There is so much more to recovery then just w/d's. It's also about self discovery, changing lifestyle for many and finding the deeper reasons to our use. The one positive about going through this is that I got to learn a lot about myself, I probably would have not known. Although this is a personal issue, if anyone would like to share that would be great. What have you learned about yourself the most through all of this and have you found your deeper issues for using.
I have realized at times I am oversensitive and maybe feel too much so being high made me not care about people or myself as much. My whole life I put pressure on myself to be the best, I wanted to make my family proud, but I couldn't make myself proud even when I was in college and gonna be a golf pro and was a good kid, I felt like it wasn't enough. Hitting the bottoms I hit with cocaine lowered my expectations in myself, lol. I guess I learned that in order to be happy i can only worry about my own expectations in myself and need to make myself proud not others. Although there was another big issue for my use that has been fixed and should be saved for a counsellor, not medhelp, lol. Winning this battle against cocaine is probably the thing I am most proud of, it took serious commitment and desperation for awhile. Just hoping to hear a bit about your self discovery so far?
hey gizzy not sure if you remember me from this summer, but i remember hearing a lot from you. im a 22 yr old college baseball player and i was able to quit oxys for about 3 months over the summer. i decided that i was strong enough to just do it "one more time" and here i am in the same position as before. i am now in a horrible situation as my team leaves for florida on friday and i am pitching in our teams first game on sunday. my whole thought was that i would have this kicked before the season starts, but now the reality is that i have gone only two days since my last use, and will definitely not be 100 percent when my season starts. nobody knows about my use, including my girlfriend, and that is the most devastating part. the good news for me is that i have been here before and kicked it before, so i know i can do it. i havent really escalated my use. the most i ever do is 80 mg per day, most days its just 20-40. the problem is that i am starting to feel like even though this truly isnt what i want for my life, the pills are telling my mind different things. its like sometimes i am so set on not doing anything for a few days and then one phone call comes and bam im out the door ready to pay more ridiculous money. i have been reading a lot of posts recently but i decided its time for me to get back into medhelp, because it truly helped me quit my first time. thanks for listening.
Welcome back and I do remember you. I always ask this, but what caused your relapse, that is important to find out. I hope you learned that there is never one more time, it took me years to figure that one out. Coming clean to someone like your girlfriend will hold you accountable, meaning it's harder to hide and keeps you out of denial. This forum helps me tremendously too so get back on here and keep posting. If you don't nip this now, chances are it will only progress so lets do this now, your a young guy that has your whole life ahead of you, it won't be one with pills. The important thing is your back and trying again, but continued aftercare and support are SO important. Get rid of those contacts that are calling you, VERY important. You can do this bud.
Geeez Gizzy, that's a hard one...
I learned to ask for help, to reach out and to put myself first (not quite done with that one but seriously working on it).
I discovered that I had a good dose of will power and that I could help others. I didn't reach the point where I can say I'm proud of myself -I still have a huge self esteem issue- but I'm a patient person...lol. xxx. sophie.
You are right, recovery is about far more than dealing with what is on the surface, like w/d's. I got so sick of rattling off a date of sobriety because, for me- this is not about a specific date.I started working on my recovery back in march 2003, when I decided to have weight loss surgery.I have used drugs since then, and it has been part of the growing process for me.Out of my addictive nature, I have learned that no drug, no food, no substance was going to make me complete.I had to learn allot about why I abused so many substances, how to fill the hole inside of me.Allot of it had to do with letting go of some deep resentments, and forgiving myself for what I already did wrong.You know when you really don't agree with something you know needs to change, is when you have to give it your all, and change you ideas.I always say, Our worst thoughts got us here.Now it is time to do the exact opposite.
Today, I am not perfect, and I don't think I will ever be.However, I have a grip on my addictive personality, and I am in college and working hard to be the person I always wanted to be.I don't think that is too shabby for a ex coke head,pill poppin, compulsive eater. The only label we hold onto is the one which we keep for ourselves.
i honestly dont know why i relapsed but i can tell you what happened..i was in phoenix for the summer with my family and thats where i decided to quit. i had contacts there but it was always me calling them and they would never just call me to tell me they had something..the first night i came back up to school i went to hang out with some friends and my connection up at school for pills was there..he knew i had quit but hes just an idiot and hes not one of my friends at all so he doesnt care about my well being enough to respect the fact that i quit. he told me if i wanted one to call him and i repeatedly said no..then for some reason i woke up the next morning and it was on my mind and i decided one last time wouldnt hurt, but it did. i think i make such a big deal of the wds that i dont even give myself a chance..when i am feeling that poorly i just give in immediately. my stomach always hurts sooo bad and i throw up stomach acid..when i am at that point its the lowest feeling ive ever had and i would do anything for it to away, and theres only one thing that makes it go away..i have always done a good job of keeping it a secret because i am on the presidents list at school, captain of a division 1 baseball team..i feel like i am the worst person in the world because everyone thinks so highly of me and i just have this horrible secret. my girlfriend is so amazing and she looks up to me so much and i feel as though i cant tell her about this because i would be letting her down..so many times i just want to tell her and hug her and tell her how sorry i am, but for some reason that just isnt an option. i was able to get through this once without telling her, and i want to do it again. and this time if i am able to get through this i will never touch them again..i know that sounds hard to believe, but i really do mean that..i will be on this forum for good now..its nice to hear from you though.
twolve you better stick with us now, you have a lot going for you and WILL do it this time. I guess you did learn that there is never one time and each time we relapse it gets harder. You will be fine.
well here is the really tough/great opportunity comes into play..i am going to be on a bus for a 20 hour trip to florida and then 8 days of baseball in the florida sunshine beginning on day 6 of cold turkey until day 14 of cold turkey with no access to any pills no matter how much i want them. this is going to be my way of getting away and trying to have some fun while quitting. i hope i feel ok to pitch because my team really needs me, but i am pretty sure i can will myself to pitch no matter how bad i feel. i know sleeping will suck and the bus ride is gonna be killer for my legs, but oh well..i put myself in this situation and i am going to get out of it.
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