Stressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you ever had a weekend when it was nothing but bad and you just cant snap out of it! My mind is going a  hundred miles an hour. All bad. Nothing good! And honestly i would love to use right now. I would feel so much better. At least for today! I just keep thinking.....tomorrow is 7 months for me!! 7 fricken months. I have come so far! UURGGHHH. I had the worst weekend...fighting, a wake, anniversary date of my daughter last surgery which is very fresh in my mind. I always have a hard time on those dated. It was just a few years ago and she when trough some terrible stuff. I dont do good with the whole death thing which i'm sure most dont, but one of my BFF moms died from alcoholism and i had to be there for her, then the whole fighting with the soon to be ex. I just want this chapter in my life to be over. Hes gone and i can move on. Why is it so hard. Its affecting my kids and that hurts. Divorce is such a long stupid drawn out process. Why??? Its not this hard to get married??? Just get the F*** out!!! Leave me alone. I just can handle the fighting anymore!! Then feeling helpless when Gizz needed it. UURRGGHH!!!! I just cant handle much more. See know im venting which is what i think i needed. Im just gonna keep busy, cry when needed and try to get the thoughts out of my head!!  Thank you all for listening!! THis stinks but i'll get threw it. Thank god for this forum!!!

[puranx]

i have bad days everyday,  extremely stressful job, lots of bills, kids, 6 dogs, yada yada. But i never ran to a pill for that and never will. Thats life, gotta learn to deal with it.

[dominosarah]

Those feelings were there before, just clouded while using.  You will have 7 months tomorrow.  That is great. It is hard to face these things head on but that is what keeps us clean.  You can do this.  Hopefully venting will make you feel better.  Divorce is a bastardo but look at the end result!!!!!!  Hang in there.  It will get better and tomorrow you will celebrate 7 months clean.  Stay strong!!!!                  sara

[bandnmom]

such a cry baby i am. Sorry!!!!!!!!!!

[worried878]

Divorce was the hardest thing i have ever been thru in my whole entire life...perhaps i have never remarried as i never want to feel like that again....I feel for u...but it does get better...found that all that was my biggest trigger after i quit the drugs...it passes...time heals..hang in there

[dominosarah]

your not a cry baby so dont apologize.  Guess i told you huh!!!!! LOL  These feelings are real so you did the right thing by posting.  I posted about going to the car wash one night!!!  It can all be overwhelming but you are clean and that my friend is a real good thing.            sara

[bandnmom]

Thanks Sara...u made me smile. You did tell me! LOL

[bandnmom]

I just read my prayer i have in my journal over and over. The way i feel today the prayer is much stronger in meaning. make sense??  i hate  today!! Want it to be over. i know i will feel better tomorrow!!

[puranx]

cry baby...ah no...going through hell and life....yes. Unfortunetly thats how it is for awhile...but i can promise you, you will get stronger and stronger and they get less an less.

[puranx]

also....get a punching bag or something, i know it sounds silly but smash the thing until you cant. It helps so much and also great cardio lol!! Put a picture or something on it that you would like to beat down ;)

[bandnmom]

LOL!!!! thanks puranx!! A punching bag is a great idea!!

[sadinmichigan]

Hey there my friend..Divorce is a hard thing to go through..and I think because it affects our children so much makes it just horrible. And all the cr_p that leads up to divorce just wears a person down. You will make it through and so will the kids..Your daughter is doing good still right? I always have you and your kids in my prayers..
A hammer works wonders too..on all kinds of things..lol  Just be careful.. Love you..Lisa

[puranx]

hammer LOL...jesus lisa...

[sadinmichigan]

hey...don't knock the hammer until you try it!!! LOL..like I said you have to be careful..NOT to be used on humans..LOL..I felt sooooo much better after I beat the he!! out of my daughters car that I have been lugging around for 2 yrs..Better yet!! an AXE and some wood...just gotta watch the feet..LMAO..

[gizzy32]

im sorry your going through all this right now. your have had so much going on, but most days u r nothing but a bundle of joy:) it's good to vent and get it out. the last thing you need now is any darn pills, u have come so far and tomorrow is the big 7 months. i am so proud of you for that. hang in there, you have a lot of support here. so glad your comp is going now.

[bandnmom]

I just wanted to thank everyone for all you support and kind words. It really does meen alot to me!

[aloneandempty185]

Hey there,
I know what you mean. When it rains it pours. I feel like I am going through the same thing as you right now. In fact, I was about to post and i came on and you pretty much said everything that I was going to say. I would love nothing more than to throw in the towel tonight. I think the truth of the matter is that we are working so hard to fix our lives that we get exhausted and burned out. You did an incredible thing getting on here and posting rather than going back to that $hit. It is so frustrating when you feel like you are stretched to your limits and you dont feel like you are gaining any ground, but take comfort in the fact that whether or not you realize it, every day clean is another day closer to the end of this chaos. I am on if you need to chat. stay strong, we are in this together.

[extrmeski]

Oh boy can I relate, seem that when it rains it pours.  Not only am I going through the detox, but it seems ever since (well now that I say that my life in the past 8 years has been hectic) all these emotional problems crop up.  My ex g/f contacts me and is sweet as she used to be even sounding like her old self.  We had a wonderful conversation, then she flips out again.  I needed that like I need a hole in my head!  Drives me crazy!

[extrmeski]

I have also been through divorce twice..  I think I might just be an expert on it.  Actually at one point I fired all my attorneys and represented myself even through a 4 day trial.  If you ever want to talk I'd love to....

-David

[Sajonna]

Totally relate here too.  I took a little PT job this summer (in addition to my FT job) at my community Homes association pool.  They lied:  It is not PT it is FT work. All I was to do was test chemicals and open & close.  Yeah right.  I ended up scrubbing the entire pool perimeter tiles on Saturday.  I had to put up about $500 of my own money (I'll get reimbursed but still!) to fix a few things while the board memebers were out of town and didn't tell anyone they were leaving.

Talk about pain the next day from this scrub.

I have been working around 37 hours for the last 2 weeks each at this PT job. I was near the point of throwing in the towel. Pun intended.

Anyway..long story short (IF I can do that)- Sunday night I go to lock up and this man I never seen before would not leave..him and his grown sons (all drunk) demanded to stay. I was nice...but then the old man tried to assault me.  I knew better than to talk back to a drunk so I did the Monty Python thing and "Ran away".  Thank God I found a big guy in the street to help me.  He tried to help but this man just got ugly with him too demanding him and his family stay in the pool because they didn't like my attitude  and they were military vets.  

I have all respect for military vets, but I can bet my beach towel when their Officer Club on base said they were closing, these vets would have to leave too.

So I quit the job on the spot.  Gave them their keys today and told them how many hours I worked.  They said they didn't care how many hours it was a salary job.  When I told them they did not give me an accurate description of WHAT this job entailed, they said they never asked me to go above and beyond like I did.  
Unbelievable.  

I guess this is why people only do the minimum at their job because of attitudes like this.

Oh and you will ALL find this really funny. (I hope).  They talked tonight at their big board meeting about how awful it was that all these drug dealers were hanging out at our pool.  Now I have never been a dealer in my life...but I had to laugh inside of me because when I first took this stoopid job, I was on my taper. They wanted me to provide them with Licensce numbers to catch these nasty drug dealers.  

Are they serious? I am not providing anything like that.  They can call the cops themselves. After all--I don't think that was in my job description!  I won't narc on anyone.  That is too dangerous.