School-related adderall(adderrall) addiction

[cav1387]

Hi everyone.  I'm a sophomore in college, and feel like I've developed an addiction to adderall (adderrall), and would appreciate advice from anyone who has conquered their addiction.  I started taking adderall (adderrall) my second semester of senior year (senior slump) to motivate myself to do assignments that I had no desire to do since I knew where I was going to college.  Upon taking it I enjoyed it immensely, because it gave me more confidence and happiness than I had felt in years it seemed. It also obviously, made school work a lot more interesting to do. In high school, I would spend much longer on assignments than nearly all my classmates (usually at least twice as much), and it wore on me.  I "willed myself" to get good grades through all of middle school and high school, but once I took adderall (adderrall) I realized I didn't have to feel that way when I did my work.  So during my freshman year at UVA, I started taking adderall (adderrall) right around my first set of midterm exams. I was worried about becoming dependent upon it tried to limit my use to just studying for exams.  However, I then started taking adderall (adderrall) to get through smaller assignments and readings.  Soon the "competitive edge" that I gained from studying on adderall (adderrall) seemed to disapper, and I started to rely on it just to do my work.  I had a 3.7 in high school, but finished up my freshman year with a little under a 3.3.
          However, here's the twist.  Over the summer, I convinced my parents to get me tested for ADHD.  Though I used adderall (adderrall) way too much my freshman year, I also did do a lot of work without it, and still took longer to complete those assignments relative to others it seemed.  Also the assignments were longer and harder in college, making the academic mountain I had to climb all the more daunting.  I wondered a lot whether I had ADHD or not, but always thought deep down that I didn't. My parents not knowing that I had been using adderall (adderrall) my freshman year, agreed to get me tested. The results came back and stated that I had "off the charts" ADHD.  This surprised me, and also left me feeling conflicted.
I had become dependent upon adderall (adderrall) for studying, but now I was prescribed it for justifiable reasons.  At the same time though, I got into a top-tier university without adderall (adderrall), and have always envisioned myself in the future breaking off this addiction.
             Today I am prescribed 40 mg of adderall (adderrall) a day.  The "speed-like" effects I got from taking adderall (adderrall) have dulled substantially (due to tolerance), but my dependency on adderall (adderrall) is still as strong as ever.  This semester I was really hoping to change the way I did things at school, but I failed.  I pulled a lot of all-nighters on adderall (adderrall), and always felt pressed for time.  And I hardly ever sat down to start my homework without one or two blue pills in my pocket.  My grades were at the same level of mediocrity as they were last year, and I really am hoping I can pull them up this semester, but I just don't know if I have the confidence to do it anymore.  
            So I guess what I'm asking is if any of you who've overcame your adderall (adderrall) addiction or dependency have any advice for me.  Thanks a lot, I really do appreciate any help anyone can give me.

[Greatgreebo]

My son is on adderall (adderrall)-he is autistic also.
I am at work and can not chat right now. If you will be around this weekend I can write you quite a bit more.
You are addicted to the adderall (adderrall) and probably do not need it for your 'ADHD' . More than likely your addiction has side effects that mimic ADHD-trust me on this one.
Your grades our suffering and so is your ability to function normally. These are signs to get off the pills right now, before much worse happens. Your track record proves you can do it without the pills. Your addiction has had such a negative affect on you that you now can get classified as ADHD...this is a bad thing. You need to want to quit. You also need to NOT use ADHD as a crutch or an excuse.You know deep down that you do not need the pills for any legitimate purpose. You addiction will try to convince you otherwise.
Hope to see you on the forum this weekend. I'll be around all day saturday and sunday.
Post again or PM me. I would like to help you
Stay strong and don't use.
Greatgreebo

[Greatgreebo]

I'll try to get on the forum later tonight also. Hope to hear back from you
Greebs

[cav1387]

Thanks for the reply. Sorry I didn't reply sooner, I wasn't paying attention to the forum because I was working on a business school application (on adderall (adderrall)). I will definitely try to be on the forum this weekend at some point though.  The only problems are that I have to hang out with my (coincidentally) autistic friend and "Best Buddy" on Saturday, and drive back to school on Sunday.  But I should be able to free up some time.  I'm usually up late also, but that's just because I'm on a college time schedule.

I appreciate your comments too, especially that one you made  about how adderall (adderrall)'s side effects create ADHD like symptoms is something that I've thought about before but never been able to really articulate.  There are a few other related things I'd be interested in asking you about as well.  But thanks again and good night!

[cav1387]

I just wanted to bump this back up to see if any other people have encountered any dependency on adderall (adderrall) at all in their life and how they fought to overcome it.  Any advice for me would be greatly appreciated.

[Greatgreebo]

Greetings. Hope you are still online. So-my kid is 9 years old. BELIEVE me, if you were ADHD you would have figured that one out a long time ago. Your current diagnosis is based on lies and deceipt and your addiction will attempt to make you believe you need the medication because of the bogus diagnosis. Adderall (adderrall) is speed. That's why these drugs are so heavily regulated. Speed messes with your brain chemistry. You won't feel 'normal' (whatever your goofed up definition of that is) unless you have it. I don't think you can become 'dependent' on adderall (adderrall) (That is the physical aspect of it) but rather you are 'addicted' to adderall (adderrall). This is the mental part of it. Addicts convince themselves they can't function without the drug.
You need to do some soul searching. You are frying your brain and though you are smart now, this drug will wear on your sharpness until you have as sharp of an edge as a marble.
You need to quit. You will mentally feel like s**t...that is part of coming off the drug. You need to get your brain chemistry back into wack without having drugs in your system. This is the only way. You CHOOSE to take the pills. You need to CHOOSE to NOT take the pills. Trust me, I know how tough school can be. I have 2 Bachelor of Science degrees (Biology and Physical Anthropology...read as: lots of looking at bones) and a M.S in Biology on top of that.
I flunked out of high school not because I was stupid but because I decided partying was more important than going to school. I then decided to STOP the partying and get on the right track and get myself into college. It was a choice I made-I didn't want to cook my brain.
The point is this: nobody can make you quit, but you.
Get some books. Do some reading on addiction. Do some soul searching. Come clean with mom and dad. Get honest about your problem.
I don't want to sound harsh, but you are playing with fire my friend and you are f**king up your life. You have a chance to change courses...will you do it? You can get help here. Trust me. I will help all I can with your questions but you have to want to quit. I can't help you with that.
Let me know and take care,
Greatgreebo