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Still struggling with what to do...

The following is a very recent post of mine from a thread titled Why is this so hard?? but started Dec. 2010.  I have been asked to start a new thread so it doesn't look so old.  Just the fact that it is almost two years old is startling. Just to think I have been feeling a certain way about this for so long puts it in a different perspective.  Anyway thanks to selfinduced and otoh who have been following the old thread. I welcome any thoughts or insight. hoping to find the answer within myself with a little help.  Thanks again and refer to the old thread if you have any questions or I'd be happy to add what I can.  I feel my issue is almost not significant enough to post, kind of embarrassed, but  a big thanks again to everyone who has posted in the past. You are inspiring!


"I was thinking about this last night. When in the beginning stages of withdrawing while just tapering, the feeling of contentedness of just being is gone or hard to find.  That trying to go a bit more before the next dose brings only a little of what I would expect from full blown withdrawal. Basically, I'm afraid. That's as simple as I can put it. I don't have to do it but I want to and I don't know why.  I'm angry at the Dr.s for not explaining the nature of opiate use and discontinuing.  I feel stuck and don't know if I can make endorphins or dopamine anymore.  I'm being a wuss at attempting to quit and can't get rid of the nagging feeling I'd be better served by stopping the meds. I am trying to find the motivation to jump and not doing well at just doing it.  I read the posts of those going through it and admire their commitment when they keep going. But it sounds an awful experience.  I am looking for threads on people who wanted to quit and have assurance from their perspective that they were glad they did. Not finding as many, but seems the ones who do it sure feel good about it. ."
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Avatar universal
Just wondering, what made you not you so that you could be "me again"?
Helpful - 0
2107198 tn?1336136106
I know I responded to this a couple months ago, and I stand by my posts above.  I understand some folks have to taper, I am not naieve to that.  Not only would I use if I had pills, I was scared to death not of detox, that's was just bad flu to me, but much more scared of PAWS.  My solution to PAWS was to get that year of brain heal started immediately.  The taper keeps tricking our brains, when we have zero narcs in our system our brains can begin the job of repairing itself.  It takes a long time, but it will get better.  I am 160 days, and things like my mood is SO much better that I cannot wait until that magic 365 and I know my brain is as healed up as it is going to get.  Still going to need aftercare, but I will truly be me again.

Consider jumping and starting that road.  It will pay off later.  Your making progress though, be positive.  Sending support . . .

Bryan
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for your input.  I guess that's my problem, I don't know what I miss out on with meds.  I have been able to manage my script for years.  Reading on this site and what it takes to get off freaked me out.  My wife doesn't really understand why I want to quit as they have improved quality of life in some areas. But I also feel like the effects of being on them long term aren't worth it and may be creeping up on me. Deep down inside, I just know (or think I do) that I should quit. The more I try and the more I feel the effects of tapering, the more hopeless I feel. Feels a little insignificant compared to what some people are going thru, just know I'm struggling.
Helpful - 0
4204073 tn?1361831476
Hi,
From everything I've read on other posts tapering down can drag out the wd process and everything you are experiencing is normal.  For some it's just easier to go CT.   It was the only option for me.  If I had pills I took them.   I can relate to the feeling of being obsessed with being off these things.   I've been on and off for 6 months now, but this last time really kicked me mentally.   I needed to experience that last relapse to realize what I wasn't missing out on.   Everytime you think about taking something, remind yourself that all you are doing is putting poison in your body and setting yourself back.  Also write down all the reasons why you don't want to take them and what the consequences of taking them are and read them often!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yea, still on a taper but since my last 5mg drop/day I don't feel like I'm handling things well. I've only dropped 30mg/day over the course of 2 years. So much of what I feel like I read in descriptions of PAWS.  I know I'm probably feeling twinges of withdrawal.  Feel a little dysthymic, reaction to stresses are a bit exaggerated...stuff like that.  I get the cold turkey is better thing a lot, but I've been in PM for many, many years.  I don't expect to avoid any of this after the physical part of going CT would be over. I know there's going to be a long road to recover completely.  I could just have my wife grab a few pills, but I am trying soooo hard to avoid that. I have become obsessed with the thought of quitting these pills.  I refuse to take an offer of increase in meds at appointments.  I don't know.  The feelings come and go. Don't know what the heck I'm doing.  Thanks so much for your response.  Nice to have a little support!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hello.I just found your post and soo much of what you said sounds identical to my situation.Especially the point of the docs not explaining the consequences.So where r u at now?Are you still tapering or are you off of everything?I am still on my taper so I do understand how your feeling.Whichever the case try not to be to hard on yourself as going thru this mess of a nightmare is one of the hardest things to do.Just remember we are here and want to help,keep posting!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Man, I really suck at this.  Guilt trip city on my progress and commitment
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
you and beyondskrewed need to cheer each other on.  their are alot of supplements to help. the depression kicks your butt while going through it ,but start researching and you will see lots of things can aid you. the thomas recipie will get you going, b12 will help. you know you won't rest until you try.. love hearing from you. just keep posting. people want to quit sometimes for yrs. before they finally do it. It will be now or later.    
Helpful - 0
1881798 tn?1339680233
Personally, I started vitamins, exercise, and zoloft a week before just to get in my system. Not sure how much difference was made.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I appreciate any help/info I can get. Good day to you.
Helpful - 0
2107198 tn?1336136106
I wouldn't think so, although good nutrition is helpful if you can keep it down during detox.  I could never taper, I would use, so I had to cut all sources and jump.  So, my point is, I have never been on a taper to compare it.  Sorry I cannot be of more help.

Bryan
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Does it help to take supplements while tapering or before jumping from a lower dose? Thanks for your post!
Helpful - 0
2107198 tn?1336136106
So much has been said on this already, so I will just make the one point:

We really trash our brains on this stuff, and yeah, your dopamine and endorphins will not work.  This does not last forever, but is a climb to get back to a healthy brain.  This is why it is so crucial to do all we can to help the process . . .to FEEL better.  Amino acid/protein supplements, exercise, a healthy diet are crucial to get out brains healed up as soon as possible.  It will not be quick, no matter what, and is why aftercare and cutting all supply is so critical.

I know for me I always take solace in that my brain is getting better everyday.

Bryan
Helpful - 0
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