My 23 year old son is addicted to oxycontin. I have tried to help him get help on numerous occasions. He came to me and asked for help tapering down his pills to curb the withdrawal symptoms and I agreed. However, I suspected he was getting pills from his girlfriend while I was also giving him pills to taper. I found 2 pills in his wallet and I went crazy. He is manipulative, lies all the time and steals from me. The latest was $500. from my safe. I have had it. I told him he needs to be detox'd and go to rehab, but he refuses. I offered him a sober living house that I would pay for. He refused stating he would rather live on the streets. I can't live with him any more. He is tearing up our family and I am suffering physically from the stress. It breaks my heart, but I had to tell him to leave today. None of us can leave our keys, wallets, cash or anything of value around. He will steal it and feels no remorse. After I kicked him out today he wrote me a text message telling me he will make it his goal to ruin me, to take everything from me, my job, my belongings and everything I know. He blames me for everything. I am ruined and broken inside. Any advice?
Hi, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Unfortunatly your son will not seek help until he sees that he is ready. You did the right thing by throwing him out. The lying, stealing and saying hurtful things are the drugs talking. The chances of him getting help are actually greater when you are not enabeling him to use drugs. I had to throw my son out and also filed charges against him for credit card theft. He was actually living on the street and once the police finally arrested him I left him in jail for the 11 days until they released him on his own recognisence. This was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do but I knew that he was going down fast and taking me with him. He got out of jail and used as soon as he could get his hands on heroin. When he called me later that day he had made plans to go to a rehab facility over 200 miles away and to go to a halfway house afterward. He has been clean for 4 1/2 years and is still paying back the money he stole through the courts. He called me some names and said hateful and hurtful things to me as well. My son would have never done this before. He had a few attempts to get clean and went to rehab earlier then left after a week before he got clean. He tells me today that if I would have not thrown him out he would have probably not gotten clean and feels he would have died. I did not have this site then but a former addict who's number someone had given me told me not to even make phone calls on his behalf to get into rehab but to make him do it. This is what I did, Your son will probably get over his anger and make attempts to manipulate you again into believing he wants to get clean. I would make him do it. It would help if you can go to Narnon and meet up with some other parents in your position for support. Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. God bless, Corey
I am so sorry for your pain...... I completely understand, my daughter was/is addicted to oxy, and any other drug she could get her hands on, but oxy is what took everything from her. My girl railed oxy 6 to 8 times a day 80 mgs. throw in some meth to keep you up and I have no idea of how she didn't kill herself. She/we have been thru rehab 3 times, this last time she was 30 days in-patient, 60 days out-patient (very intensive) NA meetings, we have done all the doctors, counselors, you name it recovery treatment, if you want, please read my posts for the last 18 months, we tried everything..... because I refused to lose my daughter to drugs. She is now in 6 months of sober living 300 miles from home, and now in her 9th week, so basically she has been in treatment non stop since February. My daughter didn't have the anger that your son has shown......yes she did hideous horrible things to her family........ but it was never anger verbally as strong, so I can't guide you on that one. She went thru rehab 3 times, and the only thing that seemed to allow her to focus was when she went on Suboxone the last time. Before all of the anti-Sub people jump on, she has been off of it for almost a month, it merely allowed her the opportunity to focus on her recovery in a way she hadn't before.
I don't believe your son meant anything that he text to you, I think (IMHO) he is scared, and as most addicts have no self respect left and the pain of what they have done to others, they hate themselves for having done such horrible acts just to get their drug. So I doubt he feels he is worthy of your love........ or trying to help.
I am so sorry for you and your family....addiction is hell and certainly not a life we expected for our children or ourselves. Try going to an Al-Anon mtg. it took me a few different places to find one I connected with, but this can be a great help to you.
I'm sorry, but I am going out of town tonight and wont be home until Monday....... if you ever want to talk tho please let me know. I will pray for you and your son...... this is not the life he wants to live, and I am sure he is so far over his head he doesn't have a clue of how to get out of this horrible mess he is in........
I am so sorry your son said those things to you, but it was the drugs talking and not your son. I will tell what happened to my brother in law, he injured his knee and had a halo on his knee and was taking oxys for about 2 years, after the doctor cut him off of the oxys he began to get them on the streets, my husband knew that his brother had an addiction and we did a family meeting without my brothe in law, we told his mother (my mother in law) that Nick (my brother in law) had an oxy addiction and maybe even more then just that drug. We wanted to make him do drug testing weekly and have house rules, my mother and father in law said WE CANNOT DO THAT, well it became worse with lying, stealing, borrowing money, my mother in law refinanced her home for his drugs and thought it was for his business. At that point we wanted to have Nick arrested and detox from jail, his mother and father (my inlaws) said they cannot put Nick in jail because it would kill him. 2 months later, I received the call. Nicks heart stopped due to an Oxy,Herion, Cocaine, Vicodin,darvocet, zanax and zoloft in his system.
I am telling you so that you will know you are doing the right thing, sometimes its NOT what you do for kids but what you DONT do for your kids. He needs to hit a bad place and then want to get help and if you have to, you have him send to jail, at least he will be alive there.
I am really sorry to hear about your son. As all of the other have said, it is truly the drugs talking. As an recovering addict myself, I would lie, cheat, and steal in order to fullfill my habit. In my own experience - you have to hit Rock Bottom. Sometime it's more than once, but it seems as jail would be the best place for your son now. I too became addicted after two surgeries, and then the dr cut me off. When that happens, and are addicted, the addiction takes over and the diseases make you do things you wouldn't ever do. I hurt my family and friends with deceit, lies, and strealing. But once I did hit rock bottom (jail) - I did wake up, and knew I had a problem. At that time - I for once wanted to get help.
I am not sure what advise if any this will give to you, but from an addict - this has been my own experience.
I will be praying for you, your son, and family. May the best of all things come.
There's been so many good advice and words of wisdom given to you that I don't think there's anything to really add to what's already been stated here. I know it's easier said than done, but you've done the right thing. Once your son gets "clean" from these pills and the disease [addiction] then he will eventually come around, realize what he has said and done to you and the rest of his family and hopefully will feel some amount of remorse. You have to try and keep in mind that this isn't your son anymore. When I was on the pain pills, it wasn't me anymore. It was me on the pills and what the pills made me do to everyone around me that I knew loved and cared for me the most in the entire world. The only issue with it, is that HE has to see this for himself before he's able to get well. He has to want to make a change in his life before it happens. I pray that it happens soon; Not only for him, his safety and his future -- but also for your state of mind and peace in knowing that everything from here on out will be alright.
Keep thinking positive, and once again just know that you made the right decision if you feel it was what needed to be done. You can't be a prisoner in your own home. I wish there were more and more people like you out there that would take the initiative to stand their ground on firm legs and stick up for themselves. There's a certain limit that can be reached until you begin to reach your own breaking point when it comes to someone who is on pain pills at all times. He needs to get away from the girlfriend as well -- but I'm assuming this isn't going to be happening anytime soon if he's out of the house now. Give it a few days and try to contact him, this way you're mind is at ease knowing that he is at least alive, well and realizes [hopefully by that time] what he has done to himself AND the other people around him such as yourself.
My heart goes out to you right now, and only hope/pray that you stay here on the forums with us and continue to give us updates on how everything is going. Please know that we're all here for you if you need anything. Stay strong!
Hi there Mom1006,
My names Chris and I been reading many of these forums and couldn't believe how many ppl are hooked on this stuff..well my story starts as I started this whole oxy thing way back last November..thats when I first tried it..me, and two of my friends split a 40mg together..and the high would last all night long..it was the best high ever..loved it. After that I was doing it like around every other week just a forty and it would do me just fine and last me all night! Then in February I got laid off from my job due to the fact that a new person took over the business and were cutting costs. I started getting really bored all the time so I would turn to oxy..as well as both of my friends..I would start buying 40s at a time..and a lotta of the time would buy it for my friend too since he wouldn't have any money..and so I Have someone to do it with. Then of course my tolerance kept on getting higher and higher..and pretty soon I would be doing lots of cash advances from all my credit cards..and max. them all out. And I would have to guess I've burned at least $2,500 - $3,000 on all the oxy I have bought. My usual way of using would be using a grinder and snorting it..and my tolerance has ended up with an 80mg and a half..so 120mg just to get me high..friggin *****.
Now me and my friend are going through detox and are tired of spending all this money on this evil drug and its been making broker than ever, although I am receiving unemployment and am owing my bank a few hundred dollars for overdrafting, So now its been 4 days since I've done oxy..and Sat night I took a couple methadones to make me feel normal. And my friend was on them too, but were doing this cold turkey because we don't want to rely on taking pills for the rest of our lives. As of now my withdrawals aren't too bad, just body aches and lots of sneezing, and I know its gonna get worse but that's a risk I'm willing to make me feel normal again. I haven't told anyone in my family because I'm afraid of how my family will react and don't think they will understand I'll be 21 inna few days. But I do have all the support of my friends and my friends parents and they understand a lot. I mean I'm not really close with my parents and just don't want to disappoint them and don't want to worry them. I just want this **** to be over. My friend on the other hand, his withdrawals are much deeper such as: loss of appetite, body aches, vomiting, can't sleep, night terrors, depression, the whole nine yards.
I just wanted to share my story and get it out there since I've never really done this before and thanks for reading and thanks for all the advice everyone has given me and if anyone can give me any advice on detoxing that would be great thanks again.
There are few posts that make me cry, or touch me as yours did.... that oxy just bites you in the uh-huh, before you ever realize how it can and will destroy your life. I remember my daughter saying the exact same words as you....... she smoked 40mgs and was "high" for the night...... she is only 22 and started when she was 20, it didn't take too long to completely destroy her life.... at the end she needed 80 mgs 6 to 8 times a day...... with smoking some dope and using meth to keep her awake........ how very sad.
Your physical w/d's (just based on going thru this with my daughter many times) will pass in a week or so, and yes it is not pleasant, but as I told her, w/d was hands down better than what she did to use, how to get the money for the oxy and how many people she hurt in the process.... the mental however, was her biggest struggle...... physical she could do, mental she relapsed. Please get any and all after care that you can......... if you can't talk to your parents, please turn to your friends parents to help you find the support you need for a healthy life. I am so sorry you can't talk to your mom and dad.......perhaps you are not giving them enough credit, or you don't realize how very much they love you and never want to lose you to a life of drugs.
Please get all the aftercare and on going support that you can, it is a hard battle but one that you can win. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
This is just plain awful and you did the right thing he needs to hit rock bottom sometimes it takes everyone turning there back on the person for them to run out options and realize they need help and ask for it. By saying what he did in the text message he is trying to hurt you and make u feel bad and that is plain awful and mean. Stay strong and keep people around you that are good and there for you. DOn;t gve into him. God Bless you and your family
I believe that you should never wait for a person to "hit rock bottom". That could be death, arrest, who knows. If a person needs help they need it now. Whatever it may be to get him to rehab and now do it. If you need to call the police on him while he is using then do it. He needs to get help and ASAP. Tell him you will disown him as a mother, you will kick him out, cut him off, and never speak to him again. Scare him enough and get the people around him to help. Have an intervention. Whatever but do not wait for anyone to hit rock bottom. Im 23 and was the exact same as your son I had so many close calls with od's and at times I just wished I had someone to really force me to stop. I wish I had a mom telling me that I'm going to lose her. I think that if you work at it you can convince to get clean. You can NEVER trust him. No matter what. He may be your son, but he isn't your "son" right now. The drugs do amazing things and the best time to talk to him would not be when he is high but when he's down or in the morning. I wish you the best with him your a good mother and your caring heart will at end lead to his sobriety.
I wish someone would of helped me when I was smokin crack and doing Oxy's. Been clean now,for 5 yrs. but it always makes me angry that my so called family did nothing but get into my bank account, steal stuff from my house. They did all this while I was weak. They didn't care about doing a intervention. Thank god for my spouse that I was newly wed too. So mom1006, good job...he will thank-you one day...But maybe you should try to check out a rehab for him & try to get him to go.
Thank you for your insite. His father and myself (divorced) took him to a place he previously spent 3 days. He was nasty to lady and refused to go through process. He is annoyed that I was crying and so upset. He got nicer to lady there once he realized they couldnt force him. He told her he had a job on Monday and that he would do intensive out-patient rehab there. Both things were a complete lie and I told her that. He left with his dad and I dont know whats going to happen...
Thank you. Took him against his will back to the rehab place and ultimately he refused to go as in-patient. Said he doesnt know why I am crying so much he is fine. He told them he would do out-patient because he has a job. It was of course a complete lie!! I am sick . I dont see a light for him anywhere..
Hon, I am glad you gleaned some support here. This is actually an old thread and no one else from it will probably respond. If you go up to the top of this page and click on the orange ask a question icon and post your story with a bit more info..what has he been taking, how long, his age, etc. It will help the forum support you. Congrats for getting here.
my son is also addicted to pain pills and when I try to get him to go to a doctor he says " he's not addicted and is managing his pain fine" how do I get him to see he's not ?? It's almost like he lies to himself and REALLY believes himself when anyone tries to tell him different he becomes VERY arrgumentive. I'm sad, lost, hurt and scared I don't want to see him dead like 2 of his friends recently, his step dad shows no care for him and has always put him down since he was a child I blame myself that he has turned to drugs he's 23 what should I do ? he lives with us and my husband wants to throw him out,,he has no money and no friends anymore and no where to go I feel this would set him up for getting arrested? I don't know what to do please help :((
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