Strange question for anyone who is good at writing descriptively

I want to hear from people who went through the hell of detox, and are getting better.  What does it FEEL like for you, and what do people mean when they say they feel like relapsing.  It is hard for me to understand what a person who was "just" addicted to pills feels, while going through the same thing as me.  I put the word "just" in quotes, because I don't mean that being addicted to pills is an easy thing if that's your only problem.  I had horrible breathing problems (anxiety) before starting Vicodin, and I actually began using the pills to medicate this horrible way I felt.  My addiction began because the pills made me feel "normal" again, and I couldn't go back to the way I felt before them.  So I stayed on them, and now I'm on Suboxone.  I am terrified because there has to come a day when I need to start tapering from the Sub, and eventually jump and go through the withdrawal, but I fear that I will have two things going on:  The withdrawal from the drugs, and the anxiety from my mental condition on top of it.  When I quit the Vicodin and went through the two days of being in withdrawal before starting Sub, I was never sure if I was feeling the same as everyone else who goes through withdrawal, or if I was feeling worse because of my underlaying anxiety.  I wish there was a way for us to feel what someone else feels, if only for a few seconds.  I fear that once I go through the withdrawal process, to where I should be feeling better, that I will still feel worse because of the problem I had before.  Now, when I say I had anxiety, I don't mean that I felt anxious here and there, or had a panic attack here and there.  I meant that I suffered several months of debilitating feelings every second of every day, accompanied by concentrating on breathing and just an overall labored breathing feeling... ALL.  THE.  TIME.  It was terrifying.  So I want to hear someone describe what it feels like when you are off the pills for a few weeks, and starting to feel "better."  Does it ever feel like you just can't live like that anymore, and that you will feel like that forever?  Any wierd breathing feelings?  Anxiety that doesn't go away for the rest of your life?

I need to make the distinction of whether or not I feel the same thing, and my anxiety is really just what every other drug addict feels when they're not on drugs, or if there is something more going on with me.

Sorry for being wierd.  It is a problem that has plagued me for 4 years, and if I don't figure it out soon, I will be on Suboxone for the rest of my life.  Thanks.

[mimi1313]

Maybe you could taper? I had high anxiety as well. I was just very jumpy and my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I have to ask, are you being treated for the breathing problem? Because when you stop opiates you are more prone to respiratory illness.

I took Lexapro for a couple months after. It really helped stabilize my moods. I was either really anxious or ready to cry.

The anxiety shouldn't last for that long. But the breathing problems are most likely making it worse. I would definitely address the breathing situation before doing anything.

[enemy48]

Hi Lynn~

I think nearly everyone suffers EXTREME anxiety during detox.  Many of us used xanix valium for that.

I got about 20 xanix and would take tiny bites from it throughout the day.  As time went on, I took less and less.  I didn't want to become addicted to it.  I do remember my heart pounding so hard that my ears vibrated w/every beat.  This was about day 3 to 5.

I also suffered anxiety from time to time throughout my life and learned to control it with breathing exercizes.  But during detox, the breathing deal didn't work for me, and I learned it was normal and everyone goes through that.

I still suffer w/those attacks in the night disturbing my sleep and I also have RSL for several years now.  It's no picnic!

I see that you're a new member.  There's so much to learn here.  Read a lot of posts and profiles.  The Health Pages are great too.

It's funny that painkillers seem to aid in other things besides just pain.

Like mimi said, lung illnesses are very common shortly after detox.  I had 3 attacks of bronchitis about 2 weeks after detox through the end of the second month.  That added additional strain to what I was already going through.  You have no energy for so long, then the respiratiory problems add to it.

I suggest you stay around and get a good education here.  It saved so many of our lives.  I consider it to be my aftercare.

Best Wishes!

[jerrip]

I strongly suggest you see your doctor.  You are either having many bad panic attacks OR you may have some real lung problemd.  Since I was already on several inhalers for lung problems I have had very few even with the heat and terrible air.  I am on day 16 and this is my first fairly good day....from day 3 to today has been Hell!   Get help.   Love and good luck   Jerri

[Cozmo925]

I know about the anxiety problem. Persoally, I take Lexapro, and that really helps. I'm still in the taper-down part of getting off Oxy's and it's pretty bad, I know that this is, however, the way to do it.

[Lynn79]

     Thanks everyone.  I was actually a member about 9 months ago, under a different name, and I would have used it again except I couldn't remember my password.  I was a member here when I first started Sub, and I used to post my experience with it for about the first month.  Then I started feeling so good that my life got too busy to post.  I still came from time to time to read how other people were doing.
     About the breathing problem, I am sure that it was a mental thing, and all in my head.  I saw several doctors and nothing was ever wrong with me.  Of course another tell-tale sign is that when I was taking my pills (Vicodin), I didn't have any breathing problems.  I felt completely, 100% normal.  It is important to note that I'm not talking about anxiety from withdrawling from opiates... I'm talking about the "anxiety" I had BEFORE becoming a drug user.  I only began taking Vicodin because of a tooth extraction, and when I found that it took my anxiety and breathing problems away, I stayed on it because it was the first time in a year that I felt "normal" again.  At first, I always thought that I just had this anxiety out of the blue, and that it was a mental condition.  But after talking with several people, I think it is from being a pot head for years and then deciding to stop one day.  It was the day after quitting smoking marijuana that my horrible problems started.  They lasted for about a year and I tried everything... Xanax, Valium, Clonopin, Zoloft, then Lexapro.  Some of them made things a little better, but the underlying breathing problem was still there.  I really wish there was a way to explain to you how I felt.  It is impossible.  I have tried telling my friends, but they all think I'm crazy.  It did not feel like a physicaly, medical problem.  It felt like my breathing would stop if I didn't remember to do it.  Like, it became voluntary instead of involuntary.  I would wake up every morning with panic, and then shower and try to drive somewhere, and go to sleep every day with the same feeling.  It NEVER went away.  It was a constant feeling.  Most people with clinical anxiety or panic disorder usually have SOME period of relief or feeling okay.  I did not.  It was just the way every second of every day was.  At first, I thought that I couldn't possibly be going through withdrawal from marijuana, because I had run out a few times in the past and been fine for weeks on end.  So why, this one time, did my body change so drastically the very next day after not having any?  I am thinking it was a mental shock, just knowing that I was quitting for good, and that I had to find a job, and my life was changing so rapidly in a lot of other ways, like getting ready to move, and applying to Grad school.  So many things going on that I just attributed it to that.  Except life started getting better, and the feeling didn't go away.  I sound crazy when I try to explain it to people.  But one thing is for sure: right now I have hope that I will be successful with counseling and one day be able to taper, go through the withdrawals, and be normal again.  However, if anyone were to ever tell me for sure, that without a doubt, I would feel the way I felt for the rest of my life after quitting Sub, I will stay on it forever.  It is a feeling that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and if it were between feeling like that or being medicated for the rest of my life, I choose medicine.  It was really THAT unbearable.
     But I have an appointment with a substance abuse counselor, and maybe I'll learn something I didn't know about long term marijuana use causing all of those problems.  There has to be a reason why everytime I was on drugs, all of my bad feelings stopped.  If I had something medical wrong with me, it would still be there with the drugs.  And I've been tested for everything.
     So I started this post to hear other people who may be able to explain the difference between anxiety from withdrawal and anxiety without drugs.