Someone help me

I am a 20 year old male, and I am seriously addicted to pain meds. I take about 20 pills over the course of 24 hours. I break about 3 in half, so they work faster, and pop them all at once. I have tried cutting down, my brain wont let me, i tried entering myself in rehab, but i bust out. I have a lovely girlfriend I love her so much, she doesnt know about this problem. I'm afraid if i tell her, she will lose all feelings for me. I want to quit I WANT TO SO BAD. the withdraws are so bad i have bad thoughts about just ODing one day. Ending it all. But i cant my mom would just lose it, my girl would to. I take so many pills when i go to sleep i wake up with the withdraws, i wake up with the "kicking" restless but tired, sweaty but cold. IT IS HELL!!!

What should I do? please someone help me

[Cassie415]

First, you should know that this can be done and so many members on this forum are living proof, that you can turn your life around. I am currently on day 4 of stopping a 200mg daily oxycontin habit, and like you I am 19. When you are ready to stop, which it sounds like you are, you've got to fight with everything you've got. The withdrawals will last about a week, a little less, and there are lots of things to help you through it. I haven't told my family, however if you can do it, you should, they will probably be very supportive. Keep a list with you of reasons why you stopped and stay determined. You can fight through the cravings and people around you or people on here will support and help you through it. Why did you break out of rehab? Would you consider going back? It is very helpful to have some sort of support system around you of people who can help you and relate to what you're going through.

Like you, I was waking up sick every morning too, and I wouldn't get out of bed unless I had a line of oxycontin to do. It's a miserable life, every time you take that drug your playing with death. You deserve more out of life then being enslaved by a pill. I hope this helps a bit, i'm not a pro on this and I haven't even been able to tell my own family but i'm just trying to get off the drug like everyone else here. If you need any help or have questions you can msg me anytime.

[Revann]

Thank you, Its nice to know that there are people out there like you. The main problem with quitting is the insomnia, depression, and "kicking". I didn't have a lot of money so I went to this free rehab clinic. I was roomed with a heroin addict, and he would not let me sleep. Talking all night, and moaning and groaning, yelling at invisible people. I understand he was going threw a lot. But in my state of mind, I wasnt about to spend 90 days with that. I don't know maybe it was I just didn't want to quit. I just wanted to use and be happy again. Is it easier to quit cold turkey or slowly cut down? And the biggest question, I am trying to quit mainly for me, but also for my girlfriend. I love her, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, she loves me so much, I feel so bad I got her to fall in love with me, with my drug problem. Should I tell her?

[worried878]

ur girlfriend doesnt know?  if it wereme iwould tell her,,being accountable to someone helps us stay clean..if she loves u she will not leave u...if she leaves u it was not meant to be...the drug problem is part of u..a negative part but still a part..no one is 100 % positive..we all haveo out negative aspects...someone who loves us forgives and forgets..if u relapse over and over she may bolt...but she will figure this out eventually if u 2 r in for the long term...honesty is the best policy..especially with those we love

the health pages r full of great info..to the left of this screen under DISCUSSION..read and learn..make a plan..seek aftercare to hang onto ur cleadom..always remember the reasons u quit cos they will become distant at times...keep them close to u...and never lose urself to the drugs...ever..u r too important to let go of..always move forwarrd

[dominosarah]

I think you will feel better if you tell your girlfriend about this.  Having support from our loved ones is very helpful in our recovery.  She can come on this forum too and ask questions.  Check into aftercare also.  That is so important.  Getting clean is the easy part.......staying clean is the hard part and that is where aftercare comes into play.  We will be here to help and support you.........sara

[Revann]

I dont know what to say, the support im getting from you people over the last couple of hours is already making me feel better. I use to be a sober happy person, my life was good at one point. I just wish i know if it is going to be again some day. I dont want to tell her, getting her to fall in love with a drug addict and telling her about it when our relationship is getting serious. That was it does to me, it effects my judgement. But im going to tell her tomorrow. I dont know how to thank you people. I dont know though, i hear about people that have quit and are living happy lives now. But then i hear about people like DJ AM, the host of Gone To Far on MTV. He was a drug addict, got clean, then did this TV show to help people get off drugs. Then died last month from pain medication OD. You can look it up. I just dont want to be that statistic were people die from a drug problem...

Thank you all so much, I have an experience with this problem if there is anything you guys need help with. Please let me know.
Thank you again

[dominosarah]

You can be that sober happy person again.  Dont let fear hold you back.  What happened to DJ AM could happen to anyone of us.  That is why it is so important to get and stay clean.  It takes strength and determination and you have that in you.    sara

[Cassie415]

Trying and failing (not to say you will fail) is far better then never trying for fear of what may happen. You can do this, prepare for the wd and get the vitamins that will help you through it. Telling your girlfriend and family will help get you support you need. Keep us posted on how it's going. You will get amazng support here.

[worried878]

yey...drugs r not an ingredient for happines..nor is alcohol..it is within our soul that happines is found...drugs make us unhappy in the end

I am glad u r telling her.  I dont think she is gonna take it as badly as u think...she will be at ur side for life if u plan to marry her...an addiction problem should not be hidden from the one u spend ur life with..or there will always be this secret that separates u..u will feel it...it is also important to be accountable to someone..if she is ur life mate..then she would have the right and need to know..and she will love u anyway..if she were sick with a disease like cancer/but managing it and keeping it in remission/would u leave her?  I think not..
i hid this problem as i was and have been in remission for quite some time...we broke up/not due to my past adiction (addiction) problems but because he still loved his x wife..when we planned to marry she put the screws in and she won..oh well...i am not sure what she thinks she won but after tormenting myself and him...i dohope they r happy..i never told him but almost did...my problem has been under control for quite a while..but i do know the ugly claws of addiction can come back anytime..it is best she knows..and u will be happy ever after...addiction does not make u a retard in life..just a bit of a probelm we have to keep in check..not the nd of the world as long as we know where we r and what we r doing

good luck to u

[Revann]

i dont know what to say, i told her and she said she will help me threw it. her answer gave me strength to just finally not worry about withdrawals and relapsing. worried878, im sorry to hear about that. but you sound like a nice girl i know there is someone out there that will take care of you. its day 2 and the withdrawals are not going away. but i hear over 30 people die each year from drug withdrawals alone. just from withdrawals. maybe cold turkey isnt the way to do it.

is it better to cut down slowly or just fight threw it?

[TrayCee]

you dont die from withdrawals

[TrayCee]

where did you get that statistic?

[Jules1866]

You are in the middle of the worst part of the withdrawl (withdrawal) and you will not die (it may feel like it but you will not die) You may want to have your girlfriend near to help you, you will need some amodium ad for the diarrea (diarrhea), take lots of hot baths, your girlfriend may want to run to the health food store and buy you some valerian root, it is natures valium, it will help you sleep at night, they also have passionflower for anxiety.

You can do this, and think of the prize, you will not be ruled by pills anymore, you can wake up a free man and not worry about having pills in the morning, or figuring out how your going to make it for the next week with no pills, there is nothing more valuable then being free from these drugs.

I was in pain management and became dependent on vics and morphine, the vics i stopped ct and the morphine i have to wean off of because it will toss you right in vicious vomiting, I know because I tried to diviate from my taper schedule and i had to end up listening to my doc on the taper schedule.

Please stay on this forumn and keep us all updated. Jules

[corey411]

Hi and congratulations on day 2. You will be through this in a few days so keep going. You have to go through this bad part to get better. You will not die from opiate withdrawal. People do die from ct from barbituates, benzos and alcohol. Keep thinking about your girl and why you want to get clean. It will get better soon, I promise. Keep posting and let us know how your doing. Corey

[jstntime]

Hang in there Kevin,

You'll probably end up speaking a few different languages before this is through but die you will not!!  I'm kidding but this isn't going to be easy.  

It's doable though if you want it bad enough.  It's the ONLY way.  I am going to swear to you that tomorrow will probably be your worst day.  Have your girfriend stay with you or at least check in on you.  Get in the shower to warm up.  Drink water, don't eat if you don't feel like it.  YOU CAN DO THIS KEVIN.

After your likely dreadful day tomorrow, you will get a bit of a break, and by day 5 you will be over the worst.  Keep your eye on the prize Kevin.  I am starting day 7 and feel roughly like I did on day 1.  Just the feeling of symptoms going in reverse is a huge relief.  

We all fear WD kevin.  That's what drives us to behave the way we do.  One of the best feelings for me is that the fear of WD is gone for me.  I know I'm over the physical "hump" of this thing and no longer fear it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not out of the woods yet but I've never been more determined to make it.  

I can't wait to congratulate you when you get through this Kevin.  ONE more day buddy, then it will start to improve.

Hang in there,
Pulling hard for you,

bob

[Revann]

i cant believe the help im getting from you guys. i dont know how to thank you all. its nice to know that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. but i just dont see it yet. sleeping is getting really hard. the "kicking" and depression is at its worse. i didnt know that pain meds could cause pain. i hear that saying, once an addict always an addict. and i dont know, my dad was a serious drug abuser and my childhood was terrible. i dont want to be that kind of father. so, im going to try and sleep again.

thank you all... for everything

[jt808]

HEY BUDDY IM ONLY A FEW YRS OLDER THAN U ARE AND IVE BEEN TAKING PILLS FOR OVER 8 YRS AND I KNO EXACTLY WHT UR GOING THRU PROBABLY MORE THN ULL REALIZE MAKE LONG STORY SHORT ABOUT A YEAR AGO ME AND MY GIRLFRIEMNDS WERE LIVING TOGETHER BOUT GET ENGAGED AND SHE ENDED UP FINDING OUT ABOUT WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING AND AND SNEAKING HIDING LIEING AND ALL THT COMES WTH THE WHOLE PILL PROCESS ANYWAYS SHE WAS SOOOO UPSET AND SAD AND ANGRY AND PRETTY MUCH EVERY EMOTION ROLLED INTO ONE AND CUZ SHE WAS SO HURT AND CUZ SHE FOUND OUT FROM SOMEONE ELSE INSTEAD ME BEING HONEST AND COMING CLEAN WTH HER AND ASKING HER FOR HELP SHE WAS REALLY MAD THAT I COULDNT JUST TELLL HER I MEAN I WANTED TO TELL HER SOOOO BAD I THOUGHT ABOUT TELLING HER EVERYDAY BUT ANYWAY IF I WOULDA BEEN HONEST WTH HER AND CAME CLEAN AND ASKED FOR HELP I BELIVE SHE WOULD STILL BE WTH ME TILL THIS DAY BUT INSTEAD SHE FELT SO BETRAYED AND LIED TO T6HAT SHE LEFT ME ALL ALONE AND IT WQS TYERRIABLE, SO I HONESTLY BELIVE IF U LOVE UR GIRL AS MUCH AS U SAY U DI THAN U SHOULD COME CLEAN WTH HER AND ASK HER FOR HELP AND GET THRU THIS TOGETHER CUZ MAN NOT A DAY GOES BY WERE I WISH I WOUDNT OF ACTUALLY DONE WHAT I WANTED TO DO AND THAT WAS TO JUST OF TOLD HER SO WE COULDA GOT THRU IT TOGETHER INSTEAD OF HER FINDING OUT SOEM OTHER WAY. SO REALLY THNK ABOUT IT AND SIT HER DOWN AND DO WHAT U KNOW NEEDS TO BE DONE. ITS NOT GONA B EASIER BUT AFTER ITS ALL SAID AND DOEN ULL FELL SO MUCH BETER. GOOD LUCK

[jt808]

SORRY I DIDNT READ ALL THE WAY THRU IT I NOW KNO THT U DID TELL HER SO GOOD FOR U HOPE ALL WRKS OUT

[Revann]

it hurts... the withdrawals are getting the best of me. i feel like im really dying. but if i go to a hospital they will give me more drugs. im having bad thoughts. and my body cant take it anymore, what do i do now?

[Cassie415]

just sent you a message.

[jvette]

You can do this bro! I recently quit a 320MG Oxycontin habit COLD TURKEY two months ago. In the past two months I did slip up once (@ 32 days)..so I am back at 25 days today..but let me tell you that it gets better. I can't even begin to describe just how much better my life has become in these last two months. I too, used to be a sober and happy person, but go into OC and there came my downfall...and it brought me down FAST. At just over a year of using I was up to FOUR 80s a day and my life was literally a living hell. I tried COUNTLESS times to quit on my own and would never make it past two weeks. I would always cave in. So what's different this time? AFTERCARE. You hear everybody suggest it here...so actually take a minute and think about it. For me it's been the difference between life and death. I know if I kept on using I'd die eventually or would have just wanted to. If life could get that terrible in a year I can't imagine where it would be a few more months/years down the road. I personally have been going to AA meetings--but whether (if you do) you decide NA or AA is up to you. All I can say is AA is what is keeping me sober today. I definitely drank alcoholically before I started doing OC (I'm currently 22) but in my opinion it doesn't matter if youre an addict/alcoholic or both. The program works. It keeps me accountable and I am surrounded with people who've been exactly where I was and have recovered. I wish you the best of luck man! Hopefully you get something out of what I had to say here. Shoot me a message if you need anything!

[narla]

Be determined and fight with every bit of strength you've got.It's not easy but you can do it,It's better to go through the hard times now.Don,t wait until you've been addicted to pain meds for 20 yrs like I did,with that and the alcohol I now have liver damage.Put a stop to it now,we're all here to support you.
                  Good Luck and Remember we'll be thinking of you,Denise  

[Revann]

i think its only day 3 now, but for some reason i feel good. i got really good sleep last night, and thats all i need. the reason we can not sleep is because of that restless leg thingy. well i found a way to stop it, without pills or sleeping medication. all i did was jog/walk around my block a few times before i went to bed. my legs were to tired to be restless. then head straight to bed after your run, and drink plenty of water. sure depression and the body ache, is still there. but with that good nights sleep last night... i have the strength to go on a couple more days.

[newmanagment]

proven fact Kev... when you excersize you build endorphins that are released after your done. glad its workin for ya, keep ya chin up n fight ya *** off. ya way to young to put your life in ruins. good luck n much luv

[dominosarah]

Exercise is so good for us when we are detoxing.  It is sometimes a struggle but it works!!  Keep it going.  Drink plenty of fluids and check into some amino acids.  Need to replenish our bodies with good stuff.  You are doing great!!!!!!!!!         sara

[Jules1866]

See!!!! You are doing it!!! You are going to be free from all of the pill counting and worrying about running out to quick!!!

Keep the jogging going, it is working for you!

Jules

[MissX]

I've just finished reading all these posts & I want to say thankyou to Kevin for speaking out, & to everyone else who has replied so far. I felt like I'd read & heard it all before & I dont know if it was the way it was worded or what, but something's just clicked inside me. I've gotta get rid of this **** now.
Thanks all.

[Revann]

Just imagine a future, without pills. Without this addiction, imagine waking up next to your wife or husband, and smiling, smiling because your happy not because you just bought a bunch of drugs. Happy when your kids run into the bedroom, waking you both up. Hear their laughter. Now look at that future and ask yourself. Could this future be possible with this addiction? No, it cant. You have to see the prize, or the reward, look for the light at the end of this dark tunnel. Because if you really fight, and really want that kind of future. You can do it.

We can do it.
Just imagine how happy you will be once you get over this.

[jstntime]

Hey Kevin,

Great job Kevin!!!

It is easy to see the desperation of that day 3 starting to leave you.  You have done an amazing job to get over the hump.  It really will start to get easier.

I knew you could do this.

BRAVO!!!!!

bob

[Revann]

Today, i felt happy. Happy without pill, something i havent felt in 2 years. The withdrawals are slowly going away. I know in a couple more days i will have my energy, happiness, and my old life back. I couldnt do it without the support im getting on this website, all you people have helped me threw the darkest time in my life.

I dont know how to thank you.
Expect give the same encouragement you guys gave me.
Happiness will return, without this drug.

[jstntime]

Hey Kevin

AWESOME job. I knew you could do it.  I'm very happy for you bro!!!

It IS going to get easier now.  Your positive attitude in your last post leaves me feeling you're going to be fine and it's brought a smile to my face.

Keep 'er going buddy!!!

bob

[MissX]

Just the simple fact that this was your cry for help, & less than a week into it, youre providing positive words of encouragement to others in the same situation is unreal. I don't know you, but I am proud of your progress & outlook on the future. You're giving strength to people like me who are still in the trap. Thankyou.