Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Guys I'm really worried about taking this step, well not this step, but the next one, Step 5 Admitted to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.  I've done alot of things I'm soooo ashamed of.  I've thought stupid crazy **** that only monsters would think. I'm afraid my sponser will think I'm a monster, and I'll have to look her in the eyes after that.  Is there anyway to get around this?  I'm really kinda freaking out about it.  I've never told anyone this **** before, I'm serious, the stuff I've done, I was a MONSTER, worthy of nothing but disgust.  Has anyone taken this step throughly, and if so, and you had the same feelings, can you tell me how the hell you did it, and what happened afterwards.  Love ya'll :)

[IBKleen]

Are you on Step 4 already?

And now you are worried about the 5th step?

Slow down................................

[jenny8575309]

no, i'm just worried about step 4.  I need to get more comfortable with step 3 first, and with talking to my sponsor, I'm just worried about it, and I'm over analytical, and it's hard for me to let someting go after it's in my head, until i talk to someone, and get some feedback.  My brain exhaust me sometimes, I just want to be ok with the fact that someday I will be taking the 4th and 5th steps, and right now it scares the hell out of me.

[IBKleen]

Hun, I had almost 2 years in the fellowship before I approached the 4th step. Worrying about it now is not going to help. It is a ways off.

Stay in the day.

[lonote]

I did a fourth step with a pastor I knew of across town. I was a thief,a klepto, I was so ashamed. abortions, I'used to think I
was going to rot in hell for the things I did.They have a way of listening and saying, when all is said and done, but thats not the person sitting before me today. We have someone who has a great deal of remorse, Do you really want to talk about a monster? Quit beating yourself hon, it will turn out okay. I've broken commandments. We're already forgivven. To this very day, I still struggle forgiving myself. Good luck.   Cathy

[beachtowel]

Is your sponser a nun?

[banana911]

i will go 1 for 1 on anything you have done that you are ashamed of....  for shizzle you are in the clear....     don't worry.      if their is a beauty here we are all screwed up.....  just stick with people you feel comfy with in the program....

just thoughts :)

[FLaddict]

Your sponser will not judge you.. that is not her job.  I too had apprehensions about revealing to anyone what I had done in my addiction.  But when I did it I have to say it felt great... It was like erasing it from my subconcious.. I was about 6 months clean from heroin when I did my 4th step, took me a little while to write it all out on the 4th step worksheets my sponser had given me but the sheets made it much simpler to do. I think I did my 5th step about a month later.  I trusted my sponser with my life.  she even had me do a formal 3rd step with her,  I trusted her so I did anything she told me to. And I knew in order to stay clean I had to do it.  I used the same philosophies when I started sponsering people.

[alexandra fox]

You know, I was so much like you - 1. in a hurry, 2. projecting into the future and 3. so disgusted with my "sins" LOL and let me tell you that things do not turn out at all as you fear they will. You see, by the time you are doing step 4/5 (for me it was at 4 years clean) you will see yourself differently, you will have a different perspective and you will have a different relationship with a sponsor. I personally think its a good idea to wait a while and to get to know your sponsor, if that is who you wish to do step 5 with, and more than likely she will share with you some of her less than sterling attributes. But I think I can safely say - no matter how horrible your actions, they are probably quite par for course in NA - it is a very varied bunch there, at least here in australia - and as was said above, we most need to forgive OURSELVES.

Step 4/5 was so not what I expected it to be - I thought it would be just a list of "sins" but it became me learning about how I tick, the good, the bad, the ugly, the "in denial", the dishonest and on and on.

Just have a little bit of faith that it will go exactly as it is meant to - I think god/universe/spirit is in there too when we do step 4/5 so you will not be alone.

[addictedme]

I dont know how someone could be judgemental and a sponser both.Remember, a searching and fearless moral inventory means taking stock of our liabilities AND our assets.Step 4 says we were niether as terrible or as wonderful as we suppose.Its definantly a positive step. I think anyone who has attended alot of meetings has heard some pretty bad stuff but I"ve never heard anyone gasp and say omg. Trust me,weve all done some "stuff" and as they say " pain shared is pain lessend "