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Scared and need support coming off of opiates
Hi everyone,
I'm new here, just joined this forum today hoping to find a source of support as I try to taper off of oxycodone. It rules my life and I want to stop. I've been addicted to opiates since about 2009. I had a prescription for Vicodin 5/500 4x/day from 2009-2013, initially I took it as prescribed, but after a couple of years my use escalated to about double the prescribed dose. When I would run out early, I'd buy 5mg percocets to fill in the gaps between my prescriptions. A year ago, when I called my doctor's office for a refill, the office staff told me my doctor had left a message to tell me to "taper off or go to a pain clinic" and gave me a final script for one more month. I should have made an appointment to talk with my doctor about what was going on, but I was too embarrassed and didn't want it to go on file in my medical records that I was an addict. At that point I just started buying the percocet "full time", and my use escalated more than ever. At my worst I was taking about 45mg per day of oxycodone.
I've been aware of my addiction for years and experiencing massive amounts of guilt and shame about it all the while, but kept telling myself that I "wasn't ready to come off yet." The guilt and shame continued to increase, the financial issues caused by the addiction got worse and worse, and finally about a month ago, my mentality shifted and I knew I had to come off. At that point I decided I was going to taper, because the thought of going cold turkey terrifies me. I've had some very limited success with the taper, mostly within the past few days, and am down to about 30mg a day, but it is a huge, anguishing struggle.
I have constant cravings and experience physical withdrawals if I go more than 4-6 hours between doses. I have yet to experience full blown withdrawals, because I have never gone more than a day without a pill for the last 5 years. However, I'm terrified because I know that once I do actually come off completely, they will be so much worse, and I feel like what I'm experiencing now is pretty close to unbearable. My head feels foggy, I get anxiety, insomnia, restless legs, hot flashes, chills, and creepy crawly skin (which is the one I find most difficult to tolerate).
All of this, and I'm only down 15mg from what I was taking, I have no idea how I'm going to tolerate this every day for the coming weeks and then how I will feel when I finally do come off completely. I am so scared, but I know I have to do this.
Probably the most difficult aspect about all of this is the massive self-loathing I feel right now. I have a long history of trauma, anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues that I have struggled with since childhood, so most of the emotional issues came way before the addiction, but the addiction is definitely bringing all of these issues out full force, and has been for quite awhile. I've been in therapy on and off throughout my life and could really use it now, however, because of my financial situation I can't afford health insurance so I feel like my options for getting professional help are extremely limited. The only people who know about this are my boyfriend and my two best friends, who are amazingly supportive. However, for the most part, this has been my dark and dirty secret for years, which is why I am reaching out for support on this forum.
I know that no one can give medical advice on this forum, but just in general, has anyone had success tapering off of opiates? Again, not looking for doses or specifics, just whether or not it is possible. In terms of the withdrawals, am I just prolonging the agony with the taper? I'm just really struggling, because I at least feel that I am mentally prepared for tapering off, but not stopping cold turkey. Also, is this massive self-loathing I'm feeling part of the process for people? I'm just having a lot of guilty feelings about being in this situation to begin with, and constantly feeling disappointed in myself when I can't stick to the taper exactly as I would like.
I would really appreciate any feedback, encouragement, or support that anyone who has experienced this may have to offer. My boyfriend and my 2 friends are supporting me as best they can, but I still feel so scared and alone. Again, this has been a secret for the better part of 5 years, and it took me hours just to get up the courage to post here, so I would feel very grateful towards anyone who could lend some compassion or support as I make my way through this process.
I'm new here, just joined this forum today hoping to find a source of support as I try to taper off of oxycodone. It rules my life and I want to stop. I've been addicted to opiates since about 2009. I had a prescription for Vicodin 5/500 4x/day from 2009-2013, initially I took it as prescribed, but after a couple of years my use escalated to about double the prescribed dose. When I would run out early, I'd buy 5mg percocets to fill in the gaps between my prescriptions. A year ago, when I called my doctor's office for a refill, the office staff told me my doctor had left a message to tell me to "taper off or go to a pain clinic" and gave me a final script for one more month. I should have made an appointment to talk with my doctor about what was going on, but I was too embarrassed and didn't want it to go on file in my medical records that I was an addict. At that point I just started buying the percocet "full time", and my use escalated more than ever. At my worst I was taking about 45mg per day of oxycodone.
I've been aware of my addiction for years and experiencing massive amounts of guilt and shame about it all the while, but kept telling myself that I "wasn't ready to come off yet." The guilt and shame continued to increase, the financial issues caused by the addiction got worse and worse, and finally about a month ago, my mentality shifted and I knew I had to come off. At that point I decided I was going to taper, because the thought of going cold turkey terrifies me. I've had some very limited success with the taper, mostly within the past few days, and am down to about 30mg a day, but it is a huge, anguishing struggle.
I have constant cravings and experience physical withdrawals if I go more than 4-6 hours between doses. I have yet to experience full blown withdrawals, because I have never gone more than a day without a pill for the last 5 years. However, I'm terrified because I know that once I do actually come off completely, they will be so much worse, and I feel like what I'm experiencing now is pretty close to unbearable. My head feels foggy, I get anxiety, insomnia, restless legs, hot flashes, chills, and creepy crawly skin (which is the one I find most difficult to tolerate).
All of this, and I'm only down 15mg from what I was taking, I have no idea how I'm going to tolerate this every day for the coming weeks and then how I will feel when I finally do come off completely. I am so scared, but I know I have to do this.
Probably the most difficult aspect about all of this is the massive self-loathing I feel right now. I have a long history of trauma, anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues that I have struggled with since childhood, so most of the emotional issues came way before the addiction, but the addiction is definitely bringing all of these issues out full force, and has been for quite awhile. I've been in therapy on and off throughout my life and could really use it now, however, because of my financial situation I can't afford health insurance so I feel like my options for getting professional help are extremely limited. The only people who know about this are my boyfriend and my two best friends, who are amazingly supportive. However, for the most part, this has been my dark and dirty secret for years, which is why I am reaching out for support on this forum.
I know that no one can give medical advice on this forum, but just in general, has anyone had success tapering off of opiates? Again, not looking for doses or specifics, just whether or not it is possible. In terms of the withdrawals, am I just prolonging the agony with the taper? I'm just really struggling, because I at least feel that I am mentally prepared for tapering off, but not stopping cold turkey. Also, is this massive self-loathing I'm feeling part of the process for people? I'm just having a lot of guilty feelings about being in this situation to begin with, and constantly feeling disappointed in myself when I can't stick to the taper exactly as I would like.
I would really appreciate any feedback, encouragement, or support that anyone who has experienced this may have to offer. My boyfriend and my 2 friends are supporting me as best they can, but I still feel so scared and alone. Again, this has been a secret for the better part of 5 years, and it took me hours just to get up the courage to post here, so I would feel very grateful towards anyone who could lend some compassion or support as I make my way through this process.
Wow, thank you all so much, this is all really good information. I was so scared about whether or not I should join a forum, but I can tell already that it was a very good decision. It's actually very energizing to see how authentic and supportive these responses are. This is all new to me, in 5 years I've only talked to 3 people about this, and only very recently. I'm going to spend some time processing all of this information and make a decision within the week regarding which route I am going to take in order to come off. One thing I am sure of though is that I WILL come off, one way or another. Thank you all so much for your support and I'll post an update within the next few days. :)
Being informed, and taking the great advice already giving here is going to make all the difference.
With the help of this group, I have successfully detoxed cold turkey. First off 150mg fentynal patches, into week 12 now, and 9 days off vicodine which I got down to 5/325's and stopped.
You can do this too. Please be gentle with yourself in this process.
What helped me tremulously was knowing what to expect while filled with fear reading the stories.
So I needed to stop reading them and take the advice giving as to how I was going to get thru this, knowing it was physically and emotionally going to be a tough time for awhile.
I would like to say I feel perfectly fine now, but I'm very early into my recovery, and remind myself everyday of that.
But a feel a hell of a lot better than I did in the first days into it. I found tapering to be extremely tough because every drop just brought another round of withdrawal symptoms on.
For me I had to just stop. And I just needed to know that one does not die from coming off of opiates, that was a huge fear as I having had little medical support when I decided to get off them.
Again, just prepare yourself, ask questions, report to people here your symptoms and doses, and you'll be free of this.
It may not be pleasant, but I know exactly where you're at. The shame, the quilt, the remorse, it serves you no purpose. Let that stuff go.
We've all been there. What's important is that you feel safe, have a plan, make some self time and space. And start your journey however you need to do this.
We're all here for you. Please keep us informed if you feel comfortable doing so.
You don't have to do this alone !
With the help of this group, I have successfully detoxed cold turkey. First off 150mg fentynal patches, into week 12 now, and 9 days off vicodine which I got down to 5/325's and stopped.
You can do this too. Please be gentle with yourself in this process.
What helped me tremulously was knowing what to expect while filled with fear reading the stories.
So I needed to stop reading them and take the advice giving as to how I was going to get thru this, knowing it was physically and emotionally going to be a tough time for awhile.
I would like to say I feel perfectly fine now, but I'm very early into my recovery, and remind myself everyday of that.
But a feel a hell of a lot better than I did in the first days into it. I found tapering to be extremely tough because every drop just brought another round of withdrawal symptoms on.
For me I had to just stop. And I just needed to know that one does not die from coming off of opiates, that was a huge fear as I having had little medical support when I decided to get off them.
Again, just prepare yourself, ask questions, report to people here your symptoms and doses, and you'll be free of this.
It may not be pleasant, but I know exactly where you're at. The shame, the quilt, the remorse, it serves you no purpose. Let that stuff go.
We've all been there. What's important is that you feel safe, have a plan, make some self time and space. And start your journey however you need to do this.
We're all here for you. Please keep us informed if you feel comfortable doing so.
You don't have to do this alone !
sorry, didn't see your post until after i posted.
i would have to agree with the cold turkey approach as many of us cannot do it any other way. but, until you get aftercare, therapy, etc in place, tapering may be the best option for now.
do not hesitate on aftercare. get it set up right away. start attending meetings and get to a therapist to work on what got you here to begin with.
you will read horror stories on here, but they are from people on much harder drugs or larger amounts. everyone is different and we all experience different degrees of withdrawals. don't let fear keep you from sobriety.
i would have to agree with the cold turkey approach as many of us cannot do it any other way. but, until you get aftercare, therapy, etc in place, tapering may be the best option for now.
do not hesitate on aftercare. get it set up right away. start attending meetings and get to a therapist to work on what got you here to begin with.
you will read horror stories on here, but they are from people on much harder drugs or larger amounts. everyone is different and we all experience different degrees of withdrawals. don't let fear keep you from sobriety.
CUT ALL YOUR SOURCES. this is a must.
have someone hold your meds and only give you what you need at the time it is due according to the taper plan you set up.
you will have to warn them not to give in to your begging for more. make them sign a paper and you sign too that they will not give in no matter what.
if you do not cut your sources you will fail. change your number if you have to. block or delete all your contacts. you will be too vulnerable and even if it is a family member that supplies you, you will have to distance yourself until you are better
have someone hold your meds and only give you what you need at the time it is due according to the taper plan you set up.
you will have to warn them not to give in to your begging for more. make them sign a paper and you sign too that they will not give in no matter what.
if you do not cut your sources you will fail. change your number if you have to. block or delete all your contacts. you will be too vulnerable and even if it is a family member that supplies you, you will have to distance yourself until you are better
Hi, Ariel. After you read these, go back and read the FIRST posts of the opiate addicts on here that are detoxing: it's the exact same story as yours. Every feeling, everything. Just the amt may be different. You are so so not alone. Hell, why do you think there is this forum?:)!
Tapering hasn't really worked for most of us but the good news is is that peeps have detoxed off on a lot more than you. A lot more. Honestly, you are gonna have ct symptoms anyway, why not just do ct? Get it over with. We all have wanted to avoid it, but no getting around it. We need aftercare, too as stopped pills is just the first big step.
Also, to be serious, you have to cut all your sources: cut your dealer, any doctors, pharmacies, etc. Can't have access to em.
Keep posting regardless.
Tapering hasn't really worked for most of us but the good news is is that peeps have detoxed off on a lot more than you. A lot more. Honestly, you are gonna have ct symptoms anyway, why not just do ct? Get it over with. We all have wanted to avoid it, but no getting around it. We need aftercare, too as stopped pills is just the first big step.
Also, to be serious, you have to cut all your sources: cut your dealer, any doctors, pharmacies, etc. Can't have access to em.
Keep posting regardless.
manufacturers recommend only a 10% drop at a time. allow your body to get used to that amount and then do it again until you are done.
a lot of this is mental. your fears are way worse than the detox will be for sure. will it be uncomfortable? yes, but you have to be aware that your brain will trick you into using. it will give you pain in places that you never had pain, it will try and justify using 'just one', do not listen to all that.
the fact that you say you are experiencing withdrawal so soon after taking last dose, tells me a lot of it is mental for you.
you mentioned issues that got you using and kept you using. you have to address those with a therapist. an addiction therapist or cognitive behavioral therapist will really help you.
the physical withdrawals don't last long and can be helped with otc aides.
the mental part will last much longer and you really need help with that. the lack of energy, depression, etc can be horrible.
you are on a relatively small dose, compared to others so you can do this.
start preparing yourself by setting up therapy, aftercare whether that be NA or AA meetings. try to go everyday, if possible after you get through acute withdrawal.
a lot of this is mental. your fears are way worse than the detox will be for sure. will it be uncomfortable? yes, but you have to be aware that your brain will trick you into using. it will give you pain in places that you never had pain, it will try and justify using 'just one', do not listen to all that.
the fact that you say you are experiencing withdrawal so soon after taking last dose, tells me a lot of it is mental for you.
you mentioned issues that got you using and kept you using. you have to address those with a therapist. an addiction therapist or cognitive behavioral therapist will really help you.
the physical withdrawals don't last long and can be helped with otc aides.
the mental part will last much longer and you really need help with that. the lack of energy, depression, etc can be horrible.
you are on a relatively small dose, compared to others so you can do this.
start preparing yourself by setting up therapy, aftercare whether that be NA or AA meetings. try to go everyday, if possible after you get through acute withdrawal.
Hi Ariel and welcome
You are experiencing bad withdrawal symptoms because you dropped too much too fast. For a taper to work you have to drop small amounts, stay on that dosage for several days until your body feels comfortable and then decrease a little more. If your boyfriend or friends could hold the pills and only give you the amount that you have agreed for your taper, it can work.
Tapering is easier on the body but takes a lot longer than cold turkey.
Let us know what you decide and we can help you through.
Hugs
You are experiencing bad withdrawal symptoms because you dropped too much too fast. For a taper to work you have to drop small amounts, stay on that dosage for several days until your body feels comfortable and then decrease a little more. If your boyfriend or friends could hold the pills and only give you the amount that you have agreed for your taper, it can work.
Tapering is easier on the body but takes a lot longer than cold turkey.
Let us know what you decide and we can help you through.
Hugs
Oh yes, in the search bar put in Thomas Recipe....lots more suggestions there :-)
Okay here goes...this is going to be a little long but I'm going to address some of your concerns. First off, very few of us have success tapering off of opiates...quite frankly because we are addicts and if the pills are there we rarely are able to resist them. Those who do succeed are the ones who have a loved one who will hold the pills and will only give you what is set up for that day and who can lock them up where you can't get them. That's something that you will have to determine for yourself
No matter which way you go at some point you will have some symptoms even with tapering. Here are some that you mentioned along with solutions. Nothing cures symptoms..we can only try to make them tolerable:
1. Foggy Head...well this one takes the longest to go away because the opiates have really done a number on our brain...I still have foggy head days even after 65 days. Some people have foggy brain for months...some for just a few days. Just something you have to work with.
2. Anxiety...you could take valium if you have some prescribed but only short-term otherwise you wind up addicted to something else. Otherwise you can go to your GNC Store and see what they have that they recommend for anxiety...valerian root is one thing.
3. RLS...besides insomnia the restless leg thing is THE worst. Some people get Hyland's Restless Leg Tablets (with quinine in ingredients)...that did not work for me. The other is to get tonic water with quinine (Schweppe's has it), sip on the tonic water all the way up to bed time, take a hot bath with epsom salts (which helps get rid of toxins in the body) then rub ben gay or tiger balm into your legs, use orthopedic stockings on your lower legs...they need to be good and tight. For your arms and upper legs you can use the orthopedic wrap they sell for ankle swelling etc. Ace Bandages. Once your legs are set up crawl into bed, listen to some soft music, relaxation tapes, make sure your room is cool and dark. You will get some rest this way...I don't know if this solutions has ever worked for 8 hours for anyone but it does help for several hours.
4. Hot Flashes, Chills and Creepy Crawlies....all that has to do with the body changes going on, the toxins seeping out through your skin and the RLS. Once we go through the vitamins and such that you should take it should help.
You also have to be careful about dehydration which causes some of those same symptoms. Drink lots of gatorade, life water with electrolytes, regular water and you need to try to eat...protein shakes if you can manage it.
Some vitamins that will help....a really good multi-vitamin, Super B Complex, Cal/Mag/Zinc 3in1 vitamin, L-Lysine and also for after the worst of the insomnia and RLS is done...B-12 in injection form or go sublingual if you have no other choice. Get most of these vitamins at Walmart...it will save you at least 50% of the cost of other drug stores.
That's it for now. When you decide for sure which way you are going to get off the opiates be sure and post...let us know the specific amount you are taking at the time you quit (or taper) and then just keep in touch with us a lot and let us know how you are feeling. We will help whenever we can to make things more comfortable for you.
You found your way here which is a sign to me that you are ready to get off the hellish ride called opiate addiction. I hope you come back~
No matter which way you go at some point you will have some symptoms even with tapering. Here are some that you mentioned along with solutions. Nothing cures symptoms..we can only try to make them tolerable:
1. Foggy Head...well this one takes the longest to go away because the opiates have really done a number on our brain...I still have foggy head days even after 65 days. Some people have foggy brain for months...some for just a few days. Just something you have to work with.
2. Anxiety...you could take valium if you have some prescribed but only short-term otherwise you wind up addicted to something else. Otherwise you can go to your GNC Store and see what they have that they recommend for anxiety...valerian root is one thing.
3. RLS...besides insomnia the restless leg thing is THE worst. Some people get Hyland's Restless Leg Tablets (with quinine in ingredients)...that did not work for me. The other is to get tonic water with quinine (Schweppe's has it), sip on the tonic water all the way up to bed time, take a hot bath with epsom salts (which helps get rid of toxins in the body) then rub ben gay or tiger balm into your legs, use orthopedic stockings on your lower legs...they need to be good and tight. For your arms and upper legs you can use the orthopedic wrap they sell for ankle swelling etc. Ace Bandages. Once your legs are set up crawl into bed, listen to some soft music, relaxation tapes, make sure your room is cool and dark. You will get some rest this way...I don't know if this solutions has ever worked for 8 hours for anyone but it does help for several hours.
4. Hot Flashes, Chills and Creepy Crawlies....all that has to do with the body changes going on, the toxins seeping out through your skin and the RLS. Once we go through the vitamins and such that you should take it should help.
You also have to be careful about dehydration which causes some of those same symptoms. Drink lots of gatorade, life water with electrolytes, regular water and you need to try to eat...protein shakes if you can manage it.
Some vitamins that will help....a really good multi-vitamin, Super B Complex, Cal/Mag/Zinc 3in1 vitamin, L-Lysine and also for after the worst of the insomnia and RLS is done...B-12 in injection form or go sublingual if you have no other choice. Get most of these vitamins at Walmart...it will save you at least 50% of the cost of other drug stores.
That's it for now. When you decide for sure which way you are going to get off the opiates be sure and post...let us know the specific amount you are taking at the time you quit (or taper) and then just keep in touch with us a lot and let us know how you are feeling. We will help whenever we can to make things more comfortable for you.
You found your way here which is a sign to me that you are ready to get off the hellish ride called opiate addiction. I hope you come back~
Thank you so much for the quick reply! And yes, I am deadly serious about getting off of these pills. What I need most is support and encouragement, and any advice about easing withdrawals. Thank you!!!!!!
Hi and Welcome
We can't give specific tapering advice but we sure can help with other things...like ways to minimize the symptoms, offering support when needed, offering advice when needed, etc. Are you deadly serious about getting off of the opiates? If you are we will all certainly be happy to help you with many of the issues that have stopped you from succeeding in the past.
We can't give specific tapering advice but we sure can help with other things...like ways to minimize the symptoms, offering support when needed, offering advice when needed, etc. Are you deadly serious about getting off of the opiates? If you are we will all certainly be happy to help you with many of the issues that have stopped you from succeeding in the past.
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