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Avatar universal

Seen the doctor and told him I was an addict!

I went into the doctor's and told him everything. I thought I would get an "I knew it" or "I thought so", but I did not.  He was completely supportive and helpful. This is a huge issue in our town. I spent an 1 1/2 hours talking with him and he actually asked me to help him out.  He also suggested that I go off work and on sick leave for a while.  I talked him into letting me work 1/2 days until I figure out all the money end of it.  It's ****** but I was the one who put myself and my family in this mess.  How could I possibly take more money from them to heal? It was really empowering and felt really good. Thanks to all of you who said it would be and thanks for helping me understand that I didn't ask for this.  It is very much like a bad break up.  Finally letting those around you know what you are going through and accepting help with it.  Getting rid of as many ways of getting drugs is a very hard step, but it's like slapping an ex across the face!!!!!!!!!!

I also wrote a good bye letter to my drug.  It's pretty long.  But you know what it's like a bad break up.  It's like staying with someone who you know isn't good for you but you do anyways.  I have a lot of practice in the area.....thanks again to everyone who suggested I do it.  It was very cleansing.  Sounds really crazy I know it does.  I wrote it and read it and re-read it.  Then I read it out loud.  That took many attempts but I got it done.  I did this alone.  My next step is to read it out loud to my friend, then I am going to burn it, and let it go as it burns.  Very, very hard to do.  Any further advice would be great!  I am open to anything.
Best Answer
Avatar universal
Bad days are going to happen.  Our minds will tell us it's easier to get high and numb everything that you feel but then you have to think of how far you've come and 1...just ONE evil pill will cause such a backwards spiral.  You don't need that!  You broke up with the devil!  You are stronger than it is.  Believe in yourself!  Hey...you know what I do on those bad days?  I run!  I take it out on the treadmill.  Run off that anger and stress and depression and you'll feel so much better!  Hang in there...
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Avatar universal
wow day 12.....very inspirational! i am on only about 1mg a day but still hard to stop all together. But i have severe hair loss but a clean bill of health from every doc so it has to be it. I am so inspired to quit and will try my hardest seeing how my hair was my pride and joy:( i was on subs for about 3 years and only since the last year has my hair started falling out! but i NEED to quit my lifes in order now and i've come a long way. Thanks for the inspiration!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi there,

I wasn't smart enough to go to the doctor's before I quit cold turkey.  I was clean 10 days before I seen him, so I was over the worst of the withdrawals and the doc did know what else he could do for me to help me out.  I am day 16 now and there are still some side affects like it's 5 in the morning and I can't sleep.  I am irritable and I still get some crazy awful headaches, and sneezing that won't stop.  But the worst is the emotional part.  I am just sad, and I don't know what to do with it.  

Thanks for your support, I really need it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Excellent progress. Set a date and only take what the doc gives you to help with w/d.....be easy on yourself and gentle
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Avatar universal
Thank you so much for normalizing things for me.  Some days seem so awesome and then others are just so scary!!!  I am not sure day to day if I am going to be able to do this, but I want it.  I really want it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi there. I read thru your posts and just wanted to say everything your going thru is normal and natural. When we stop using we have to re figure out everything. And we get so emotional. All normal. Stay strong. Stay positive and mostly allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. As each day each minute is a fresh start. Your family and husband are patiently waiting for you to come back to them.

This isn't easy to do. So much to sort out and relearn. I'm proud of you for writing a letter like a break up. We all developed a relationship with these pills. They were our lover. They suduced us and we romanced rhem back.

Now we need to re connect with ourselves. We need to romance kurselves and sobriety.

Just take care of you. And allow the process of healing to begin. Its recovery. And think of the meaning of recovery.

Hugs. And if ya need to talk. Vent whatever I'm here. I've been exactly where your at. I completely get it. And understand. This shall too pass. Minute by minute. Huts
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
We sure do become humans again don't we.  I went to the Santa Parade yesterday, completely clean, with my husband and three year old and really, really enjoyed myself.  Watching the joy in both their eyes makes this all worth it. What I took from them and myself, always being high, was mortifying, but like everyone on here says you can't change the past.  So now I will focus on making it up to them.  Today I am getting together with friends and going to a movie.  I haven't done that in years.  Things really are getting better.  Not all days are good, but days like yesterday and today are great.  Tomorrow I am in court and Tuesday Wednesday I am meeting with banks to see if I can dig myself out of the financial stuff, so they may not be so good.  But we survive those days don't we???  I hope your day is going fantastic.
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2107676 tn?1388973859
You are so welcome.  haha I know what you mean about washing your hair.  My arms couldn't handle that for days.
That's the worst part of all this, I think. We get over the rough part and then just drag ourselves around for so long.  But it comes  back and we can be humans again.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Energy Level, what's that, I don't have any at all. I am on a bowling team, went last night and couldn't even throw the ball.  Had to sit and watch.  But it beats last Thursday when I was so excited that I was finally able to wash my hair.  So yes it does get better and easier everyday.  I really enjoy your posts and look forward to chatting with you everyday.  Thank you for your time, it means lots to me.
Helpful - 0
2107676 tn?1388973859
That is excellent thinking. Burn all your bridges and you will have the best chance to stay clean.
You are doing so well and have a great attitude.  
Congrats on the sleep.  That is the hardest part.  How is your energy level?
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Avatar universal
Ya, my doctor is great.  I also told my chiropractor and was totally truthful about everything and he was really supportive as well.  I was yet again shocked.

I am on Day 13, and people keep telling me to be careful not to tell too many people about what is going on with me, maybe they are afraid I will relapse I don't know???   I want to burn as many bridges as I can and make it as hard as I can to get any......

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Avatar universal
Hey there, today was way better and I think I have figured out PM thing, that is pretty cool.  I slept so well last night that at one point my husband woke me up because he thought something was wrong.  Day 13 and I am starting to get some sleep.  Yiipppeeee!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks again, for your words and your kindness and support.  I really appreciate it.
Helpful - 0
2107676 tn?1388973859
If is so great that you have such a supportive doctor.  Many of us don't.
Glad to see you are still staying strong.
What day are you on now?
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Avatar universal
You have no idea how much it helped and how long it got. Like I said I thought you were a little nuts, but if something worked for you guys I gonna try it too.  Thanks so much.  I can't believe how something so simple could really help so much.  My best friend in the whole world was involved with a person addicted to pills and it has completely destroyed her world.  She has left him and has had no contact for more than 6 years.  I suggested the letter thing to her and she has started.  She couldn't finish yet because she gets too emotional.  But thanks so much.  Your support is greatly appreciated.
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Avatar universal
I know exactly what you mean about not be able to not take a pill without all you guys.  I would never be able to do.  Doctors can be amazing.  I guess because I was so ashamed of myself I just assumed everyone would feel the same.  But they don't they really try to help.  Thanks for your support, I couldn't do this without you.
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Avatar universal
Thank you, It is so good to know that people care and that someone, anyone, is listening!  Thanks for your support!
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Avatar universal
You are awesome.  I did break up with the devil, didn't I.  Makes me stronger, thinking that way.  I always get a smile from you guys.
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4234155 tn?1352858962
I really didn`t want to go see my doctor too.  I thought she would be ashamed of me. But she wasn`t, she was so helpful and understanding.  She held my hand and made me repeat a prayer with her:

  ``God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change the  courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference``

She also gave me withdrawal package, gave me information on local NA meetings..and a big hug. I felt so relieved and of course I was crying.

Keep posting we will all be here to talk you through anything, I am on this site several times a day, and don`t think I could have a pill free day without the support on receive here.  Thanks to everyone.

Helpful - 0
2107676 tn?1388973859
You are so sweet and we will always support you.  Sorry you had such a rough day today.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Oh and PM means private message.  You can send any of us a message, just like an email on this forum if you don't want to share it publicly.

Hope you sleep well tonight
Hugs
Pat
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you.  Your words mean so much!  You are the best.  Just when I am ready to give up and throw in the towel.  I read something that really hits home. You are right I have gotten over the worst so why back track.  I appreciate your help and kindness.
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Avatar universal
I hear you.  The sadness is just unbearable sometimes.  It is so hard not to cover it up and take drugs.  I know I can't and I don't want to, it just seems easier to do it.  I need strength that I am not sure I have......thank you for helping.  All the encouraging words just make me want to try harder.

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Avatar universal
That is exactly what it's like.  Okay now for the stupid question, what is PM?  I am seriously new to this and don't get it.  
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Avatar universal
Don't I know it.  It is just awful.  I really, really don't want to.  You all have no idea how important you are to me.  My first 1/2 day back to work and everything that could go wrong did.  I have about a zillion reasons to use again.  I know why I use, it's because of days like today.  But I haven't and I am not going to.  But lord knows I want to.  Thank you all again.
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
I knew that goodbye letter would help, as crazy as it seems!
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