Scared to Death of Stopping Opiates But Gotta for my babies

I have chronic pain, but not as much as my chronic drug use, I think it started with percocet last year, Before that, I would never even take anything except tramadol for my pain, I was in an abusive relationship, I got knocked out and that is when it started, percs all day everyday for about 4 months, when I was tired of chasing those, I started the tramadol and the ms contin, which is some pretty ****** stuff but when you think about it, its hard to get it, I would steal from people to get it, anything....I was so tired last week I wanted to check into detox, I didn't have the 400 dollar co pay so they sent me on my way, I got on the suboxone website, and I found a dr who says he will see me monday but I am so scared that he is not gonna help me! I rather just deal with pain VS chasing another high...I am scared of withdrawl (withdrawal), I experienced it for the first time a year ago, it was awful but I didn't realize how hard it was gonna be to get off this stuff. I have a 2 and 3 year old at home and I can't withdrawl (withdrawal) forever and ever...I know I gotta kinda be withdrawling when I start suboxone, but I am waiting for the day I can be FREE of this habit. It used to be FOOD, I had gastrict bypass, I am so consumed with pills now that I dont even eat, when I can't get high I turn back bottles of wine. I am on lexapro but it really hasn't help my depression I guess? Because I want to get high and be happy, its so sad that I am going through this, I am still in the abusive relationship, its not physical, he is just real controlling, that is part of my high escape! I know one thing, I need a new hobby!

[toothfairie]

Hi and welcome to the forum!!  so sorry you are dealing with all these issues!  i don't have any experience with subs but i've heard they are MORE difficult to come off of....i don't really know.....just wanted to lend my support to you and if you keep watching for posts, someone will come along soon with more info for you on the sub thing.....just take one hour, one minute at a time....and you can do this....do it for you AND your children.....they deserve a healthy mom!  and you deserve a great life!  as for the abuse, do you have anywhere you can go?  even with mental abuse it can be as bad as physical....hang tough and wait for others to post.....it's kind of slow right now cuz of holidays....just know we will help you as much as we can!  this site is awesome!!  

[Free2agoodhome]

Welcome,,,,,,

You're in the right place...a lot of really cool gals in here with similar experience will "be friend " you....

Life is so precious so fragile..i sure don't want to waste a minute of it anymore chasing a feeling,,,,,

you're at the end of the road.......heck the meds arent even working anymore....time to  quit

get off the bench,,,,put on your glove  and get in the game....

rooting for ya  

Free~

[YesLife4Me]

Hiya!    Life is no fun anymore when we become slaves to drugs.   Glad you are now wanting to take your life back!    Sounds to me like you are ready to be done.  Good job!!    

I have no experience either with subs, so hopefully the right person can come along and throw you some good advice.    First let's just get you through the physical withdraws and then you can start to tackle the other things on your list.   Glad you are here and ask if you have any questions or just need support!    

[Teresa1717]

Hi and welcome, You are making the right choice in wanting to stop using but IMO I think the fact that you only started Percs a year ago and from what I can tell, you never abused drugs before, I think you going on subs may not be the right decision for you! Subs are a MUCH stronger opiate and if you are going to use them properly you have to slowly taper down from them. Subs are usually good for people who are chronic relapsers who have tried other ways of quiting but without success. IMO I just think for you to jump straight to that is trying to kill a fly with a bazooka!

Either way, you making the decision to stop is a wondeful choice! Stay close to this forum, Many people here who can give advice and support.

[Gtowngirl]

Hi there! You sound very sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know how that feels. I'm about 18 days away from giving birth to my 2nd child and I know for me I was very scared of the withdrawls. But I made the desision and on day 2 I was ready to give up and I did the same thing looking into suboxin. Finding out I could lose the baby going through w/d's the doc. Put me on Methdone saying it was the best choice for the baby. So I'm here to say...I totally don't think you should start subs. Or methadone for your pill withdrawls. I have created a monster in starting this med. And will have to face it after the baby comes. If I could turn back time before I got prego. I would have gone through the w/d's and in a week or two be done with it and then deal with the emotional part of it. It sounds to me u have been running away from one thing to the next and its time to get down to the root of it all. If I were u I would get off the pills go cold turkey and get to some therapy and meetings. But as an addict I understand if u have made up your mind about the subs. At least do a lot of research on them and understand what your getting into before Monday. At my clinic where they do both subs./methadone you have to jump through a lot of hoops to keep in good with the doc. And nurse. I have randome drug testing and a lot of counceling and pay a good bit of money every week to keep getting my meds. And the subs are like 300$ more a month than what I pay for my med. So if your going to start this know that u have to quit all other drugs so u can pass your UA's and your closley monitered so u can't fool with the test and you have to go to the counceler witch does help me, but just so u know they get very personal and will want to know about your abusive relationship and past info witch led u to now. And u have to pay the money on time in order to keep getting your med, and if u think the withdrawals were bad a year ago just wait for the withdrawls off the subs... they are much stronger opiate and a ***** to get off of. All your doing by starding the subs is prolonging the withdrawls till later. Its true the doc. Will help u taper down off them but u still feel sick going through a taper as you would just going through them now. But what ever u decide I and the wounderful people who have posted and more will come will be here to support you and love u through this. No matter what u decide I will be here for you and help you in any way I can. As u said you have to do this for your babies and will be a better mother for it. Your a strong woman and a fighter and u can get through this...I'm gtowngirl and if u have any questions or if u need support I'm here for you just like these other beautiful people that have posted to you. You are welcome to go to my profile and leave a message or note anytime...keep your chin up and I figure u still have some meds left to keep u untill Monday and remember everytime before you pop one in your mouth that there are others ways to feel happy again without the pills and just reach out to us and we will support u. Your doing this for your babies, getting clean is the best thing for all of you. Like toothfairy said, one min. One hour at a time...good luck and research a lot about what your jumping into. I still don't think subs. Is the right choice, but were here no matter what u choose...gtowngirl...