Roxi Addiction - Need to STOP!

I'm a 30yr old husband and father of 2. I've been on pills for close to 11 years now and have been trying for some time now to FINALLY STOP. I'm currently taking between 14-18 roxi 30s a day (snorting them 3 at a time), it's such disgusting habit and can't even look in the mirror anymore. I was able to stop for 32 days last Summer using Subs only to relapse one day thinking it would be a one time thing and get back on the wagon...didn't happen. I've had a stash of subs (Dr. prescribed) now for the past 10 months saying every day that "today is my last day" only to go and use again saying the same thing to myself. I tried to get on the subs again a few weeks ago, I waited 15 hrs from my last rip, took 1/2 of an 8mg film and went into pretty bad withdrawal. I waiting another 2 hours and took the other 1/2 and they got worse. At the time it was around 8pm and I was home alone with my 3 yr old daughter and was such a mess that I was unable to give her any attention whatsoever. I went ahead and called one of my local distributors, ripped 3. Amazingly the withdrawals seemed to go away before he even arrived at my door and within 45 mins of taking them I passed out for the night. The next morning I continued to get high and have been since.

Just to give you some personal background about myself, I run my own business, successfully. I have a lot of great friends, all whom are also successful in their own careers and who DO NOT use...but one. I play sports and coach my kids teams. My wife knew about my problem but thought I had been clean since my layoff last Summer, until recently she found out that I was using again. We struggled with our marriage the past few years because of the drugs and my total neglect of her as a person. It has improved dramatically in the past year but it's still not right because I know that I am still not being the man that I should be. No one else in my family other than my brother (who also gets high) knows that I use and I cannot bring myself to come out with it and just go into rehab. Mainly because of the embarrassment, but my wife is pushing me to do it this time and is threatening to leave me if I don't.  Being that I was able to this a year ago I don't see how I can't do it again.

I know that if I can get through the 1st 2 days I will be fine but ultimately fear the precipitated withdrawals that may come from the subs. I know I can make it 18 hours at least but how long should I really wait it out? Is there anything else that I can do for myself to help ease into this? I have a couple of Xanex sticks that I've been told will be good to get myself through hrs 15-24 before I finally take the sub and that they will also help with sleeping those first few days.  I am really sorry about all of the rambling but I've just needed to get this off my chest and I'm hoping that some of the vets out there can help me.

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

I advocate a Suboxone program if you do it under a doctor's care and follow through with outside support during that time. Self-medicating with them---guessing---and all that goes with that is old behavior and that is one of the things you will need to work on.

Ideally I think you would benefit from inpatient treatment but if you feel that you do not want to do that, would you be willing to see a Suboxone doctor and do the program correctly?

[Sadman21]

I would definitely be willing to work with a doctor in going through suboxone treatment.  The doctor that I saw last year (who prescribed them to me) was a big turn off for me.  During my during my first (and only) visit, he seemed very nonchalant about the whole situation.  He didn't ask about my history, why I got started, how many pills I was taking a day, etc.  When I walked in he just asked me "Heroin or Roxys?".  He then proceeded to make a few small jokes, wrote me a script, said to wait 24 hrs before taking my first dose, told me to come back in a week and sent me packing.  I felt like I needed to speak to someone in more depth about my problem, am I wrong in thinking this?  Also, is seeing a doc in this manner considered and outpatient program, if not what does an outpatient program consist of?

Thanks.

[gnarly_1]

HI.....GOT TO luv some of these doctors  if you do go on sub the outpacent programs consist of consoling usually group therapy you can do very well attending N/A meetings also the main thing is you got to treat the mental sid of this thing if you dont most will wind up using again everybody fears the physical withdrawal but it is the mental mindscrew afterwards that brigs most down as addicts we need to change the very way we think and reason someone need to teach you how to do that here we can suggest things but it will be up to you to follow threw....sub is up to you you could taper off ther roxys and just be done with it sub sometimes has some nasty withdrawals and you wont know till you try and get off if you have your wife help you you could taper off the roxy and be done with it in maber a month give her control of the meds just take a little less every few fdays we cant discust taper plans or dosing on the forum but you get the idea I wish you luck I only wish I did it at your age I waited till I was 47 so got a lot more broken dreams and hardships because of it good luck to you and God bless.......Gnarly  

[Sadman21]

Unfortunately I don't even have the money these days to ensure that I'd have enough to get me through a month of tapering.  Most of my stuff comes from the street and only 90/mo from my own script.