SCARED

[scaredmommy2005]

I  am new here and I am so scared, I dont know what to do.I am a medical assistant and I was working at a pain management clinic, I lost my job a year ago and since then I have been in and out of the doctor office for pain well my doctor wouldnt refill my rx so a few weeks ago I called pretending to be the new nurse at the doctors office and I called in an rx for myself. today I tried to call in a refill and the pharmacy said they didnt feel comfortable filling it and then asked for the DEA number which I didnt have. I told them I would just have the docotr fax it in and asked for their fax number.... whats going to happen to me? do you think they will call the doctors office that is my old boss? what do i do I am freaking out.

[Chefzone]

In the phone book you will find a doctor in what they may call the clinic Mental Health and Addictions. So when you go there. There will not be much to BS about as it is why you are there. Be very honest with them, very honest, please. They will as how often, the range of the different things that you have taken. What happens when you don't have it and so on. You will not be their first patient. Don't be afraid in the office if someone is sitting on the top of the chair and yelping like a wounded Monkey, or maybe someone in the bathroom staring at you and slamming the door. When you go you will have to pee clean or you will not get anything until the next time. Try to set up an appointment a week before so you can keep yourself clean that long. If you find it really hard, I used to drink a little to take some of the edge off. Booze is not really what they are concerned with, unless of course it is you addiction. But these doctor's are few and far between, don't make them mad, because there are not enough of them to go around. Bless you and keep safe!
Ken

[kk1303]

How many vicodin were you taking each day? How long were you taking them? That will determine how bad your withdrawals are.

[bewitched_queen]

Good. You need to be proactive in your recovery. And NO DO NOT CALL THE POLICE on yourself!!!! Yes, that would be dumb. I'm sorry but stick to admitting your screw ups around here, not to them, ok girl?

[scaredmommy2005]

I am looking into NA now... They have a few meetings I can go to when my son is in school. I hope they can set me up with a counsuler as well.

[minn66]

Oddly enough, every now and then we will have someone who does not have withdrawal to the extent that most of us do. Someone (I forgot who) said they had received a get-out-of-jail-free card because usually withdrawal is brutal. There are a lot of factors to consider, though, like what you were taking, how long, your height and weight, body chemistry, etc. Your worst symptoms may be the mental ones, which are actually the toughest to conquer because that is what makes us want the pills. Get as much rest as you can, take the supplements in the Thomas recipe, and do get some exercise.

[LostNoMore]

Yes scared, at least in my case I have taken similar risks and I have young children too. You're not weak.  Addiction is powerful. It steals our souls.
I hope you stick around. I hope you get plugged in to aftercare. I hope you want it bad enough to keep it.

[scaredmommy2005]

I do want to be clean and I want to stay clean as well. I want to be a better mom and I want to stop worrying about these darn pills. I am just waiting to see what happens with the illegal side of things because there is nothing I can do to undo what I did. I am just praying that I will be around to take care of my child. I should of never let it get this bad and I feel so alone. do other people do what I have done? i feel weak.

[Star318]

But, as you will see a lot of others saying as well, detoxing is the easy part, it's stay clean that is the real challenge. I am on day 5 of detox so I myself still have a bumpy road ahead. Just keep your head up. This is a great place to be. I am so happy I found this forum!

[minn66]

I don't want to minimize the consequences of your actions. However, if you have the sincere desire to be clean then we will all be here to help you.

[Star318]

It depends on how many pills and how many mg's you were taking. If was a low dose you may not feel much. Everyone is different.

[scaredmommy2005]

When should withdrawals start? I have read all these horror stories and I have not had a pill since around 10 am thursday. I am still not feeling anything that I have read i should be feeling.

[Star318]

If you are ready then you are in the right place. There are places that will take you as inpatient at no cost, through the state, but there may be a waiting list. Start googling low cost or state funded inpatient detox centers. There are a lot of ways to google it but that is a start. Good Luck!

[LostNoMore]

Well, you're here now,  seeking help for your addiction. The legal stuff is a direct result of that addiction. If you get clean now, you won't need to create any more misery for yourself.  Simple.

[minn66]

Great! That is what I truly want for you. But you have to want it for yourself, sweetie. Aftercare is important as well. I am glad you said, as Barney Stinson says, "Challenge Accepted!" Now, read about the Thomas recipe and look at the resources some have suggested and start your journey to a sober you. If you want it enough, you will keep at it. It will be hard, but we are here for you :)

[scaredmommy2005]

I didnt mean for my last post to come out as not wanting help only needing it... I want it and I have realized that I need it. this is something I lost control over and i will do whatever it takes to get better.

[Star318]

I agree with minn66. It also depends on what state you live in as far as how harsh of a punishment you will get for prescription fraud. But like minn66 said, would you have wanted to stop if you didn't get caught? It won't work unless you are 100% ready to get clean. I am a medical assistant as well, although I haven't been in the workforce for a few years as I have little ones and have chosen to be a stay at home mom, if you do get caught, yes, more than likely you will have your license revoked or suspended.

[scaredmommy2005]

I dont want help I need it and they say everybody hits a bottom well I think i went past my bottom. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I did it anyways. is that my addiction? I never want to go through anything like this ever in my life, My dad died because of addiction and I cant do what he did to me to my child. If you are challenging me on getting help and staying clean. I will take that challenge however i may stumble along the way but I do hope I prove you wrong.

[MikeInFrance]

Lostnomore....yeah :)

[MikeInFrance]

There are probably alot of groups or meetings that don't cost anything... Look at AA/NA/SMART Revovery, etc and don't call anybody about the other thing...Just leave it alone and concentrate on detoxing and getting your life back together. That's what you should be most concerned about

[minn66]

I honestly don't know. It may be too little too late. I and everyone else is here to give you support if you want to quit. I am not trying to be harsh. Just give you some things to think about. Cheating spouses are always sorry after they get caught. In other words, if you really want sobriety then you will do anything it takes to get it. You can't blame anyone, the law or some of us (like me) for being a bit skeptical since you only asked for help out of fear of being caught. I would love to be proven wrong.

[LostNoMore]

Yes. Narcotics Anonymous is free. It would be one of the places the courts would send you. There's also community based drug treatment in most good-sized communities.  Cost is sliding scale. You don't pay if you don't have money. I don't know about where you live.

[scaredmommy2005]

Do any of you know of a place that can give no cost out patient care? I have been looking into it for over 2 weeks when I called the first RX in and I still have yet to find anything.

[LostNoMore]

is that some kind of spyware mike? funny.

[LostNoMore]

GOOD!!!!!  Then this is where you need to be! Minn is right...the drug-seeking is serious. Your addiction is what you need to be focusing on. The legal thing will work itself out, one way or another, so don't worry about it.  Not using is where your head needs to be. WELCOME!