Staying Sober From Hydro

It has been over 2 weeks since my last Lorcet 10/650. At my peak I was taking 10-10/650 Lorcets for herniated discs in my back that were diagnosed in January of this year.(C5,C6 shoulder, neck level).
My injury was completely healed in early July, but I knew all the tricks to keep my Doctors thinking that I was still injured badly enough to be on 60-80 Lorcet 10/650 a week.
I really loved the pills alot. Never have I been addicted to any drug or alchohol... Hydro was a good companion for me.
In looking at myself carefully since my sobriety started I recognize that the Hydro was the vehicle I chose to take to relieve myself of some serious doubts I felt about taking care of my family and the fear of not being able to be DADDY and HUSBAND.
Today I understand (I go to group therapy twice a week for 2 hours at a time) through reflection and by being honest to myself that I cannot make everyones life perfect and happy. My responsibilities are to be a good father, husband, friend to the ones around me. My fear of being inadequite will not take those I Love away from me. Somehow I never understood that if I wasn't perfect it wouldn't cause me to lose the ones I Love so much.
Also, by expressing my pain and frustration my mind does not need the numbness and buzz from HYdro. Can anyone else see that drug abuse is directly related to how we run from our pain and suffering? All of you on this forum magnify the thought that if we dealt with life as it comes we would all feel better and possibly seek attention, warmth, and security instead of drugs and alchohol.
Goldenbear

[Sean5110]

Wow, your comments really hit home. This weekend is a perfect example of failing miserably as husband and father. Saturday was my first day off the buprenorphine treatment (5 day bup detox started last Monday) and I really wasn't ready for the intensity of emotion (all negative) that came storming in. I had to apologize to my kids like a hundred times after blowing up in extreme impatience. They are resilient but they are also tender and their spirits are easily crushed, especially by their Dad. I tried in the most earnest way I could to tell them I was sorry, that I wasn't feeling well, and that it was not their fault. I tried to tell them how much I love them.

Today I couldn't even face the day. Luckily my wife was up to the task, kind of, of keeping things in some form of order (she's pregnant and sick a lot). But man, I am as lethargic as they come and I have diahreah on top of it all and I feel 10 levels lower than human. While I appreciated the bup detox, it definitely masked some of the inevitable fall out of such intense hydro abuse over the months. I'm glad it's not that easy though in a strange way.

I keep wondering, "will my energy ever come back?" and "will there ever be something that gives me real joy again?" The hydro got me through the days dumb and happy. Today I am somber; I feel bleak and empty. There are only grey clouds today.

[Goldenbear]

I have read your threads as posted over the last week or so and I agree that we have a great deal in common.
The hardest thing that I deal with is the feeling that I am not being a good Daddy and Husband. We both know the feeling of grumpyness, and short temper with our family. Immediately after blowing up it is hard to take back the anger and emotion we display to our children. You are a good man if you recognize this is happening. The next step is to not react as quickly or to remove yourself from the situation that is upsetting you. Our children Love us very much and will continue to Love us because we Love them unconditionally.
Your WD will continue for about a week. Big emotions will surface. It is very debilitating and seems that it will never end. It starts to get better after day 4 totally clean. If you can get your Doctor to prescribe Klonopin (simular to Valium) and something like Flexiril for muscle aches along with Thomas'Recipe you will come out of the WD easier. In my case I asked to go on an anti-depressant (Wellbrutin SR) to keep me focused and from sliding further by feeling like a complete failure. You can do it... Your children will understand if you try to love them more than reacting to them being kids.
Keep posting and know I am pulling for your recovery.
16 days clean.
Goldenbear

[CinCee]

Sean, you're doing great.  Our kids have a huge capacity for forgiveness.  They might as well know that things can't always be sunshine.  That is real life.  When we, as parents, make mistakes and admit them and apologize, we set good, realistic examples.

GB, a note about wellbutrin:  It makes me short-fused and irritable.  I am having better luck with lexapro.  Effexor was also good but gave me high blood pressure.

My sister was given provigil for the fatigue following bup detox.

[hippy]

sean  you have to take imodium (immodium) for the runs and shits.
or else the wihtdrawl pain are a lot worse, also the runs dehydrate you , which also causes the wd's to be much worse so drink a lot of water and get some gatoraide to replace the loss of electolites, they are part of the thomas's receipe.
the receipe makes the wd's a lot easier to deal with. a lot
easier. keep up the good fight , we are all on your side and
pulling for ya. keep posting and stay positive. if your not on the receipe you might want to get on it.
goldenbear cangrats on the clean time, doing what you are doing is the best thing in the world for your kids.
so keep on keepen on.
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CinCee]

Also, try eating bananas.  They help with the diahrea and are sort of comforting, too.

[Goldenbear]

Thanks for the thought. The Wellbrutin really helps me alot. I have more clarity whan taking it every morning. I only take 150mgs a day. This is a small dose. I guess we all react differently to different meds.
Goldenbear on Haagan Daaz

[hippy]

lot's of banna's ,they are a natural for of l-tyrosine,
and they are great for restless leg and restless body.

[Sugarbeens]

You two men(and I mean real men) are truly what God put on earth to be fathers.  You are the best.  Right now you don't think your children know what you are going through, and what your real feelings are, but, they see more than you think.  Copy your posts from today that I read and save them for when the time might come that you want to and can show them to your children.  They already know that you are two of the best dads in the world.  I wish that I had had a husband who was a true and loving dad to his kids.  Even though right now your children don't know about your drug abuse, someday you may want to or have to share it with them, for many reasons.  Copy these posts that you wrote today.  I guarantee you, what you wrote out of truth, love and honor will truly show them of your love for them. Bless you both, most wonderful dad's.
Love to all of forum, Sugarbeens

[hippy]

amen to what sugar beans said, i 2nd it.
you guy's can do nothing better for you kds that get clean.
peace and have a  good night.

[southernbelle]

haven't posted today, but have been checking in and reading.
going CT right now, it's pretty hard.  but i know i can do it.  where there's a will, there's a way, right?  i have to get a tooth worked on later in the week.....all of you who can sympathize with me, pray that i won't be weak and ask for anything for pain.  it's just not worth it.  and i know i can do this.  it's hard, i'm trying harder than ever to be strong.  reading all the other posts gives me strenght and shows me i'm not alone.  thanks to my new friends, i appreciate you.  honest love and good vibes and energy to each of you!

[peaz]

FOR GEEYODDS SAKE!! You flushed your stash!!  You are goin' to heaven....Pack your bags.....LOL  That is SO cool.  You and Goldenbear get the Addict Award of the Week for such bravery.  Now you'll quit shaking and thinking and staring at the bottle and drooling and you can get on w/ your life.  Good job.
  I had a good family weekend.  The Tuna Cake was for my oldest girl's bithday, so I didn't re-do it.  It actually tasted really good--we just all wore blindfolds as we ate.  It's seldom that we are all home for dinner together, (she's away at college) so it was a nice change.  I lit tapers and used my mother's china, and it was fun.  I am such a gumbo but I find it's the little things that really make life special.   I 'll write more later.
                Luv---Peaz

[puma]

Sugarbeans,

I third the motion, you said it all, I have no more to add than congrats to all working so hard to stay clean, especially  those who realize the children involved. Good luck to all.

Chatahan

[DrDr]

I know this request is off topic but would someone post the "Thomas Recipe" for me.  Thanks.

[FesterTool]

l-tyrosine 1000 mgms 4 a day week 1 ,2 a day the next weeks.
b-6 100 mgs 2 a day
vitimines A c and E 2 A DAY OF EACH
A STRONG MULTI VITIMINE 1 A DAY
ZINC 1 ADAY
COPPER 1 A DAY
PHOSPHORUS 1 ADAY 500 MGMS
MANGANESE 1OMG 1 A DAY
CALSIUM-MAGNISUM 1 A DAY

IMODIUM (immodium) FOR THE SHITS THE 1ST WEEK

[mrmichael67]

I am glad to see you are sticking to your guns.  That is definitely cool.  Do they have bup detox programs that last longer than five days?  I don't care what they use short of rapid detox, five days is just too short for a heavy user.  I am sure it helped through a very difficult part of it.  All in all, how do you feel?  I hope you are doing much better.  I am very interested in buprenorphine and I am doing quite a bit of research on it.  Hang in there!  You will be fine.  Hippy's advice was excellent as usual.

[FesterTool]

Hey Everybody. Last weekend was horrible. I confined myself once again to stay away from the outside world. The only thing to comfort me was the tv, and to kill me an occasional phone call. (Wanting to know why I wasnt over there partying or if I wanted any.) I turned them down. I told them I quit. They laughed. I hung up. Back to bed. Today is my eleventh day off the meth and pills. It feels alot better now. The haze is gone and everything is alot clearer.

Bmac. How are you doing? Hopefully well. Pixi? Sean? Chezz? Hippy? Everyone else?

Festertool

[hippy]

what you have accomplished is one of
the hardest things in the world,it is really good to read
i hope your eating and sleeping okay.
this place has been jumping the last 2 weeks.
all good,
so how ya feeling and what is you agenda,
going from death to life.

[Trend]

Hello
I will try to post this again. I was wondering when you are tapering off of hydro is it common to have a lot of headaches?
I would appreaciate any help any one could give me. I have been tappering over the last month from a 13 to 14 pill a day habit to 3.
Thanks
Trend

[Jessica5683]

Good Morning,
You and I have a lot in common. I too am addicted to lorcet 10/650 and never was addicted to anything before I put the blue pills in my mouth. it's the only thing I'm addicted to no, drinking and no other uses of legal or illegal drugs. I'm proud of you for getting clean. I have tried many many times and I can't do it. I know there will come a time I will beat this and I believe it to be coming real soon. I'm tired of being dependent on lorcet and hate myself everytime I stick them in my mouth. Anyway, good luck in staying clean and my thoughts are with you. Jessica

[FesterTool]

Hey. Not feeling too bad now. I managed to stay alive through the weekend. That was hell. I really dont have an agenda at the moment. I sat everything aside so I can focus on what I'm doing. I don't want to get distracted and get back on the drugs. I feel pretty good though. Thanks. How about you?

Festertool
Justin

[bmac]

Eleven days!! That's really good.It does get easier as you go
If you find something to keep your mind off of it.As I told you
when you first posted the mental **** is the hardest.I hope
you can just let things take it's coarse.It took me a month to feel human again and I still remember the feeling drugs gave me.
But now I don't let them consume me anymore.Focus on wellness
and do something to get yourself thru this.Listen to Hippy,he knows his **** when it comes to addiction.He is one of the best
persons to get advice from.Believe me,even if you don't agree
with all he says,he is right and has been there and done that.
Everyone that has been thru this mess has alot to say.It kept me from going nuts for 2 months now.Keep your head up and don't give up!!
                        peace,
                         bmac

[Goldenbear]

Keep on posting and sharing your life with us. No matter how weird or screwed up things are currently we will embrace you as family. This forum is the reason and initial strength I found to attempt sobriety. We need eachother to express ourselves and know that what we feel and what we are going through is not unique to ourselves. Just because we are addicts does not take away everything else in our lives that is good. Addiction is not a reason to feel worthless or like less of a human being.
I admire your courage and the desire to give up the pills. We are all here for you. Keep reading and posting.
Goldenbear

[oceans11]

Hello Trend,

The headache(s) you are experiencing may be what

[athena]

good morning big mac,(new name)lol Did you have a good weekend?Hanging out with college kids and getting paid for it!OOOh the life of a musician.lol Well the vols went to the Dawgs as you probably saw and the tide will come calling soon.We will probably be going out with the tide.lol

Go Vols
pixi

[athena]

Hey hagatha,WHERE ARE YOU?I am getting a little worried about you so if you are lurking,post us a quick note.maybe you've posted and I just read it yet.or maybeeee your just having a wild weekend and cant get to the computer.lol Anywho,hope it's been a good one.

pix

[bmac]

I know you had fun in the mountains.It seems to free the mind and spirit being that close to heaven.My parents live in the woods right on a lake and waking up there is incredible.
I was wondering where you were but now I know.
I wouldn't worry too much about the college football season
because everybody's getting it this year.Florida falls to LSU
and Arkansas beats Auburn.I can't say to much about Georgia
because they whipped us too.
Oh well,week after next we can fight about it.We have Ole Miss
this weekend and will most likely get whipped again.
That's life I guess.
I read where Thomas 'our guru'is thinking of starting his own forum.God I hope so.Too much candy coating going on here these days.If addiction was so pretty most of us wouldn't be here for sure.Well let me know about what's up with you today.It's raining here as usual and it's 60 degrees.
         I'll see you two!!
          pixipeaz.
I like the new name Big Mac!
                bbbbbmacbbbb
                  bmac

[bmac]

Hey I'm not important enough to get a post from you on the top thread.I have to go to the third one to see that you must have
said,oh I forgot bmac.I'll just let him search for it.lol.
Oh what a day this is going to be.I feel it coming on.
                                bigmacbionicbillbillybass
                                      bmac

[peaz]

You knucklehead--I posted to you on this very thread not too far up...... You just have to read yesterday's stuff.  Anyway, it sounds like you had a good weekend.  It IS a strange arrangement w/ your ex and his "other", but I  can relate.  When my daughter went to live w/ her dad for a year and I went to visit, I stayed at their house ( only the night before I flew out )and my ex took me to the airport.  We all sat around and talked like it was perfectly normal.  It's far better than having knock-down/drag-out fighting, and sets a better example for the kids.  Whatever.
Not much going on here in MN. But I'm not using and not in jail so, hey--life is good!  I'll talk to ya later.      Peaz

[athena]

I thought of that very thing after I posted to you.lol Actually,I have noticed that you do most of your posting on about the third thread.Why is that?Trying to draw as little attention to yourself as possible?lol You are very important to me my friend,I just happen to be very observant.lol

roll tide!
pix

[bmac]

You're right,remember I am on probation.lol.That really sux about Sean.I have been emailing him and I hope it wasn't my
post she saw.Well now that I think about it my posts were all
positive ones.Me being positive,yea right.lol.I also consider you a friend.Even though I still say no fruit sux like the big orange.lol.Just kiddin'
                    go vols!!
                     Bill

[athena]

I guess im not as observant as I told bill i was.lolI shoulda read all the posts first but i couldnt wait to jump right in and talk to my friends today.It's so sad that all i was able to think about last night was all of you!lolololo Yeah,it's quiet around here too.Gloomy today but nice and cool.....You shoulda seen me last night trying to remove the toilet and get to the pipes.Just hoping that some hydro got hung up in there!JUST KIDDING!Had you going for a sec though huh?lol

pix

[athena]

Yeah,i have to agree with you about the fruit thing.lol I too am very worried about sean.That really sux after how hard he worked to get clean for his family.I think she'll probably come around eventually,but in the mean time,he must be devastated.Keep emailing him and let us know if you hear anything.You know,after you stopped apologising to everyone,you did turn into a positive person.lol

pix

[bmac]

OK I am sorry!!lol.Happy now.
          big mac

[hippy]

to answer this thread  a little thig i wrote
while i was in and out of a 8 year run trying to get clean
tis a tad dark looking back, no  less true



i run to stay alive how far will i run, as
long as the illussion continues
how far ? as long as!
how far?  as long as!
one is space
one is time
these are part of reality! our mission is to transcend
apperents, ito the relm of the spititual,.
staring, realizing once agian i have mistaking vainity
for truth.
thus the mission is far from reality.
the truth is i am surrounded by illussions, more clearly
stated as lies and more lies.

I am the idle one,i stand around spiritualy speaking.
as much as i stand on the inside, on the outside
how far will i run
i run from distraction to the next. without so much as a blink or a nod, never taking a moment to reflect on who i am.

i am the idle IDOLITOR
i am the clever coward
i am hungrey for wisdom
but i squander knowledge
alone in my misery, i bask
in the warmth of self deception

pain has become so familiar, it wants to be my freind
i go half way to everywhere and wind up nowhere
this persistant repetitive agony avils me nothing,
my illussion,and violent god less loneliness is bitterly
satisfying in a defiant dhildish way.

      MY OWN DIS-UNITY,
      HAS SPLIT MY PERSONALITY
      SO MUCH THAT I HAVE BECOME
      MY OWN SPECTATOR
      IN THIS RELENTLESS
      FESTIVAL OF DEATH,
      WE CALL LIFE

[athena]

Good morning.Im trying to catch up on posts today.I see that your doing great!Keep up the good work.The mental part will get better.I remember when you first started posting,you didnt think you could do it.Well guess what?You did it!The worst is over,you just have to stay away from temptation untill your stronger.Thats what im doing,avoiding temptation!I still want those damn things but I guess thats why were addicts.lol I hope each day gets easier for you.We will do this!

pixi

[athena]

Your a nut!lol

pix

[bmac]

Now after my email to you,your statement above could be true.lol
Sometimes I feel like a nut,sometimes I don't!!!!!!!!!
                   billybassbionicbillbigmacbmac

[percsnomas]

...don't forget Bacardi-BoomBoom.

[bmac]

billybassbionicbillbigmacbmacbacardiboomboom
Thanks percs I forgot that one,by the way how are you doing?
                         Bill

[percsnomas]

Very well brother, thanks for asking.  Had Thanksgiving yesterday and wifey's B-day all in one. We also do the American Thanksgiving(she's redwhiteblue)
Plus took in the hockey game Sat...Philly was in town.
I'm pretty sure it will be 2 months complete this week, and i honestly couldn't feel better

How ARE YOU?

[bmac]

I am doing good.I think I am on day 53 or 54 I have stopped counting.As I was reading your post I was thinking Thanksgiving?
Then I remembered it's the Great White North thing.By the way what is hockey?lol.There's no ice here in Alabama.
We do have that Canadian air down here.It is going down to 45 tonight,now you may laugh but 45 is cooolll here.Tell your wifey I said happy b'day.Have a great day,ah!
             BTDT ? Bill

[percsnomas]

i am laughing.....thanks i'll pass it on(she knows of you)
Still no word on knee-day? Are you on the "Itch"?(morph)
You also have a great one.
oh it's Been There Done That.....i know there is too many; it's turned into quite an alliteration....how bout just Bill.

[juliegal]

This is new to me..I just found this site today.  I have been taking hydro for 2 years now strictly as directed by my doc.  I stopped taking them cold turkey saturday.  I am taking them for herniated disks but do not feel comfortable with the ups and downs.  I am currently feeling like I am going to die.  I hurt everywhere, my stomach is upset and I generally feel like I have been run over.  Can someone give me some advice?

[percsnomas]

Hi Juliegal, and a great big welcome.
I've also had herniated discs and surgeries...
First off, get the "thomas recipe". It's posted everywhere on this forum, it will help you tremendously with the withdrawals and the "run over" feeling.  The good news is you should start to feel better real soon, as your last day was Saturday. Again depending on doseage, the worst of the w/d's should start to diminish around day 4-5. Your body needs to start producing its' own painkillers, and that will be helped by a few of the ingredients of the 'recipe', specifically Vit. B-6 and L-Tyrosine(amino acid)
I'm not certain what your pain management plan is with respect to your herniated disc(s); is there nerve root compression etc???

Anything i can do to help, please ask(or someone else here).

[juliegal]

Thanks for your comments.  I feel so alone.  My addiction is not bad compared to some - but I found myself taking the pills because I wanted to 'feel more up' and be in a better mood.  That is when I knew there was a problem.  All the docs tell me I am okay - fine and continue to write the scripts.  Until today, when I called them to explain the feeling I was having -he pretty much said - you are in withdrawl (withdrawal) and have to live through it - he did give me ambien to help me sleep for the next few nights.  The last neuro surgeon changed all my drugs - they were horrible -made makes ankles swell and I need to go back.  No nerve damage - just horrible back pain and I sit all day.  These things you told me to get - do you get them at the health food store?  Thanks for listening...

[CinCee]

I also have herniated discs, nerve pain, etc.  CT from hydro 2 weeks ago.
In addition to the recipe, can you get some flexeril?  That worked the best for me to help me really rest.  The worst thing about being run-over is not being able to rest.

The w/d will get better very soon.

[CinCee]

Was your last hydro on Saturday?  Ambien is OK for sleep, but it's quickly habit-forming, and can give you rebound insomnia.

You are not alone.  Many of us have walked the path from pain, to need-energy, to need to avoid w/d.  It's the norm here.

[percsnomas]

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! We've all felt that desire to "feel more up".
Yes, u can get the necessary ingredients at a health food store:

The Recipe
l-tyrosine 500mgs 8 a day week 1; 4 a day the week(s) after
b-6 2 a day 100 mgs
a strong multi-vit
vit A,C and E
copper
calcium-magnesium
zinc
manganese
phosphorous
------------------
bananas for restless leg
plenty of water(and/or gatoraid) for loss of electrolytes
immodium for the runs


Are you currently taking any Anti-inflamm's?

[bmac]

Welcome to our little part of cyberspace.I also have had herniated disc's.Several surgeries and deal with addiction.
Do as Percs and CinCee have advised.The recipe with give you back your health.It will make the withdrawals a little easier.
Always know you can post here anytime and on any thread.There are alot of medicines that can help with the ill feelings you are having and are going to have during withdrawals.But if your
using hasn't been too bad you will get thru it OK.Again welcome!
                            bmac

[juliegal]

I have flexaril for the back problems..I did take one after reading on here that it would help..honestly I have kind of stopped everything as of saturday because I was scared.  I have celebrex...unsure if I should continue with that or not.  Hydrocodone tries to be your best friend - and turns in to your worst enemy.  I was only taking 3 extra strength hydros on my worst day, but after taking them for 2 years, when 1 pill would run out - I would feel like I had been run over and thought I needed another one - after reading this site I realized it was the pill doing that to me!!  I can see how talking on here will help, my doctor certainly isnt.  THANKS!!

[bmac]

No itching yet.Although I had an injection with Morph in it and
was told I would not feel it.They lied!!I slept like a baby
last night.For awhile anyway.I will start tonight when I get ready to go back to bed.20 mgs,twice a day.Kadian it's called.
Can't be crushed and has no street value.So I am told!
As for the knee time that's up to him.I am just waiting on the call or a cancelation.Who just calls up the hospital and says
by the way cancel my operation?Oh well thanks for the thought.
                       bmac(or whatever)
                         Bill

[juliegal]

So..should I be taking the celebrex or not?  
I am just a little confused her....thanks :)

[percsnomas]

Sorry, i just stepped out for lunch....
Celebrex, which i've also used, really came to the fore because of it's ease on the stomach.
If you need an anti-inflammitory, and not bothered by stomach problems, there are better ones(at least as effective and not as expensive). I used Naprosyn during and after detoxing, and seemed to help with my nagging low back pain, as well as the other 'aches and pains' brought on by w/d.
It is non addicting also.
Caveat: I am not a doctor!
Hope that helped

[juliegal]

Thanks!  I too have taken naprosen in the past and was happy with it...I really prefer vioxx - but the stomach upset really comes into play there - and I do NOT need any help with that right now...!!!  late lunch - you must be in a different time zone than me..I am in Texas.

[percsnomas]

Your welcome...please keep posting; we care!
Yes i'm in Calgary, Canada..... but i like long lunches anyways, as i also sit all day like yourself, so it's nice to take a good break.
My head office is in Texas, and my wife lived there some time back.

[juliegal]

Sitting all day nearly kills me - they even monitor how many times we go the restroom a day....not a good place for someone with back problems!!  Finding this forum today was a blessing - I thought I was losing my mind and my body!  Thanks!

[juliegal]

Sitting all day nearly kills me - they even monitor how many times we go the restroom a day....not a good place for someone with back problems!!  Finding this forum today was a blessing - I thought I was losing my mind and my body!  Thanks!

[percsnomas]

I agree about sitting and this forum, it helped me take my life back a few months back.
I guess i'm lucky they don't count my pee breaks(i'd really be screw'd; i think all those opiates and tylenol did a number on my system)

[juliegal]

Thanks for the info.  I think that the hydrocodone has messed with my system in that way too - I feel like all I do is want to take a pee break!  geez...Have a good evening!

[juliegal]

I have gotten the L-Tyrosine and see where you told me to take 8 500 mgs per day the first week - do I take all 8 at the same time - or split them up through out the day??? thanks...How are you today?

[Chezz]

Good morning Julie. Glad to see you got some help and picked up the recipe.
I would try taking 4 1sr then seeing how you feel. Then taking the other 4 after an hour or 2 if you still feel the need for more energy and the 1st 4 don't get you too jittery. I have heard that some people get a little tooooo much energy from them and it doesn't make them feel good.
I hope this helps.
Chezz

Percs is in Calgary, I'm not sure what time it is, but it is probably early. Cause I'm in California, and its 5:30

[Chezz]

Just checked the time is Calgary. It is 1 hour later than here. so its 6:30am. Not sure if percs is up yet.
But I am here to help if you need me.   ;)

Chezz

[juliegal]

Thanks for the info - I guess I think everyone is on my time...I am in Texas so it is 7:40 here.  I did take just 4 last evening - and I felt okay - but the doc had given me a sleeping pill to try to help - so that could have calmed me down.  It is nice to have someone to talk to - never thought I would be in this situation...

[percsnomas]

Good Morning to you both... i just arrived at work 6:35.
Julie, I'd try the Tyrosine as Chezz suggested(i didn't need the whole 4 grams/day, more like 2.5....)
Also try NOT to take at night-time.
How was your sleep/restless leg??


Chezz, how are you?  I found that video, do you want info?

[juliegal]

Actually after taking the ambien the doc prescribed yesterday, and the whole NO sleep thing the night before, I slept pretty well, I am still having to get up several times per night to use the restroom - I do not remember having that many pee times ever..I am a little confused by that..could just be a coincidence.  I am very groggy this morning.  How are you today?

[Chezz]

YES YES YES YES YES.
Thanks ahead of time for any info you have on it. The site you gave me also was great. I haven't been back to it since the day you posted. I haven't been on my computer really since then.
I posted last night before I TRIED to sleep on what has happened in the last week or so.
I made a bed on my office floor so my wife could sleep and I could catch up on what has been going on.
How are you doing? Well I presume. ;)
Good morning tooooo!
Chezz

[Chezz]

BTW - I found out the surgery will be a discectomy. I am not sure if that is what the video is about, or if it is just about the fusion.
Actually, I guess I really won't know the exact surgery the Neuro will want to do. That is just what she told me yesterday.
I will be seeing the Neurosurgeon soon, so I guess he will clear it all up for me.
Chezz

P.S. I am trying to catch up on what has happened on the site in the last few days. I am just reading the 1st thread were Jess breaks down pimps post. I am actually kind of curious to find out who Jess thinks it is, especially since he thinks it is someone who has been already posting. What will people come up with next?!?!!?

[juliegal]

Reading your comments - and curious...I have been told I am not a candidate for fusion surgery....what are your exact back problems...I need to go back to my neuro for my follow up and see what his plan is...If you dont mind me asking you that is.

[percsnomas]

Jul: Very well thanks for asking....a lit'l buried at work here.
Remember, you are drinking VOLUMES of water and fluids to keep yourself hydrated from all the runs, so that may be the coincidence.

Chezz, aka Tornado Typist(remember some of us single digit type),
You are in luck....this surgery is a discectomy at L5-S1 on a 30 plus year old male, and takes you thru diagnosis to post op.

It is from the series "THE OPERATION" specifically 'Back Microsurgery'
It's from Discovery Communications Inc(TLC) and saysFilms for the Humanities and Sciences

On the back of the video, posts for more info call: 800/257-5126 or 609/275-1400
I'm just reading off the case.
If you cannot locate it, i will send you my copy.
It is quite remarkable, as it is not just a schematic...and things look quite different in the flesh.

[percsnomas]

Be careful with the Ambien(read CinCees' comments above)

[Chezz]

No problem. I think I posted my WHOLE medical history yesterday after I got back from the doc. I was pretty upset and didn't have anyone to talk to. So I finally got my a%% back in my office and on the forum again.
I have been having alot of problems for the last couple of weeks(worse than the last few months) and tried to take it easy before my CT scan in hopes that SOMEHOW it would help and I wouldn't need to get surgery.
Little good that did. The CT scan came back, and I could see the problem!!>!>! not good.
If I am mistaken and didn't post everything. Let me know and I can tell you more.
Chezz

[juliegal]

percs/I am really afraid of the ambien - but just needed some sleep.  I could not really tell it did much for me - but it must have - I slept - if I did not have to be at work so early, it would be no big deal.  He only gave me 20 and I have no resources to get more.  Thanks for that though....I am having a hard time deciding what to do about my Hydros in my purse...I cannot really ditch them - because I could wake up at any time and not be able to get up - I have to be at work...at the same time - I do not think I could take another one and go through this hell again......any suggestions?

chezz....thanks for the info - I have two herniated disks at L4 and L5....nothing to fuse to - but no surgeon has suggested discectomy yet - so mine must not be as bad as yours...they say they are not ready for that yet...once they determined there was no leg nerve damage - that is all they seemed to be concerned with.  This last doc tried neurontin....and was moving me off all my other meds...but that swelled my ankles and I cannot do that...seems you cannot win -

[Chezz]

Thanks again Percs. It has been tough this morning by the way. I can type my butt off, but it doesn't do much good when you have been up all night. Plus I have been trying to post to who I see is up and read all the posts I have missed at the same time.
It was a little easier to read at about 4am(california time) when nobody was up.
That didn't last long though. As you know I usually the last one to post in the morning due to the time difference. Plus I don't like to get out of bed before 8am if I can help it! LOL
My wife and I usually don't get to bed until around 11:30 or so. So I guess it is all relative.

Thanks again for the info. I am sure I will find it on the net, or I will call. I am going to order it today for sure.
Kind of ironic - It matches the surgery that my doc is saying I will need. When I originally thought it would be fusion. Plus I am 28, and the movie is on someone who is 30!
To be honest, I didn't think people my age got back surgery.
Chezz

[percsnomas]

Please take my advice, STOP NOW. I'm not saying ditch the vikes(you'll know when to do that).
It's just that you stated in your first post, you were tired of the "ups and downs" from these pills...so you have the first ingredient.....recognition of a problem and a desire to change it.
You know soooo many of us started off at your habit size, so please, this would be a great time to exit BEFORE your habit size equals the size of your state.  I know the energy thing for work, that meeting, etc....but i assure you, you'll get your own energy back....keep up on the formula and try to exercise.
You are soooo close already, stay strong

[juliegal]

I hear what you are saying....It was when I realized that I was taking them for that 'lift' that I made my mind up, especially after reading on here that the horrible aching feeling I was having when I needed another one - was the DRUGS doing that to me themselves.  My main concern is with the incredible back pain I can run into - I am not sure what to do then.  My injections seems to be wearing off - and I am not sure how I will work with the pain and not take the vikes...does that make sense?

[Chezz]

What is up with my long a## posts!!! Sorry, but it is here if you want to read it. (I copied and pasted this from the end of my post!!!! LOL)

I have been on neurontin before also. It worked good for a couple of months. That was when the pain was shooting down my butt and stopped at my knee.
This is totally different this time. The pain is about 2x. It now goes down my leg through the front of my shin. The lower half of my leg is now numb 3/4 of the time. I never had ANY numbness before. It changes from the left part of my shin, to my foot, ect. I have woken many times in the night with the feeling in my calf like someone is trying to wring it out. That is the wierdest feeling, besides the pain of it.
So this is all new to me. I feel like I am learning what it is to have "real" back pain. What I mean by that is - I never really understood some of the tests they did before I had this pain/numbness. Like when they use the roller pin needle thing and ask if it feels the same. Or when they make you push your foot down, and then make you push it back up while putting pressure on it with their hand. I always just said "no it feels the same, and nothing is wrong with my legs, they feel alright, it is just the shooting pain in my thigh and butt. Now I FULLY understand. I always felt lucky since I never had to worry about loosing feeling in my foot. I always felt that if the pain just stayed up above my knee I would be alright. And I always felt bad for the other patients that did loose the feelings. Now I am that patient. It is really different now.

I will get through this though. I have alot better grasp on it now that the shell shock of finding out that surgery is for sure. I really was hoping I would get through this like I have my other episodes. Just get to the right docs and do physical therapy has been the answer before.
I knew in the back of my mind that really wouldn't happen. I knew surgery was going to be it, with all of the different symptoms I was having. I am just so young and really didn't want to hear that I had to get it done.
The pain/numbness is too much. And like she told me yesterday. "Would you rather deal with this for another year or whatever, or get surgery and get back on your feet and get back in the air? She is right. And that really helped when she talked me through it a little. She is a great women and doctor. Really caring and knowledgeable. So it has been refreshing. That was only my 2nd visit yesterday. After the 1st visit she ordered the CT enhanced myelogram. So she knows her stuff. She also told me on my 1st visit that they definetly were missing something and that this test would probably show it. And that I probably wouldn't get any relief from epidurals, but she would find out for sure with this test.
Well she did, and she knows her stuff. So I am trusting her and I know it is for the best.
Chezz

What is up with my long a## posts!!! Sorry, but it is here if you want to read it.

[percsnomas]

Yes that makes sense; that's why i asked what your pain management program would be.....knowing you have the pathology that dictates pain and pain meds.
So, first things first, you've got herniated discs, as evidenced on MRI; referred pain?, tingles/numbness in legs/feet?(Your doc said your nerve structures are not comprimised....is that true?)
Have you got a second opinion? Done further testing?

Thats the *****, when you have a condition that warrants meds, you can end up with an untreated/treated condition and a dependency.  So for me, it seems, to avoid/minimize the latter, a prompt treatment is required.....

[juliegal]

Yes, herniated disks as seen on my MRI and I had a discogram which was by far the worst test I have EVER had - the machine broke while they were testing so I was laying in pain on that table for 45 extra mins...then I went straight to CT Scan - so they could see where the damage was when I had that die in me.  The xray tech there said she did NOT see any way that they could or would not do surgery...but the surgeon said since fusion was not an option and the nerve root is being just 'impinged upon' he would not touch me - referred me to another neuro - I have gone to him, he started by changing the meds - that did not work and here I am - had to cancel the last three appts.  I am a union steward for my company and we are starting contract negotiations...so I was also using the vikes to make it through those meetings...just feel like I was on a never ending train - still do - but just have to figure out a NEW way to deal with it - and get my a** back to the doctor.  

Chezz - sounds like you have been through it - alot of mine and your story sounds the same - I just have been lucky enough to avoid most of the leg problems...the last episode I just could not lift my leg...but once the pressure was relieved by meds - I regained the use - mostly my pain shoots down my butt ...so hearing your story..I feel lucky, but by the same token - just biding my time til mine gets that bad and I have to make the meds decision again....
My posts are long too - but I am so HAPPY to have someone to talk to - my husband tries - but unless you are living through it - you really do not understand the full story.

[bmac]

Enough of the cold air already! It's 39 here this morning.I said cool air not cold air.lol.
BTW,I started the meds last night and slept like a baby.I can take it twice a day but I don't think I will take another until bedtime.This stuff must be strong!!Man!!Well enjoy the day!
                  btdtbbbbbmacbbb and so on!
                        bmac

[percsnomas]

"well, i woke up this morning and i got myself a beer..."
sorry, i listened to the Doors during the ride in this am.
HaHa, that is tooooo funny about your weather... it seems all of our snow has melted, and it will be a balmy 65 today.

Did the Kadiam(sp) make you feel loopy this morning?
What did your wife say when you told her you had to go back on meds??

[Chezz]

Good Morning Bmac. Glad to see the medicine is working for you. It helps you sleep? What type of med is it?
Thanks for the post yesterday. It helped me to rethink what was going on.
Actually I have had ALOT of time to think since I couldn't sleep last night. I ran out of my flexiril, I guess that was helping me sleep more than I thought.
I haven't been worrying about the surgery though! I really am just happy now that I know what is up. I was getting real tired of hearing "your MRI doesn't look that bad, you should be alright"
Like my new doctor said. The test WORKED. Your symptoms finally match the test results. We can SEE were the problem is now.
So I guess it is a relief too.
Thanks again,
Chezz

[bmac]

Percs that was funny because I played last night for a party and we played that song.Well to be honest we always play that song.The Roadhouse blues has been played in so many bars it is funny to see it put in print but I can remember a time when I did get up and open a beer.It is going to be cooler here than there today,now that AIN'T right is it? And yes it made me loopy this morning.

Chezz,
I am on Kadian,morphine 20 mgs twice a day.I hope you get some good news from your neurodoc.Let me know about things.
                       bmac

[percsnomas]

... i know, and i can remember a time "when i was down so goddamned long, it looked like up to me"....
peace brother bill

[bmac]

Same to you my friend.
            Billy

[Thomas02]

Hi Sean,

First let me commend you for seeking treatment before the roof fell in on you. That in itself is more than most, including myself, can claim. I must say that I agree with Mr Michael that 5 days and off the bup seems a bit drastic. I've never used bup (not yet, anyway LOL) but I've heard that bup must be carefully tapered or the WD symptoms are every bit as bad as any other narc. But since you seem to be stuck with the current situation, Hippy and Goldenbear are absolutely right: you must get on the Imodium (immodium) right now. The electrolyte replacement is also a no-brainer at this point. The short-term use of a benzo such as Valium or Klonopin would certainly help for both the emotional and physical aspects of WD. Just remember, benzos are fine as a short-term measure, but, if you can believe it, they are dramatically worse than opiates in terms of addiction and, to be sure, WD. Opiate WD is not life threatening (except to the pharmacist that won't dispense LOL), but benzo WD is. So, just remember, my friend, like me, you are an addict. You will always be one whether you ever use or not. Treat the benzos with respect. The L-Tyrosine in the recipe will give you a mental and physical boost. Many, many recovering addicts swear by it. You may already have this, but here's the section of the recipe that I believe would be most helpful to you. Good luck, Sean.

Thomas

During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate WD symptom.

Use the Imodium (immodium) aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. Don't take it, however, if you don't need it.

At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate WD malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine. Try 2000 mgs, and scale up or down, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mgs. Take the L-Tyrosine with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate WD, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help.

With breakfast, take the mineral supplement (Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper and Magnesium).

As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better.

PLEASE NOTE: If you have any medical complications, first check with your doctor before detoxing to verify that this regimen is safe for you.

[livingdeadgirl]

Hello all, I ma new here, but love whatI have been reading.  I have a degenerative disc disease in my spine as well as spinal stenosis, I am only 36 and a mother of 3.  I have been on narcotics for 3 years now and am ready to say to hell with it. Have any of you ever experienced a numb, tingly feeling in your hands due to withdrawl (withdrawal)?  Sure as heck can not sleep at all.  It is sooo weird feeling it keeps me awake.  It only happens when I am notting taking (trying not to) my percocets.  I go back to my neuro next week because my L5-S1 is 50% closed at this point, am I'm sure I am looking at fusion, cage, rods, whathaveyou.  How can I get through all of that without pain medication?  I guess my big answer I need is the weird hand feeling thing. I have only taken 1 percocet in 2 days, compared to 5-6 a day of 5/325. I was maxed at 4 per day but have developed a high tolerance.  I have thought about asking the Dr. to switch me to Tylenol/codeine, to help me break this cycle.  I hope to find a light at the end of this tunnel..Thanx for listening!

[southernbelle]

you are not living dead, girl!  you are wonderfully, beautifully ALIVE!  i'm sorry, i haven't experienced the hand thing.  keep reading through the threads/posts, maybe you'll see something.  keep reading and posting...there are lots of folks on here with lots of different backgrounds.  if anything, you've found a sounding board.  your situation sounds serious (pain), so i would think talking to your doc first would be the best thing.  but maybe some of the others have a different opinion.  the only thing at this point i can tell you is that things WILL get better and that you ARE NOT alone!  love and peace to you.

[livingdeadgirl]

Thanx SouthernBelle, I don't have too much withdrawl (withdrawal), but I know the Percocet just dull the pain and I end up doing more than I should. Yesterday, after my body finally realized I wasn't taking the narcotics, I could not even stand up straight because of my back.  I can only move and be normal if I have some pain relief.  I was taking Loracets, I think 650's, the blue ones, and realized that I was not feeling "normal" unless I took them, scary, so I switched to the Percocets.  Maybe I will try the Tylenol3 next, they are a step down from the others, less chance of addiction, and I don't have to go pick up a prescription every 10 days like for the Percocets.  We will see what the future brings, I go back to my neuro next Wednesday, and have scheduled a second opinion 150 miles away for Halloween.  I had a decompressive laminectomy last October 23, and the Dr. told me it was severe, more so than the MRI showed, and he could not take care of it all right then!  So, here I am still in pain, already have scar tissue, and doing worse.  My Dr. is the only Neuro in this area so he is too overwhelmed and overworked.  I will keep reading posts and posting as well, thanx for the encouragement!!  I know I am not DEAD, I just love that song from WHITE ZOMBIE!

[Witchywoman]

I understand your situation really well, being someone who also have degenerative disc disease and a lot of pain.  What I didn't figure out from reading your post is whether you decided to stop the pain meds because you were abusing them, or whether you just got tired of having to be on them.

If you are an addict, like me, who also have chronic pain, the longterm solution may be to develop a healthy way of taking the meds that can allow you to function normally, rather than have the meds steal your life from you through abusing them.

Don't beat yourself up for being on pain meds if you really need them to function.  People in your situation do well on sustained release long acting meds like oxycontin, so long as you don't abuse it.

I too have been told by my Doc that I need fusion. I keep saying no, but I started questioning my decision when last night I couldn't even sleep, the pain was so bad.  

tell us more, and welcome!
WW

[livingdeadgirl]

I do not feel that I am addicted, but my body seems to become accustomed to them quickly, and then they do not last as long.  I called my neuro's office today and asked them to switch me to tylenol w/codeine, which they did.  I would like to quit, but like you said, I need them to be able to function.  I have 3 kids, 12, 7 & 4, and it kills me to hear them say "Does your back hurt, mommy?"  I try to hide a lot of the pain, but they know and are great about it.  I miss being active, riding my harley for long rides, playing soccer with my kids, and being an active participant in sex with my very understanding husband.  I am anxious to see what the Dr. says when I go back next Wednesday because the area that is closing is the area he did not want to mess with, being the base of my spine and having already had a surgery 1 year ago.  I am tired of living in pain and having to sit on the sidelines!  I am ONLY 36!  3 of my disc are moderately dehydrated now, along with hernias and the stenosis.  The stenosis will advance regardless of what is done.  I'm sorry for being so long winded, but it is nice to vent with people who understand.  Does anyone know of a chat room where I can go to do this venting, or just chatting?  I like the boards, but I also like instant answers!  Thanx for all of your help and concerns.  I am going to college right now, full-time, and my husband does not have a license (DWI), so I need to do all the driving.  We live 25 miles from town, sometimes I make 3-4 trips a day.  That makes it difficult on me as well, but I have got to do it.  I guess that is enough for now!  Chat soon!!!!!!!
Maxine

[Witchywoman]

Hi Maxine,
Your pain and back situation sound a lot like mine. I had surgery a little over a year ago, and have had to really reduce my level of activity. Bellydance has been a *huge* hobby of mine, I teach and used to perform a lot or just dance alone in my studio for fun and fitness, but it just hurts my back so badly I've had to all but give it up, and that has been emotionally really hard to do.  I'm 39, but was 35 when my back problems were first diagnosed.  I really feel for you. I know what it is like to have to be on the sideline when you used to be in the middle of it all.  And the sex part, well, let's just say, I hear ya!

I'm glad to hear that you are only physically dependant and didn't use the meds abusively as I did for so long.  No matter how you take them though, you do eventually build a tolerance, and get withdrawal symptoms when you try to stop. That's an unavoidable biological part of it. But if you are not abusing them, no need to put yourself through the pain of withdrawal, especially if you have to have more surgery.

Check out this message board :  http://www.backpainsupportgroup.com/cgilocal/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi

It's a great support group with fellow back pain sufferers, and is focused on chronic back pain, not addiction issues. There is a spine doctor who out of the goodness of his heart posts there occassionally and answers questions, but he's not the one in charge of the board. They are nice folks.

love,
WW

[lisabet]

WW: Please send your good thoughts and energy my way.  I could use a good dose of white magic.  Love, Lisabet

[groovygirl]

hi - when i saw the name you chose for yourself, it gave me the chills.

about the numb and tingling hands...i have carpal tunnel syndrome, and it became MUCH worse while taking narcotics.  fluid builds up in your body much more than normal while on pain meds and puts pressure on your nerves.  that would explain why you might have that feeling while using, but i'm not sure why you'd have it when you go thru w/d.  many strange things happen while detoxing...i'd just ask your dr.

[Witchywoman]

You got it!

love,
WW

[Bopigg]

I am glad to find this page.  This is the first real informative area that I have found and feel connected just by reading the stories.  I have been off Lortab 5/500 for one week now. I was a State Trooper and got hurt in a car wreck.  I tore some ligaments connected to my Facet joint causing impingement to my nerves.  I have been taking approximately 90 pills a month since January, but in the last six weeks, I have taken about 190. I felt great when I take the pills and would even go exercise knowing I could come home and take some, usually 1-2 and drink a coke.  But I haven't been living.  They cloud my thinking, I am in a semi state of nausea and my lower right side hurts.  I am going to try the L-Tyrosine.  I wish I would have known about it a week ago.  Thanks!

[smiley77]

Hello everyone, I dont know if I missed anyone one giving me any advice, so I will pray and hope someone will here me this time. Im currently taking 5-6 loritabs and 10mg. I notice that I base my day around them. I feel like and cant start my day without them. I have arthritis from the waist down and chronic headaches. I know a lot has to do with stress. I'm a single parent with 4 children and times are tough. I truly feel like I depend on these pills to get me through the day. Can someone please tell me how I can begin to take this pills out of my life, so I can try to feel good about myself.

                          sincerely smiley77

[athena]

hi smiley and welcome.Have you read any of the posts on withdrawl (withdrawal)?If you read the ones from around the first of oct. you'll get a pretty good understanding of what to expect when you quit the meds.The best way to do it(if you don't have health oroblems to prevent this) is to get all the ingredients from the Thomas recipe (It's listed all through this forum)do your best to get some help with your children,and if you can stay home from work that would be great.Your going to feel like h*&% for about 4 days then things will start to get better.It's the mental desire for lortab that takes the longest to get over.Posting here has helped me a lot.Just pick a day and flush.We will be here to support you.Good luck.

P.S
If you post at the top you'll get more responses.Most people dont read down this far.

pixi

[athena]

Hello and welcome.You are pretty much out of the woods on the physical w/ds.It's all mental from here,unless your still in pain from your injury.Congratulations on 1 week.it's not easy I know but taking the tyrosine will help with your energy level and seems to help with depression.Good luck and keep posting.Not many people read this far down every day so you may want to post closer to the top.

pixi

[Bopigg]

It must be 99% mental!  My brain is telling me to call the Doc next week and get a refill, but I think about how much energy I had today.  With the pills, I have no physical pain, but mentally feel crappy.  Without the pills, I have physical pain, but feel crappy mentally.  BUT, when I feel good mentally, I feel like the pain is less.  I never thought I would be getting relief from a website but everyone who writes, seems to be really troubled with this also.

[livingdeadgirl]

I never expected to live my life relying on pills to get by.  When I was younger (I am 36) my friends all experimented with different pills, but it wasn't my thing.  Then I injured my back 3 years ago and can not function without them.  I do not like the tylenol 3's I asked them to put me on, I really do not like how they make me feel, but they help the pain, and I do not take as many as the Percocets I was taking last week.  I am looking forward to the follow-up with my neuro on wednesday, I want to have my spine taken care of and not live on pills so I don'thave a liver in 5 years.  I would much rather take mychances with another spinal surgery than keep on using.  Keep your fingers crossed for me and I'll let everyone know what he says, ifthey do not reschedule me AGAIN!

Maxine

[athena]

bo,you are so right.It really is mental for the most part.I think thats why this forum helps keep me on the right track.
Ldg,you are in my thoughts and prayers.i hope things go well with your neuro doc.

pixi

[livingdeadgirl]

I just spoke with my Workman's Comp case manager, and they are pushing for me to settle.  I am still not released from my neuro to work, and if I settle I will no longer have the medical.  It has been 3 years but my back is progressively getting worse, not better.  I was denied SSI but have filed an appeal and should be going to court again soon.  I have always been a hard worker, so it is difficult for me not to do anything, but I can not lift more than 20 pounds or stand for longer than 15 minutes.  I can only walk up 2 flights of stairs before my back and legs are exhausted.  I need to contact my representative for comp. today and see what he thinks.  As it is SSI would need to pay me for 3 years of lost work, and a settlement may still pay me, since I am never going to be able to do the work I used to do.  Has anyone had a situation like mine, or have any advice for me?  Go to the neuro tomorrow to read my latest MRI.  I'll check back soon, have a great day everyone!  Thx Pixi, I appreciate the thoughts!