Sick of going round in circles

Im 29 years old, and drugs and alcohol have been ruining my life since I was 15.  I have no veins left in my arms or hands. I Have been lucky not to pick up any nasty viruses or illnesses.  In May 2009 I went into rehab, got clean and completed the programme.  When I left the treatment centre I had a great new network of friends and recovering addicts. I joined NA and everything seemed great for a while. I met my partner and felt really happy. But last September whilst on holiday I relapsed on OTC pillls. I started usind dihydrocodeine. Back in England I started drinking again and telling lies to my friends to cover up my relapsing.  I have been constantly getting clean and then relapsing again since september, and in the process I have pushed so many of my friends away that I am even too embarassed to go to NA. I am now hooked on Nurofen plus, and I know that I have some withdrawals due to come to me if and when I stop using again. My determination to stay clean seems to be fading, and I'm starting to feel isolated and dettached again. I'm afraid that I'm not gonna be able to stop using the tablets this time, and that I'm gonna end up in serious active addiction again soon, with nothing or nobody left in my life. I know what the withdrawals will be like, and normally I can take them on the chin, but this time for some reason I feel too scared to face them.  

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

I'm glad you found your way here.

Listen, it is time to reach deep down inside and pull all that you have---your will to go on. You have to get this done or you will surely die out there. At 29 years old you have seen more than most do in a lifetime.

I know you don't want to live like this or else you would not have come here so I know you have it in you. First things first, you need to put the drugs down. You already know what is in store and if you let it go any longer, it will get worse.

I understand your fear and it is justified in your position but the detox will probably not kill you---using will.

If you are ready to get going, you are in the right place. There are a lot of great people here who can give you suggestions on home remedies that will help ease the process. We will also be here to talk to you and get you through this.

I hope you stick around.

[paulking177]

Thanks, I do want to get off this stuff and I need all the support I can get. The biggest problem at the moment is that I always seem to be putting it off because theres something coming up - an event, a party, a birthday, work, college. I feel like I need 1 or 2 weeks of just being able to put life on hold whilst I do this, but I know this can't happen.  My partner is also very hectic, he is always wanting to be off doing something, going places and cant understand when I feel poorly and sick through withdrawals. I have tried to explain it to him in the past, but he still doesn't seem to take it on board, so I have just stopped talking to him about my problem and where I am with it. I don't know how to tell him, he always just takes it very personally.

[IBKleen]

There will always be excuses to put it off, and that is just what they are. You need to make a decision.

While it is always great to have support around us, if your partner does not understand, there is not much you can do about that right now. That would be a lot for you to take on. Right now, it is about YOU and your recovery. There will be time for working on the relationship later.

You need to believe that you are worth it and treat this like it is your last chance, because it very well may be.

I'm going to say an extra pray for you tonight.