Scared to death..please please some support and suggestions

I am currently in crisis. I have come to the conclusion (again) that these pills (oxycodone) have taken over my life.
I've been so preoccupied by these pills that I really feel it's made my chonic pain and other health conditions worse.
I do also have a sleep disorder and have for years where I walk, talk eat, move things around etc...now however I believe I ingested some of my pills or did something else with them and I can't figure it out. It scares the hell out of me that I could overdose myself in the night.  
So now I had the choice of continuing my ever increasing dose of this. I have run out early and I know I have passed over the line from just dependant to addicted.  
My dilemma now is this:
I am currently taking at least 20-25 oxy pills per day (10mgs each) so at least 200mg per day. My doctor said I'd be find if I just come off cold turkey. Then I spoke with a public nurse who looked terrified when I said I was going to just stop.  

So I talked to a couple of pharmacists and they said the same thing...that I would be hospitalized if I do this.  Well the time is coming down now. I will be out of meds tomorrow.  I see the pain clinic tomorrow and am advising them that I want to do this. They were not the prescribers of the oxy (they didn't like that I was on it) but had prescribed me nabilone or cessamet which I think I should probably go off of as well. I just need to know that I won't DIE coming off cold turkey.

I have come off once before and it was difficult but I lived but my amount per day was wayyy less so I'm worried.
I have my mother coming to stay and help me with my daughter.  
Have many of you come off cold turkey at high doses? Physically I know I will also be dealing with my chronic pain and physical wd's.  I know about after care and am doing it a couple diff ways. Both counselling and meetings whenever possible.  My mom keeps telling me I can do this but why did I let it get this far before stopping???:
I'm so disappointed in myself.
I can't seem to stop trying and just want to know it'll be okay in the long run without these stupid pills!!!
thanks so much for listening. i appreciate it so much

[Eebb26]

I feel like I cld of written this. I'm sitting up right now in a mini panic attack and cant breathe. I'm sure u won't die off the WD but might feel awful . They have Mesa to help with WD but then I hear those can be addicting as well. Talk to the dr and see about tapering down if possible b4 u go CT. I wish us both luck and sleep

[Deedee2000]

thanks for your reply. while of course I don't wish this upon anyone but...it really does help knowing i'm not alone.

[Deedee2000]

good liuck to you too.  I wish us sleep too :)

[dominosarah]

Talk with the pain clinic tomorrow and see what they say.  We cant tell you what to do here as we dont know all of your medical history.  The goal is to get off the meds safely and live a clean and healthy life.  You will get there so try and be patient as this is a slow process.  Stay positive in your thinking as that will help you a ton..........sara

[Eebb26]

At least u have an appt tomorrow. That's good hopefully they can get you on the right track

[usarmymedic1]

colidine well help alot with the W/D so and it should be tappered at a rate 0.1mg ever 2 to 3 days

[Deedee2000]

thank you so very much for your replies. it feels terrifying and alone. I have awful visions of wd's and how I'll be with people. I thank god for my mom and knowing that she's helping me fight helps but right now just scared. Yes glad for the appt tomorrow. I'm just going to be honest and see what he says.  
I know there's people on here who came off more than 250mgs of oxy and had severe wds but survived . Here's hoping.
thanks again.

[skyes15]

Hi how are you going, hope you have good support at home.Take one day at a time thats all you cando, you will get there, take care skye

[Eebb26]

How did te dr appt go?

[gnarly_1]

HI  coming off 200mg dosent sound like fun but we have had members do it.....get checked out by your doctor to make sure you body is up to the abuse if your physically healthy detox may make you wish you where dead but it wont kill you ....its great your mom will be there go to the lower right of the screen and read up on the thomas recipe and pick up the stuff it will help make things a little less miserable....try not to let fear into the equation its always worst in our minds then it turns out to be.....go into this with a positive attitude it will get you farther then any thing else....a hot soak releaves most of the symptoms ....keep reading on the forum and learn as much as you can and post often where here to help the next few days will su ck but in about a week you wont be chained to a pill bottle good luck and God bless.......Gnarly