Starting over

I'm going into WDs from Hydro 7.5s (again). I ran out today and I've decided not to ask for a refill.  I've been off and on Hydro for about 4 years now. During the 4 years I got 9 months of clean time, and then I started back up 2 years ago this month. I got some additional clean time last winter but by mid-June I was back on it again and the amount quickly creeps up. I get prescriptions from my doctor, who must know I'm getting addicted to it but he knows I'm in pain all the time. Addiction goes along with the territory. Now I'm taking more than prescribed every day and not happy with it.

My MRIs show degenerative disk disease. I've had 3 MRIs in the past 4 years and it shows the condition is getting worse, but to me the Hydro and all it's side effects seem much more worse to me than the pain itself. Addiction sux.

My doctor also has me on Elivil at bedtime for depression and for help with my back pain at night, which I've been on for 18 months now.  He also gave me a Xanax .25 script which I have mostly steered clear of because of it's addictive nature. If I occasionally take one, I'll feel slight WDs up to 2 days after. Strong stuff.  

My doctor's limit for me is 90 7.5 Hydros a month, 3 a day. Never more than that. But that amount slowly catches up with my system, which is the nature of the beast. That buzzed, happy and energetic feeling I once got from Hydro has been long gone. Now I take Hydro just to feel normal and I'm running out ahead of time. I know that staying on the course I'm on right now is an impossible dead end. Drugs stopped working for me long ago and today I have the spark of willingness to try to be drug free again.

I read the post on here and I'm reminded about the sleep I'm not going to get for a while. I hate the WDs. I hope for your support, and will listen to your experience and expertise as I go through this nightmare one more time. It's my hope to stay clean for good this time, one day at a time.  

[vicki595]

Hi there-  You should be able to do this...it sounds like you want it. Try not to look at it in such a negative fashion. Yes, wd's are unpleasant but they don't have to be a nightmare.
The secret is to be prepared. Get all the things you'll need and want: OTC's, Epsom salts for the bath, heating pad, Gatorade, soups, Ensure...that sort of thing.

The question is: What are you planning to do about the pain? You may want to discuss all of this with your doctor...

[Sonrissa]

Hi there and welcome! Definately get prepared! Some other things that I did to prepare for withdrawals is get as much of your household stuff done as possible! Do your banking, grocery shopping, etc. Get easy to prepare meals, frozen microwaveable, easy on the stomach. Do all your laundry, have a few sets of clean sheets, clean PJs, for the sweaty nights. Pay your bills. I wanted to not have to worry about anything else but getting well! Take care and keep posting for support! I wish you all the best! You can do this! Take care!

[OpenMind24hours]

Hi Vicki,

Thanks for your response. I indeed have some prep items and need to get others. Gatorade, soups, & Ensure is a great idea. I plan to go out one more time this morning to shop at the CVS prior to the WDs getting into full swing.  

The pain is there in all it's glory this morning. I just filled out my profile and I mention walking, which loosens me up. I walked the dogs a ways and felt dizzy from WDs and don't want to be too far from the bathroom, so I came home. This will be a bad one. I've been through PT 3 times in the last 4 years and learned some stretches, especially stretching with a 65cm ball. But right now I have pains I normally don't have, and plan to soak. My Dr. sent me to a Physiatrists also, who took a side spinal xray, showing my collapsed spine in the Lumbar region.No surgery will fix it.

[OpenMind24hours]

Hello Sonrissa,

Thank you for sharing your experiences and your best wishes. I helps to hear from someone who's been through this. One of the hard parts: My neighbor and fellow retiree from across the street likes to get together and chat every now and then, and he called this morning! That never dawned on me. I don't want to be seen like this let alone try to hold any kind of conversation with someone. I made up an excuse I'm babysitting my granddaughter today.

[mary577]

Welcome to the forum, OpenMind24.   You have gotten some great advice.  I am your age, and Norco1947 is right about there too....so it isn't just young folks who end up with this problem.   Norco just quit not long ago, and I quit in June.   It is totally doable, and the advice about getting yourself prepared is great advice.

I just want to add, be kind to yourself.   Realize you are going to feel bad for a few days and don't try to over do anything.   Rest when you feel like it, but get up and move around as much as you can.   Be sure and stay hydrated.   The liquids you drink will help flush out your system.  Post often, and someone will be here almost any time to help you along.

[OpenMind24hours]

Hello Mary,
It's a pleasure to meet you. Thanks for taking the time to write and for your support. It's so true about pain pills and baby boomers our age. I think it's a bit tougher getting off of them the older I get. I congratulate you on staying clean since June and hope to follow in your footsteps one day at a time. I know I need to concentrate on just getting through today, but realize I might not have too many more recoveries in me.

[Sonrissa]

Hey Open! You have a great attitude, and let me tell you that is half the battle! Tell your neighbor that you feel like you are coming down with the flu! That will give you the excuse to keep your distance for a few days! Keep posting, and let us know how you are progressing! There is lots of help and support here!

[mary577]

Hey, guy....how are you doing this morning?   I hope you are hanging in there and doing well.

[Norco1947]

Hi Openmind24hours ,
We are brothers , nearly the same story , i am 65 years old and used Norco for pain . used (10) 10mg norco a day . Worked good on my pain and gave me energy and a good feeling for a while then it seems i needed it to be nornal , Could not do anything without the pills in my pocket . needed to take them every 3-4 hours .
Got so sick of it always makeing me cranky and mean , upset tummy , Just thought it was worse being pill sick all the time . Pains a Bit*h but better then the addictive no life i was haveing . I started to hate everything , nothing pleased me , The family started staying away because who wants to be with a cranky Granddad ???
One day the wife asked me if i was in pain , the grandkids were over and told my wife they wanted to go home , papa's cranky and yelling at us .
I told her the truth , No not in bad pain i think i am addicted to Norco big time .
Today is My Day#21  no Norco or any other pills .
I was blessed by finding this site when i had no hope , was sick , not happy , sad at the end of my years being so screwed up .
With the support , advise i received from so many people here that have done this detox themselfs i now have my better life starting back . I am now , happy , smileing , doing things again becase i want to , not have to. lifes getting good  again . Even got a new puppie because i wanted to & have had a ball with her . Fun again.
Hard for me to believe that 6-8  weeks ago i wanted to die ,
Hey us old dudes need to be around for the Grandkids . In a few weeks you can be starting a new you , feeling close to nornal again , enjoying our life , being happy with ourself again.
Stay tuff , fight hard for your life back , it's there you just have to want it BAD.... Ron  

[OpenMind24hours]

Hi Mary,
I should of been on here earlier, I've now got 48 hours since my last dose and the "real fun stuff" has started. It's zombie day for me. Probably got 2 hours in total sleep last night and a TV catnap today. Last night restless legs and arms drove me nuts. I have Hylands Restless Legs which I took twice. I also took 2 sits-baths w/Epsons. I was able to stretch and walk the dogs around the block this morning. Everything hurts. You've been through it, and know it, which helps me a lot. Thanks for caring.

[Whitney421]

Wow.  Your story is so similar to mine although I was being prescribed 90 pills per week for the last 3 years.  I am now on day 3 of outpatient treatment and it is going well.  I was given Suboxone for the first time which erases withdrawal.  But before that, I was doing the Tagament/Immodium trick. So far so good.  Good luck to you with everything.

[OpenMind24hours]

Ron,

Great to hear from you and thanks for sharing your story. Sounds like my story. Hydro has my life in miserable shambles compared to before I used it. When I use the kids, neighbors and granddaughter can tell I'm not the same guy. Opiate Pain Pills are a dead end. I can go to my Doctor and get more, but THEN what? It's just not worth it. And now the WDs are killer. I enjoy hearing success stories like yours.

I have my CVS Pharm. account online. So I started going back and looking at my refills today starting at when I went back out after 9 months clean. Great therapy! I did more Hydro for 19 months and then went through WDs again, staying clean for only 93 days. Then I found myself asking for more again. After miserable WDs w/no sleep for weeks! This run has been another 10 months, and now I'm going through the WDs again. Opiates are insidious. Very cunning, baffling and powerful as I learned in NA. I hit my head again with the hammer expecting different results?

I have a doctors appointment coming up on Tuesday. This time I've got to REALLY cut myself off. I'm addicted. There's an old saying, "If you keep going to the Barber Shop, you will eventually get a haircut". I'm addicted to "more" and it's going to take some courage for me to really change by telling my doctor at this appointment that I'm addicted to Hydro and it's making my life miserable. He and I have danced around the subject, but it's time for a serious discussion about my pain, Hydro and options.

[OpenMind24hours]

Hi Whitney,

Nice to meet you and thanks for your help. Great on your 3 days!

I will text that recipe to my wife's best friend who's a pharmacist, & see how it stacks up with my BP and Statin prescriptions (although 9 times out of 10 she tells me to check with my PC Doc.) I'll do ANYTHING to get some sleep (other than addicting meds like Ambien or Xanax).

My 63YO Bro-in-law is on Suboxone the rest of his life. He was taking Hydro by the handfuls. He mentioned I should ask my doctor for it for the WDs. I will see where I'm at on my doctor visit this Tuesday and ask him about it.  

[Whitney421]

I hope you can find some relief!  

[Brightfutureahead]

Hi OpenMind...I just wanted to congratulate you on your small, but very awesome successes thus far. You have the right idea about going to meetings/aftercare and talking with your doctor...sounds like a great plan! You've gotten wonderful advice on here and sounds like you are on the right track..

You did say you went to a meeting...yes? Or did I read that wrong?  

[Norco1947]

Hi ,  Dealing with pain is hard , dealing with a addiction worse .
You can do this just like others have . Just got to want it real bad .

Are you sure about the use of Sub , read the posts sure looks like tradeing one addiction for one thats much much harder to detox from.
.... Ron  

[OpenMind24hours]

Thanks for the well wishes Brightfutureahead. Yes, I've been to lots of meetings, but not since I went back out. I plan to head there again once my WDs ebb somewhat.

[OpenMind24hours]

Hi Ron,
I completely agree with you about avoiding trading addictions. My brother in law will be on that stuff for the rest of his life. Although I'm not looking forward to another long night awake tonight, these WDs are doable in comparison. I really need to remember these WDs and not want to go back and visit this hell again and again.

[mary577]

I agree with Norco....don't go for subs.   You can do this without them.   Stay with us and post often and get through this.

How are you doing this morning?

[OpenMind24hours]

Hi Mary,

About 1 hr sleep in total last night in bits and pieces but feel better, thank you. I was watching TV just a while ago and fell asleep for 20 minutes or so. Every bit helps in the healing process. Restless legs and arms are the worst part of this. If I'm still it comes on fast.

I have absolutely no plans for sub or anything else opiate related! All that would do is slow down my opiate clean-up process, if not reverse it. Just feeling a bit better every new day reaffirms my choice to go CT with this. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 3 days now!!

How are you doing?

[mary577]

I'm doing good.   I just hurt my knee and had to spend a few days in a wheelchair and walkler...no narcotic pain meds.   Just take it easy and realize you may have ups and downs but soon the good days will out number the bad.

[OpenMind24hours]

Sorry to hear about your knee Mary. Hope it heals soon.
Thanks for the words of encouragement!

[Nursey7]

I am glad you are hanging in there; great job!!!  Keep it up as you know the other way is a dead end. I took the exact same thing for 7 years after spinal surgery. I am 55 days clean and life is getting better. It took awhile and I  still have my struggles but we all do with or without drugs. I hope you have or are going to make some changes this time around. I finally had to get with my doctor and am trying something non-narcotic for pain. Anyway it sounds like you will need a meeting soon. Good luck and God bless ;-)

[OpenMind24hours]

Congrats on your 55 days and thanks for sharing with me. I need to hear from ppl who've just gone through this and r getting better. I had the worst night last night. Been trying to get rest & the restlessness in arms and legs settles in as soon as I quit moving 10 minutes.  Last night I took 2 hot Epson baths which didn't help much. The last time I went through this they helped me sleep somewhat, not this time. Each time gets worse. Thats the trouble with me...the LAST time I went through this! This is the third WD time for me. I'm glad I have this thread. Any thought to going back on opiates I'll read this plus share with NA. I had a good talk with someone close to me in the program last night. I plan to hit meetings as soon as I can think straight and safely drive. Impossible to do without support. God bless you too!

[Norco1947]

All this will pass , Your a fighter ,it's very clear you want a better life. you will be a new happer you soon .  Others have done it , so WILL you.  Ron

[OpenMind24hours]

Thanks for the words of encouragement Ron!