Roxy's ruined my life

Question

Hello i am a 45 year old man and i got hurt in work and now i am out of work on a disability retirement. I always had physical pain ever since i could remember almost every day in my life ,when i got hurt in work the doc. Started to give me Vicodin and it seemed like the miracle pill for me.For the first time in my life i felt good every day,This went on for about 2 years and more and more pills a day to keep up that super feeling,until i heard of a super pill called Roxy,s at first they where very strong to me and i was only taking one a day for awhile but that did not last long it seemed like i was taking more and more every day trying to get that same feeling from them. Until 1 day when i got turned on to sniffing them, to me it was the greatest thing in the world. I felt like superman but the reality of it i became a super loser. I hurt my wife and 3 kids so much there was a point when my son was 7 months old and almost died and i did not care, all i cared about was myself and my Roxy they finally left me and i realized this has to stop. So i stopped using the thomas technic and it worked. But the damage i caused to my love ones is still there any advice how i can repair that relationship with my family because i love them and need them back in my life,it makes me so said and i beat myself up over it every day and i know the pain i caused them. I just want my family back but they don't believe i am off the drugs and still think i am a junkie! Any advice on how i can prove to my family that i am clean.

No_more_vince67 · Answer

Thank all of you for your encuraging words.as i read these post they bring tears to my eyes.  I will do everything i cauld to stay away from those devils pills. I just want to make everything rite. I will be leaving arizona to go to live in new york where my kids are in 1 month , l just hope i have the streint to be a better person and farther for my children by then.

overopiates · Answer

oh and YES those tests do check for opiates.Look i know it hurts if she slept w/someone else BUT SHE FEELS ALONE,UNLOVED&ABONDONED ALSO often our partners feel like the drugs r our"new love".U certainly treated it that way cause u loved those pills more than ur family.U ABANDONED THEM FOR UR LOVE CALLED ROXI.U WERE MORE CONCERNED W/BEING W/ROXI THAN UR WIFE,CHILD OR ANY1ELSE.U admit that.U cnt b mad at here.sure it hurts that she MIGHT have been with someone else but u checked out of the marriage and parenting long before she left!!!!

overopiates · Answer

well 1st congrats on getting clean.Roxis r soo bad I went down the road of snorting them myself for a bit.Thats a HUGE MISTAKE!!!U know that obviouusly.U could get those drug testing kits from the store like walgreens and take the test in front of them as many times as they want u to.Its gonna take a lot so u need to be prepared to do whatever it takes to SLLOOOWWWLLLY gain a little trust back@a time.U r very honest admitting what u did about ur baby almost passing away.Thats so sad but ur honest I respect that.But realize if u admit that they KNOW that&as a mom thats devastating2mom,kids and anyone else who cares about u,ur wife,kids etc.U do whatever they ask NO QUESTIONS.Let them know u r willing to.Apologizing is essential but doesnt fix it.U have2prove it.Stay sober and work on what ur willing to do etc.DNT get discouraged though cause this is an incredibly serious situation&u have decieved them and hurt them to the core&Im sure they wanna do the same2u.If they say/do anything cruel u need to understand its the hurt&anger YOU CAUSED so u can do nothing but admit it,apologize&keep trying.good luck

Bones216 · Answer

Ahhh Sonrissa, you always make my day better. My sin city sweetheart.
You have inspired sooooo many. You are an angel.
Big hugs
Joe

Bkitty · Answer

Your are going to have to prove to her that you have changed. A great start would be for you to get involved in NA as soon as possible. Its going to take time, Vince. Just because we stop the pills that doesnt mean that the problem goes away. I know you are hurting and missing them so much. but the one thing that you can do is take care of you and this addiction. I know its hard to focus on yourself when you are missing them but you must. It sounds selfish. I promise if you take care of you and you get healthly mentally and emotionally everything else will balance itself out in time.You will be the man that you are supposed to be and once was again. Im not saying that this will heal your relationship with your spouse but it will make you are stronger person and give you the tools to the father you are. I wish you all the best. Hang in there and get some outside support. It will change your life. (((hugs)))~Bkitty

Sonrissa · Answer

Oh yeah, and listen to Bones! He has given you great advice, and is one of the best men I know!

Sonrissa · Answer

It sounds like you may have a long and tough road ahead of you with your wife! Your main focus needs to be you and staying clean! No matter what happens with your wife! Stay strong and keep moving forward! Keep posting here for encouragement and support! I wish you the very best!

Bones216 · Answer

Hi and welcome Vince.
I'm very sorry for the pain you are going through, I know it's tough. However, the pain you have inflicted, like kicking our addiction, takes time. The most important thing right now is to work on YOU! I'd like to recomend a program that I watched on espn called UNGUARDED, the true life story of basketball superstar Chris Herren and his demise. I was a 4to 7 a day user of norco, all prescribed by my Doc. I watched the show, and commented to my wife, what a sad story. She looked me right in the eye and said " I'm afraid thats you". 
It was that night that I started surfing the net for help and guidance and came up with a plan. I'm 114 days clean and life will get so much better I promise. I am not any type of a counselor, but I do know it will take time for your family to heal. 
IpPleasse watch the program, the simple miracle that Chris Herren is stil alive is hope for all of us addicts.
Please post often and the support will find you. I am 44 with a family, that I basically checked out on as well. 
Don't let the guilt, grief and sadness consume you, it will take you to places you do not want to revisit.
Get a plan, including small walks, set your mind to improving yourself, and the rest will take care of yourself. 
Prayer also helped me a lot.
Be strong man, and I will keep an eye out for your post and success.
Bones

aheart · Answer

Okay then, you can at least put that goal on a back burner and just concentrate on you getting off the drugs right now. You have really come to the right place for support. There are lots of people who have done successfully what you are about to enbark on. The Mayo Clinic writes articles about studies on what drawing from different drugs, you may find one for Roxy's.Get as much education on quitting as you can get and in the meantime, DON"T USE no matter what! Let's us know how you are doing, Sleeping will be scarce for awhile but hot showers or baths will help. 
Do your research and good luck and God Bless you.

No_more_vince67 · Answer

Hello and thank you for caring. The answer to your question is i found something in gnc called white wiillow bark i did not try it yet so i im not sure if it will work for me. And as far as my wife and family go they left me. I live in arizona and they moved back to new york about 3 months ago, and she told me she wants a divorse ,she told me i am not the same person she marriied and she took the kids and left thinking that i would hurt her. And while i was to busy taken my drugs i think she met another man and slept with him, that hurts me so much especially now that i am off theese drugs and i can see through the fog now.

aheart · Answer

Hi and I feel for your situation, it is a familiar one here on the forum. I thought of one thing you could do if she is even willing to try and pick up the pieces of your marriage and family and go from there. There are drug testing kits at Rite-Aid, Walgreens, etc. I believe its a urine test and I'm hoping they have one for pain pills thou I am not 100% sure. The issue of trust will have to be earned with time. Are you in a program or in therapy of any kind? Is your wife participating with you? Have you solved the problem of what you are going to do about your chronic pain from here on out? Is she aware of that? What is your feeling about your chances of getting your wife back, was she up front about that or do you have any feeling about it?
Some people can forgive and carry on and others can't so knowing which group your wife is in will help and save a lot of time. I know you are in alot of pain and kicking yourself real hard but please remember that what happened to you happens every day in our country. You must forgive yourself too. You didn't set out to hurt your marriage or your family. You were simply trying to feel better and got caught up in addiction. You learned the hard way unfortunately. I truly wish you the best of luck with healing the trust back and getting back to a happy life with your family.

Sonrissa · Answer

Aftercare is important to your recovery! Something like NA/AA meetings, group therapy, or individual counseling! This will help you in your recovery, and help you to stay clean! Quitting is only the first part, and some people say, the easy part! The hardest part is staying clean!  Aftercare may also help you show your wife that you are serious! 

Take care!

No_more_vince67 · Answer

Hello thank you for your kind words. I am off the Roxy's not that long ,but i stopped taking  clonazapin and some other mind altering drugs about 2 months  ago and i stopped taking them cold turkey.  And i don't know about any aftercare.

Sonrissa · Answer

Hi there and welcome to the Forum! First of all congratulations on quitting Roxi! I also used to take that, and I know how tough it is to quit! How long have you been clean? 

I'm sorry that you are having problems with your wife and family! It sounds like there has been a lot of pain and suffering! It certainly will take time to repair the damage that has been done! Your wife is hurt and upset and she has the right to be! Sometimes just saying your sorry isn't enough! The more time you are clean will show her that you are serious! I'm afraid the only thing I can tell you is to keep trying and give her as much time as she needs to heal! I wish you the best, and keep posting for support! There are wonderful people here who can give you better advice than I! 

Take care and stay strong! Are you getting any type of aftercare?

solost170 · Answer

hi and welcome to forum, that is a tough one we do so much damage to the ones we love when we get hooked on the pills I understand I have been there myself and about lost everything I loved. i just wanted to post back to you and offer support. just take it one day at time and keep working on staying clean and keep trying to show them that you are sober and trying and hopefully they will come around. it takes time for our loved ones to trust again my daughter was skeptical at first always wondering if I slipped and took something so I was under the scope for awhile until she realized I meant I was gonna stay sober. and trust me i have done some awful things as well. part of our recovery is learning to forgive ourselfs. so others can forgive us as well hang in there more memebers will come around and offer more advice just be the best you can and each day try to show them that you are changing its a life changing exp. I'm almost seventy days clean and I'm still cleaning up the mess I made while using.