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1694436 tn?1311423061
Same person new thread, recovery......
I posted a new thread so th eold one would go archives, I am doing okay today, it was a hard morning but did what had to be done, did my chores, Grandma is comming, i am excited to see her now that i am clean, well recovering, i havent used in i think almost 2 weeks i lost track of time, but i still struggle some days over the last while, i think stress was a trigger, i have turned to food as a substitute, lol.. well mom hime baked goods anyways, and cookies. I know prob the the healthiest but better than what i was doing, I appreciate all the help and advise im gonna do this, i see the shrink Tuesday i will go through everything with her
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1641357 tn?1470498993
So glad that you are feeling better today, and the new thread is a good idea :)
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271792 tn?1334983257
Good Morning and good for you that you took the advise to start a new thread!

Be good to yourself and do something nice today--just for you. Also, you need to be patient. You didn't get sick overnight and you won't get well overnight.

I am also glad you are following through with the therapist. It is a step in the right direction. Tuesday will be your intake day so there may be forms, questions, etc. and again, you will need to be patient. One session isn't going to fix the problem. It takes time, and since you have the time--then go get 'em!!

Keep your chin up and whatever you do, don't use.
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Today is a tempting day, i wanna use in the worst way...my emotions are all screwed up,,,
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1653969 tn?1390335261
take a deep breath, take a walk go for a horse back ride do whatever you can not too use!  Tell your mom so she will keep an eye on you. You have come so far that you cant go back and just remember how you felt on day 3 of detoxing you never want to feel that way again. Do whatever it takes to stay strong!  you can get through today!  Heather
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1697690 tn?1329127238
hey just wanted to say its so nice to see ur still fighting it i no how hard these cravings are ughh its all i can think about today i just keep fantasixing about one pill over and over, but its like torture and i can just imagine what you are going through and i feel for u. These are just thots we dont have to act on them but wow i know how hard it is to do that especially when ur really goin thru it. My thoughts are with you
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1331115 tn?1401672466
Hey like I said before just find something to keep our mind off the pills. Go riding, play video games anything. The cravings will pass but you need to discover what is making you these cravings (triggers) so you can control them. I am glad to see you are getting some therapy that will teach you how to deal with all of this. As IBK told you be patient it takes time.
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hay
  Grandma is here, so i can't just take off and go ridding, yes she knows as the ex told her, but i avoided her all morning till brunch because of something else, as for triggers i know depression is a definate trigger, same as frustration, it seems from what i can guess and it's only a guess but emotions seem to be a big issue, but part of the reason I started and again only a guess was because of an emotional time in my life, a real rough patch and a "friend", as to do I want to repeat day 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 NO way, I dont ever want to go through that again, I feel like my old self to a degree again, just some drama lately, that i don't understand,
I am doing all i can to try not to think about it, but it is hard sometimes, i don't think just 1, i think if and when i was doing them drama never seemed to be around, i didnt always acomplish what i should in a day but the days seemed easier,
  Your right i see the shrink Tuesday, i know it will be forms and questions and all that stuff but i would imagine something should start, I know i have 2 sessions a week, withthe option of 3 but i don't know if i can do 3 i guess it depends how long each session is
  But i am NOT going to use is what i keep telling myself over and over and over again
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Well an update, where to start, i wont go into the why's or how's but i went and bout an 80mg oxy, to me things just became to much, Hold on, before anyone yells, Mom caught where i kinda went and was at the back door when i walked in and asked me if i had been to so and so's  place, I can't lie i said yes, she held out her hand and said "give it to me", I tried to lie but she wasnt beleiving me so, I did give it to her, but i really want it, so bad, it's like my brain is doing cartwheels for it, it's screaming  "do it it will help", mom has said after Grandma leaves she will give me 2 of the diazapams that are left and i can go to bed, "tomorrow is a new day", I argued a bit but argue with her is useless, I really want the pill, i want to be numb, The only good thing is Grandma didnt catch any of it, but now i feel bad cause i lied to her and i bought one, what have i done? im that much of a low life, i break a promise and then i lie, and at the same time i want the pill,
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1653969 tn?1390335261
Ask yourself that if you had really wanted it that bad you would of taken it before getting home. You knew deep down that you really didnt want to.I personally think you did good, yes you bought it but held off taking the damn thing and yahoo mom for not taking any sh@@ from you!!! I love her!!!  I am sure others will not agree with me but thats what public forums are for. H
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Wrong, I came home to scrape it....i still want it......
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1641357 tn?1470498993
I think deep down you knew that it would ruin what you've done by taking it.  Why not just do it there where you bought it?  Why did you have to bring it all the way home in order to do it?  You didn't.  But you knew Mom would realize and would stop you and you WANTED that to happen.  I'm proud that your Mom realized and knew what was up and that you DID give it to her!!!  
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1653969 tn?1390335261
Ok then-what the hell were you thinking!!!!! you have worked way too hard to get to this point and you were will to throw it all away! Its going to be along road and there will be many times you will want that pill but you just cant. I think its gnarlys quote but will use it. '1 i too many and 1000 not enough" and you know how easy it will be for you to get back to your old dose-way too easy.So keep away from who you can buy from-have mom take away your atm card cash whatever and it might not be a bad idea for Dave to lock your truck back up.You can do this! you have come so far-remember what it took for you to get here and keep going forward. H
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi, mom did take the cash and truck keys, and i just took th e2 diazapams so i will be asleep before 7;30 i am sure, but tomorrow is a new day, and well today was a ****** ****** day, i though someone loved me and it turned out to be a lie, I realize now it wouldnt stop at 1, a friend said an 80 could have killed me not having  any for awhile, so i am kinda glad, but still want some, I know i will have probs in life but, it doesnt matter there is no excuse, tomorrow is a new day and i hope its better than today, i hope i dont think to much about them, but yes i still want some, I think mom flushed it, there goes $45.00, sorry just down, and wanna get high bad. sorry to bother you with all that, have a good night
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1653969 tn?1390335261
Not a bother at all- we are all in the same boat just trying to get to the next day clean.H
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1235186 tn?1339127464
When you go to the psychiatrist on tues.please be very honest with her and tell her exactly what you are telling us that you still have a strong desire to use. Is this a new doctor or the one you were already conseling with? Maybe you and mom could try to find an addiction specialist and I think it would be a great idea if you did go to counseling a few days a week. Also did you check into any support groups? You are suppose to cut of all ties with the people you used with and got drugs from. You have to have a stronger desire to stay clean than you had to use. Yes there will be "drama" in life the reason you didn't think you had it when you used is because you were numb to it and couldn't feel and therefore it didn't matter to you. There will always be things in life that upset us and seem to hard to handle.you thought someone loved you. Well it was a lie so will doing that 80mg of oxy make her love you no it will not. It will just send you into a relaspe and yes possibly an overdose. You are worth so much more you have to be strong. It is you and mom now and she needs you to be whole in body.spirit.mind and soul. It is ok to be sad sometimes and it is ok to grieve the loss of your dad and your brother that is a normal part of life.  It does stink and it does hurt we have no control over a lot of things that happen in our lives.but we do have the control on how we handle them. Taking pills is not the answer. The situation and problem is still there when we wake up the next day. Yes tomorrow is a new day pray for the strength to take one day at a time. That GOD would give you tje grace and mercy you need for that day. Pray that the chains of bondage and addiction would be broken.
May the LORD protect you and keep you
Debbie
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1641357 tn?1470498993
Wonderful post Debbie :)  

You are not a bother to us at all.  Like I said before, if we didn't want to be here and help you we simply would not log in!  It's that simple.  But we're here because we CARE.  You screwed up, but not in a super horrible way, could it have been, yes, but it wasn't.  Get up and move on.  You will get through and over all of this.  It's only a matter of time.  Like someone said above or somewhere else maybe, you didn't become an addict in one day and you're not going to be over it in a few days either.  Keep your head up and stay strong!!!  
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I am sorry i direct my post to all, but it makes it easier, and i will answer each of your posts through this post.
  Yes it is a new shrink, one that specializes in addiction recovery, my other shrink is for only the issues related to my brother and dad and some with mom, I will be honest with her, i have to if she is going to help get me back to me,'
   I know i have a long road ahead of me, and yes i made an error in trusting a certain girl, i thought what was being said to me in private message was real and true and it made me feel good about myself, then bam it went wrog, and again this morning i awake to a note that says i might as wll keep using as i can't succedd at this as not many do, Well i can and will do this, i like the old me to a degree, i just have to learn to not trust so much,or watch why someone is saying what they are, and then admitted they have more than 1 profile so i will never knwo who i am talking about, so i willbe cautious unless you have spoken to me for awhile, Like ibclena and the guy/girls like that
   Today is rough, i slept great dont remember even falling asleep but woke up and want to use, but i have a busy day of chores than i see the shrink tomorrow, i will not stray from this site again, but i still want the pill,
  As for the truck and cash, mom says i can have them tomorrow when i go to see my shrink, and not untill, i am restricted to the property unless i am accomanied by Dave or mom, i dont like being treated like a kid, but i understand i dont like it but understand, and i will watch what i post personally that kinda ***** as sometimes personal things are what bug me or make me want to use....i CAN do this right?? I doubt myself alittle today, as the urge was so bad yesterday and this morning isnt as bad but it is in the back of my mind that i can have all this energy and nothing will bug me,
   I appreciate all the help some of you have given and i am sure yet to give, i can tell all new people, that if not for some of the people here and my mom i would have never made it, it was tough and still is, and i understand now that aftercare is so important, and im glad mom set that up for me, I see her tomorrow then see my regular shrink on thursday, so what i don't talk to one about i can talk to the other about, I really want to beat this, does the councelling go on forever or is there a time when i  wont need after care any longer or is this going to be a life time thing?
  Hope all those just starting recovery spend as much time here as you can muster, and listen they know what they are talking about, the vitamins help, drinks lots and i made the mistake and didnt drink enough and got dehydrated not to bad thank got but it can happen so drink lots, and i know it will taste gross and you will get sick of drinking but keep going.
  To those in recovery, keep up the greta work, you can do it, i am there and know how hard it is, and the hurtles that can come up, but we can all do it
  I got good advise from an ex (no not the user) she said no relationships for 6 months, you cant care for someone else untill you care for yourself, and a relationship will only cause you to loose focus of your own recovery, it made sence for me in my sittuation, if it helps you then use it.
  Again thank you to all of the people who gave me good advise, and directed me in the right way, thanks alot
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I know i just posted a little bit ago, but will say, i ate, and did alittle exercise and feel alittle better, still have the urge, but not as bad since i ate, don't know why, but eating seemed to help, but my mornings were always my worst, never had to have before leaving bed, but shortly after, even when i cut down to 1 hydromorph i had to have 1 in the am, that one i still can't figure out, but back to topic, i ate and feel better
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1653969 tn?1390335261
Glad you are feeling better! The urge will be there on and off for awhile yet.I am still thinking about vics and has been over 60 days.and know it will continue for along time. Some days no cravings at all and other if someone handed one to me I know I would take it.So it is just staying strong, praying to whom ever you need to  and saying no.And post every 10 mins if you have to! I know its not practicle to do but if you have to do it, do it..We are here to support and help you. H
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1641357 tn?1470498993
Just as cleaninitup says the urge will be there, you just have to fight it and learn how to ignore it for the most part.  And yes, you CAN do this.  You already know that.  I"m glad that you don't want her to win.  That's so childish of whoever is doing that, but at least now you know and will keep your guard up.  Hope today turns out to be a good one :)  
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hello

   I have had a great morning, stayed busy didnt think of using often or her, have lunch head back out, will work till the sun goes down if need me, I still have the urge it did go away off and on through the morning, its nuts but did go away quick each time, I just wish i could stop thinking about it, I just had a friend who got drunk, passed out and someone did something, he was rushed to hospital they found pain Killers in his system, he swear he didnt do any, some people are messed up, they gave him i think it was norco through I,V.it said addictive on the sticker, i hope they are not getting him hooked.
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1331115 tn?1401672466
You sure the label didn't say Narcan, as this is what the ER would usally give some suspected of a narcotic OD. Narcan is a drug used to counter the effects of opiate overdose, for example heroin or morphine overdose. Naloxone is specifically used to counteract life-threatening depression of the central nervous system and respiratory system.
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Maybe it did, i read it quick, just saw the red tag drew my attention, he is okay, doesnt remember anything except crackin the case of beer
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Does the drama ever stop i block her, and he or she sends me this, like what the Heck, how am i suppose to feel????

"love you was when you were dope sick cuz your a dirty junky. she told me also you took 80mgs of oxy yesterday so i know your just a ****** up druggy"

Makes the day so nice, I blocked that username also, how many more can there be? if it continues, I am sorry but i will delete my account cause thsi is not helping me at all, when your down people seeem to want to kick you further.
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1694436 tn?1311423061
and Harper

  I beleive it is the same person although he says he is the boyfriend, but it matches the style of writting as hers, i did report it, see what happens, I am worried she will just use another name and do it again, i cant keep doing this i come here for support not as often as when i was detoxing, but when things are bad i come or need some encouragement, i dont expect that
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I also changed my security to friends only can reply or post or something, i put it to friends only, so i hope the regular people i used to talk to request a friendship, I will miss everyones help and guidence, ya depressed again, going outside to do something
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Hey!!!! I don't post that much (I'm more of an on looker) but I have been following your story from the beginning and I just wanted to let u know how strong of a person I think u are!!! We all know how horrible detoxing is and u went through some crazy stuff on top of that, and u are still clean making it to the other side!!! I was on 30mg Roxy's (almost 20 a day) for 2 years and I couldn't detox myself no matter how hard I tried!! I ended up checking into a 30 day rehab facility which was the best option for me. I give u so much credit cause u are doing it!!!! It's crazy how when we r getting clean it seems there is so much more chaos in our lives and we can't numb it out!!! I know it's hard to think of it this way, but it's a great test for u!! U r staying clean through all the chaos, and if u can make it through this u are strong enough to make it through anything!!! I'm so sorry to hear all the b.s. U are going through for making a connection with someone on here. It sickens me to think that someone would mess with u going through one of the toughest things u ever have to go through. I truly hope they leave u alone and u don't have to delete ur account!!! From reading ur posts it seems to help u alot to post and there are a lot of great people on here who r truly rooting for u and want to support u with great advise!! Like i said i don't post much, but reading ur story (along with other) is therapeutic for me. U have helped me stay strong in my recovery and u didn't even know!!! I hope ur having a better day!! I think I'm gonna post more so u (and others) can read from someone that truly cares about their recovery and the recovery of other!!! :-)
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1694436 tn?1311423061
and:  quitenoxys,   tgtiffiany

I wont lie, today was horrible for me as an addict, i thought the days should get better but then crap like this, i don't know how much more i can take, to have last night rubbed in my face was horrible, i know i screwed up but do i need reminded, and i diddnt even do it, mom got it, I am strong but i feel it slipping away, I'll be glad for tomorrow, i wanna she the shrink real bad, even going to take the laptop and show her what i am dealing with and all. I wont show the thread here or any private messages the people who have helped have sent, but i am wearing down honestly, i have wondered around the ranch for an hour, not doing anything but was suppose to do something just couldnt rememberr what it was like i wasn't inside my own body if that makes sense, i almost felt like saying i hope you relapse, but i cant do that ever to anyone, i know what its all like the physical and emotional, and the after, i don't want to do it again, but i don't want to  keep feeling lik ei do, but i keep trying......mom is a good help so is dave and my ex,ex, i know weird but this has made us closer friends, no privlages, and we were friend but she checks more often or calls mom to see how i am, I just cant take anymore games, and i cant come up with a reason why, why contact me at teh start, why go 2 weeks or whatever its been, and then slam me, i just dont get why me?
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1641357 tn?1470498993
"Everything Happens For A Reason...Sometimes We're Not Meant To Know Why!!!" << That was my HS quote and I live by it every day.  I know it's hard to accept sometimes but it's true.  Maybe you had to go through this to learn something you needed in life, or maybe it was so someone else could learn something... or both... you'll never really know.  Look at the post above your last one... you've been helping someone without even knowing it!!
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1694436 tn?1311423061
and Tgtiffany

Overrit, i am glad i inspire you but remember i am new to recovery, and i would hate to stear you wrong, I will answer questions regarding mine and what worked for me, and what didnt, i feel privaliged that i can help someone ni matter how little or how much, i feal privaliged. read the post below, imake refrence to you, and some advice

  Tgtiffany, I  wasnt sure how to take that i was helping someone so new into my own recovery, i would feel horrid if i ever said something that make him/her stray, but still feel honoured, and see i admire, you and Ibclean, and oxyfree, quitin oxy, there are a few of you who were there for me wheni was going through it, that i admire and overrit listen to these people they realy give it to you straight and its all true, Dont fall for anyone who private messages you and gives you large compliments and praise, i have learned the hard way, it is nothing but a hassle, if they cant give you praise out here then dont listen, yes i get private messages, but regarding either a personal note, or private from their end, it is praise but not just praise,(spelling)

Thank you everyone for all the help, i still feel down, but i am working throughh it, second by second, thats the best i can do right noe, zi m looking forward  to tomorrow,

again thanks everyone
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I know ur early in ur recovery, and the reason I have been inspired by u is because it has all be chronicalled since the beginning, the good and the bad. What helps in recovery is when u can help other people, and i just wanted u to know that u have helped me because of your honesty throughout all of this!! It has also helped me to want to write more on here to show my support!! I'm pretty new to my recovery...I have 52 days clean. I'm telling u it will get better slowly and surely. In my early days of recovery I was in a 30 day rehab so I was able to focus on myself without too many distractions, but when I came home I had to clean up the mess I created with my family, especially my marriage. There were days that I never thought I'd make it without using, but by the grace of god I did. As hard as it is try to focus on the positive and how far u have come. The aftercare u have set up will def help!! Tomorrow will be better than today!!! :-)
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I appreciate that i inspire you, but it is to you  and the guys like you with days in that inspire me, and make me think i can do it, you all did, thank you

I know its early but i am heading to bed very soon, im tired and just want the day done, I have the shrink tomorrow but got alot to do in the am, as i skipped a few chores today, do either or after but extra work,

I wish you all a great night, see everyone in the morning, depending on your time zone...lol.....nite
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I am not sure who i offended, but sorry, i made a post with a qotation that medhelp deemed innapropriate, i am sorry if i offened anyone here that was not my intention, it doesnt matter who, i just want to say sorry, I will keep personal things to myself and off this forum, have a great night everyone, Im off to bed
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1653969 tn?1390335261
my last one is gone also hmmmm
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1235186 tn?1339127464
you asked how long you have to go to therapy? there isnt really an answer to that. just like no one knew exactly how long your withdrawal symptoms would last. each person is an individual. one thing with addiction is that is becomes a habit. so the pill you are especially cravings was what you did each morning for how ever long you were using. so you need to have a new routine each morning. your cravings will get less and less as the days,weeks and months go by. that is great you are seeing an addiction specialist. and then your regular therapist. therapy is a wonderful tool. it is always good to beable to talk to someone who is removed from the situation and isnt biased either way. they are professionals and are there for your well being. in the beginning if you go a few days a week as time goes on it will be reduced to say 1 day a week and then maybe only every 2 weeks. the hours you invest in therapy will never be a waste. please also check into the support groups,na/aa.
you can do it and you are doing it. keep the faith. believe. sending blessings your way,
debbie
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Morning, I think
Cleanitup, Ya they removed evertthing about that post, i wasnt trying to bring drama, i was trying to show what has me down, but my error, and it offended someone, so yes it was all deleted
Thank-you for the suppoet Atthebeach, it really hellps especially this morning, It was a lousy sleep all night, i tossed and turned so much that i eventually just got up, at his horrible time, but i am going to write here then go have something to eat, and go to work, i can do some barn work at this hour, get some things done before i have to go to the thrapist. I'm alittle nervous, i don't know why, as i already see one, but i am,
  Well i whish all those in WD a speedy recovery, to all those past the WD but in recovery, i hope you have an easy day, keep the thoughts positive, and to everyone Keep the thoughts positive, remember we can all do this, it's just a hickup in life (someone told me that)
  I am off to eat, then do some work, I will be back on maybe before i go, or after the therapist but hope everyone stays cool, and has a great day.
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I had to change my security setting , as they were to much, no one unless a freind could post. changed it back, so i can get everyone advice, Have a great day, or try to
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Hey man, I've been keeping up with you also but I'm posting for the first time.

I blame this site for some of the downs you're going through but on the same not, I thank this site it got you clean.. and for 10 days at that matter!

I try to think of my 8 yr old son and how he handles his day whether its a sh*tty day or how he likes to call it... "Best Day Everrrrr!!!" lol He's soooo oblivious to the words addiction, withdrawal, etc...

We all can't just sit and wait for the "Normal Fairy" to arrive at night and tap our foreheads with a stick....

In Reality and all it's greatness.... we became "Normal" on Day 1.

BTW you can trust me as a friend, I hope there's a few people here that can vouch for me :)
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi
I appreciate your your first post, I have feelings also, and i have voiced them to medhelp, some of the stuff is my own fault for not shutting down my computer, so something got posted, the other was an error i mad eon my part, posted a comment thinking it would help ppl understand why i felt/feel like i do, but my error

I hope i can trust you, i don't need anyone to vouch for you, i have learned if something doesnt seem right and bells go off, i am just going ot block the person, to simple, I am going to concentrate on me and me alone for now, my recovery, II will help where i can but i am only clean 10 days or so, so I dont have alot to offer except for what worked for me, and helped me get through it, and what is working now to help keep me clean although i almost blew it acouple days ago, i'm just glad my mom was there and as smart as she is. I can't wait for the day where i dont think about them everyday, i want that day so bad, Today is shrink day, I am so excited and yet scared at the same time, new person, and it is in person, I am shy beleive it or not when faced infront of another, so today should be interesting,

   I hope you have a great day also, mom has said for me to just do a few chores, then in for a shower, and off to the shrink, i am not sure what to expect today, alittle nervous
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1047946 tn?1332611629
I haven't posted much recently due to my work hours but I have read through most of the threads. When we are going through withdrawals we emotional, vulnerable, and somewhat mentally weak. Our brain and body is going through so much shock we can't think clearly. That's why for now you need to only worry about you.

Use that note you received that said you can't succeed as motivation. Prove to that person that you are stronger than that and that you will succeed. Just because others fail does it mean you will too? Heck no! You control your own destiny, nobody else does. Just because somebody says something, doesn't mean that's the way it is. When I was serving in the Marine Corps we always used the motto, "Mind Over Matter". It's a belief that our mind is more powerful than our body. I strongly believe that that motto kept me alive in Iraq. You can do anything you put your mind to. You would be surprised just how much you can push your body and accomplish things you never thought possible. I still use that motto in everyday life and always will.

Don't worry about what certain people say or do, especially if it is from someone online. Nobody here really knows the true you. Things that are said in a message or post can easily be taken the wrong way because people can't show emotion with text. When reading posts and messages take what helps and leave the rest. Don't take any of the negative remarks to heart. Online friendships are a lot different than personal friendships so you can't let any negative remarks bring you down.

I guess what I'm getting at is that right now you have to worry about you. Don't worry about what is said or has been said. Right now your number one priority is working on your recovery. I see that you have been talking about how strong the cravings are but I don't see you talking about what you are doing to fight through these cravings. Try some of the recommendations such as saddling up a horse and going for a ride, listen to some music, lay down in a dark room and breathe, go for a jog, etc. You have to figure out what works best for you to fight through each craving. Eventually you will be able to control that craving but you're not going to learn how by sitting back and waiting for it to pass.

I know you said you're are seeing a therapist but have you thought about NA/AA meetings? The more work you put into your recovery the better chance you have at staying clean. Never take being clean for granted. A very smart member here always says, "Guard your sobriety with your life". All it takes is one little slip for our world to come crashing down once again. It's up to us to make sure that doesn't happen. If you are proactive in your recovery the chance of continued sobriety goes way up.

You keep going strong. Don't let other people's words get you down. Don't worry about anything else right now except for you and your sobriety. It may seem selfish only worry about you right now but it's not. You can make up lost time with family and friends later.

Hang in there buddy. I'm pulling for ya!

Best of luck.




Brian
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi

  Thank-you for your support, a sfor the cravings yes they are trong, i have learned to munch, some healthy some not healhty, celery with cheeswiz, apples, tangerines, kiwi, and well the all famous, moms oatmeal raisin cookies, not the heathiest as she uses butter but i love them, will grab 4-5 and hed out the door for a walk, do a chore, jog up the driveway and back, I am keeping them at bay except for the other day, but i am thankful mom caught me leaving and saw which way i went, i asked hwo she knew, she said she realy didn't she saw what way i turned at the end of the driveway, and just took a chance on confronting me, well it worked thank god, i thought she realy knew, i thought maybe the ex called to tell her, i didnt knwo i just gave it to her, best decision i ever made, in the last week or so. I am more cautuos of anyone who inboxes me now with compliments, i am less trusting but i have a shrink to talk about that and shall, not bore people with my problems as people have there own personal problems to deal with. Its all about the recovery, i want to succedd in the worst way,
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1662770 tn?1314200163
You Have Done Great!!!  The Dr is going to be there for you and you alone.  That is the place that you will be able to tell all your secerets and not have a care in the world.  He is bound by law and a code of ethics to keep everything you do or say confidential.  Use that for your advantage. And remember if you don't seem to fit with that Dr. ask to have a new one you must be comfortable and feel safe.  It is OK!  I read the deleated posts and to be completely honest, I also have seen some other changes in who has been posting on your thread and who is not.  We tend to create our own drama and you will learn that as you move forward in life.  Just remember don't hold back anything from your therapist.  They really do help.  Stay clean and sober.  You chose the right path for you and your family.  God Bless You.
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi

Thank-you for your support, I will be honest with the therapist, and will tell them everything, as i agree its the only way to trully help is be compleytely forward, Today isnt bad, alittle depressed, but thats my problem, and scared the uncertanty of what is to come, i will be glad when i am there and started and when i am done talking this ay i know more,
  Have a great day and hope all goes well for you, and thank you for your words
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Sorry i just noticed the comment about who is posting on my posts and who is not could you explain please? don't understand
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1694436 tn?1311423061
If you mean i havent had ppl lik gnarly and a few others post, I know, they were a great help to me well detoxing, and were there in the beginning of my recovery, and i don't hear from them much any more, I do miss them as they had alot of great advise and some of it i should have listened to more, but i made errors and my personal life ended up on here, i can assure it wont happen again, i read and reread what i write to make sure there is nothing out there about what shouldnt be, and to anyone i offended i am sorry, if i hurt anyone in there recovery, i am so very sorry, that was not my intention, at all, and i hope they watch over a while and realize i am not getting personal on anything beside my recovery, Again sorry to everyone if i did offend
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi

  I am off for a shower then the ride to the therapist, I hope today brings some answers,maybe not all but a few would be nice, like why i think about them every morning, or in the evening, why stress sets my cravings through the roof, I know today is my first meeting but i shoudl get some answers to something i hope, I will be back on and let everyone know how it went, and what i think about it, this one is only for the addiction, she specializes in Addictive Social Behaviour and Addiction Recovery as well as Social Personality Disorders, So i hope she has some answers, I will admitt i am scared though, just because it is someone new and in person, for me that is awkward, and i have asked mom not to come in, this way i can be completely honest with out side tracked questions, (this doesnt mean im not honest with mom) but there are some things i want to talk about without her, she agreed she will go shopping, I have a 45 min session, is that long enough? Sorry  just worried and scared,
  Anyways, hope everyone who is detoxing today is successful, it can be done, keep positive thoughts, to those in recovery, keep the positive thoughts you have used to get there, and i hope everyone has the best day they can.
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1662770 tn?1314200163
You did NOT do anything to anyone here!!  OK?  I think as for your concern about gnarly1 he reads and posts during the most trumatic times but never forgets anyone and I am sure that you will hear from him soon. He told you it was going to be 2/3's mental and that is where you are.  It is not your fault you are depressed.  Your brain has not come back to life yet.  It is not making it's own dopamine etc yet, but it will.  Don't worry what others are doing.  It is now up to you to worry about what you are doing.  Do what you love.  I love to read under the tree at my favorite beach, even if it is work that I have to read at least I can swim and tan, and relax.  Just do what you Love and things will be ok?  You have your horse go ride. Ride like the wind.  Or John Wayne. What I was saying about the posts is I think some people have been shut down.  So you can relax. All the good longtimers who have help people like you and me are still there looking out for us, and will be there for us in our time of sucesses and in our time of need.  So whith that said lets live life to the fullest!!!!   Give your mom a big kiss for no reason today and tell her you love her!!
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I understand, i know the brain i messed i can feel it, sometimes, in my thinking, but off to see the therapist, I realy didnt want to see anyone shut down especially if they are needing help and comming here to get it, as there are alot of good people here that can help. I do ride often, and yes it does work, but some of the riding is work,,,lol,,,, but does keep me busy, well I gotta go off to the therapist, Have a great day, Ihope everyone has a great day, hopefully she can change my mood and helpme shake some of the feelings i have that are not productive, we will see,,,,,see everyone when i get back
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1580085 tn?1400944438
i have been on holiday, but glad to see your still here, good luck with your therapist, god bless.
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Good luck today!!!
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1653969 tn?1390335261
Good luck and remember deep breathes  :)
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I am back, that was paper day and what i think day, she didnt say alot, must have i dont even know how many tests, "circle this"," from 1-5", "what would you do?", see her again on Friday, I hope it goes better, really didnt talk about a whole lot, i got perscribed lower dose of Daizapam, i requested no narcottic on the forms, and then she is recomending to my family doc, and other phycologist a higher dose to sleep, I'll talk to my doctor, i didnt even fill them, I dont like that idea at all, I dont want to chenage one pill for another, So see the other one Thurs, and will let him know i dont want it,  But i think i will be able to work with her, what we did talk about she spoke and didnt the uhm uhm yaaaa, she actualy spoke, an didnt want to me what i wanted to hear but what i needed to hear, she seemed honest,
  Hope everyone else is having a good day, and has done well today, Everyone CAN beat their addictions, EVERYONE
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1641357 tn?1470498993
Sounds like you're doing alright today, keep staying busy :)
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271792 tn?1334983257
As I mentioned two days ago: "Tuesday will be your intake day so there may be forms, questions, etc. and again, you will need to be patient."

You didn't get sick overnight and you are not going to get well overnight. It takes time so make the time and get well.
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi
I understand that in the head but the gut was hoping to get some stuff out today, get some answers, do something we only talked for about 20-30 mins, and that was about why i thought i started, and what how long, how much, how many, what do i think, I expected more, but yes i do understand she has to get to know the addiction before she can help, and i see her twice a week for the first while, sometimes three depending on booking,Hope she works,
  Today well the rest of it, i got acouple of things i gotta, have supper, then going out to a estate auction with mom, so i will be bored...lol...but wont use, I see the other shrink thursday, so I have a busy week anyways
  Tomorrow i have to travel most of the day, for mom, i hate the driving, dont know why but makes me what to use,,will be a fun day,,but i can do it,,,,,,i hope,,,,just bummed out,i know it wont happen over night but i will be glad when i dont crave anymore,

thanks for the advise
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1235186 tn?1339127464
Patience is a virtue. We want everything to be quick happen when we want it. Well don't rush ahead learn from each day that you can make it.look at you encouraging others. Good for you.you are doing just fine. Yea don't really like the valium recommendation either.have to be careful definitely can trade one for another. Did you tell them you want to try natural things? Have you tried the valerian root.sleepy time tea.melatonin? As doctors that's what they do is push meds. That's why so many people have addiction issue you will start to sleep again try to hold off on the valium. How is your mom doing? She doesn't come on anymore.tell her howdy for me.  Be strong. If you check into support groups there is lots of opportunity to talk there. Did you look for an outpatient rehab.my son & daughter both went to one. They are usually a couple hrs a few days of week and mostly young people.just a thought. Take care of you and mom.
Sending hugs & blessings
Debbie
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Patience isnt my strong suit, but i understand, i have a friend who is married to a nurse who handle personality disorders, and she figures the next session the shrink will start on one area of my addiction prob the why? and When,,, I know, i did say no narcotic. she said they were not as bad as what i  have been doing, i see why regular shrink Thurs, and will mention to him, and  my Doc on Monday, and will let him know also, I have tried tea, its sick tasting, and didnt work that well, but i guess helped, Sorry for the negativity, Just not having a good day, not one of my better ones anyways, cant explain it, just in a pissed off mood, So I will keep it short here tonight, as i am going ot go play pool with a friend, mom let me off the hook withthe auction, I told her that her friends at med help missed her, she said she will go on tomorrow and catch up, mom doesnt fully understand that there is the mental afterwards, she does and she doesnt, in her mind all should be okay, and i cant tell her so when i am having a bad miment or feel it comming i leave the room and go do something, I will look into a rehab, it may help, I will get back to you on that one,
As for giving advice, i can only say what worked for me and offer encouragment to others, through the WD (physical), and thats it, as for the phycological i am still going through it myself so hard to help there, I just keep posting that EVERYONE CAN beat their addictions, cause everyone can, it wasnt easy but can be done, and i still have alot of work to do yet
  Thank0you for your support, I appreciate it
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82861 tn?1333457511
I'm so glad to see you're still hanging in with your detox and recovery and posting here!  I understand how anticlimactic your first appointment with the shrink felt like.  When I saw my pain shrink the first time it was much the same experience.  Lots of basic Q&A and no time to really get down and dirty.  It's just part of the whole therapy experience.  The therapist has to get a good handle on the nature of your problem and what makes you tick before she can really help.  As boring and mundane as the first session or two can be, it's not an indicator of future sessions.  Some are extremely emotional - you'll probably even get pretty angry with her sometimes - and other sessions seem kind of useless.  It goes up and down so just ride with it.

One thing that stands out to me is that you're still beating yourself up over your slip a few days ago.  Never forget that we all learn from our mistakes.  Your blessed mother got you through that one with no real damage.  The good thing is that it sounds like you learned something from the experience - who to trust, who not to trust, etc.  That's a GOOD thing!

You're also learning about triggers.  As other members have pointed out, it took time to get this sick and it's going to take time for you to recover.  Uncomfortable situations (like having your grandma over) trigger anxiety which in turns makes you think, "I need to get away and shut these feelings down."  Well, in the past it was a pill that turned off those very uncomfortable feelings.  As you recover, you'll find they won't be as frightening as they are now and you'll also be in a better mental place to deal with them without immediately thinking about a pill.  When it hits, take some deep calming breaths and focus on consciously slowing your thoughts, breathing and heartrate.  Turn your mind and actions to something else that will be good for you - like riding, having lunch with your mom, whatever.  These are coping techniques that your therapist can help you with.  Like anything else worthwhile, it takes time but you'll earn tremendous rewards for the work.

Keep up the great work give yourself and that terrific mom of yours a hug.  :-)
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1687072 tn?1307047128
I know what it's like to have narcotics "pushed" on you from the doctor. At least you are taking the time to stop and think about what you are putting in your body. You have a great chance at getting out of this. You have a wonderful support system and you are not ignoring the reasons you started using drugs in the first place. You are so young and have a long life ahead of you. Stay strong and most imortantly, STAY CLOSE TO YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM (family in your case) AND STAY AWAY FROM EVERYONE ELSE THAT WILL SUPPORT YOUR ADDICTION!!! Good luck and God bless you and your family.
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HEY DUDE good to see you made it to the other side remember what I said about this being 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental  your going to be an emotional roller coaster here for a wile
im a mans man and even a sad song would make me cry it all part of the healing process
when you need to vent come here and vent   im tuff I can take criticism especially if I know its going to keep someone clean so bit ch all you want ......take the time to let your feelings out most of us here have been there and know what your going threw its when you bottle it up that it starts to play games in your head when you crave come here and talk about it it would be good if you could find an /N/A meeting even if if means driving an hr it will be worth it to you you can pick up some phone numbers there your going to need to do a lot of talking to get threw this....some of this might not make sence to you now but as you go threw it it will.....hang in there and remember attitude is everything good luck and God bless.....Gnarly    
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no such thing as normal keep up the good work it does get bearable plz have patients with uiself. keep us posted dove
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Sorry it is easier to respond to everyone at once, if i miss anything let me know please,

   As for the doctor, i coulnt beleive it myself when she prescribed a narcotic after me telling her that my whole addiction i beleive is any pill, but i can speak to my other shrink about that as well as my own Doc and will let them both know i dont want any narcotic, for any reason, I understand that it is a long road to recovery, today is not a good day for me, i slept like crap tossed and turned all night, couldnt get comfortable no matter how i tried, even had a bath at 2am then to bed, nope, i tried the tea and nope, and i got to do alot of driving today, will won't be back till around 7 pm, and leaving soon, 7-8 am, so it will be a tough day as driving is realy hard on me, i don't know why, but i am packing some snacks, and i got the jelly beans akso, and batter and juice. I can't explain why or what triggered it bu my depresion is bad this morning, going try breakfast and take it from there
    As for come on here and vent, i have been warned by medhelp about posting personal things, so to vent about what is piising me off, or my iterpitation on why i a depressed i need to bottle it up till i seee the shrink, i would hate to loose my account at all, This forum has done alot for me, and i want it to continue.
   Mom says she will probably go on after i am on the road, she is cooking breakfast now, and then some house work, and then she said she will come on and talk to everyone, I did inform her of what to talk about and what not to talk about, as i would hate to see her get kicked out either.
   I appreciate all the advise you have given and all the support you have all show,it is overeliming, but very appreciated, i like the fack that  no one says or tells me what i want to hear, and you say it like it is, I like that as i am the same way, I tell the truth no matter what, shoot from the hip sometimes will offend people, not what i want but if you donr want the truth than dont ask me,'
  i hope everyone has a great day and has an easy day well doing detox or a great day in recovery, We CAN all do it, no matter what or who, we CAN all do it, no one should be a slave to a little pill, or brown (whatever that is) as someone mentioned thst that was their DOC.
I have learned alot abou the abreviations fom you all, before this my only time on thr computer was paying bills, or competing at aution, i use the laptop and the runner uses her phone to get our bids if we cant make it , it works.
  Well as i said i hope everyone has a great day, and can do things that make them happy, and helps with their recovery
  As for em giving advise, i can only offer what worked for me going through WD's, and nothing more as i am still in recovering, but even if 1 word or a suggestion works for someone that would be nice, have a great day you CAN do this
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1454150 tn?1288131498
this is my first time posting to you so you don't know me but i do feel as if i know you...lol.

i want you to know that YOU ARE HELPING ME! i am struggling soo much and coming on here and me reading about your perseverance and drive to break free and become the man that EVERYONE sees is incredible! i love your down to earth, shoot from the hip style and i believe that you WILL be one of the sucessful ones!

i want to wish you the best in this journey..it's one hell of a roller coaster ride--

God Bless....
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I am glad i can help someone, I still dont understand how since i am only 12 days clean or so myself, but i am glad i can help, I trully beleive we Can all do this, I hope i am successful also, there are days where i wonder myself, but then i remeber what i keep saying on how we Can all do this, and yes it is a roller coaster ride, I have learned i had a lot of fiends who use, one form or another, so I have had to cut ties with them, it's about my sobriety and my success, and they would just drag me down and i dint want that at all,
  Sorry for the short note but i must be getting going, I have a long drive ahead of me today, but i do wirh you the best, and just remember you can do this, it is possible, yes the recovery part is harder then the detox part i beleive, bit i find keeping busy does help alot, on't let your mind help you slip up, just 1 will cause the diffrence and make you go through it again, because 1 leads 2 then leads to what your tolerance was pervious, then you have to do it ll again so just remember you Can and Will be able to do this, stay possitive
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1692167 tn?1327543057
I dont think that I have commented on your posts b4 but I have been reading all of them and your moms as well. I think that you r very storng and  sometimes to senative! I am 24 days clean and The ppl on here have helped me so much just by me reading what they write to everyone. Anyway I just wanted to tell you that you are doing GREAT! You r now in the mental stage so all long as you keep posting the ppl on here will keep in on track!

Good luck!
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I know the feeling, there are great people on here who have helped me more than they know, and yes i am to sensative, sorry one of my flaws, but i'm okay with it, thanks for your first post, and the advise, much appreciated, Have a great evening, and congrats on 24 days, trully keep up the great work, it's the people like you that inspire me, so much.thank you
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1331115 tn?1401672466
Hey my man you have come a long way since day 1. You have realized that you need help through aftercare and that a big deal. Keep it up you sound so positive, I am so glad you pushed through all the BS from last week and you are now concentrating on your sobriety. You should be extemely proud as we all are of what you acomplished as it is very difficult to make it as far as you have. So all I have to say to you my friend is keep on keepin on

Also Give your Mom a big hug as she helped you through the rough time and she deserves it.---Rick
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1641357 tn?1470498993
You made my day today!  Keep up the great work!  You're doing amazing, just stay positive!!! :) No need to feel down!!!
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi

  Yes i have come along way since that first day, the aftercare isnt much yet, but it was only my first session, and i am looking forward to my next session, I thank you for all your support through this, i really appreciate it, and i give mom a kiss and hug each day she is my stone by all means, Some days are definately bettert than others, i dont knwo why but some days i get real down, i know my minds isnt used to doing things as it is now, but i get real depressed, yes told the shrink that but she gave me diazapam, and i wont fill it, I see my other shrink tomorrow, and i have been seeing him for awhile now, so i will see what he says and suggests, if not i see my doc next week and he is aware of what has been going on, through his receptionist, and the clinit i went tom So he should knoe ehst to do or what to give me
  I hope yo uhave a great day, and hope it goes the way you want,
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Morning

  I am glad i was able to help yesterday, I do try to stay positive but sometimes thats still harder said than done, but thank you for your words of encouragement
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Morning to all

   Well here i am awake at 4, i can't seem to get to 5 with sleep anymore doesnt matter what i do, or what time i go to ned, i csn go at 8pm 9pm 11pm 12am, and i am still up at 4 am and for the day. I would love to seep in just once, cause as soon as i am awake, then mom gets up, thats realy nor fair to her, i have tried to stay in my room with just the tv on, and she still gets up, uduslly comes to the room to make sure i am alright, then gives me the lecture about not having to stay in my room, when i explain why i get told she still knows im awake, and i have even tried using the headphones but she still knew, I just wonder why 4 am,
  As for the mood today, don't know why but woke up depressed, just dont feel like doing anything, but i know i have lots to do today, just stay busy right, and keep my mind budy
  Thanks everyone for the words of support and encouragement, I appreciste them greatly, I hope everyone has a great day, i will be on for alittle whjile, wont start chores till 7 or 8 am today, most of my work is fence fixing/checking and some barn work, but i wanted to say thanks to everyone with out this site and the people in it i would never be where i am today, so hats off to you all, thanks
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1653969 tn?1390335261
6am is my wake up time now. I can usually dose on and off for maybe another half an hour or so but 6 am it is. Same thing to doesnt matter what time I go to bed, even tho it seems like as soon as 1030pm hits Im half asleep whereever I am.Im going with the theory that my body is now getting the "right' kind of sleep, instead of the drug induced coma I used to fall into.Not sure if Im right on that but its works for me. Lol. it also doessnt help that the sun seems to rise so darn early right now  either.
You are doing great, keep it up !!!! H
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi

   Maybe thats it, i don't know but i agree with the night thing, around 8 i get real tired, then around 9 i am fighting it by 10 all i want is the pillow, and it doesnt take long after that, If im out i can stay awake but people have said that i look tired in the evening, I understand the drug induced sleep as that is what i used to do, do one just before bed, then sleep till i was sick then get up and do one, today is going to be one of those days, I just feel off, not myself, cant explain it either,
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Well the day is almost half done, thank goodness, what a long day, be glad when this one is over.....just a bad day personaly, (no one involved)
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1235186 tn?1339127464
hey hun
death is another part of life and grieving  is ok and it is perfectly understandable to be sad in remembering him today. try not to be so sad he is gone .try to be thankful for the years you had with your dad.remember the things he taught you , and all the memories you have , the time you spent together and life that he gave you.  you are honoring your dads memory by being sober.... dedicate it to him.......   did you see your normal therapist today?
how did that go?  keep the faith. be strong. give your mom a big hug.
sending you hugs,
debbie
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1641357 tn?1470498993
Hey!  Hope that your day gets better before it ends!!!  Just keep yourself busy and it will be alright!  Plus, if you stay busy enough you'll tire yourself out more and hopefully sleep longer!!!  If only that were ALWAYS that case! haha  
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi

   I almost forgot, i called the shrink this morning to see if i could get a time today, and the receptionist said he was booked for the day and to just keep the time and appointment i have, I thought today was Wendsday, mom is the one who reminded me at the last minute i had the appointment today and that it was thurs, So what a day, but i did make it, he agreed, no diazapam, he gave me a script for some other non addictive non narcotic sleep aid, he said to take it an hour or so before bed, and it will just help me sleep, i will post the name when i go get the bottle, So ya today was hecktic, and i am tired already, going to fight it till at least 8pm, Been a bad day, just depressed. but im getting through it, just taken it second by second, moment by moment, I was so busy and running around like a chicken with my head cut off i havent had time to think about pills,so it has been nice that way
  Yes i dedicate my sobriety to my brother first then my father, i am determined to do it,,,I will not be beat this will not beat me, i am determined to get through this for good,
  I wish to thank all those that offered the support i appreciated it alot, realy nice to know there are people out there that care, thank you
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1653969 tn?1390335261
" I will not be beat,this will not beat me, I am determined to get through this for good." Thank you-words for all of us to live by. Good true words, thank you again for them. You are a good person with a great attitude that is going to pull through this and come out stronger and happier. H
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1641357 tn?1470498993
You are a completely different person than when you first came on here!!!  Just read your last post!!  Amazing!!!  Hope tomorrow is an awesome day for you :)  Keep smiling!
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Well, i was hoping today would be better also, except i caught the flue or something, Im sick, fever and all, this *****, I hate being sick, well at least it isnt from using, and it's not as intense, either that or i ate something that didn't agree, i know i shouldnt eat those street venders food, but some of it is so good, any ways hope for a quick revovery i hate being sick, no matter what, and no i didnt Use to those that ight think i did, mom ha confined me to bed or couch, thats it, Even sick, i am up at 4am, mom id gonna by day quil and nightquil, and tylenol for it, Im usually only sick for a day or two, not to long, anyways hope everyonr else is having a gret time, and a great day, or will, remember we can all beat this, just put your mind to it, you have to trully want it, not for someone else but for yourself only, Just use posotive thoughts, sorry i may not be on alot today or tomorrow, n=but i will try
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1653969 tn?1390335261
Sorry  your not feeling well today -it does seem pretty common to get sick in the first few weeks after detoxing. Alot of people seeem to get sinus infections and the flu. I had the worst cold ever lol that turned into sinus infect. Not sure what you are dealing with but hopefully you feel better in a day or 2. Take it easy H
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi

   Ya it's just a cold or flu, i hope something simplw, I felt off going to bed but didnt think anything of it, woke up this morning, sore throat, runny nose, and a cough, and upset stomach but gravol solved that, I just feel blahh,,,and yes my sinus are swollen, is there a reaso why this seems to happen to people after detoxing? I see my Doc on Monday so if not better by then, i'll get it checked,
  Today isnt to bad, alittle down but otherwise not to bad, my craving did go away, i have a little voice in the head that says "you need just alittle" then the other voice says "You can do this, you dont need anything", my sleep last night was horrible, I tossed and turned alot, couldnt get comfortable for the life of me.
  Christine called well i was in the shower, i guess she  is comming down today, she would like to talk, is the message left, wonder what she wants now,
  I'm getting excited about going to the country bayfest weekend, 4 bands play over the weekend, and they are all decent, should be fun still not sure who i will take yet, but i got soem time to decide that, I just want to make sure it isnt someone that uses anything, not even weed. I just worry about mom as she will be home alone that whole time, except for Dave but he doesnt live in the house.
  I hope everyone is having a better day than me,lol, Remember we can all do this if we put our minds to it and realy want it bad, i have noticed a diffrence alittle in how i think compared to when i used, just little things, like shaveing daily
  Well mom wants me to lean over some hot water with lemon juice in it, to try to clear the sinus's, i will be back soon...
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I am going to be seeing an old friend soon, to talk and then i think i will go lay down for a bit, i realy don't feel well, I maybe back on later not sure right now

  I wish everyone the best day possible, stay positive, be positive
  We CAN all do this, it CAN be done, we CAN do this

I just hope i feel better for the weekend, it will suck if im sick, i just got done being sick, diffrent sick but still,

  Hope everyone is having a great day or the best they can, to those going through WD's they will pass, i know it feel slike you wanna die, or are dying but you arnt and wont, YOU can do this, i did.

  To those is recovery,i wish you the best day you can have also, keep positive
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hi
like others i haven't posted on your thread but i've read all of yours and your mom's.

I hate being sick and i'm going to suggest something a nurse told me and it works pretty good, take 2 regular asprins, something in them helps the swelling in the nose go down or something not exactly sure how it works but is helps me!

I'm so glad to see you coming out on the other side!! I know how hard this is and am very proud to see all the hard work you've put in to it and it shows.  I also think its really great that you always wish all of us a good day!  Thanks for that!

Hope you feel better soon.

And listen now that the physical w'ds are gone you should try to rediscover something that u used to like to do, for me it was music and now when i feel something creep up i grab my ipod and redirect my energy to something that makes me happy.  Make sure you reward yourself along the way for all the hard work you've put in to this.  

Good luck to you!
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1641357 tn?1470498993
Hope you feel better soon, and that you don't get super sick!  I used to tell myself "I'm not sick" when I was getting sick and I would get over it and not get really bad.  I think most everything comes from the mind.  
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hello, im new to this site, on day 1 and trying to read some success storys, just read your's and want to say to you good job, seems like your doing good, though you sound depressed in your posts, i hope you cheer up soon and stay clean, i dont know how long i can hold on but this time i want it soooooooooooo bad that im not letting failing be an option for me this time.

Once again good work to you! be proud !
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I feel like sh@t,  i have the flu, feels almost as bad as when i detoxed, but thank god it doesnt feeel like that, will be back on when i feel better , hope everyone does well keep your chin up
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Sorry i have the flu, so i am not typing much

   Just remember you Can do this, You have the will power, YOu have the streangth, You Can do this, keep up the great work
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Sorry, I shouldnt have been short with you, you are trying and my responce was inappropriate, Keep with the site, read all the post that everyone puts up, that is one thing i didnt do, i counted on the answers i received from several of the great people at this site, they gave me alot of great advise and suggestions, and helped me through the wd's I didnt find day 1 that bad if i remember i tjhink my morning was the worst, i learned to stay busy till i couldnt anymore, then foced myself at least 30 mins of doing something, you CAN do this, always keep a positive attitude, with out one it will make it realy hard, Just keep in mind I am not the first to quit, nor are you, there have been several people who have been succesfull at quiting, so you CAN do it also I have the flu, but it was no reason to be rude so i am sorry, just dont feel well, just glad its not dope sick.
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oh im so sorry you have the flu,
and its ok i understand, i dont feel like typing today too.
the withdrawals are so bad i feel like im about to give up i need people to talk to me today i think, and was hoping you could be one of them because your so new into it and i have 2 people who are far into there recovery and and want maybe 2 who are new i just need extra support i feel very weak and hopeless, sorry if i am a bother to you. i wont bother you if you don't feel like helping,
i know what the flu is like and i bet you are thinking what the hell is with this lady! but i read for hours everyone's post and im so scarred to bother you guys and thought you sounded like you would be a smart one to talk to so i just put myself out there because someone told me i should from this site, she is my new angel so i listened to her, but please, if you just cant dont worry just tell me and ill find someone else but thanks for putting up with me, im just searching for a partner in this i guess if thats weird i apologize vary much, i am not thinking normal today at all i am so sick i want to give up  
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1641357 tn?1470498993
Hey gutsnglitter, You can do this..keep your head up okay!  It will be HE LL for a little bit, but it's totally worth the freedom!!!

Don't worry about "bothering" any of us.  Like I told everyone before, if we didn't want to be "bothered" with it we wouldn't log in!!!  We are here to help :)  You can do this!!!
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1641357 tn?1470498993
I hope you feel better soon!!!
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ok thank you, i guess that you have a point there
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi
  I am here for you, i will listen and help best i can, i just slept for awhile feel alittle better just no energy, and yes glad that it isnt dope sick, i couldnt do that again that sucked huge, Dont give up, you CAN do this you realy can, yes the feelings get bad, and even sometimes suicidal, but you CAN do this just keep telling yourself, you dont wanr to wast what you have gone through so far do you? You will have to do it again, just keep your head up you CAN do this, Yes i have the flu but no excuse for me to ignore you or not answer you when u send something, I will check off and on through the day for you, I am so sorry if it seemed like i didnt care, i do, I want to see everyone succeed at this, I have along road ahead of me, as i still have to see the shrink twice a week and my regular one back to once a week. Ya the WD's do suck really bad, but can be done and YOU CAN do it, please dont give up..hate to see you relaps, i wont think less of you though, but please keep pushing on, YOU CAN do this
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1694436 tn?1311423061
thankyou, i slept alittle and feel alittle better tried dry toast and tea, it stayed down, just ***** i lost my weekend,lol,,,,but at least i didnt use, as i am sure with the flu it wont help anyways, it just ***** i went through what i did to get sick within a couple weeks. Mom figures I should feel better by tomorrow I guess and i didnt know this Christine was sick last week, so i know where i got it from, I just hope Stephen is okay and doesnt get sick, it ***** when kids are sick although me being sick is like having a kid in the house, i feel for my mom....Going ot go lay on the couch for a bit and spend alittle time withher, take my bucket with me just incase...lol.... Hope your having a good day...
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thanks
im not giving up! if you guys all did it then theres hope for me.
the diazapam is helping and i have some attivan the doctor gave me for when i start flipping out and i just took one so im good now, just the fear of waking up everymorning with out any is whats really scaring me from this, but i have about 31 hours now
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I know the feeling about waking in the morning, but i will admtt, i still think of it but i dont have to do it, thats nice, i can start my day with out one, and not have to do 1 then wait 10-15 mins then do what i need to, now i can just wake, shower, eat and go to do what needs done, its a better feeling,,you will see
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i hope so, i cant imagine everyday being done with out a pill but its still early recovery for me, im sure as time passes ill get used to it. i just feel like complete **** now im so sweaty and chills and hot and cold and headache and barfing (sorry) and ekk! i hate it i want to be better now!
what did you do to occupy your time? im running out of movies to watch and i need to laugh its the only thing that makes me feel ok
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I went through the same, but i unfortuanetly had alot of drama going on and someone beleived in me and my mom helped, i ended up at a clinic and got gravol, diazapam, and clonodine, which all helped, I played ps3, read what i could, walked alot, went riding, i always had someone around me, when i was at my worst mom put cold compresses on me and such like that, it was hard and some days it still is, having the flu brings back bad memories but you CAN do it
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gravol! i didnt think of that, good idea! my doctor didnt give me that they gave me diazapam and attivan and arthrotec ? i think thats the spelling, i wish i could go get some gravol or get someone to get me some but thats out of the question, a friend just called and said our guy just got a new ship and if i wanted some, but i actually said no, i think i have to move, i have to get out of here there is to much temptation. it was hard to say no but i did and hung up.
i dont play video games and i am in no mood for reading i think ill go for another walk and buy some chocolate.
thank you for all the advise it is nice to know someone who is still going for it
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I wasnt into reading either but forced myself to, now i enjoy it alittle more, some pharmacys will deliver if you call around and ask, i found the gravol helped a bit as well as pepto bismol, I didnt get the pukes to bad, i gaged and such, and had the runs bad but didnt puke to bad mine lasted i think about a day, prob because of the pepto and gravol and i got myself down to 1 hydromorph a day, 1/2 in the morning and 1/2 at bed, i dont know but i know i did get dehydrated bad, and everyone will tell you and i learned drink lots, it does seem to work,but dinks lots, yes it all tastes gross, and yes i couldnt even keep a mouthfull down at the beginning but it did get better, and that is great you said no, it realy is, and yes i know how hard it is, i relapsed once and bought once but didnt do the second one, if you read back you can read the whole experience i had,,,but great news you said no,,,keep up the good work..you CAN do it
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i read back on all of yours already, i have read bunches of the peoples on here.
its the only stuff i want to read right now, just success storys and happy endings are getting me through this.
the pharmasys not to far, maybe 10 blocks from me so i might try a big walk and go get some gravol and more gatoraid, i cant drink water right now, just the smell of it makes me puke, it smells like chemicals i dont know why but its nasty.
it was hard to say no, but i want this and as soon as im done being sick i might take a trip to alberta and see some friends and family and might just stay there! lol
i cant stand the people im around here and i know if i stay ill relaps if not soon then eventually
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1694436 tn?1311423061
That is a long walk, but you CAN do it, get what you need, when you are done yes you need t disassociate yourself with those, that dont use, don't think about relapsing, negative thinking will bring negative actions, it was someone on here that used to tell me that, and it is true, as fo water ya i found it tastes like metal, almost like copper, i drank alot of juices, and once i was able to keep liquids in i drank ensure, lots of it, but it did bind me up, which was good at the time, Take a trip when your done to celebrate the fact you did it is a good idea, i planned a trip for next month, if i dont relaps then i go, if i do i don't. and its something i realy want to do so i have a goal, its what the shrink said was to set a goal, so did someone on here, This site was alot of help for me, there are great people here with great advice, I think you will do well just stay positive and keep saying to yourself I CAN do this, I can beat this, i wont let a little pill or anything else beat me, I dont have alot of time clean but what i have so far has made me happy, and i see things diffrently, I had a hickup or two go one durring mine that sucked, but i did it and i wake each morning thanking god for not killing me, and my mom for being there, there was one other person, hopefully they touch base with you, there was alot of great words by her in regards to my detox and recovery, I am sure you have had alot of responses from some great people, just remember you CAN do this,,,
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1694436 tn?1311423061
I am still not feeling well and im tired i wish everyone a good night and remembeer you CAN do this, Im going to sign off for the day, and get some more rest, maybe a shower to pick myself up a bit, Have a great night everyone
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theres alot of awesome people helping me today it is very nice.
sorry this will be short im really not feeling well right now.
i wish i had a mom to help me through this sooooo much, who is the other person you said hopefully they touch base with me? is that what you said?
ekk so not ok right now sorry my stomach feels like it is going to rip apart it feels so bad i cant think right
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Hang in there!! I know you feel crappy now but just push thru the next couple of days and you will be surprised at how much better you feel physically. I'm only like 25 days in and feel way better than even a week ago. My heads alot clearer. I still has a thought or two a day about pills but wow no more counting And all that bs. So sick of something controlling everything about me. He ll gotta figure out who I am again entirely anyway. But without numbing out everything all the time. It's so worth it I mean really I loved the pills but at the end they weren't doing anything much anyway and by the time I woke up in the am I would feel like crap bc the wd were already starting anyway. Just hang in there!!
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thank you much,
i am still going strong, really hard though i just had a bath and it was good, now im sweating so much and just want to sleep

im sorry im posting about me in your thread wantnormalagain
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1694436 tn?1311423061
It's okay you post anytime you want, i feel alot better this morning, mom ghave me soem nightquil and a hot toddie with acouple tylnol, slept like a baby 9 hours, to bad my weekend sucked, but tjats okay there is next weekend, and I agree with couponer, it gets better each day, it doesnt happen instantly, each day feels better still for me also, i think about pills a few times a day still, but it passes if you concentrste on something else, I have learned i had to change my friends and people i talked to that did them, As fo posting about you on my thread that is fine, it doesnt bother me, if it gets you answers or my attention that is fine, Today we are going in for Sunday brunch with Grandma and my Aunt and Uncle, should be fun. You can do this I know it;s hard and chances are you didnt sleep alot last night, check out the thomas recipe, people swear by it. As for the person who contacted me, it didnt go well, so I wont say who, as I dont want to cause drama, or anything, but she did help at the beginning, almost killed my recovery but thats a diffrent story not for here. Just keep the frame of mind that you CAN do this, did you go for that walk for the gravol and such? I will bet you were tired when u got back, 10 blocks is a hell of a walk when your sick, i think i probably would have crawled, I went horseback riding a few times and i swear i passed out for a few mins and the horse just headed home well i was out, i did do some walking more near the end, and always had someone with me, but you can do this, ask the BF or husband to help you, having someone to lean on helps, just dont bicker with him, you may get mad at him but he may not understand all you are going through unless he uses also, so if not talk to hi  explain how you feel, make him part of it, if you dont sorry.If you are stuck doing this yourself try to find someone a friend or relative that can help you, if not always remember you CAN do this, i did and didnt think i could, and there are others who are the same, who have succeded. and you can also. It does get better each and eveyday that passes, i know right now it doesnt feel like it but it will. Hope your feeling somewhat better this morning
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i tried the walk, but came home got to a store though and bought some stuff, i feel like **** didn't sleep well and i have alot to do today, no, no boy friend we just broke up, long story.
sorry i feel like im going to barf ill be back later.
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi, those feelings will go away, use the gravol, i found it helped, same as the pepto, but just remember you CAN do this, you realy CAN, just another day or so right, each day will get alittle better it doesnt feel like it at first but then one morning you will wake and wham you will notice it, just keep up the great work, you CAN do it, glad you got out and got the stuff you needed, and undertand the sleep thing alittle, the doc gave me diazapam, and it helped me sleep, not soundly, but alittle, some nights only maybe 20min or maybe 40 mins, then up for a few hours then down again for 20 mins or so,,,but it only lasted acouple days like that thought i would loose my mind,,,just keep saying  I CAN DO THIS,,,, I will be praying you have a speedy recovery from the WD's
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i do think the grovol is helping, i took some a few hours ago and i havnt thrown up since and im so busy today but its a good thing its keeping my mind off getting any pills, and im in a good mood! i find that weird, but ill take it! lol
been talking to my friend about moving with her so i think thats exciting me so im positive and doing so good! thank you for all your support!
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1694436 tn?1311423061
So the gravol did work? I was just confused as you said you havent thrown up since, I am glad that it stopped, what everyone told me was make sure you drink lots, and lots so you don't dehydrate yourself, Thats great that your keeping busy does help keep your mind off of getting, just keep as busy as you can and remember you CAN do this, someone told me take each hour as it comes, if your in a good mood now than that is great stay positive, I am always here to listen, may tak me alittle to answer but i always do,
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yes it seems to be working tons, and im ready to skip town and start new and im never going back, and im never going to go looking for pills, i think a new place where i only know 2 people who are clean, 1 never had a problem with drugs and the other is a few months clean but i know she will stay clean because she has a family to care for so i trust her and there going to help me get settled and set me up with meetings and a new job so im so excited.
it will be weird, but at this point i have nothing to loose and alot to gain.
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi
  Congrats, i am so glad you feel better, and a fresh start maybe the best for you, only you know that, I wish you the best and hope all works out well for you, and you have a good recovery, everyone has said aftercare is realy inportant, just a thought.again congradulations on feeling better, and as for your move good luck hope everything works for the best, and good luck with the new job, I have had to stop talking to anyone who used or uses, i did try acouple days ago and found it was way to hard to even look at them without wanting one, Glad your excited for the change, and life is an adventure enjoy it, will it be weird or is it going to be weird cause you won't be high? either way good luck and congrats, hpe to hear from you again
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1653969 tn?1390335261
you have come so far wantnormalagain-you should reread some of earlier posts and see how much you have changed over the past few weeks. You are inspiration to alot of people and we are all still pulling for you and taking inspiration from you.Thank you for keeping up on the postings and sharing your journey with us. H
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well i wouldnt say im feeling better physically but emotionally i feel like a new improved person, its only been just almost 3 days, i feel like death but im just happy, i just have this happy feeling, even though i cried about 8 times today i still feel good lol.
it will be hard starting life with out drugs but i know it will be alot more easier in a new place.
and you sound like you are doing so good and congratulations to you too !
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi
  Ya the crying is crazy, its the emotions, they are all screwed up, or mine were anyways, and then sometimes people will add to the roller coster of emotions, but you CAN do it, a new life is scary, for everyone, giving up everything you know and everyone is hard but I think it will help your recovery but thats just my opinion. I have noticed that once i changed my routines a bit things seemed easier, and kept myself busy i didnt think about them as often, dont get me wrong sometimes i get it in my head i want one in the worst way, and i have to work out, or job, or do something that gives me no time to think about it and it's still hard sometimes, i just refuse to give in, you CAN do it, is what i say to myself also. I am happy for you and hope all works out well for you, just keep a positive attitude,
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Hi, I am pulling for myself also..lol..(learned what that was) some days are hard some i don't even think about them, i try to keep myself busy from the time i wake till i go to sleep which is still early, same as bed is still earlier than normal, but if that will be my biggest problem than i will live with it. I come here as often as possible i find that the site really does help,I know i don't hear from some people as much as i used to but i figure they are or will be there if things ever get hairy for me, or i need a slap or wake up call,,lol,,I am glad i can help someone but i haven't been clean that long either, i can only post what you all have told me, and what i feel or went through, and still going through with the after care, and what she says or my reg shrink says that may help someone. I really appreciate all the support this site has given me, and i feel that without this site i don't know if i would have been successful or not, there was some drama, but believe it or not it made me a little stronger i think even though i had that 1 relapse at the beginning, and bought the one that mom got once after the WD's. I can't beleive there were so many people that talked me through it all, and gave me advice like the thomas recipe, the amino acids recipe, talked about fluids and foods, talked me through a couple of rough days during and after, The one thing i tell people is listen to those on here, they are great people and really want to help others they don't even know such as yourself. I did read back a bit, i can see i have more self esteem it seems, i know i am a little more confident when it comes to regular things in life, like i sat down with Christine and had a conversation, without wanting to use, or even talking about it, or calling her names, and to answer the question no we have decided to just be friends and i need to get past what happened for Stephen's sake, it wasn't his fault, and his dad doesn't bother at all with him, I am all he knows, so I need to do what i can to be there for him. I follow my own advice, I CAN do this, i have it written on my bathroom mirror and on a post it in the truck, and in the stables. I am determined not to let a little evil pill get the better of me, no matter what. Well gotta go eat supper, will check in later hope everyone is having a great night, we CAN do this, EVERYONE, and if you do slip it's just a hiccup, that can be dealt with and gone, but avoid areas, social situations, friends that may cause a hiccup
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1653969 tn?1390335261
  :)
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well you sound like you defiantly have it under control so good for you!
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1694436 tn?1311423061
Well it is 7:30, and i feel like i have worked all day doing a new barn or something i am wiped, but if this is the worst thing that never goes away is being tired early than i will take it its better than using,I think will try to stay awake till 8 or 9, watch some tv with mom and spend some time with her, i realy owe her alot for all she has done same as you great people. I think i will watch some tv with her then hit the bed and get some sleep, i havent had to use the 2 sleeping pills mom has left yet so i wont unless i have a real bad night but i dont see that comming as every night around the same time i am tired and i mean could sleep standing up, ever watch that movie monster in law where the mother in law gets knocked out an falls onto the plate? i felt like that at supper time, thank god it didnt happen, but thats how i felt sitting there, i know as soon as i hit the couch i will fight sleep but i want to spend some time with mom today, as it's back to work tomorrow, and i don't see her alot through the day, lunch and then when done as i have mad eplans to go play pool after work each day, just something diffrent change of routine, see if it helps keep me awake, i am realy tired but i hope and wonder if it is from boredom, did anyione else have issues with being so tired at night during the recovery, i should say early in the night? anywho, have a great night everyone, will be on in th emorning, and then again at lunch, have a great night and a great morning remember we CAN all do this, it CAN be done and we WILL all beat this..good night
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