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Started my steps to aftercare day 28 clean off oxy

Saw my drug and alcohol counsler today for the first time. (No alcohol problem,but that's what she's called) it was a long 20 minutes at the beginning because I didn't know how to even start? I'm so shy,I've always had a hard time meeting new ppl let alone telling a stranger about my dirty secret. So finally she just asked me to explain if I could the first time I used and why. That was ok,that was easy,because back then I didn't feel it was my fault yet. I told her my family doctor started me on 120mg oxycodone when they first found out why being intimate with my husband hurt so bad,my period almost killed me,and eventually just breathing to deep hurt. I had dozens of cancerous tumours in my tubes and on my one ovary. So he said this will help with the pain until surgery. This went on for years,they took pieces of me and it would come back on other parts. So two bouts of chemo and over half a dozen surgeries and 11 years later I was still taking them. By now or a month ago,I'd brought myself down to half that amount. I felt broken,and soulless. Unhappy and useless. I knew it was the pills. But it didn't stop me from going in and filling my script,I just couldn't do it anymore,but the thought of being off them was even more terrifying. Went into a few more things. Felt weird speaking this all out loud and not just tying it on here. I want my life back. Anyway today was my first step to my new life. I'll look into other things as well,but today was my start if not being alone anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore.
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Avatar universal
Thank you Robin,my doc says the same thing as you just did. But in my mind I let it go on way to long,I knew I didn't need them like I use to. I just didn't want to live w/o them and kept lying and saying the pain was unbearable so I could get more. I guess my emotional pain was,but not my physical pain. I'm proud of you btw,you're doing so good on your recovery journey!! xox
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Avatar universal
Dear Lord, girl...what you have been through!  Why would you feel ashamed?  You had CANCER...and it affected your marriage, your body, your feelings?  

Its' not a "dirty" secret...its a very understandable dependency that grew from a horrible life event over which you had NO control.

I commend you for getting this out in front of you.  "you're as sick as your secrets" is a popular saying in AA.   You just took the first step to making yourself "whole" again.  

Well done!

Hugs,
-Robin
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Avatar universal
Thank you cricketk92,I'm proud of you as well! You're doing awesome! How you feeling today?

Thank you Carrie Ann,I hope this works. I know I do feel better today than I did yesterday. Like a weights been lifted. Not all the weight,but a little bit. And you as well,you do what works for you! xox

Thank you Lilly :)
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Avatar universal
Well your not alone anymore. I too was given several addicting medications for medical reasons. I think that drs should really take more training and if they are to prescribe pills at least know how to help a person get off of them.  You are doing great. I know it's not easy and I am glad you are building a strong support group.
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Im proud of you, and you are taking steps towards some type of aftercare! I hope it helps! Do what works for you and keep me posted! Lots of Love Carrie
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11318065 tn?1462984479
WOW!  Congrats on taking that step!  I am so proud of you and reading what you wrote makes me look forward to my appt on Tuesday!  I am so happy for you and Im sure the more you go the easier it will get!  Hoping and Praying that you begin to find healing in your meetings with her!!!  You are such an inspiration to me!!!!   :)
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Avatar universal
Thank you ladies!! MsD you've helped me a lot on which way to go through our message chats,thank you and thank you for believing in me!!
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Avatar universal
Hey Krissy I'm so excited that you took that huge step. Speaking with counselor of any kind I found so scary. When I went to my 1st counselor about sexual abuse as a child than rape as adult. Actually speak out loud is so different than typing. And face to face as compared even via phone. I'm so proud of you. Keep up good work. I type all comments from my phone too than great auto correct changes some words but others that needs to be let go. Geez. Technology. Lol
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Hey girl,  I think you made an awesome choice for aftercare! Yay! Talking everything out is a great step toward healing and confirming how courageous and awesome you are. Like any relationship, you will feel more comfortable as time goes on. So onward and upward! Fight on lil warrior!
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Avatar universal
I will! That gives me some kind of accountability;) I'm really bad at getting things started.
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Thank you :) you will be just fine. Don't stress!! I'm kind of a hypocrite there though cuz I'm scared to go to one too. Lol. Sorry. Maybe let me know what's it like after? Please
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I'm so proud of you! I'm going to my first meeting today and I'm literally about to have a panic attack:/ I know it's what I HAVE to do though..
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Avatar universal
Wow I should really proof read. Hehe oops. Y'all get the jest though I hope? :)
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