Struggling but fighting

Well it's been since Sunday that I've started detox. The cravings are strong but I've been a fighter. Posted twice and received lots of support. I want my life back!!!!! This is so sad what pills can do to a person it's crazy the hold they had/have given the aftermath.

[halstead124]

  i started mine sunday to i know exactly how you feel i was married to those things i couldnt function with out i had to stop my kids were catching on w/d every couple-three weeks major strain on family. and you have your reasons or you wouldnt be doing it .  other than a few cravings its gettin better but when i quit sunday i was up for some time finally got some sleep thursday and little last night,we just got to forget about the best we can and just focus cause im tired of doing this all the time...good luck

[Plshelp2011]

Good luck to u too and thanks for sharing i need support badly and would very much appreciate ur partnering w me I can't do this alone and I'm so alone

[Plshelp2011]

I wish I could sleep for a full weekend and wake up me again w/o the crap feeling that goes w detox whaaaaaas

[Plshelp2011]

Meant full week of sleep likevsleeping beauty :) I must say my looks are coming back and my eyes sparkle again

[Plshelp2011]

The drugs started to take everything including my looks

[Plshelp2011]

What are u doing as ur detox routine? Sunday????? Pls share if u don't mind. I've been using the thomas recipe vits, lots of gatorade, baths, etc. + tapper

[halstead124]

      yes you can hit me up anytime sounds like we got alot of the same going on plus i dont have many people that i can or even could talk about this with ,crazy just all happend one day ive tried to quit a few times but think im going to this time i have for my kids my wife really dosent get it shes just pissed i cant quit,so whenever you need to talk im home alot im off moving in few weeks

[halstead124]

  tapering was the plan so i tried something different  and proably would have worked better if id took them right ,usually i just go thru w/d till id get more and that would be often so this time i got rid of everything i had effexor,xanax and sat back to ride it out .W/D are different for everyone i think,is this your first time going thru this?

[halstead124]

    what have y ou been doing sinse sunday any tapering or something else? i didnt do tapering right but i heard it helps ,just the sleeping part was hardest this time i was up so long i was having trouble dealing with the simplist things say and doing things i dont remember but i have gotten sleep now feel like different person,and forgetting my three kids were home all week that made it a little tuff..

[Plshelp2011]

Sorry for the delay was out w my kids shopping ~ yet went for that shopping high. Thought i Make better use of my Former pills dollars. I've tappered as follow: Sunday nothing no pills was drying, bitchy, etc., Monday 1perc/2vic x's day, but took 1 add'l perc last dose, Tuesday 1 perc/1 Vic 5 x's day, Wednesday same dose, Thursday same but snorted 1 perc, friday 1 perc/1 Vic 2xs, today same plus started withdrawal ease + Thomas recipe...actually went outside w my kids. Keep in mind is was doing approximately 15 perc/ 15 to 20 vics a day; some snorted :( embarrassing

[Plshelp2011]

Also logging any use

[Plshelp2011]

That's why I know what I've used....and yes this is my first time to forum/detox. I will kick this mother

[Plshelp2011]

The 15-20 of both perc and vics was as of last Saturday and was ea. Don't know how I got there? Plus high stopped no matter how much I took. Realized I'd be dead if I didn't do something and my kids were constant on my heart.

[Plshelp2011]

Now what have u been doing????

[IBKleen]

I can't figure out what kind of taper you are doing. It sounds confusing. Actually, it is not a proper taper by any means---it sounds more like a jump off of a cliff and I would imagine you are feeling the withdrawal pretty good from that schedule. Also, do yourself a favor and stop snorting them. You are spiking your dose and it is near impossible to get through a taper using that method.

You said: "Plus high stopped no matter how much I took". What does that mean? Trying to help out here but I am getting a little confused.

Let us know what is going on and how you are doing.

[Plshelp2011]

High stopped prior to my decision to detox.

[IBKleen]

You mean you stopped getting high? Now I got it. Well, that's a good thing. No reason to go on--may as well get it over with. It will be that much sooner you can begin getting your life back and start living drug free. I wish you the best!!

[Plshelp2011]

High buzz boost of energy to be wonder women and snort w a slip once I was just trying to provide an honest picture. Wish I didn't!!!!

[halstead124]

   i didnt to it right i dont think i should have gave them to someone to hold and give me what i was supposed to have,i did better than i thought it was the not sleeping that really killed me

[Plshelp2011]

Sorry I got defensive I'm just so fragile rt now and alone. Stress at hm as mentioned - hubby's no help. Pity party sometimes but know others have their struggles too. In truth I'm blessed and shouldn't be lame things could be so much worst. I just hate that I did this to myself. Didn't really escape just tried to forget. Never a good idea. Please don't stop sharing w me. I care!!! I hope I can encourage u and others as that would warm my heart.

[halstead124]

       im just giviing dude some time hes hesitant i think

[halstead124]

   who did u get defensive with

[dominosarah]

Are you doing anything for recovery care other than the forum?

[halstead124]

u still around

[Plshelp2011]

No praying and using the thomas recipe and withdrawall ease gatorade lots and lots of baths

[halstead124]

         hows that working out ,are you still hurtin? some mean people 2nie aint it

[Jimmy1975]

I don't think anyone means to be mean to you really ! Its nice you guys have each other  ' We are here to help as always .. Good luck to you ..

[halstead124]

     hey whats up i didnt think they were mean to me a  i was talkin her bro i could careless

[Plshelp2011]

I'm confused about the replies. I'm just looking for support w/o judgement. I trying to move forward in my life and beat this addiction. Emotions are raw and I can't handle any neg comments as I can get that at home :( I made this decision on my own to detox and any support is truly appreciated. Thanks.

[Plshelp2011]

Go to work tomorrow and hope I don't 'go off' on anyone cause my job is very demanding and lots of politics/drama/responsibility. Will be working w/o being numb via pills. Scared!

[Plshelp2011]

Please keep me in prayer. Thanks

[IBKleen]

What are you confused about? I don't see anything negative but if you let us know maybe we can help. It is hard sometimes to relay what you want to say on paper and often it gets misconstrued. As a group we really frown on anyone judging here. We are all addicts and it doesn't matter where we are in our recovery--we are all the same.

So tell us where you are at today.

[Plshelp2011]

I guess I feel like a baby and I'm being a baby. I felt attacked when ur replied yesterday about my tapering. I'm new to the acceptance of being an addict and made decision last Sunday on my own. It is hard 4 me to express my feelings and all that I have going on in my life that Lead to my addiction. Don't get me wrong I'm not blaming others for MY addiction as I dud it to myself. I'm string willed and this forum is all that I have to vent this addiction and recovery to. Dont know what to say rt now I'm just rambling nonsense. Thanks for checking and responding.

[halstead124]

so were both on # 7 how ya feeling ?Are still having trouble wiyh cravings ? i finally feeling almost normal i think but dont want to move or do anything

[Jammerson1906]

You are not alone...keep posting, keep fighting. Once this part is over, the hard part begins....But we can do it. We will be so much stronger and braver. We are mothers...we can do this. Remember there are no options....
XXXOOO

[Plshelp2011]

Hi halstead yes I have cravings still and restless. Went out w kids yesterday. But today feel empty, lonely and sad. Listening music rt now specifically the song 'mad world' that gives me peace and strength for so reason, I love his voice it's so beautiful. Not much emergy at the moment so I can relate. Tomorrow will be interesting, but hopeful cause I have to work ;) hey were r u moving to? Are u happy about the move? How r u doing outside of the lack of energy?

[Plshelp2011]

Dang my typing one my 1phone *****. Sorry everyone.

[Plshelp2011]

Recommend song: "mad world" by Donnie Darko

[halstead124]

  if feeling preety good ,dont have any energy but i was waiting on that,The move is cool just tired of chicago/nw indiana so decided to go back to tucson we got a place there so people came this week to rent this house im dreading the drive and packing hope i feel like it by then

[IBKleen]

No hun, I was not at all attacking you. I was trying to make you see that what you are doing is not a proper taper schedule and it is going to be very hard to do. I want to see you succeed so I was telling you that snorting the ills spikes your dose and it makes it all that much harder to complete the taper and get clean.

I understand that your feelings and emotions are all over the place--it is typical during the withdrawal phase. So calm down, breathe and stop thinking that anyone is attacking you. That is not the way we do things here.

There are quite a few posts here and I didn't read them all--where are you now with your taper?

[halstead124]

   hey u still around doing ok?

[gnarly_1]

HI....ran threw this post and got confused myself IBK is a dedicated member and is giving out good solid advise....we know people get a bit emotional when your going threw this but please trust us ....she has good sound judgment and is only trying to help she has yrs of experence
I did a taper myself and what your describing wont work you got to quit sniffing them to even have a chace tapering requires discipline and a set dosing table we no longer discuss taper seceduals in the forum but for one to work you cant yo /yo your dose up and down once you lower it you stick it out regardless if your dope sick our not....tapering dose not beat the withdrawals it simple spreads them out over a longer period of time and there less sever
you have a choice ....jump and get it over with in about a week or struggle with a taper for a month ....we will continue to try and help you but in the end you have to help yourself good luck and God bless......Gnarly