Stopping my pain meds

[Missy2008]

I had an accident exactly 2 years ago, and was giving Hydro 5/325 for a year and then switched to 10/325 for the last year.   I have been taking 6/day and I've never gone outside my Rx to get more, but I still feel ashamed and horrible for having this drug be a daily part of my life.  By this point it's hard to tell if the drug is for pain, but I keep telling myself I can't stop to find out because I'll get sick.   It doesn't help that the Pain doc makes taking pain meds is the most normal thing in the world. He smiles and says "what else are you going to do?"   At times he seems just like a well dressed drug dealer.

Recently I had to go to the ER and when I told the doctor there I was a chronic pain patient and gave him my meds to review, he looked at me and said "your doctor is letting you take this much, this long without encouraging you to get off this stuff?" When I said yes, he lectured me and scared me into really thinking about the situation.  He told me the Pain Doc is either not working in my best interest OR he is just too nice and believes he's making my life better. That it's been 2 years and he believes I am pain free, I just don't know it.  I think he's right. I've seen people all around me have worse accidents or illnesses than me and recover and get back to their normal lives.  I believe he's right, and the physical addiction to the drug is the only thing I am suffering from.

I'm tired of planning my life around pain medicine. When we want to go somewhere I have to make sure I won't be gone during a refill period. It sucks. It's no way to live.  I'm tired of being ashamed of being a daily norco users.

So, I told my husband that I'm done. I was going to taper off, but I don't even want to prolong the agony.  Just going down to 4 from 6 feels terrible, why draw it out over a month. I don't want to go anywhere for help because it's too embarrassing and I have great support at home, so I think it's worth it to try on my own.

I am a LOST fan and I rewatched the scene where John Locke tells Charlie (heroin addict) "painful detox is inevitable, so why not make it on YOUR terms."    Has anyone else in this situation seen that and thought, how great would it be to just be stuck on an island and have no choice but to detox and find out if you can be normal?  So that's what I decided to do - my home is now my 'LOST Island' and  I'm going CT with my husband's support, with all my Thomas Recipe supplies, and with the knowledge I've acquired from reading here.   The calendar is clear for the next 2 weeks.

Good luck to everyone else who has become a slave to opiates for whatever reason. Reason doesn't matter, we're all in the same boat.  I look forward to reading more on this site :)   Is anyone with me just starting out?  Let's get through this together. :)

[Missy2008]

Thanks traveladdict.  Your post will get me through the next 4 hours. :)   I can't thank you enough.

[traveladdict]

Great decision on quiting. I too was on meds for real pain for to for too long. It is the easy way to go in the beginning.  After awhile it is true that you are not sure why you are taking the meds, real pain or the fact you are afraid of the unknown (life with out pills).  Nobody wants to go through detox.  I quit over one month ago and this forum has been invaluable.  It is great you have your support in place. Day one is where we all start but buckle up it will be rough on days 3-4.  Take hot baths and DO NOT GIVE IN  when you feel like used TP.  Just post and stay in touch. YOU CAN DO THIS!

[Missy2008]

Only 4 hours to go until I hit the 24 hour mark.  It's not much, but it's double the longest I've ever not had Hydro in 2 years, so it's something!

Honestly it just felt good watching my "joined 1 hour ago change to 2 then 3 then 4 hours ago"  Baby steps, but forward motion.  Right now I just feel very jumpy even with  a little Valium, and there's a headache coming on.

My husband has stocked the kitchen and we're both as ready as we can be. I'm reading posts on this forum and a couple of others to keep myself focused, knowledgeable and realistic.

Thanks guys! :)

[Missy2008]

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement!  

I've shown my hubby all the info and potential issues so he knows.  

I know the hardest part will be not letting the 'fake pain' my body manufacturers get the best of me.  I'm looking at it as a demon and I'm calling it out and seeing its bluff. I fully expect the demon to have the upper hand for days, but knowledge is power and reading about people who have made it, really helps.

[taekwondo_fighter]

some people can do a taper plan, i couldnt...  as soon as things got tough at home, i popped a pill to "numb" me..  saturday morning i decided that i was done with it, went cold turkey and so far so good..  i'm at work and keeping a normal life somewhat.. things will work out, especially since you have 2 weeks to play with... good luck!

[enemy48]

Great choice....I too stayed home knowing that there is no enemy here.  You're so lucky that you have hubby to help you.

Please ask him to educate himself on w/d's & addiction.  He's gonna need to.

Put him on this forum with you.

You're also lucky that it's only been 2 years for you and not 6 like me!

Thomas is the bomb.  You met very few w/d's w/your cut back, but at least have somewhat of an idea.

I agree w/the cold turkey.  Taper just wasn't for me.

You'll love having us through your detox.