I posted a new thread so th eold one would go archives, I am doing okay today, it was a hard morning but did what had to be done, did my chores, Grandma is comming, i am excited to see her now that i am clean, well recovering, i havent used in i think almost 2 weeks i lost track of time, but i still struggle some days over the last while, i think stress was a trigger, i have turned to food as a substitute, lol.. well mom hime baked goods anyways, and cookies. I know prob the the healthiest but better than what i was doing, I appreciate all the help and advise im gonna do this, i see the shrink Tuesday i will go through everything with her
I don't know how much i will be on as I have to take the computer into the shop cause it's heating up to much, like hot to the touch on my touchpad, Hope I get it back today, Will be back on as soon as I get it back, I went to use mom's, and she lent it to Christine, so i may have to stop in and see if I can get it back. not sure whyt she would lend it to her but anyways. Today is good so far, looking forward to the weekend, Hope you have a great day, even if I am not on We CAN do this,,,,
I've been reading your journey. Tragic but with such a bright outcome ahead of you. You seem to express yourself very well and doing just that in your darkest period of your young life is iincredible. You might want to consider jjournalism and possibly writing a book to help others your age fight the pill demon. You have a mother who is above and beyond in love with her child and doing this for yourself is doing it for her. I'd love more updates!
No, no computer today, am at a friends using his, but gotta be quick, I am doing okay today was extreamly busy between the work and seeing the shrink, Should have my comp tomorrow, Will be back then, and yes i am smilling...
Thanks for the suggestion, but I honestly do not have the time for anything like that, I am busy here and my shrinks, it does not leave alot of free time, except for the weekends but I have plans most weekends, but thank-you anyways
keep trying to leave you a note but is giving me trouble- UGHHHH wnted to just say hi and see how you are doing-I know you are computer less right now-but wanted you to know we are still here for you :) Have a great weekend and YOU CAN DO THIS! still think it should be a new tattoo for you lol H
I got the computer back yesterdsy, and had an issue with corporate, which has been straightened out. I am bust today as I am heading to a carnival with Stephen,I am doing okay, still the urge to use to got ti under controll quick yesterday, As for the tattoo, I am not sure that is the way to go but maybe, Ill let you know. Hope all have a good weekend
I won't be on much today, I am going to take Stephen to a carnival, he is so excited, I wikk be back on Later in the day, The last couple days were hard i wanted one in the worst way, ecspecially after yesterday just due to stress, but worked through it, It doesnt seem to get any easier
I had a great weekend, went to the carnival with Stephen and Christine and had a great time. Spent Sunday at a friends for BBQ and pool party and had a blast,had some cravings on Sunday but got through them. My pulse is still going, I see the "shrink" this afternoon, the drug one, have lots to talk about today, all in all it was a great weekend, and it gave mom a break, she had the house to herself. Although something must have gone wrong, she is saying she needs to speak to me later, and no it isn't anything that I have done, I asked..lol....she just said to keep an open mind, so not sure what to think.
good morning. so proud of you, you are pressing on. you are fighting the good fight. (christine) is she your x? please be careful. how are you counseling appts coming along.
you are seeing the addiction specialist weekly? please be patient with your recovery, it seems to move sooooo slowly, as time goes on you will have less and less cravings. be
careful of your triggers, places you go, people you see. ask the specialist about an outpatient rehab, there are support groups that meet a few days a week. they teach the 12 step program.
thanks for keeping us updated. keep the faith.
sending hugs and blessings
You are doing great keep it going!! I'm so glad you made it back to you!! Somtimes we get lost and some of us make it back and some take awhile. But you are now helping others find thier way back too so keep it going! GREAT JOB!!
Thank-you so much, it has been a few moments I have been tempted but I have done well, I seen my drug addiction shrink yesterday, We spoke for awhile regarding my weekend, my feelings, relationships, and what I need to do for myself first, some goals of things I have wanted to do or get that I should strive towards.I spoke of the site, and how it has helped me, with my recovery in just being able to talk to others who have been through it or going through it. It was a good session,
My mom had to give me some news not regarding myself and I can not say what or who or anything. Things seem that way but today is a depressing day and no idea why, there is no need to be depressed I just am.
Sorry I have not been on lately, our computer was still acting up so back it went and I have also been busy with chores and meetings with the shrinks, everything is going well except for the depression, I just can't seem to shake those cob webs, I soke to my shrink and she said that it is normal to be depressed for a little time, it is the body revolting no opiods still. I would have thought by now it would be used to it. I am tempted each day, and more so when friends I don't need to see simply stop in, I tell them as polite as possible however some don't seemm to catch on no matter what, So I may need to be direct and just be rude, although that is not me, I may need to be. I push on each day as it comes, sorry Tgiffany if I caused worry, just have been busy and computer issues, sometimes it feels like I spread myself to thin, maybe that is the reason for my depression, shouldn't guess but I can't think of another reason, Miss you all. Thanks so much
it is easy to spread yourself too thin! you need to take care of you! your being clean and staying clean is a priority ! this site has been a huge part in your recovery, so i hope you do post more, you have done so well, and you will be happier again, i wish you well.
Yes I have spread myself thin, but I want my old life back now, I just push myself each day to do things I used to, try to stay as busy as I can, this weekend I am going camping in Alberta and taken Stephen with me, he is so excited. I have not used anything not even my sleepers any more nor the meds the shrink gave me for anxiety or depression (seriquil), I won't even take tylenol for any reason as I don't want to do anything that could screw up what I have done. Mom has informed me we maybe loosing a ranch hand for a few weeks or months, not sure exactly why but she has said we may pay his flight ticket home for a little while. Her decision for whatever reason, unusual, she isn't telling me everything, but she must have her reasons. Anyways I hope everyone has a great weekend, I will be back on Monday morning to check in, I hope everyone is doing well, and is continuing at whatever stage of recovery they are at, I would love to see everyone in the world kick thier addictions, so everyone can enjoy life.
Have a great weekend, see everyone Monday, I appreciate all this site has done for me, and I will start posting more often, just some days the depression does get bad, but everyone has said it is part of it that it will go away, I don't think suicidal thoughts, I just get down on myself, my self esteem takes a beating during my depression, thats why I keep as busy as I can, doesnt give the mind a chance to think
I wish to thank everyone who helped me through all of it, you truly are a great bunch of people
Have a great weekend everyone,
hey thanks for keeping us posted. i am so proud of you. continue to fight the good fight,keep on truckin, keep on keeping on.you have a long,wonderful,clean and sober,happy life ahead of you. keep up the counseling,
pray and ask the LORD to help you with your depression. have a very nice weekend!!!!!
sending hugs and blessings
Thank-you for your support, I realy appreciate it. I have my bad days and good days, to be honest usualy the bad days out weigh the good days. I stay busy and find that it helps keep the mind off of the cravings, sometimes. I will post each day, as time may allow, I have a few more chores to do each day for a few weeks, and well that takes up alot of my time for now. I am looking forward to the weekend, thats what keeps me going each day, she has told me as long as I stay clean I can visit him or do diffrent activities with him, He isn't mine by birth but i have been there since the beginning, and dad hasn't (don't know why) but back to topic, That should and will help me stay clean, i like the little gaffer
HEY DUDE been following your post your doing good soon the good days will outway the bad days try to get involved with N/A OR A/A //////I think it will really help you this is hard to overcome I use a substance abuse conslor N/A and a couple of church groups for my aftercare and so far it is working you need to get involved with other people trying to get clean you can talk at N/A meetings to others like yourself it may help brig you more good days then bad the worst thing you can do is try to go threw thisby yourself or with people that dont understand if what your doing ant working change it up....Good luck and God bless......Gnarly
I do find that, it is hard when I have a bad moment and no one understands how I feel, I haven't learned how to deal with that yet. I see the two shrinks, one is a substance abuse specialist, and Friday I asked her if she has ever done any drugs ever in her life and she said no, and all i could think is how is she telling me to survive this or give advise, everything she know she has read in a book, not saying she is dumb at all, but I doubt she understands how I feel in my mind. I appreciate the advise, I did try one meeting and it seemed like everyone was simply talking about the days when they got high and such, I left craving more than I did when I went in, and maybe that was just that location I am not sure however it still left a bad taste in my mouth about NA, mom went to a meeting for people living with addicts, and she said she isn't going back, she said most of the ladies had given up or abandoned thier kids during the process and she isnt like that. Well off to get ready for the day, hope everyone has a great day, to those thinking about quiting, you CAN do it, just have patience and be ready, get what you can off the Thomas Recipe, and listen to those here, they have helped me greatly.
wantnormalagain--I just noticed you have been clean for 30 days so a big CONGRATS to you. You should be extermely proud of what you accomplished I know I am. So my friend Keep on Keepin on you are doing great. Just keep up with your aftercare as it will help you to stay sober for life. As far as the NA meeting you should find one that suits you so keep looking as it will help you immensly. God Bless---Rick
Thank-you very much, I honestly didnt know, and time does fly when your busy and dont have time to think about it. I will be keeping up with the shrinks for a few months, I'm not sure if they help but it gives me someone to talk to about diffrent things in relation to my cravings and my personal life. Life on the Ranch has been busy, we are one hand light for the next month, so I am extra busy and do not get time to think about my addiction or recovery.I have noticed my appetite has increased as well as my stamina, and energy. I feel good I am putting weight on. Some days the depression is still bad but i try to shrug it off as I can not find a reason to be depressed, I wont be on this weekend as I am going camping with Stephen and Christine for the long weekend, I hope everyone has a great weekend and does well with thier addictions/recovery.
I have been doing well, been clean and have kept it that way, I recently went to California with money saved from not using, Things on the ranch are hectic, its that time of year, mom is doing well and is happy i am back to my old self, I'm back up to 195, see my shrinks weekly still, but they help, I am still just friends with Christine, but we have talked about maybe trying again once i'm ready, life is looking up, Calgary Stampeed was a blast, except for all the royal horse crap,, had a good run, did the ranch proud, I know I should check in more often but i honestly am just busy, I hope everyone finds sobriety, life is so much better,,,,WE CAN DO IT....one day at a time
thanks for checking in ,so very nice to hear from you !!!!!!!! so proud of you and very happy for you. congrats on 56 clean days and on many,many,many more to come.
glad to hear the road to recovery is getting smoother. i also have thought about you many times recently shame on me for not sending a pm. keep up the counseling,keep up your guard,you have worked very hard to get to this point,
thats nice, california--- money well spent,
tell mom hi for me.
please do let us know once in awhile how you are doing. we like to know that all is well
keep fighting the good fight,
keep on keeping on
keep the faith
sending hugs and continued blessings
Yes, 56 days in,,,,I have to admitt the first 30 or so were real hard, but I stay busy with the ranch, and am back to working out each day 60 mins, I run each morning. I have come to realize that excericise is the best for getting through the cravings, sometimes (when lazy) a dumb movie to take your mind of helps also..lol... Still single ;( but thats okay, I spend alot of time with Stephen when not working, when I was using I forgot the little guy and that wasn't fair to him, (no he isn't mine) but I did spend alot of time with him before my addiction, I forgot how and who I can be, but love myself now, I still struggle the odd day, some are still real hard, I had to let a ranch hand go, due to his addiction, we tried but he wouldnt or didnt want to clean up and it was to hard on me, I have lost a couple good friends as they could not use around me, it sucked but i have to look out for me,,right? or is that just selfish? Yes it was my first time to California, I have to admitt it was over welming, I'm small town country boy, that was a big ol city, bigger than I have seen, but I did have fun, learned to surf alittle..lol... and got to scuba dive, that was great. I want to go to England next, maybe 2 year anniversary, Mom loves me being me, we have agreed not to talk about that time, but not forget it either, I really appreciate all of those that helped me through this site, you are all amazing people and were so helpfull and understanding, I have recomended this site to everyone I know who uses or have come across that use. I owe my life to this site, and the people in it, thank you so much each and everyone of you, including the CMPG or whatever her handle was, even she helped in a small way, made me determined and more cautious of the internet, I don't do alot online, Im kinda the old fashion guy, I still write letters, and use a house phone...lol...my friends say I am tech challanged, but I like it, but this site was amazing, and so are all of you, thanks so much for all the advise and help you gave me......I have a question for you though, I have a friend down the valley, who is addicted to those evil little things, and wants to quit like I did, but says he tried cold turkey can't do it, he found or got dont know, anyways 8-8mg Suboxin, he was thinking if he did it for 4 days at 8mg then reduced his usuage by 2mg or 4 mg each day if that would work, I didnt have the answer for him, and he doesnt have internet, I told him it sucked or 10 days but did get better, he wont do cold turkey, said I looked like **** and that scared him, but wants clean like me,,,I told him I dont care how he does it, just as long as he does it, but I can't hang with him till he does, i think that hurt his feelings so he is serious, we have been friends along time, I think he values that, I will pass on any info anyone gives me for him, I did a search but could not find anyone who did a short time on this suboxin thin, just ppl who took it for a long time, don't know what to tell him, I feel i need to help him, I want to help everyone who is using, as I said I give everyone this site
Just had to say how proud I am of you. You were my first inspiration on here that finally made me log on. I had been lurking for quite some time. Your realness, earthiness, and sweet nature made me want what you had. Following your story put the severity as well as solution to this battle. Thank you, and again....SO, SO PROUD!
Well I am not sure what to say, I guess I will start with Thank-you, I hope your recovering also, if not you can do it, I won't lie it wasnt a walk in the park by any means but can be done. I eat alot healthier now, work out like I used to, interact with people in a difrent way and have learned alot of compassion. As I have said if not for this site, I honestly don't know how my life would have gone, but I am glad this site was here and the people in it, The advice people do give is incredible and the support like no other I have experienced besides family. I should have logged on more but well life took ahold again, and I have been busy, and the travel to Calgary and to California I honestly didn't think to log on, my mistake but i will try to log on each day at least to say hello to everyone, again thank you
No need in my oponion to have another thing to keep up with. Having said that it is so apparent you are a special person on this forum. Folks do want to know your ok. I am recovering thanks to your courage and I felt you were worse off than I at the time. I thought if he can do it so........... By you staying on track valadates all the work we do and gives us all insentives to achieve. You have amazing things in your path. How cool to walk it a clearheaded sober person. Have a great weekend.
Morning, alittle late, I know, but had morning chores, I am realy happy to hear you are doing good, I wish everyone could see past the cloud that covers our eyes and brains well we are using, The way I thought and did some things was messed up, now I see each day as a new beginning, a chance to do something new in life that is positive, and non selfish.
Everyone can do it, I will be the first to say it isnt/wasn't easy, and the mental craving went on forever, and still do the odd time, depending what I am doing or where I am, but I have also learned that when that happens remove myself from what is causing the mental crave, be it a person or place, it does suck to have lost a couple good friends but I have to look at me, I have given them the site and the tools I used but in the end it is thier choice to quit or not. I tried forcing an old "friend" and promised items if she did it, but in the end it didn't work and I learned that no matter what is going on, they have to want to quit, they have to reach that point in thier life where self esteem is gone, and it has to be for them not for anyone else or any item as a reward. Me and the EX have not gotten back together we did talk twice but I couldn't do it, the urge to use around her was way to much for me, and I had to say good bye for good, On the flip side Christine never used, no there is no relationship to soon or myself, but she is a great support person to go to when having a bad day or a moment, she just keeps reminding me I can keep it up, So if your quiting or have and struggle get a non user friend, confide and be honest, I was amazed at how much it does help, as well as the counceling, both have made it a little easier for me.
I look forward to each day, and think very diffrent than I did when I used, I find my decisions to be more responsible than simply an easy answer, if that makes any sense. I wont ever go back to those things again, the money I wasted the lives I destroyed as well as friendships and the way I hurt my mom was unacceptable by myself, So staying on track isn't a choice, it's a must do.
I hope you and everyone else is having a great weekend, and can accomplish what the heart wants. I am traveling to Ontario this week to pick up some Beef Cattle, but should be back on Thursday, I will log in and see how everyone is doing,
I wish everyone the best life they can have with the most happiness that it can bring, If you don't like something change it, it's your life and it can be done.....
I asked a question earlier (yesterday) regarding my friend in the Valley, he has called again and asked for suggestions, I do not know what to tell him, he wants to quit but wants a crutch, I can't change that, but have no advise as I could not find any information on short term use of the crutch... So if anyone can help with an answer for him, He would be on but does not have internet at all where he is, He wants to use suboxin for 4 or 5 days I guess to come off the oxys, he thinks if he reduces his daily intake each day he should be semi okay quiting the oxy's. I just do not know what to say except, keep hydrated, get exercise and drink ensure and clear liquids and eat as soon as you can, but as for suboxin I do not know much about it to help him, SO if anyone hear can give thier insight or experiences I will pass them along to him, thank you, I know he should log in himself but I don't have my addict friends to the house any longer, To many things went on when I used to.
Good Morning, Oh , my comment was directed at your prior post saying ,you know you should check in more , but have been busy. I was just giving my 2 cents that you shouldn't worry about having another thing to keep up with (meaning posting, when covered up) . Life is so stressful sometimes on the day to day and it is hard to be and do all that we feel is expected. (Does that make sense). I would never copy your text word for word, but I would love to show my teenage sons your post sometime to give them words of clear advice from someone their age. You have a way of unfolding your feelings while passing along very sound advice. I did exactly what you have mentioned and found a specific non user to confide in and be honest with. What a burden and relief that has been as well as a wealth of info only someone that has gone thru w/d can tell you. This site has been a complete godsend in that way. You have a safe trip to Ontario and make some fun where you can. So nice to hear of your progress and your support.
your friend should not think about trying to self medicate on suboxone. it needs to be done under the supervision of a doctor.
if he feels he cant do it cold turkey. recommend that he try a taper from the pills
Good Morning, I hope everyone has a great day, I am getting ready for the long trip to Ontario, unfortunately there is no fun on this trip, drive there then drive back, I will be back on later in the week, I hope everyone is successfull in recovery, and if you havent started yet,,START,, you will love life alot more, be able to do things you want with out worry of what to do without your DOC,,,Again have a great day...
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