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10662256 tn?1411838984

Sound advice?

I have been reading posts for hours. There seems to be so much conflicting advice. And it covers everything from one end of the scale to the other. I am going to post anyway and see where this goes. I was an IV coke user for several years. It drove my life into the depths of hell and depravity. I ended up having to move 1500 miles away into a homeless shelter and start my life over to get and stay clean. Fast forward 10 years. I am now married, own a successful business and enjoy life.......until.......a back injury followed by pain pills. Fast forward another 2 years.....my business is falling apart, my marriage is on the rocks and I am broke from buying pain pills from anywhere and at any price. I get a script from my doctor of 90 5/325 mg Hydros every 2 weeks and still spend 250 a week buying pills. Now the money is all but dried up and before long the doctor will stop writing scripts.  I HAVE TO QUIT. I want my life back, my marriage to be what it was...happy and healthy....I tried a couple of times to go cold turkey. Vomiting, diarrhea, head aches could only get off the couch to make it to the bathroom. I lie to my wife and pawn my property to keep buying pills to avoid the sickness, feed the addiction and keep working to make more money to buy pills...........Do I move again and start over or just put a round in the chamber this time?
Best Answer
1235186 tn?1656987798
Hello and welcome. we are glad you are here. you are among friends.
And no putting a bullet in the chamber is not the answer.
Don't listen to the lies of the enemy of your soul.
You are a precious life. You are stronger than you think.
You are worth getting clean for.
You got clean before and you can get clean again.
You posted here so your desire to get clean is there.
you are stuck in the hamsters wheel.
There is freedom from the chains and bondage of addiction.
There is hope. Don't give up.
Fight, fight, fight for your life, your marriage, your finances, your business.
Keep the faith.
We will be here to support and encourage you.
Sending prayers for hope, healing, peace,
Debbie

25 Responses
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Avatar universal
Congrats to you for committing to helping yourself and for being completely forthcoming with your wife.  My husband has major back issues and is disabled and I was taking his meds for years.   He had to know on some level but did not want to accept that his otherwise "perfect" wife had this dirty little secret.  Even when we both acknowledged I was out of control it still took a lot for him to put his foot down to me and I had to be honest with him. Only now are we headed down the right path. Best of luck on your journey to sobriety. ..you can do it!!

JJ
Helpful - 0
10662256 tn?1411838984
Yep, that is exactly where I am. Deciding that the physical pain wasn't as bad as I thought it was when you compare it to this addiction. 18 days is such an accomplishment. Keep fighting the fight. I am tapering down and have myself on a 5-6 pill a day taper. This, from up to 30 + a day.
Can you tell me what you did? Did you taper? Cold turkey? What did you experience? How did you deal with it?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I get it. In 96 I got clean off coke. Fast forward to 2007 herniated disc, then 2 fractures, 2 back surgeries, neuropathy.
I'm 18 days clean off methadone, hydrocodone,....
All this caught me off guard. I thought I had 1 drug of choice coke, but oh guess what I'm an addict enough of anything eventually off to the races.
This forum, AA/NA, & for me church...gave me courage.  Everyone on here can help you through.
So glad you found this site. I decided physical pain would be better than the hell I've put myself in.
Helpful - 0
10662256 tn?1411838984
Thank you so much for the support. Yep, my wife is awesome. When I first posted a few days ago I said my marriage was on the rocks. Well, it turns out, it isn't. My wife is just not willing to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. Since I have joined the Med Help family, posted, do my journal and tracking and have committed to N/A and whatever it takes to achieve sobriety and a healthy life she is my new best friend. She listened to me ramble on and on today about how I felt, what I wanted, where I am at emotionally etc. This is very encouraging. Thanks to you, also, for being there for me.

Richard
Helpful - 0
10662256 tn?1411838984
Miss Vicki,

Thank you for the response. I read what you said and addressed this with my wife. We are thinking that as long as I can tolerate the faster taper and I am not setting myself up for failure to keep going until and unless an adjustment is needed or warranted. I hope we are thinking clearly on this matter. I am going to attend my first N/A meeting on Wednesday. I am thinking of trying 2 meetings and compare the different clubs. Maybe I was premature but I have already severed ties with those persons selling me pills. This only leaves me what I am prescribed for my severe back problems which means in order for them to last from script to script I must not go over 6 a day which is where I have been the last 2 days. I am hoping to taper down from the 6 a day this week. If I do not respond well I will adjust accordingly. I am just so anxious to be free. For the first time in years I REALLY mean this. Thanks for the love and encouragement.

Richard
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi there-  You've been in good hands with all this advice!  I just need to comment on the taper you described:  it's very fast so you'll feel wd's and it will just drag on...A taper that is slow, dropping by small amounts over a longer period of time is what works to stay comfortable. It's also difficult.  It's up to you and how you start feeling on whether you want to just stop or not.

One thing a taper allows us to do is get our aftercare and support in order. So you may want to do some research and decide which way you want to go. Meetings, therapist, doctor, etc....  We need to do everything we can to be successful in sobriety and the failure rate is high.  Keep posting and asking questions; you're among friends.
Helpful - 0
9880688 tn?1414115647
Wow....you sure are tapering fast (not complaining here) but yes, you will have withdrawal symptoms since you are dropping fast.  Sounds like you are doing everything right....I'm especially impressed that you've already found an NA group.

Keep on Keepin as our friend GlassGuy always says.  I'm so proud of you....I hope you are proud of yourself and that you recognize the deep well of courage you have inside of you.

Many Hugz and also prayers that you have a good day today~
Helpful - 0
6990909 tn?1435275816
Just wanted to drop by and offer support.  You have gotten wonderful advice by all of those above.  So happy you have already found NA this morning.  Sounds like you have a wonderful wife for support.  Stay hydrated and eat bland foods when you can.
Best to you and keep posting!
Prayers out to you for strength, healing, and comfort!
Helpful - 0
10662256 tn?1411838984
Thank you so much for your post. Today is day two. I went from 30 pills the day before to 6 yesterday. My goal is 5 today and keep decreasing a pill a day. I have journaled, posted and am tracking as well. I have found an N/A group this morning, also.
Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
I sure will send a Prayer or two your way..All the above replies hit it right on. Support, Support and more Support in anyway and however you can get it. I got clean back in 2012 and had many bumps in the road..I just kept adding more support and/or changing some support to fit what I was experiencing at the time.
I too was just telling someone how in my past drug use about 40 years back and then up to my first opiate, I could walk away from most drugs until the opiates hit me hard which lead up to getting the methadone prescribe for pain..Yep! It was all just a game to get it. Snorting with one other drug took me back to the crank days..The benzo to come down was one of the worst detoxes ever. YOU can do it!!!  Maybe talk to a DR so they can give you some comfort meds. They are getting better at this..Most of us just stayed all natural..You can find vit/min that help relax your muscles and some to help with energy and so on and so forth. Just make sure YOU drink TONS of water right now to help flush this all out..I wish you the best & never give up. YOUR Life is very precious.
Bless
Helpful - 0
9894787 tn?1407177311
It sounds like you are finally tired of being a slave to the poison.  The very worst thing you can do throughout the detox process is to feel sorry for yourself.  When you start doing this you come up with every reason under the sun as to why you "need" the pills.  Stay as busy as you possibly can.  I worked through the worst of my WDs because I just couldn't stand sitting around dwelling on what I was going through.  DO NOT beat yourself up with guilt and shame.  We have all been where you are, and you would be surprised as to what professions many of us are in.  Addiction happens in ALL walks of life.  Together we can help each other through the highs and lows of the challenge of our lives.  Keep posting and reading.  Before you know it you will be helping others dig themselves out.  I'm telling ya, friend, freedom from the sneaking, lying and self-destruction is within your reach.
Helpful - 0
9880688 tn?1414115647
I think all the posters covered pretty much everything.  The reason why some advice seems conflicting is we gear our advice to specific situations, drugs and people.  What we may say to someone who is detoxing off of methadone we may not say to someone who is detoxing off low levels of codeine.  Some remedies that are out there to help with symptoms are different.  Some remedies work for one person but don't work for another or it is something they can't take.

I hope you understand what I'm saying.  The best analogy I can give you is I was addicted to a medium level of oxycodone.  Someone told me 5 to 7 days to detox....which was true.  If I had been on high levels of duragesic I would probably have been told at least 2 weeks because the half life of duragesic is much longer than the half life of oxycodone.

Stick with us here okay?  If something is advised and doesn't work tell us...more than likely someone has a different idea that will work perfectly for you.

The thing that always works in here...we are like a family.  We all care a great deal about what happens to you and we want you to succeed.  We don't judge and we don't force you to do anything you don't want to do.

Hugz
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
We can be our own worst enemy. That voice in our head keeps on telling us
You tried before you can't do it. You won't succeed.
We have to talk back and say as long as I have breathe there is hope.
Yes Hun keep on fightin the good fight.
Keep your eye on the prize. Get some support, counseling, substance abuse
Support groups, church.
Your wife needs to go to al-anon. She needs to learn how not to enable.

Start exercising, clean eating, proteins, veggies, take vitamins.
Don't fear the withdrawals. You have to go through to get to the other side.
The light will get brighter and brighter.
Time will be your healer. Be patient with the process.
Keep the faith,
Debbie
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are worth my time and everyone else's time and in time you will see for yourself that YOU are worth it~

That was alot of "times" in that sentence!!
Helpful - 0
10662256 tn?1411838984
Miss Sarah,
Thanks for making the most important point of all. Wherever I go I take me along. I am going to make this the place where I make my stand. I am going to fight the good fight. I am going to deal with my issues. Thank you, so much, for making the time to respond to my post. Thank you for finding me worth your time.
Helpful - 0
10662256 tn?1411838984
Thank you for your comment and words of advice and encouragement. All the responses have given me that courage to jump into this with both feet and be successful. My wife reminds me constantly how successful I am at whatever I do. Let me add kicking this habit and then maintaining my sobriety to the list.
Thank you for finding me worth your time to reach out to me.
Helpful - 0
10662256 tn?1411838984
Debbie

OMG....The tears just won't stop coming. Yours was the third response I have read. Honestly, I was scared there wouldn't be any it would confirm that I am all alone. I am sad that I am not. That means that there are others like me struggling. Hurting. fighting. Your words were very uplifting and encouraging. The right words at the right time. Every year I used to take my wife to Hawaii and we would lay on the beach for hours and listen to the waves lap the shore. How fitting that "at the beach" would come to my rescue when I needed it most. Thank you. I will continue to post and hopefully return the help when I am most able to give it.
Helpful - 0
10662256 tn?1411838984
Are you kidding me? That post was sssooo much help. Just the fact that you commented makes a difference. I am not alone and someone does care. Please, never think you don't make a difference because every post does matter. For that I thank you.
Helpful - 0
10662256 tn?1411838984
I just got up after posting for the first time and then taking a 3 1/2 hour nap on the couch. I got back on the forum and read your post. Honestly? I cried. I haven't even made it to the other comments yet, but, I will. I just keep reading your words and feeling, for the first time, that I am not alone and someone does care. I put the gun back in the safe and have decided to give it another day. All of your words ring true and honest. The only correction I should make is about my wife. She is full aware of my addiction and the lengths I go to maintain it. She must the ultimate enabler. She helps by trying to control the quantity of pills I take. If I were to pick up my script from the pharmacy the whole bottle of 90 would be gone in 3 days. She gets them and dispenses them to me. I guess the mind set is if she can at least keep me down to 10 a day we are winning the battle. I thought I was the misguided one. She knows I supplement the 10 she hands out to me. She doesn't know when and to what extent. I am in the office and she just came in. She, as usual, is waiting for me to say "Can I have my morning dose?" I think I will change that to " None for me, thank you." and then start an open and honest conversation about stopping the madness. Thank you for commenting and sharing. Hold your head up today and know you made a difference in some ones life. Even if just for today.
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
A bullet in the chamber wont solve anything nor will a geographical change.  We seem to think that moving some other place will be the answer but we forget that we bring "ourselves" along and herein lies the problem.  Our demons follow us as they live in our head.  Time to get brutally honest with yourself and your wife.  Lay it all out on the table.  Our secrets keep us sick.  I know this part is hell but you will find a huge load lifted off your shoulders and then the path to recovery becomes possible.
Helpful - 0
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
I read your post this a.m. and it actually was something i could relate to immensly. As a business owner myself i hear ya on not being able to be "down" b/c if im down, we dont eat! Its as simple as that. U cant keep moving b/c your addiction will follow. I have been using since i was 12 off and on, and there were times when i did have my **** together....but that addiction issue still always managed to rear its ugly head. At some point your going to have to take a real hard look at whats going on and realize that your going to have to do some sort of aftercare to keep u clean! If it were strictly a willpower issue, none of us would be here! I am a strong person as i think u are for quitting the coke, but this is a disease. Until you treat it, its not going away. Its time to taper and get off the hydros! Talk to your wife, tell her your drowning and let her help u back up! Have her hold the pills and do a taper and then take the jump!!!
Helpful - 0
7689249 tn?1408018598
nurse girl is spot on she had told me that very thing months ago like back in feb and i had EVERY excuse int the book not to do any of it i couldn't tell my husband couldn't go to meetings couldn't go to in pt rehab i had all the couldnts all lined up but the truth is i COULDNT  do it alone it took me 8 months to get where i am now i started by telling my husband and family of my addiction then started meetings stayed clean for a month started using used for another month or 2 and finally got real honest with myself and went to inpatient rehab which i didn't have the money for but damit i found that money and i went away for 30 days just got home yesterday so it can be done you just gotta be ready and willing to do ANYTHING whatever it takes to get and stay clean it is the only way for almost all of us this is one powerful disease THAT WANTS TO SEE US DEAD bottom line its not your fault you are where you are but is IS YOUR FAULT if you choose to do nothing about it please start by telling your wife she's your wife she will understand i didn't think my husband would b/c he hates people that take pills and yea he was pissed but he wanted me to get help and not do pills anymore its a long road to travel but one that is well worth it i promise you
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I feel this way often . I have also tried to quit only lasted 24hours I was taking 20 a day a sometimes more I ended up tapering down to 12a day norcos still a long way to go.maybe try that need lots of willpower.others will be along with better info sorry I am not that much help.
Helpful - 0
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