Spent.

I just can't take anymore tests.  I am so emotionally spent.  I feel like I have nothing left.  I have used every bit of strength I can gather to get through the last week.  I haven't slept in 3 days and still couldn't even if I wanted to. I know everyone goes through these tough times but I still feel blind sided and alone in this. It feels like I am approaching my limit.  I am still confident in my resolve to not use.....  I know it won't solve anything.  I just needed to vent I guess....   Not only do I feel emotions again.... They seem to be stronger and more painful then ever.

Thanks to you all for everything.    70 days clean and holy crap am I earning it.  

[minn66]

Hey, NE. I finally just had to come to the realization that there are some things that can't be explained or rationalized. I nearly drove myself nuts over Gracie's death and if there were something I could have done. I am so sorry you're having to go through this. I am thinking of and praying for you.

Hugs,

Minn

[n8tiv_ndn]

I know what you mean ...seems as though when the "tab" we run when using and hiding from our emotions comes due it comes with compound interest when we are sober.....I am certain you will prevail....seems nothing in life that is worth having comes cheap and that certainly includes sobriety...hang tough Sean it will get easier...sending you prayers and strength........

Mark

[LostNoMore]

Hang in there NE. You will come out stronger. You know using will only put off feeling what you're feeling, and on top of what you have now, you'll have the guilt and remorse and all the other s h i t associated with relapse. You know better, and I'm glad you're sharing. Keep your recovery #1.

[Sarah11212]

Sean,
Again, I'm so sorry for what you've been through recently.
As painful and exhausting as these times can be, I do believe they make us stronger.
I know you've got more in you to push through this.
You have been such a big part of my journey these last few months and I need you around to continue to help push me through my rough patches!
Please hang in there and know that I am thinking about you.

[dominosarah]

We walk thru this Sean, even as painful as this is.  Let yourself feel the emotions.  Stay strong in your resolve, we are here so lean on us~~~sara

[lulu747]

Sean,

I'm thinking about you buddy, and sending you love and support.  Your soul is being tested and I know it feels like you can't take any more, but you are stronger than you know.  Be gentle with yourself and breathe through each moment.  I know it's painful, but now, more than ever realize how precious life is. Take time to go for a walk, sit by a body of water, feel the sun on your face.  Keep connecting with others, you don't have to be alone with your pain. Wishing you peace tonight...
Lu

[gnarly_1]

hey dude your going to make it threw this just hang in ther......are you getting any aftercare??? if not that might just be the missing piece here both N/A  and A/A are free and ez to find you can go other routs also but we always recamend those just for that reason as an addict you need to change the very way you think and reson to overcome this this is nothing you can do on your own you need that human interaction so get pluged (plugged) in if your not if you are it time to step up the no of meetings till your stronger I really think this will help get you past this bump in the road good luck and God bless.......Gnarly

[minn66]

Hi, just checking on you. I realize that life is a you-know-what sometimes, but I have noticed we seem to be challenged more when we try to be good. I have had a lot of health, financial and work-related problems since I quit. I know some of it was already there and the pills helped me cope. I haven't experienced the trials you and some of the others have, yet I understand feeling tested all the time. Just wanted to offer my support.

Please take care and try to be kind to yourself,

Minn

[gunn73]

hey Sean
man u ve done so well and inspired me when ever i was weak. i wish i could be of more help to u brother more than just this post. u ve been so strong fighting against all odds. just hang in there buddy. and u know i m always there if u wish to talk...right.
take care ...... gunnu

[IwillDoThis]

Hey Sean - I know u are going through a lot, feeling all these things without the numb of the pills is rough but you can do it, stay strong, take a deep breath and lean on your wife.  We are here, sending you big hugs!
Danielle

[SuperRickHenry]

  Jesus is how I'm doing this... Have you thought about it cause he's thinking about you.... You don't have to carry this no more, GIVE it to HIM... here for ya.. your friend Rick

[lulu747]

Checking on you Sean....
How are you doing today?  I hope you got some rest.

Big hugs
Lu

[dominosarah]

I am checking on you too Sean~~

[minn66]

Sean, hope all is well today. Thinking of you, Minn

[NorthEast213]

Hi all...  Thanks for your kind words..  Still hanging in.  Spent the day going through his things with both families.  I can't shake this horrible feeling of being friends with the "bad" guy.... Beyond awkward but I just want to get as much done as possible now.  I truly appreciate everyone's support.

[minn66]

Hey, NE. I finally just had to come to the realization that there are some things that can't be explained or rationalized. I nearly drove myself nuts over Gracie's death and if there were something I could have done. I am so sorry you're having to go through this. I am thinking of and praying for you.

Hugs,

Minn

[NorthEast213]

Minn...  I couldn't agree more.  It's a scary thing to feel powerless and unable to rationalize things for me..  I am your classic over thinker.  I appreciate all your support Minn!