Aa
So tired
I have never posted and I need to stop this pain pill addiction, I can tolerate 20-25 a day obtaintimg these illegally. This is destroying my life, I do not lie, or steal but I have found myself doing just that, and that, is not me, I am ashamed and broken and broke. My life is consumed with how many I have on hand and how I can get more, that is all I can seem to think about. The w/d scare me no sleep, sweats and no energy and add in stomach issues keep me from even wanting to taper, but this life today is killing me literally and figuratively... I don't want this anymore, I am so tired, tired of wanting it so badly, and having a pill fill all of my thoughts every waking hour. I appreciate any advice anyone has.
Keep it up! My decision to quit has come down to money (well lack of) and having to lie and steal to maintain my habit that no one knows about.
Pay some of your bills in advance, or put the money in a savings account that is hard to withdraw from. Sounds like you're off to an awesome start. Best of Luck.
Pay some of your bills in advance, or put the money in a savings account that is hard to withdraw from. Sounds like you're off to an awesome start. Best of Luck.
I'm here, plugging so much better this evening, bathroom trips are gone thanks to the Immodium, honestly I didn't want to take anything and hadn't other than a couple of extra strength Tylenol, but they were kicking in high gear, and I had to go out, actually went to Resturant and another place that trips to the b-room would not have been appropriate, I have laughed and talked to family I hadn't seen in many years, I had a great evening with family. Kinda dread night cause my sleep has been messed up for months, I'll blame that on middle age, and joys of being a woman. I am fine, and to be really honest the person whom I dealt with called, they had been calling for a couple of days, and I wouldn't answer...today I did, before they asked or mentioned that junk, I politely said "I've quit", i can't do that, it was killing me, somewhat felt like a death saying no, but felt good that I could say no. Baby steps, I'm sure I crawled before I walked. Tonight I feel more like the old me.. Funny story, today I had to take my child somewhere, and I thought it's been along time since I've driven sober, so backing out of the driveway I ran off of it, nearly hit a tree straighted that mess up, pulled back up, nearly hit the gate, finally got out of the driveway and almost hit the neighbors mailbox (I was on a cell).. Proceeded to the highway and pulled out in front of a car, I thought, you can't drive sober.. I laugh about it now. Thank you, all this place is truly a GODsend!!
You're doing this! Just don't give up! Seriously, haven't heard from you for a bit but if you've made it this far.... you're almost over the hump! I went to an amusement part when it was like 112 degrees when I was about where you are now and it seemed to jump start everything..... I felt great the next day because I sweated out everything left inside me! I was up and down after that but the worst of it was over..... So go outside,.... or go to a gym.... or go..... um.... do something that makes you sweat.... a LOT..... Once the acute stuff is over it's time to start the real work.... find a group of people (AA or NA) or an individual counselor or whatever.... to get you to the point where you know you have someone or someplace to go whenever you want to use again..... because you will want to use again..... but it's VERY important that you don't...... Just keep swimming..... Dont give your life up for those damn pills.,..... YOU are better than that...
Hello,
Hang in there....on my day two I kept the tub filled....i so wish i owned a hot tub. Get some immodium AD and magnesium citrate beverage. (cost 2 bucks)....but don't take either if you have no stomach issues....
Weak body was major on my day 2 plus a headache...i forced myself to take a walk. we have nice parks in Ohio,,,i would pack a snack and have MP3 player....
you're right on schedule...be kind to yourself now...no overdoing anything...
Free~.
Hang in there....on my day two I kept the tub filled....i so wish i owned a hot tub. Get some immodium AD and magnesium citrate beverage. (cost 2 bucks)....but don't take either if you have no stomach issues....
Weak body was major on my day 2 plus a headache...i forced myself to take a walk. we have nice parks in Ohio,,,i would pack a snack and have MP3 player....
you're right on schedule...be kind to yourself now...no overdoing anything...
Free~.
I'm here starting at 11:00am will be my day 2, last night was restless but I did manage to get a little sleep, rls not a problem my arms seem to be stiff, this morning somewhat foggy but so much on mind. The sweats are a bear and nit much stomach issues yet, somewhat of a rapid heartbeat. Thank you, all! So glad I'm here
Hi there,,you have a lot of great advice from the other members above. I just wanted to share with you that you literally will have to change your lifestyle and habits if you want to achieve sobriety. It doesnt happen overnight either. So settle in for the change. I used to think that if I just quit that this problem will disappear. Wrong. I kept going back to it. Cut off all connections and people that you associate with that can enable you. Cancel scripts,,etc. The physical withdrawals are not pleasant. Yes they really suck,,but in hindsight that was the easy part of the process. Its the mental part that really really is the hard part. You need a support system in place and a plan for aftercare or NA. This will seal the deal. Give you tools that are essential in maintaining sobriety. You have to get rid of old habits too. I does feel very weird in the beginning esp when you go to do something that you always took a pill to do. This will pass and you will feel more and more comfortable doing things and socializing as time passes. You will develop a new norm and teach your brain that you dont need the pills. It just a slow process. Its a lifelong change that you have to maintain daily. I know that this can be done. I know that you can do this and I wish you all the best. Keep us posted we are all here to support you. ((hugs))~Bkitty
Oh a full bottle of pills was just a treasure to look at. That always called for a private party in my bedroom with my tv and computer. I deserved it. Then the pill bottle would start getting emptier and the panic would start to set in. I didn't even want to count the days that I had had them and know how many I had gone through in my private parties. Ugh. I'm lucky to be alive.
Every waking moment of every day was consumed by pills...When can I take them, how many can I take, how many do I have left, when can I call in for a refill, what lies have I told my doc, how many can I steal from my best friend.
When I'd get them I'd lay them all out on the bathroom counter and look at them. The best days were the days I got a new refill.
Then I started trying to cut back. Couldn't do it. Then I started taking more and more, chasing that high, but only feeling normal - maybe.
On January 3rd of this year I flushed the remainder of my pills and went cold turkey. I spent four days in hell. Now I'm happier than I've been in many, many years. It is worth it. That's a promise.
When I'd get them I'd lay them all out on the bathroom counter and look at them. The best days were the days I got a new refill.
Then I started trying to cut back. Couldn't do it. Then I started taking more and more, chasing that high, but only feeling normal - maybe.
On January 3rd of this year I flushed the remainder of my pills and went cold turkey. I spent four days in hell. Now I'm happier than I've been in many, many years. It is worth it. That's a promise.
I knew I was out of control when the only thing I would think about is waking up and reaching for my bottle of oxys. I lost my zeal for life and finally with the support of my wife I realized there was more to life than taking the evil oxy.---Rick
I have detoxed before because of none available not because of wanting to. This something that is going to kill me, my body was not meant to take in this kind of medicine, if I don't commit yesterday if it took 20 how many will I be up to in 3 months?? And my source lives 5 minutes from me and see them in our small town, a very rural area. I have to stop money, health and I am just sick of living a double life. Something has had to wake all of us up and make us realize the choices we made are wrong. Today is my day. Just curious as to what made some of you realize this addiction was out of control?
Welcome. You are in a very tuff place...In your heart you know that you have to stop, but honestly, as long a you have a source you probably won't. If money is the only thing standing between you and another pill, then the odds are against you, big time.
As many have posted, you have to set up roadblocks; make it very, very hard to get more meds. Granted, the physical symptoms of detox aren't fun, but what gets most of us in the end is the mental part of recovery. Your mind is already talking to you; I can tell by some of the things that you've written. And as you get further in to detox, the more it will whisper to you. Then, even if you make it past the physical withdrawal, the voices never stop...It becomes a life long process, helped by after care, family, and places like this forum.
I do wish you all the best, and as I said, your heart seems to be in the right place, but most likely you will fail if you don't take steps to cut off your sources.
As many have posted, you have to set up roadblocks; make it very, very hard to get more meds. Granted, the physical symptoms of detox aren't fun, but what gets most of us in the end is the mental part of recovery. Your mind is already talking to you; I can tell by some of the things that you've written. And as you get further in to detox, the more it will whisper to you. Then, even if you make it past the physical withdrawal, the voices never stop...It becomes a life long process, helped by after care, family, and places like this forum.
I do wish you all the best, and as I said, your heart seems to be in the right place, but most likely you will fail if you don't take steps to cut off your sources.
Have you detoxed before?? You need to get some stuff in before you start feeling too bad. Comfort foods that are easy on the tummy. Imodium for the opiate trots! I will post my helper post!
I kept telling myself...YOU HAVE the FLU! It will be over and I will feel so much better. My brain seemed to get that and settled down a little. It is hard, but doable! The Thomas Recipe (bottom of the page) under Health Pages will help. I had to cut back on the Ltryosine, but the rest really helped. Imodium, Imodium, Imodium (liquid or pills if the liquid can't be found or you can't swallow it) will help. I took double the dosage for a few days (personal choice) and it helped so much..even with the withdrawals in general and the opiate trots which sucked.
Hydrate and eat! ((gatorade is good) Even if it is just a little every hour or so.(boost or ensure might work for both food and drink) You have to eat something to keep your energy up as much as possible.
If you have Restless legs..it is hit or miss what works. Walking seemed to help me some. Hot bath with epsom salts..a little. I finally had to get my doctor to refill my restless legs meds (non addictive) to get some sleep. If nothing works,your doctor might help. Benedryl or OTC Alteril helps some with sleep issues and you will have them.
One hour at a time is all anyone can ask. After 2 weeks it gets a little better and I started to say, One day at a time! Your brain will do all sorts of things to get you to take a pill. I found if I was hungry..the cravings got worse. I would try to eat a banana, a few grapes or a few crackers to get that under control.
The hardest part comes after the detox. Your brain will be all over the place and will try to get you back on the pills...It is having to work and not depend on the pills to help.
Good for you. I hope all goes well. You have made a good start coming here....this site has helped me so much!!! Keep posting!!!!!
I kept telling myself...YOU HAVE the FLU! It will be over and I will feel so much better. My brain seemed to get that and settled down a little. It is hard, but doable! The Thomas Recipe (bottom of the page) under Health Pages will help. I had to cut back on the Ltryosine, but the rest really helped. Imodium, Imodium, Imodium (liquid or pills if the liquid can't be found or you can't swallow it) will help. I took double the dosage for a few days (personal choice) and it helped so much..even with the withdrawals in general and the opiate trots which sucked.
Hydrate and eat! ((gatorade is good) Even if it is just a little every hour or so.(boost or ensure might work for both food and drink) You have to eat something to keep your energy up as much as possible.
If you have Restless legs..it is hit or miss what works. Walking seemed to help me some. Hot bath with epsom salts..a little. I finally had to get my doctor to refill my restless legs meds (non addictive) to get some sleep. If nothing works,your doctor might help. Benedryl or OTC Alteril helps some with sleep issues and you will have them.
One hour at a time is all anyone can ask. After 2 weeks it gets a little better and I started to say, One day at a time! Your brain will do all sorts of things to get you to take a pill. I found if I was hungry..the cravings got worse. I would try to eat a banana, a few grapes or a few crackers to get that under control.
The hardest part comes after the detox. Your brain will be all over the place and will try to get you back on the pills...It is having to work and not depend on the pills to help.
Good for you. I hope all goes well. You have made a good start coming here....this site has helped me so much!!! Keep posting!!!!!
You will be fine....If todays your day..Bless you..it will be a ride..but its not forever and we will be here...post as much as you like. Making a decsion is huge. Please stick around and tough it out.....so many of us were EXACTLY where you not so long ago,,,,and we made it to the otherside...
Much strength and support
Free~
Much strength and support
Free~
That's what I said, I have had 5 this morning and I have no intentions of getting more. Sure my mind is saying you can't talk, or go outside. you need a few more. I'm gonna rake this a minute and hour at a time, it took a while to get where I'm at and it's gonna take a while to get better.I am not looking forward to the mental w/d that will start as soon as the physical starts, I'm a pretty active person and love being outside, but these things have convinced me I can't go out without one.
So you are saying you are going to quit today? If you are just go for it. You will feel like you have a bad flu for 3-5 days and then you should start feeling better. As I said in a previous post take a look at the Thomas Recipe on this page and make sure you take vitamins, fluids and protein. I hope you make the choice to get your life back as it will be a rewarding choice. Only you can make that choice and step in the right direction towards sobriety. Just keep remembering YOU CAN DO THIS. I believe you can now its up to you to start you journey down the road to sobriety. We are all here to support you throughout your journey so get to it. I will pray for you and hope to see you take the next step, I have confidence in you so go for it. God Bless---Rick
I could easily call and get more, but this lifestyle has taken over and I don't like it. I stumbled upon this site to see if people had similar experiences as mine. My habit has gotten progressively worse and I don't want to be controlled any longer. I am sick of this, I hate it I want to be a sober non controlled adult, who looks forward to a new day and enjoying family not where and how I can get a pill. I have taken so many over the few months that everything I do is tied to functioning with a pill. I don't want to be that person any longer, I am so much better than that. I gave wanted to stop for a very long time but I never knew so many had the same story or similar to mine, thankfully I found this place.
The first thing you must do is figure out whether you truly want to quit or you are just doing it because you ran out of pills. If it's the latter you will relapse in a heartbeat. You need to commit to quitting or you will most likely fail. You should try to find some meetings and try to build a support systems as it extremely important for success.
If you feel your not ready for CT right now pick a date to do it and stick to it. Another thing is you need to have someone you can talk to about all of this so tell someone close to you. Hiding the dirty little is very dangerous for our sobriety so talk to somebody, you will be surprised how supportive they can be. Well good luck with whatever decision you make and keep posting here.---Rick
If you feel your not ready for CT right now pick a date to do it and stick to it. Another thing is you need to have someone you can talk to about all of this so tell someone close to you. Hiding the dirty little is very dangerous for our sobriety so talk to somebody, you will be surprised how supportive they can be. Well good luck with whatever decision you make and keep posting here.---Rick
How do I atop the association all that I do all that o want to do is associated with a pill? Such simple things, I feel that I need a pill. Will I be better off this week (I have no more), to make myself get out and do or go with the detox misery ?
I do not live alone, I have a family (small). I realize secretskeep us crippled, but I can't yet, that fear ia way worse to me, than the detox . I live in a very small place where everyone knows everyone and why I haven't been confronted is a shock, but if I don't stop this confrontation is coming and it would kill my parents and my child. I appreciate your interest in me and trust me you all might get tired if seeing the same old same old, bit I'm worn out fighting this monster alone, because I can't, today I'm not strong enough I might not be tomorrow or next week, but I will. Overdosing is not an option, I don't want ut anymore, it wants me.
The fear of withdrawal kicks all of us..until we realize that one pill is too many and 1000 is never enough! Death takes all of us. Do you want to die of the pills with those secrets coming out at the end? Or do you want to die with your family by you loving you and knowing you lived a good life?
I know you fear to tell your family, but secrets keep us weak and helpless. Can you tell your family? It made all the difference to me. It helped me be strong and know that I was accountable not only to me but to them to be clean.
You are not a bad person, you are an addict. I know you can do this, you have come here and we will support you no matter what. Keep posting and let us help you keep strong. The next week is the most important one in your life. Let us be part of that.
I know you fear to tell your family, but secrets keep us weak and helpless. Can you tell your family? It made all the difference to me. It helped me be strong and know that I was accountable not only to me but to them to be clean.
You are not a bad person, you are an addict. I know you can do this, you have come here and we will support you no matter what. Keep posting and let us help you keep strong. The next week is the most important one in your life. Let us be part of that.
Wow your initial post sounds like most of us. I know you are scared but it's never as bad as you think it's going to be. It's not easy but lots of us do it at home and alone.
Are you living alone? Have you stocked up on imodium, gatorade and other things mentioned in the Thomas Recipe? I don't know how much you have read about detoxing so if you have any questions, please ask and we will all help you as much as we can.
You can do this.
Are you living alone? Have you stocked up on imodium, gatorade and other things mentioned in the Thomas Recipe? I don't know how much you have read about detoxing so if you have any questions, please ask and we will all help you as much as we can.
You can do this.
So here we go.. Honestly I had 5 leftover from yesterday 3 down and two to go. Nights are redress for me when ii know I don't have many for the next day, but last night I slept pretty well, I am looking forward to getting off this junk, I so want my life back. I feel like I am cheating on my spouse, a love affair with with a pill or pills, sneaking to meet my dealer, no one would ever expected this out of me, not even myself. What I have done makes me Ill.. I'm closing a chapter and looking forward to a new book,. The life I'm living cannot continue , w/d can only be a small price to pay, because the burden and secrets are gonna kill me and I refuse to live any longer like I am. I know I may get blasted for saying I still have two left, but last week when I had 2 I was calling to get more. If you all will help me I will do this.
My day will ne tomorrow as I will be out and have no more money to purchase. I have stopped for days and weeks prior only to get more, but I can't afford this, and that is what scares me if I have money I will go back.. I feel as though I have the weight of the world upon my shoulders, secrets I have kept, lies I've told money I've taken that we surley need, I feel like and I know I have deprived my family of necessities and their extras.. For what?? A pill that, gives it gives me
10 minutes of a rush, I think I can't function or do simple tasks or chores without. I am living in fear my family will find out. I know the physical w/d will be rough but I know that doesn't last forever, it's the mental that I am so afraid of I am an abuser and it will last a lifetime. How I would love to go back and change 12 yrs ago. Thank You for your support and encouragement, as I have no one to talk to. Thank You, Thank You!
10 minutes of a rush, I think I can't function or do simple tasks or chores without. I am living in fear my family will find out. I know the physical w/d will be rough but I know that doesn't last forever, it's the mental that I am so afraid of I am an abuser and it will last a lifetime. How I would love to go back and change 12 yrs ago. Thank You for your support and encouragement, as I have no one to talk to. Thank You, Thank You!
You have an uphill battle ahead of you. You need to decide NOW, whether you need to hit that "rock bottom" that people talk about or you can make yourself do this before you lose everything..... because that's where you are headed.... As soon as you decide, just go ahead and start the process.... Have plenty of gatorade, immodium, vitamin B6 and B12, Benadryl and Melatonin on hand. Honestly, the only think I kept down for 3 days was water but that was my experience.... Each detox is individual and each individual's detox will progressively get worse the more times you go through it. It is bad.... but not that bad. Just jump. Seriously it's more like a bad flu than anything else. I can tell you that the more you can sweat, the faster you will get all that crap out of your system and start your recovery. Hot baths and movement (as much movement as you can tolerate) are your best friends. Keep your laptop open because the people on here are wonderful..... I mean WONDERFUL.... They helped me more than I could have ever thought possible..... Get rid of your contacts! All of them! And above all else.,..... just keep swimming.......just keep swimming......just keep swimming..... don't give up because every minute, every hour that you stay clean.... is 1 more hour of recovery..... The first 5 days are physical..... the rest is mental. YOU WILL NEED HELP WITH THIS PART! AA and NA are both free to use and all over the place, at all hours.... You are worth it! A life free from those damn pills is totally worth the few days that you will have to endure the detox. Don't give up and keep posting! We are all rooting for you!
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