Slipped and bigtime this time

Of course I have an excuse. I swear today I don't feel any closer to being free at all. I counted my pills this morning and am missing 11. Picked them up yesterday. Did good most of the day..then the ex's wife had to email me again and it just spiraled from there. Like I said of course I came up with an excuse as to why I was allowed to pop more into my mouth. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. This woman is insane...and keeps trying to push me. She is now making comments of my son is now also hers, etc. That because I am on disability it is HER who pays for me to sit on my ass. Yeah nice huh? This is my sons step-mother. Telling me how much my ex has changed..he is no longer the person he is. I have raised my son alone all these years. He is now 7. My ex would only take him when there was a chic in the pic. Well then he quickly married tihs one ( which he has done b4, marriage #5) He asks you to marry him like right away. Did it to me, and every else he has ever been with. This one bit, and they married. Well she can't stand that I call my son when he is there to visit. Excuse me but where did it say I am not allowed to call my son? She said to me that it is bothersome as that is their family time with my son not mine. Now emails me all this **** because I would not take their offer of 2500.00 on a settlement for arears he owes that total 7500.00..I said I would settle for 4000.00. Nope not good enough. ANd Now I am to let go of the past, I should take that 2500.00 if my son means anything to me. Also like I said telling me that him and her are the ones who raise my son. contd.

[vicaddict]

Helloooo she has been in the picture now almost a year. WOW. Like I said my son is 7.
Teling me I am greedy, that that was more than a fair enough offer. Maybe one day I will KNOW What its like to raise a child..said my ex takes care of his son and she takes care of BOTH of hers. She has ONE child. She is referring to my son as well. I am just livid. She comes along tells me how it is or has been after being with that loser for a yr? he has a track record of women, addresses, etc etc longer than the state we live in.

I do not know where she gets off. Then tells me I need to elt go of the past. And that she feels sorry for me that I am so miserable. Well first of all...she can't stand when I call there, she tells my ex his wife called. She is jealous of me, WHY? No idea there. I sure don't want him. ANd also he is not allowed to be by his family because they still associate with me.
I told her sounds to me she is the miserable one. I mean wtf??? Now how I feel today after what I did, I don't think I can go to the Dr. I do not feel "serious" enough right now. Specially after what I did last night. I mean  ahonestly..do I want to quit? Yes I do. Why did I give in so easily then? I am second guessing myself.
ALthough I have not cancelled my apt. God I am just so bent over all of this. What is her point and why is she even bothering this with me????
I am just so upset, couldn't sleep all night b/c all I wanted was to grab her by that smart mouth of hers.
I am just angry as hell.

[chemmonster7]

Hey its ok try and calm down is it possable to talk to the ex? maybe new wifey is talking smack to **** you off! 2500 on 7500 is she on crack? this money is owed to your son and is his responsablity and you can call your son every 10 mins if you want. Im sorry somtimes men are swine sorry guys like I tell my friend who as the same promblem theres always the wood chipper over lake michigan! fell better dont stress are you sure you took them all?

[vicaddict]

Well I thought to myself that too...maybe some were missing. But I doubt it. I don't count them when I get my bottle. But I honestly did not think I took that many. I assumed maybe 8...but 11 are gone. COunted twice.
I am just sick! With myself and with her. No he is an a** too. ALways has been...and will do anything that will get me worked up. He is the type that no matter what he has done wrong it is always someone elses fault, and they will pay. He is selfish, irresponsible, I could go on and on. A wmanizer..etc etc.

I am sure he knows she is writing, and he would find it funny. See he has never had anything, this chic is loaded. So of course money talks. And he can stand tall now and think..they got the money to do anything they want. Even if that included trying to take my son out of spite. My son would suffer. His dad is the type who will question my son on things, have him lie..tells him don't tell mom this, etc. HE messes with his mind. He is just a plain out a-hole. But themoney thing,,or course they have my son sold. Always getting new things, which just started over the past month. When all this other **** started. It is to get me out of the picture is what it is. And I don't have the money to compete. Really ahs me worried, scared, and most of all really hurt.

[talltim]

I just read your story about the ex. I am new hear so I don't want to overstep my bounds. I also have an ex with a six year old daughter. I hated her for many years cuz I thought she was always trying to screw me over. In feb 05 after 10 years of taking pills I got clean and stayed that way for one year. In that year it was amazing how her attatude tward me changed. I guess its cuz I actualy did what I told her I would do. Once you get off the pills I think you will see a big differance how people treat you. We tend to be liers and never follow through when we are loaded. Just my opinon!

P.S. Over the last 10 months I started using again and all the conflict is back. I had the same job for one year when I was clean. I also never missed a child support payment within that year. In the last 10 months I can't keep a job and have made very few child support payments. I WONDER IF IT'S THE PILLS THAT DO THIS TO US?

[chemmonster7]

I hear the wood chipper now! Im sorry that your scared talk to your son let him know he should never keep any secrets from you no matter what! sounds to me like they just want get to you and will buy the kid any thing you cant if you can try legal aid has in been in your custody? she may have money but the ex can not keep a relationship looks real bad can your family help? Im sorry what state do you live in? and dont worry you will do this! I have lots of faith in you! hugs

[vicaddict]

Hi, I appreciate your input. yes I agree to a point on what you have said. However in my defense..this has been like this since I knew the man. Way before I met hydro. Ijust never had one of his "Significant others' step on me like this. She has alot of nerve.

But I do agree, that in some cases the whole picture isn't what it may seem to be. But in my case, it really is.

Thanks again for your input!

[vicaddict]

My sona nd I are close. HE will tell me the things dad has asked him not to. He said he does not like lying to me. But a-hole always has to say something to him or make him feel bad if he were to tell me.
This past weeend my son called me 2am scared. It was only b/c noone was up, understandable. The next day Dad grounded him and said it was not b/c he was scared it was b/c he couldn't have his way and called mommy to come get him.
It wasn'ty the reason at all. My son knows he can call me, he knows he can talk to me. He is afriad to tell truth to his dad. He just admitted that was the reson for calling me b/c it is what dad wanted. But he was scared that is why he called. That kind of **** he does to my son.
I have had primary placement since my son was born. He has visitation, joint custody. However with a 48 hr notice. But when he wants t take pur son, and as long asm y son wants to I just let him. I don't want to hurt Jacob ( our son) but in all reality it should be every other weekend, or dealt amongst ourselves, and a 48 hr notice.
Other than that nothing set through court. I am in Wisconsin.

[talltim]

I wouldn't even atempt to fix this sort of thing until you clean up. It sounds like a tough deal for you but I found once I got clean it made it much easyer to fix the problems in my life. Again, just my opinoin.

[sunny8008]

OK CALM DOWN. Screw it, who cares. This is something she is trying to do (get you upset). Blow it off. This more she sees you get upset the more joy she will get out of it. FU*K HER!!! Only do what the courts have granted HIM! Don't let him have any extra time, ect... IM sorry you are feeling this way during this hard time. It is all OK. You sit and think about this... This is want is best for you and your son... Get clean and get better... Then in a few weeks deal with this with a clear head. IM here for you sweetie. XOXO HUGS, Heather

[vicaddict]

True, thank you again hun.

[chemmonster7]

Im close by you in Ill i will rent the wood chipper!lol I agree w/sunny only give what you have to does your son have a cell phone? get clean and fight the sob to the end you will win any ways! sounds like she is jealous of you , we are here for you and just be honest with dr dont be scared hopefully he will help you out of this big hugs

[boogaloo]

Make sure you keep the emails she sends as well as your responses.  Try to keep the high road and either not reply or be short and to the point in your responses.  If you every have to go to court for anything child related those will work in your favor.  The woman does not sound very stable and she is trying to intimidate you.  

I am sorry you are going through this.  It's very unpleasant to say the very least, my husbands exwife is nuts.  I cannot stand having any communication with her.  

Have you considered going to an NA meeting.  I know those along with AA really helped my husband during the first few years of his sobriety.  As nice as the internet is for peer support, there are time that real time contact is crucial.

I hope everything works well with your dr. appointment today.   Try to remember that it's a new day.  You get a do-over.  Good luck.

[vicaddict]

Thank you everyone!! And you are all right..deal with me first. I just wasn't calm enough to think straight. Thank you again! I am off to my Dr appt..lets pray that goes well!!

Will post when I get back.

Thank you again all of you!! Helps more than you all know!