Should I confess or wait and see

I know its bad but addicts do bad things. I tappered off and it worked. I got through WD with very mild symptoms. Then something happened, now I cant remember what and I started again. I get my pills from my mom and Ive been scrapping them (roxy 30s) just enough so I can do a line and she wont notice. Well Ive been using that method for awhile now and she finally noticed. She thinks its the pharmacy and is going to say something to them when she gets her next script. I know this has gone too far and I cant take her pills anymore but Im afraid of what will happen when she talks to them. She used to give me handfulls of pills at a time but it was extraas she had saved up. I went through all those and now am cutting into her supply which is why I started scrapping them. So She wouldnt notice them missing when she counted them. I guess it was noticable after all. I took this too far and now I dont know what to do. She gave me these pills two years ago when I hurt my back. If I had known they were addictive I never would have taken them. Ive never been addicted to anything else before in my life. I dont know what to do. Im afraid to confess but afraid to not say anything as well. Any advise?

[Bkitty]

Hi there! Im sorry you are going thru this,,being that I work in the medical field I can almost gaurentee what the pharmacist will say and he tell her that someone is diverting/abusing them in the house,,which leaves you and your mother. This can backfire beacuse the pharmacy could contact the doctor and inform them that they feel there is "something wrong" and the doctor can deny a refill for your mother. To play it safe,,I would say something to her. I hope this helps some~Bkitty

[lulu747]

You know you have a problem and you know you need help.  Addiction feeds on lies and fear-so yes-if you want to take the first step to getting well I would say confess.  Get yourself to an NA meeting and start figuring out what you are covering up.  Because yes-oxy is physically addictive-but it sounds like you're avoiding the emotional/mental addiction-and that's the disease you need to treat.  You don't want to put a family member in a potentially embarrassing or compromising position because of your addiction-the shame and guilt will only feed the disease.  I'm sorry I don't have the expertise to give you better advice-only the basics...Lying and stealing are wrong-and addiction never ends well unless you confront it and take your life back.  Someone else will come along better equipped to advise you on what you should do...But I think you know in your heart and soul what you need to do.  So do it.  Sending support.....Lu

[Opiategurl]

Thank you. Youre right. If she got cut off she could die. Damnit I wanted to quit before this happened. I just dont know what to say. I dont want to hurt her because I know shell blame herself but I have always been upset that she didnt think about what she was doing when she gave me 30 pain pills all at once. I took them and they worked and when I tried to stop I couldnt. I read her bottle and it says to not share them with anyone. Im just scared shes going to be mad at me and herself. I just want it to go smoothly and have her hide the pills and never look back on this again.

[Bkitty]

Your human and you are suffering from a disease-addiction. She will get over it,,she may be mad but probably will calm down in a few days. Remember the saying " I can handle the truth,,but I cant handle someone lying to me". You know what you need to do sweetie. I know it *****. But get off this sinking ship and start swimming to safer waters. You deserve it and so does your family. ~Bkitty

[Opiategurl]

here i go

[ricart70]

good decision.I think this is the step you need to take if you really want to quit.

[Opiategurl]

She took it surprisingly well. So, I guess thats that. Now I can WD and  not have to act like everythings ok.

[shiningstar500]

I wish you the best and I hope it all works out for you!

[Opiategurl]

thanks!

[jdman2u]

You did the right thing and the advice given was shared with love and understanding.  Guilt is a hard emotion to handle but being honest and doing the right thing says a lot about your character, integrity and the love you have for your Mom.  Don't discount the decision you made and know that you can make the hard difficult decisions even knowing they may not be pleasant. You are stong and we are praying for you. Please continue to keep us posted and reach out if you need anything.  

[Opiategurl]

thanks jdman2u. I guess its really going to be a new year.

[Bkitty]

That a girl!! See,,taking that step wasnt so bad after all! I know how scary it is though,,,when I decided to tell mu husband I was soo anxious and he responded " Oh, I knew that" I was like..."whhhaatt??" LOL Congrats on starting the New Year sober! You deserve it! Merry Xmas! What a great present to yourself!! Proud of you~Bkitty

[Opiategurl]

Thanks...Im glad you told me about the pharmacy thing. Thats what really motivated me.

[Pricogirl83]

Hi!

I am going through a similar situation. My mom used to give me some so I wouldn't have bad wd's, but I stilll would steal them... I would have her convinced the pharmacy shorted her too... It's awful because she has caught me before and I would cry and she would forgive me...but like you said, its gone too far

If your still on and want to talk let me know. I completely understand with all this! You can also send me a personal message and I will get back to you. I will send a friend request as well...

Talking always helps.

Tonya :)

[bama88]

Im so proud of you for telling your mom. You get a gold star for doing the right thing.

[justme1119]

Knowing when you're wrong and admitting it is a sign of character.  My son stole 20 methadone pills from me last Christmas and I had just had surgery on my knee at Thanksgiving.  I know he did it, but he never admitted it.  My sister caught him steeling pills from her too.  He doesn't have any character in my opinion.

[Opiategurl]

Now she's mad. I guess she counted the pills and had more time to think about it. When I was crying and telling her she took it easy on me. Now its guilt trip time. She still hasnt hidden them or locked them up like she said she would. Not like Im gonna take them cause I know shes low but its hard everytime I go to talk to her she has that GIANT bottle sitting on her nightstand torturing me. She doesnt understand. Shes never been the type to understand addiction. She had no idea Id been taking them for almost two years. She never suspects anything. She trusts everyone. My dad was an alcoholic pothead meth addict my whole life and as a child even I was more aware of it than she was. When I asked her why she gave me the pills if she knew they were addictive she said she thought I knew they were addictive and for that reason I wouldnt take too much. She gave me a bottle of 50 opana the first time she gave me pills. I had no idea what they were at the time. And no idea they were addictive. I guess Im just frustrated that she isnt taking this seriously. If I ask her to hide them shell probably say, "why, do you plan on stealing them?" I dont want her to think that Im doing this to HER. Its just hard to know where they are. Its christmas eve and I just want to lock myself in my room but I have to bake a cake and hang with family. This is the worst time ever for this. I want to show appriciation for my gifts, but its so hard to put on a happy face right now.

[jdman2u]

Stay strong and know you have people to talk too and we will always be honest.  Tempation surrounds all of us and sometimes the strength has to come from within.  You are fighting tempation good vs evil and you know what to do but the right thing isn't always the easy thing.  The focus and reson to change direction is based on you and your desire to change your behavior.  Your Mom still trust you and believes you will do the right thing.  That says a lot about who you are.  I know you feel bad about taking the medicine but please focus and strive to not want the drugs.  That will eliminate or at least allow you to control the temptaion and then you will become the person you desire to be and you will be free from drugs and break the trend. I wish you all the best and will continue to pray for you.  Merry Christmas and I hope your new year brings you hope, happiness and freedom.  JD

[Opiategurl]

Thanks...Im just trying to survive the holidays. Then Im free to stay in bed till I feel better.

[novics]

People gave you great advice, and you are a class act because you not only agreed with their advice, but you had the courage to actually do this.

I have the highest confidence that you will defintely survive the holidays, and also do well in life because of your personal character. And remember we all make mistakes, so don't be too hard on yourself, and also remember that you did the right thing in the end.

When I was clean for a couple of years, I had to give my mom the oral morphine while she was dying; I was REALLY tempted during this absolutely horrible time, but like you, I did the right thing and never touched a drop; And I have of course never regretted this.

[Ballgame]

Wow that's awesome you told her. That's a HUGE step

[Opiategurl]

Thanks novics. Thats horrible about your mom. Im afraid Ill be in that position one day. Im living here because theres already so much she cant do on her own. I dont really know how to deal with this. I just broke up with my boyfriend whos also an addict. I have no clue how to meet anyone now. Do I tell them that Im an addict? Is anyone going to want to date someone who has to live with their mom and take care of her? I love my mom. I just dont know how to deal with this. She has fetnyol patches...however you spell it, oxycontin and oxycodone. Im always going to have do resist the temptation and one day probably help her take it. She just got divorced suddenly when her husband decided he couldnt handle her illness so here I am. I had no idea this was how my life was going to be.

[novics]

Thanks Ballgame. She is probably feeling really down right now, and I wanted to encourage her. And I meant what I said about her. It took a lot of courage to do what she did, especially during the holidays.

And again, the other people in this thread definitely gave her some GREAT advice before I came along. Someone's excellent comment about the pharmacy probably getting suspicious about her mom's prescription in particular.

[lulu747]

Honey I am sorry you are going through so much right now.  You did the right thing by telling your mom.  Addiction is nothing to be ashamed of-it's a disease.  Just know that you can make the choice to live the life you deserve to live.  I really think NA would help you right now.  You are under a lot of stress and with so much temptation with your mom's meds.  No one does this alone.  You are not weak.  In fact you are very strong and brave for doing what you did and asking for help here and telling your mom.  I know it doesn't feel like it right now...but you will be okay.  You do have the power to take your life back.  I understand the feeling of waking up in your life and wondering "How the hell did I get here?"  It's important to know that it didn't happen in one day and it won't take one day to change.  Just take more steps like the ones you are taking...towards healing-take care of yourself.  My grandmother always says "The only way out is through.." And I think that's very appropriate for a lot of us including you right now...Sending support and wishing you a Merry Christmas...Lu

[novics]

Holy moly Opiategurl! You are certainly talking to the right person! I basically took care of my mom all by myself for ten years with Alzheimers disease.

Yes, it really messed up my life for awhile, but I have ABSOLUTELY no regrets that I did this.

If you get into a SERIOUS relationship with someone, THEN you tell them about this problem imho.

What should you do? If you really love someone, I believe you should always put their needs in a very serious situation above your own needs. Remember, she was there for you when you really needed her, I really hope you will stick by her when she really needs you.

I have so much to tell you about this. If you ever need any advice about this type of situation, please feel free to personally contact me at any time.

[novics]

If a guy does not want you because you take of your mom and live at home while doing this, he is a real loser in the first place, and you should just say "good riddance" to him.

[Opiategurl]

So sick...hungry..cant fix anything. moms unhappy. Im misserable. BAH

[Opiategurl]

I asked her to hide them from me finally....she just got upset and said she didnt feel like it.