Seeking help with benzos

[desperado57]

I am rather new to the site.  I kept messing up where to post, and just recently found the community forum rather than the Med Expert forum.  Anyway, I am so totally dependent upon benzos that it's scary.  I've been taking Zoloft since 1995, and along the way, benzos were added, and my psychiatrist currently prescribes .5mg Klonopin at five per day.  I realize that that's a lot of the drug, and that's part of what terrorizes me so much, and frankly, makes me so disgusted with myself.   Every time I refill the prescription, I promise myself, I beg myself, to use the pills as prescribed and to MAKE THE SCRIPT LAST.  It never happens.  I always, always run short.  The pills don't provide the anxiety relief that I know a non-addict would achieve.  I consider myself a strong person, but I always cave in to my anxiety and take more than the five per day. I have been an anxious person since my early teens and used to get panic attacks daily.  I've read every self-help book out there.... Dr. Claire Weekes, Dr. Abraham Lowe - Mental Health Through Will Training, etc.,  I used to attend group meetings with an old friend in an attempt to get a grip on the anxiety.  I'm at a point in my life now where hormonal upheaval is affecting my equanimity, and I honestly don't want to give up the benzos; I don't see the day where I would not need them, and my psychiatrist agrees. He doesn't push for a tapering off, etc. When I tell you I get anxious, I get ANXIOUS.  It's like a wave that engulfs me, and the physical symptoms - palpitations, vomiting because of a nervous stomach, take over, and I'm totally non-functional.  What I DID learn from the group meetings is that anxiety symptoms, while distressing, are not dangerous.  I KNOW this on an intellectual level, yet I give in and take more Klonopin to make it all go away.

So....my question is this:  Does anyone have any advice on how to get myself back on track and not abuse the Klonopin.  I know the most obvious answer (duh!) is to simply be strong enough to take one at a time, but that's where I need the help.  Any suggestions, advice, etc. is appreciated.  I have been thinking that if I halve each Klonopin, and take .25 mg. 10 (!) times per day, that would help.  What do you all think?  As my name implies, I am desperate, and any advice, anything, is appreciated.

P.S.  One of the reasons I've finally decided to post is because when I was out of Klonopin about two weeks ago (generally, a script lasts maybe two and a half to three weeks) - can't refill it until 10/4 - I convinced my family doctor to prescribe something for my "nerves" (she doesn't know about the Klonopin script), and she prescribed Xanax at .5mg, three times per day. I'm sticking to about four per day, but again, I find this so disgusting.  I obviously couldn't run the Xanax script through my insurance company and had to pay out of pocket.  It wasn't a lot of money, but the fact that I did what I did - what I felt I HAD to do (I was without any benzos for three days some time back, and it was not pretty) really scares me.

Thank you, and be well.

[abby10]

As suggested the benzo.org.uk (Ashton Manual) is where to go. Google  "benzodiazepine" and get to a benzo forum.

You're having interdose and tolerance withdrawals. Much of your anxiety is "rebound" anxitey from the benzos. Keep in mind that benzos are completely different than other drugs. You must come off slow and you can have a siezure like with alcohol. Rebabs and dietoxes won't properly taper you...it takes too long. Some people can withdrawal eaiser than others. Don't let a doctor make you come off too fast.

Benzos are the worst to get off of. I had two doctors as I kept needing more. Like you I blamed myself and didn't realize my insanity was because of the benzos.  I'm on year 3 of withdrawal symptoms now and have had several seizures. I tried to cold turkey and caused much more damage.  The law and pharmacies don't really care too much about benzos. They are very strict on the opiates. But they will only give you a warning if you try and fill too soon, regarding the benzos.

Your doses are getting 'up there' and you should find a VERY slow taper schedule. You can come off at your own pace and "hold" if necessary. Cross over to Klonopin or Valium and slowly taper off.

Don't listen to that "stay on benzos for life" ****. That's "big pharma" talking. They want you addicted for life. Benzos stop working and all you are doing is chasing the withdrawals. It's a terrible existence.

Good Luck,

abby

[mr.lucky66]

Desperado, it's does sound like you are an addict but a medical one. You have an addiction to pills (benzos) that a lazy or not caring doctor gave you but you haven't taken it to the level that many of us have ie, breaking the law, stealing , doing street drugs. I'm glad you kicked the ultram and hope you can do the same with the benzos which acually make your anxiety worse from the rebound anxiety. This could take time to ween but I've seen other benzo addicts do it this way and I'm sure you could. Sometimes it's harder to do it yourself without a good doctor or detox but it can be done. all the best

[desperado57]

I meant to add that because of physical conditions, my rheumatologist prescribes Vicodin, and just last week I had surgery for carpal tunnel syndrome and the surgeon prescribed Tylenol #3s.  I can't tell you that I don't enjoy the "chill out" sensation the Vicodin provides (I actually thought the T#3s were more effective at pain management, and frankly, as the addict I know I am, I truly enjoyed the sensations the #3s left me with), I do enjoy the feelings after swallowing a Vicodin (or two or three), but THANK GOD, I know that at this point I am NOT addicted to them.  I have decided that no matter how bad my back and knee pain gets, I will take nothing stronger than an Advil or Aleve.

If this can help anyone, please know this - before the Vicodin, my doctor had prescribed Tramadol, and after several months, I WAS dependent upon them.  I think because they affect serotonin levels somehow, they really made me feel GOOD; very, very GOOD. Not snowed as with a Vicodin.  I had a rough time when he switched me to Vicodin and I was without the Tramadol.  That's my simple point - to anyone using Tramadol, please be very, very careful with it.  Actually, I didn't even abuse the Tramadol.  Even using it  AS PRESCRIBED caused a problem.  I would warn anyone with a Tramadol prescription to be very, very careful with it.

[desperado57]

I was so heartened to see so many responses to my post.  It's a warm feeling knowing that there are people here who understand and are willing to help.  I don't recall who mentioned it, but I do try deep breathing from the diaphram when I feel the wave starting.  I've also looked into EBT - I'm not even sure I got the initials right, but I think it's Emotive Behavioral Therapy.  It's extremely involved, but the only thing I really picked up as useful is this - this sounds hilarious, but believe me, it does work - I tap my eyebrows with my middle and ring finger repeatedly.  I feel an almost instantaneous sense of calm.  I use it a lot when I have difficulty falling asleep, but frankly, when I'm out and the anxiety bubbles up, I tend to get so angry as to why in the he** the anxiety is starting when I don't FEEL anxious that I forget the tools that I've learned and simply reach for the "magic wand" - the pill bottle.

I want to thank whoever posted that "doctor shopping" is illegal!  I had NO idea.  I was stunned - I sat looking at the screen with my jaw dropped!  Rest assured that I will never do that again!  Once I can refill the Klonopin, the Xanax is going to get flushed.  But, and this is the thing..... I KNOW that I am addicted to benzos, but I don't want to NOT use them.  I just want to use them properly.  And yes, I do fall into a pit of self-loathing when I can't stick to the prescribed schedule.  I have tried a multitude of supplements to try to help between scheduled doses but not the one Thomas has suggested.  I intend to pick up the amino acid as soon as I can.  I guess when I refill the Klonopin in a few days I will simply have to go with the flow, bear the discomfort between doses, and hope for the best.

I can't thank you all enough for your input.  I intend to hang around for a long time!

Peace.

[SensibleInSarnia]

Come on, everyone ... you know that benzo dependence is a nasty bit of work. It'll take a long time, but cutting back on these nasty drugs might mean rehab.

Doesn't sound like a home-detox at this point. Try two days without, and you'll get it.

[GA Guy]

Someone merely posted that she seemed more dependent than addicted to the medications. They never said she shouldn't post or stay around here. Avisg is right, anyone is welcome to post here if they're having problems getting off a drug....addicted or dependent.

[Jimmy1975]

What GAGUY said to you is RIGHT on DO NOT mix those two benzos ! I have GAD and have a script for Klonopin 1mg and I take that only when needed and almost always break those in two . I am going to leave you a note from a post last night with a person with almost the same question . But in the mean time STOP taking the Xanax . We have great people here that are quite knowledgeable about drugs and that includes myself when it comes to anxiety problems . Best to you  Jimmy

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

You could possibly be making a very common mistake among us....... the answer isnt really being "strong" enough to use them as prescribed.  The answer is possibly that, like many of us, you have to realize that you are totally not strong enough to ever use them in the prescribed manner. You set yourself up for low self esteem and depression when you think the answer is simply being strong. Then when you fail at being strong you dump on yourself.  And that perpetuates a vicious cycle. There are better meds for your situation than the klonopin or the zanax.................    Do you try breathing exercises as soon as you sense the beginning of a panic attack?  

[avisg]

I dont see where anyone said she should not stick around maybe I am missing something

[avisg]

Check out this web site her name is DR heather Ashton she is VERY knowledgeable with benzos. She also has some wonderful tapering schedules to help.Many have used her plans .   http://www.benzo.org.uk/profash.htm

I highly doubt you are going to get picked up dr shopping BUT It can happen so use this as a very big eye opener .

Hang around we are here to help.

[GA Guy]

I have a few suggestions for you that I think may help. Number one, you have to stop taking the Xanax. A couple of reasons for this..one, it's addiction potential is tenfold that of klonopin because of it's shorter half-life. And secondly, you're engaging in Doctor Shopping for a scheduled drug. This is extremely dangerous. You can potentially do some jail time for doing this. So, stop now. You also need to come clean to the doctor prescribing you the Zoloft and Klonopin. Tell them it's not working and that you want to try another SSRI, get your anxiety under control, and taper off the Klonopin. Zoloft is a great drug, but there are potentially better, newer drugs out there that can control the anxiety better and allow you to taper off the Klonopin. Your Klonopin dose isn't terribly high, I'd say it's on the bottom end of moderate. It's also one of the best benzos to taper off of. But, you're not going to be able to do that until you get the anxiety under control somewhat. Then you can begin a safe taper. Going down .25mg a week or so should be good. But, I'll be honest, the most dangerous thing you're doing right now is the Doctor shopping and adding the Xanax. That's a road you do not want to go down. It's illegal, dangerous, and classic addictive behavior.

[mr.lucky66]

It doesn't sound like you are a typical addict that posts here but more of a regular person who got caught caught up in the medical system. I'm talking about docs who are lazy or don't care and just keep giving you addictive drugs for years. You dose isn't that high and you could taper off in a few months. A slow taper is usually recomended for benzos. Another thing is benzos (especially xanax) cause anxiety from the rebound. There are some non addictive meds you could take after you got off of benzos and it sounds like you could. Again , you don't sound like the addicts (like I was) that post here and I hope the best for you.