Spouse Self-Medicating Opiate recovery with Methadone

[lostinthis]

I am feeling at the end of my rope here, and with a small daughter caught up as an innocent victim of this situaiton, I need advice on what is and isn't acceptable for dealing with an opiate addict who is supposed to be in recovery.

My spouse is an opiate addict... but more accurately, he'll do any drug that he crosses paths with, even if he doesn't know what it is.  Anyway... he has been using oxycodon, percocet, and heroin (not intravenously) for 5 years.  After he had a run in with some bad drugs, I left.  He got on methadone, but was in a foreign country where they do not do methadone maintenace, so then he went to subutex.  He started feeling like he needed more and more subutex and the similarity to addiction made him decide to switch back to methadone.  The clinic that treats him starts everyone on 30mg a day and only ups your dose every 2nd day and only if you come in withdrawl.  Consequently, he is buying methadone on the street to supplement his program.

I am worried because his methadone self-treatment feels a lot like his opiate addiction - meaning, he spends all of his time in the bathroom taking it (I don't know how he takes it, but I know he isn't swallowing pills considering the amount of time he hangs out up there), tracking down supply, and running around picking it up.  He is spending a ton of money on this, and because he always has his illicit supply, he has a tendancy to miss his clinic doses, which sets his clinic dose level back to the beginning again...

When I agreed to come back and to put our daughter back into this relationship (after 3 months separated while he was starting treatment after the overdose scenario), it was with the specific agreement that he would be in treatment and not doing illegal drugs.  He gets angry that I don't appreciate the fact that he's not doing drugs other than methadone and he feels I am  unreasonable to take issue with his need to self-treat as the clinics here make it so difficult to get to an appropriate dosage.  He also travels for work, so he is out of town 4 days a week, which really  makes the clinic stuff hard and he'll always have 1 day a week where he will never make it to the clinic because he is on a plane during their open hours and lands after the clinic in the other place is already closed.

I get angry because I feel like he isn't committed to stopping the addict behaviour, drugs are still the centre of our lives, he is still obsessed with avoiding withdrawal, I feel he is often on some kind of high as he acts funny after self-medicating, I don't know how he takes the illicit methadone, but I know it isn't orally as it would be in the clinic, he isn't getting any counselling, we are still constantly broke even though he makes quite a bit of money, his focus and energy are still on drugs, basically... he's on methadone now instead of other opiates, but it still feels like addiction to me and I don't feel this is a good situation for me or my daughter.  I am really worried about the effects of staying and leaving will be on her wellbeing.

Am I expecting too much??  Can anyone who has been through methadone treatment shed some light on this?  Anyone with a medical background?  Anyone with other informed views and experience?

Should I just be happy that he's on methadone and not other stuff, or are my issues justified?  I feel like I'm being manipulated in this situation again and that I could very likely spend the NEXT 5 years of my life on hold waiting for him to deal with his methadone issues... He is supposed to be in recovery, but it sure doesn't feel like there is any end in sight.  I want a normal life and a normal relationship with someone who isn't obsessed with drugs - illegal or otherwise.  IS he fooling us both, or am I being a b*tch?

Thank you for reading such a long post and offering your thoughts!

[vron]

I am sorry to hear about your situation and recoginise that it must be extreamly stressful to have someone you clearly love trapped like this.  Having discussed this post with my partner (an ex-heroin addict) we both think that your partner is still using.  

Given the ridiculous method of treatment he is given supplementing his methadone prescription with heroin (the time in the bathroom) is his only recourse.  He needs to get honest with you, but you need to allow him to.  Do not react to his problems, try to support him.  However, this may mean a  'tough love'  strategy.  Although leaving him may cause him only to get worse.  The only solution is to increase the methadone dose to a reasonable level where he does not want to score heroin. He should not have to buy this and checks at the clinic should reveal any cheating with heroin.

My partner had the same problem with clinics in the past, he works and was unable to meet their stringent policies regarding prescribing.  We went to a private doctor (costing much less than the habit) this meant he was able to obtain a weeks supply at a time and this solved our issues.

The current philosophies regarding treatment are counterproducitve and leave people exasperated and lost.  I can only sympathise with you and suggest you try the private treatment option.  Perhaps you could gain access to a opiate reduction program where herion is prescibed and reduced.

I feel for you vron and I remember the hell we went though during this time, honesty is the only way and you can beat this together but you do need the right kind of help.

Take care of yourself.

[lostinthis]

Thank you for your replies.  I really appreciate it.  I also feel that things are not on the up and up with this situation and I guess I didn't want to walk away "unfairly" - not that I feel any response from me can really be considered unfair after all he has put us through... but because we have a daughter, I am trying to do the right things for her.

He has offered to do at home drug tests.  I believe that it is methadone he is taking, but I think he might be smoking it or something - although I haven't smelled anything noticeable...  My issue is that assuming it is methadone, his behaviour around it is very much illicit and addicted and not therapeutic... know what I mean?

So is it fair to say that even though someone is on methadone instead of other opiates, if they are taking it in creative ways and obsessed with it and spending all of their money on it and not committed to taking it and getting up to a proper dose at a clinic, that they are still in active addiction regardless of the drug in use?  That's how I feel about it.  Congratulations for being off oxy and onto methadone, but it's still not acceptable.  He refuses to go to inpatient rehab, where he feels they will make him suffer through withdrawal, etc...

Everything is withdrawal avoidance from him, but I feel that it is really an avoidance of dealing with his addiction.  

Congratulations to all of you who have been through this horrible affliction and come out the other side.  I know he is not happy with what he is doing, but I don't think I can wait around for him to sort it out.  I've already been sitting here for 5 years listening to excuses and promises...

[grievingwidow]

Hi, I have also been on methadone for many years and I agree with the above posters.  If he is doing something in the bathroom that is drug-related, it is not methadone.  I have never heard of anyone taking it other than orally.  It is also a drug that does not give you a high feeling, not easily anyway.  For me, it just keeps me from going into withdrawal, and I take 30 mg a day, has been my dose since day #1.  I think he needs to be truthful with you very soon and I would take your daughter and get out before things get even worse.  I am so glad you reached out for help here and am so sorry that you and your child are having to deal with this.  Maybe your husband will be agreeable to going to rehab, sounds like that is what he needs.  Sorry, I cannot remember if you said he had already been or not, but even if he has, maybe he needs to go back.  The best of luck to you and your family.

Love, Cindy

[ambrljsmm]

I also wanted to add that if he says hes being honest with you then he shouldnt mind taking an at home drug test.If he gets defensive and starts a fight unfortunatly you dont need a drug test you have your answer....

[ambrljsmm]

ive been on mmt for 3 months and this is what i believe is going on..First of all it sounds to me live he is acting and talking like someone who is in active addiction.Second you said his clinic will up his dose every 2 days if hes in withdrawel,if he is telling you that he needs  to compinsate by getting the meth off the street because hes in withdrawal then why wouldnt he just up his dose at his clinic.Thirdly there is no other way to consume methadone but orally if hes shooting it in his veins he would not get the effect but it does sound like hes shooting something maybe oxycontin or heroin.If hes smoking either of those i would assume you would smell it but I guess nothings impossible.I wish your family the best of luck, I am in a similar situation but at this point in time if I left i would have to a halfway home which i might be doing soon anyway. Feel free to email me anytime ***@**** I hope this was helpful,and will be keeping you in my thoughts

                                                             Sincerely,

                                                                      Amber

[StraightUp]

Having used opiates including Methadone and variety of many narcotics for over 20 years, but now in recovery for many years, sounds like something more is going on in the bathroom.  No addict spends more that one minute drinking Methadone. I feel for you but you have an addict as a spouse that could use a residential program when he truly wants to get clean from Opiates.  Methadone is very addictive and is difficult to kick. Unfortunately, things will probably get worse before they get better if he's spending a lot of time in the bathroom.  You might have to make some serious decisions for you and your children if he doesn't get honest with you about what he's reeeeally using.  

Best of everything
StraightUp