She's dead and you don't have to

[serephina]

Hey Judegesheart, Fladdict, fishmeal, rooftrash, construction, Steph1001 and all you other lovely humans
I got to thinking only cause I DO care bout U, that my cousin went through so much her hubby was killed at work - electrician electrocated at work and then within 19 months thru nursing her daugher she lost her to cancer - Hannah was 9 and died in her Mum's bed after having her favourite lemon cake and a wee shot of Baileys.   My cousin Pamela managed to get through it all - loosing her husband and her daughter and raising her son.  I am sorry but I care about you guys but you make me angry cause none of them brought that on them selves.  I want you to realise that you have it within your powers to get well.  Brian and Hannah didn't.  U need to stand up and be tall and get over it cause you can cause it's not being done to you but you are doing IT  to yourslves.  I maybe hard but it's cause I CARE and I know you can DO IT for F sake get over it and grow up you are not that hard dowe to.  My cus grew up alone her M and D died when she was young and she managed to get a life you CAN do it.   PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sound like a biatch prob but cause I care otherwise it would mean nothing to me cause I don't have the addication.  I just care and want you all to be healthy...........please do it for you and your families.
Luv L xxxxxxxxoooooo

[pofdog]

Yes...you are a little harsh. You are right in many ways. Understand it is not as easy as some think. Your comment "get over it" and "you are doing it yourselfs" is proof that people don't understand unless they have been there. It's not as easy as to "just stop". It is a mental thing that needs to be worked on and learned. We need to learn sometimes how to live without. For some, it has became a way of life...for some even from childhood...for some completely accident from pain. It alot of times takes our own understanding that WE need to reach out for help. Unfortunately, some don't know that till its too late and the chemicals take over.
   The chemical part of addiction is NOT most of our faults. Once we get off and get help and learn not to take the first pill/drink..than its our fault because we know better. But once on and addicted...it is beyond the "get over it...just stop" part. People die everyday even when their head say's stop, but their body says go. It effects what our brain says too.
  I know it seems alot of people on here seem to whine and can't help themselves. I see it too. But there are those that really can not stop without help. I have counciled people for years and am an recovering addict myself. I even use today despite what I know. I was faced with not being able to walk and be in miserable pain 24/7...or get hooked again and get help for my addiction when my surgerys are over,
  See, the word "addiction" has a bad rap. People automatically think its people that abuse drugs...take more than prescribed....get off the streets for pleasure etc....but that is just not true. There are alot of  drug naive  people that start taking narcotics because of pain etc....that end up addicted and didn't even know what is wrong with them till they figure out they just feel better taking the pills..there are MANY senerio's.  The point is..is that no matter what the reason...many people here are in the same boat and are here for support, to learn, and to help others. The addiction isn't as easy as just "stop" or it's all your fault. There is help out there and many die not knowing that. After we know the truth, picking back up IS our fault...what happens after the drug takes over body and mind...is not. Yes, what happens after we pick up is ultimately our faults..our actions...but not what changes chemically that we need help or die. That may not make sense to people that have never experienced it.
  Thank you for caring and I am sorry about the people that you mentioned. I too have lost many loved ones for many reasons. Being around recovering addicts/alcoholics I am around death alot also. And it hurts. Especially those that die of drug related things that you would think knew better than to pick back up.  I don't think ANYONE woke up one morning and said "i'm going to use drugs today, get addicted, go through hell detoxing and/or die".

[CalypsoKidd]

i'm truly sorry for the loss and pain in your family. That would be much to carry.

Kipp

[sosad5306]

There are peole on here who have lost loved ones to.  Addiction is one of our many struggles.  Though I am very sorry for your family's heartbreak, I don't appreciate the harsh "get over it tone".  Please try to be a little kinder.
You don't know the struggle I (and others here) have gone through in our lives.  Losses we have experienced.  It isn't fair for you to be so judgemental when you don't even know me.

[dyblue]

  addicts can't get over it, it doesn't work that way many o us have had issues in  our lives and it dosen't lessen the pain because we did it to ourselves.  I have had people die in my world too.  Heck my child will die young  because o what he has the disease I mean,  to live is to have pain .  addicts brain are dierent we are deptrssed we are sensitive we are addictive personally I didn't cause this I come rom a long history o substance abusers.  I'm sorry that little girl died but its got nothing to do with being a druggie  ovious your not a druggie or you wouldn't say that .   I hate living sometimes that dosen't meAN i want to die and I won't I'm a druggie that know how to use my meds or pain and I don't judge no one else because it could be me.

[Mariyah2]

You have no insight regarding addiction. Did you ever think that maybe a persons reason for addiction is the losses in one's life??  The loss might be the addicts own health. If you have never been there, please don't judge.

[CalypsoKidd]

I think we should be careful to be respectful and kind.

We should also, I think, remember why we are all here. We are all struggling.

And, if someone is hurting, and thier rant gets harsh, or sounds harsh in type, I think, maybe, that's okay too.

Serephina's post have always been, sweet, up to now.  I just want to see that she is hurting, and not take it personally.

[dyblue]

right on

[chrosty]

Hey if it was so easy to just get over it dont u think we would have already? Sorry but please do not be so harsh we are people who have an addiction okay it is a disease so dont make it sound like we are a bunch of whiners cuz it is alot harder then u will ever know and we did not do this to ourselves.  Next time be more kind with your words please~~~~~Chros

[Penelope14]

                   I wish I could just get over it! I mean geez if we could all just get over it there would be no AA meetings no NA meetings no drug crime e.tc, Life would be just so peachy. But Im sorry its not that easy, wish it were but unless you have walked a mile in my shoes dont tell me and other addicts to just get over it, they say every thing happens for a reason, and I do  believe my addiction to pills as awful as its been has made me who I am today because Ive learned a great deal about addiction and Ive learned that people who stand back and judge, make addicts like myself feel shame and ugliness, that no one but a addict can understand, this is why I hide my addiction, because I dont want anyone to stand back and say- just get over it!  And come on its not so bad, other people have it way worse,  Ive gone thru many ups and downs in my life time but Ive never in my life felt so powerless as I did when I was using , its something that no one will understand unless they themselves have been thru it, thats why so many people stay clean and sober in AA or NA , because having other people around who are just like us helps . But I do have to say I respect your opinion and your honesty, and I think you say these things #1 because you are not a addict and #2 you are not educated  and dont have the knowledge of alcoholism or drug addiction. And be very thankful for #1, Thank You for your imput,   Penelope

[LIZZIE LOU]

hey sweetie...it's ok...i know exactly where you are coming from.   i too, am not an addict...just have three sons who are.   i know the frustration you are feeling...i've been there.   i know your heartache...i have felt that too.

when i first came to this site a few months ago, i came to get information.   i was honest with the ppl here about my intentions.   i wanted to find out how the addicts mind works....what makes them not being able to just stop...what makes them addicts?   a person, like myself, cannot grasp the concept of addiction...and i see that it is also hard for you too.   my "non addict" thinking is alot like your...or should i say WAS alot like yours.   i used to think...if you don't want to do drugs...then don't...just stop.   well i learned through years of addiction with my children and months on this forum, that it is not that easy.   drugs are used to mask other problems...and those are many...from what some would say is very small to problems that are so overwhelming that they just don't know how to deal.   the addiction starts small...a pill used for pain...wow...i like this feeling...what a cover up...take another...and soon it takes more and more to achieve this feeling...the high...the "mask"...before you know it, they are throwing down pills by the handfuls.   did they ask for this?   it seems to us that they did because we are not addicts....but they didn't.  

most of these ppl have family and loved ones.   they KNOW what they are doing to them...do you think they want to hurt the ones they love?   the answer is no...they don't...but they just can't stop.  

i'm going to use myself as an example here.
i come from a family of addicts starting with grandparents on both sides...working its way up and out.   neither of my parents were addicts...and i am not...but three of my four sons are.   instead of enjoying raising my children...i hated it.   my life was hell...drugs...alcohol...arrest after arrest...court...money...jail...prison...rehab...physical abuse...verbal abuse...a husband who is an emotional void...never there to support me and my feelings.   OMG...the list just goes on and on.   now i am having to deal with the fact that my son made a huge mistake...under the influence of crystal meth...he did not use a condom...and now he has HIV...and if he does not respond to drugs AND stay off meth...i may have to bury him.

how do you think a person with an addictive personality would handle all of this?   by self medicating...and alot of it.   my brain doesn't work like that.   i just deal...the best way i know how.   i lived through all of this...and it was a living hell...without even taking an antidepressant.  i didn't go on anything for depression until my dad died almost a year ago.   i just don't think the same way an addict does.   does that mean i am better than them...no...it just means that our brains work differently.   i cope...they do not.

living with addiction is a very lonely life.   most of the time, they hide their addiction from everyone...which only isolates them even more.  it is just a vicious cycle and it is hard to stop it.   an addict will often hate themselves for what they are doing...not only to their families...but to themselves.   when they look into the mirror...they know who is looking back at them...and they do not like it.

i guess what i am trying to say is that we will never fully understand the thinking...the reasoning...the excuses...and the life of an addict.   but what we can do is try to educate ourselves on how to help the ones we love.   we can show them a better life...we can support their desire for a clean life...we can learn to not judge them...they judge themselves daily.

does that mean that we just let our love ones destroy their lives?  not no...but hell no.   do we allow them to destroy our lives?...not no...but hell no.  but what we can do is accept the fact that we are different.   i will never...and i mean never...give up on my children.   i will always be here supporting their efforts to learn to live a clean and sober life...and i mean "learn".   i feel that an addict will never be successful at sobriety until they learn to deal with whatever their demon is that is the driving force behind their addiction.   an addict has to learn to find another way to live...without that "mask".

i hope this helps you understand a little about how our lives are different.   i know how you feel sweetie...but i can promise you one thing...if you will continue to read and support the ppl here on this forum...you will better understand where they are coming from.

huggs,
kim

[judgesheart]

It may have sounded harsh, but I know how she meant it.  She is a sweet, honest, person who means well.  She has spent so much time giving me courage and strength.  Although she may not be an addict, she knows all too well what an addict goes through.  She loves one.  I am addicted to Lorocct 10's...I call them the "monsters in brown bottles with child-proof lids".  I was not offended by what Sere said because I know how she meant it.  She's just frustrated at seeing her man, and all of us, hurting.


Sere - you're a beautiful person.  I'm sorry for the tragedy in your life.  I know you're frustrated.  Hang in there!  You make me "addicted" to talking to ya!

xoxo
T