you way. Best Wishes
Lisa

[Allicat0117]

The mental part will come so be aware..don't let it slap you in the face. You are staying strong!! Keep posting...and take the advice about calling your friend to tell her you have quit. Keep on puttting one step in front of the other and you will get there!!!

[flmagi]

Lisa, Just wanted to say congrats and wish you luck. Keep up the good work. I don't know if anyone in the posts above suggested it, but you need to call your sweet lady dealer(lol), and tell her thanks, but no thanks any more. Call her before she calls you.
Stay strong!!

[LisaM530]

Well, good for you on being clean & living addict free! :D
I hear you on the pain meds. I have severe teeth problems [in the back of my mouth only] and I am TERRIFIED the pain will come back because we know how well OTC meds work for tooth pain :/
On a brighter note;
Day 3 *****. Still don't have any energy, and my legs are very tore/tender. BUT I have gotten 4 phone calls from vic suppliers and have let my voicemail pick up each time. The physical pain is unbearable at times.. but emotionally, I'm well. I thought that would be the hardest part. The only time I felt tempted was when I went to another vicodin addiction site and noticed on the right hand side- pictures of alllll the different types of vicodins available. The yellow ones. The blue ones. etc. Why would they do that? lol Well, I clicked THAT page away and haven't wanted one since. :)
Mind over matter. But GOD it isn't easy.

[mom_of_two136]

I just wanted to mention, the reason I relapsed so many times (one reasone) is that I hurt my back. In the future, if you need pain medicine for a valid reason be really careful. I know that will be a weakness for me in the future if I do need pain medicine.

[mom_of_two136]

Hey Lisa. To answer your question, I am now on suboxone. Whether I am "clean" or not is up to debate. I feel I am clean and living a addict free life. Unfortunatly, I kept relapsing so I decided to go on suboxone. A year ago I became so depressed that I wanted to end my life. After three days on life support, the docs brought me back. So you can say suboxone literally save my life. You do not have to take the road I did. Please get aftercare. Anything even if its posting on this forum. Post often, NA, AA, there is help out there. You can do this CT. Stay strong!
Lisa

[LisaM530]

Hey Lisa :) . Just wondering.. are you still clean?
Good to know I should feel better by day 6. My plans for today is to just try to find it in me to get moving. The hardest part is this internal conflict that is convincing me I NEED it, but I know I don't. Telling myself I don't really helps with the emotional w/d. Makes sense to get busy. Thanks for your reply <3

[LisaM530]

I did buy the tyrosine yesterday but Thomas recipe says not to start until day 4. 2 things: What exactly does it do? I can't find an accurate description anywhere. Also, Can I take it on day 2 if I've already eaten?

[mom_of_two136]

Hi Lisa, I just wanted to send my support and prayers your way. I know what your going through but just remember in a few days the worst will be over with (physically). When I read your post it reminded my of me. I too started my addiction from a trip to the dentist (and my name is Lisa). After a two years, I went CT and felt better after the 5-6 day. After that I started to walk as much as I could. It really does help. Unfornately for me, I hurt my back which started my addiction all over again. Aftercare is so important. Take care of yourself. You can do this. In a few days time, it will get better. Try to stay positive. Well, I just wanted to give you a shout out and let you know you are not alone.
Best Wishes and God Bless
Lisa

[LisaM530]

Thanks Alli. That doesn't sound insane at all because yesterday I got out & went shopping (it was a GORGEOUS day) and I felt SO positive by about 6:00 pm.. and i swear I haven't felt that awake in 6 years, if ever. Maybe that's what I need to do. I just have to find the motivation.. I will try. .. Thanks again.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I found that the amino L-Tyrosine helped my energy levels signifcantly......

[Allicat0117]

I am sorry to tell you this but unfortunately the lack of energy is what hangs around the longest. It takes a while to come back. However, I know you think this is INSANE but if you start moving you will feel much better! Maybe even just take a short walk around the yard. Sit outside and enjoy the sunshine (if the weather is nice). Get movin!!

[LisaM530]

Thank you, Sandy.
Morning 2 now. I have ZERO energy- I feel like my limbs are like 100 lbs each. I feel groggy, helpless.. like I can't do anything. I started taking 1 a days, the B6, & potassium. Seemed to help yesterday, but I don't feel as optimistic as I did yesterday. I'm NOT going back- I'm sure of that.. but this is just soooo hard. When will this 'lack of interest/motivation' subside? Anyone know?

[SandySlope]

It will get worse, but keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, because it is BRIGHT and it FEELS GOOD!!! Give yourself a break......you gotta get over the next 2 days. Occupy yourself with movies and liquids

[LisaM530]

I have a lady friend who gets them and I just adore her. She's an older lady with the kindest heart in the world. I LOVE being around her but I do associate her with the vic's. She always has them. She's supposed to be calling me back today. I might let my voicemail get it. I've been reading into the Thomas Recipe. I think that's my best bet- because the idea of tapering makes no sense to me. No offense to anyone who's gone that route, I just know for ME, and the extent of my addiction- my best option is cold turkey. It's going on 7 hours and I'm not doing too bad actually. Considering I haven't had any since I woke up today. Is this the easy part? Is it going to get much worse?

[worried878]

yep..gotta cut off supply..or they will sing to u during the nite..those pills will..

also seems everyone has a different bottom//mine was not as low as others..but it was enuf for me..we r all different

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

You may need to burn that connection that you have left.  Tell them the truth - you no longer need any of their product.  If its a Doc (I dont think so - )  tell them.  If you cant or wont do any of the above......... have them front you some and stiff them - - Remember...this IS 5 or 6 years into this.  If you dont do it now you may well end up on this forum when you are 60!!  And best of luck to you ......it can be done.  

[LisaM530]

First, thanks you guys for replying so fast. You have no idea how much your words (and other stories) on my computer screen are coaching me right now. Wish I would have found this place sooner. I will check into the thomas recipe & your other suggestions Al. Thank you.
Worried: As much as I feel like I want it NOW, im scared I wont later. If I get a call. I dont think I'm strong enough to turn it down. And I will get a call. Not giving into the temptation is going to be hardest for me than the withdrawal. BTW: It's not even half of day one for me. Congrats on your recovery :)

[worried878]

alice gave great advice..and ur dose is not too bad at all..less than mine when i quit...and i felt flu-like for 4 days and back to work day 5..really day 4 i coulda worked...u gotta really want this...and cravings may come back so support is needed to stay clean..getting clean is the easy part of all of this..staying clean is work...do u feel over it?  I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired..i was really almost excited bout quitting..not that u need to b excited bout it..but u gotta want it..deep down..keep posting