Sub withdrawl(withdrawal), cravings?

So, I got off of the suboxone about 3 weeks ago and anxiety will come and go without warning...I mostly can get calm, with the help of my husband and essential oils for relaxation.  Then, yesterday I started to have cravings again.  now, I realize I'm happier than I have ever truly been, having newfound Spirituality and I never want to hinder that.  And I KNOW that Oxy and any other drugs will undoubtably ruin all that has been within myself.  At the same time I was saying "just two, I just want to take two"  I was saying, "not even two, don't dare".  The irony would be an example of the extreme emotions and feelings that have been lurking inside of me the past year....  Logically I have more than enough reason to never go back.  It literally feels like the Devil is on my back during a craving.  And as I am fighting it, God's light is shining down giving me strength.  *sigh*....  I guess it was too good to be true to expect that I would not crave again.  BUT, now I just have to hold on to love and happiness and inner peace.  I am pretty proud to have gotten off of the Sub.  And it isn't as hard as I thought, but I still suffer at times.  I cannot allow the Devil on my back to win.

[gizzy32]

Flutterby I am proud of you too and you have been through so much. I am happy to hear you are now off the sub and have become more spiritual, that is what inner peace is all about. As far as the cravings, it is part of our disease and i know the feeling of not wanting to use, yet craving so bad it consumed my every thought. Those cravings will get better with time, we just can't let our guard down. I missed you on here and i hope you stick around again and share your experience with others. You have done so well girl:). Are you getting any aftercare now?

[Flutterby111]

None, at this point.  There is a great program at my church, and they're so open and understanding, yet I am hesitant to open up that much.  I take care of kids there and I don't want the stigma of being an "addict" there, you know?  But one of the pastors is recovering for crying in the night...but in that regard, I think because of the position she holds, it might be easier to forgive her....you follow?  It's silly, I know.  And, if they are there, they are addicts too....I think I might be there next week. ;0)

[cathy5841]

wooohooo, its flutter....so happy  to see you, i have missed you so much.  i too am very proud of you.  you have been throught an awful lot , yet you sound great.  you know the anxiety is "just part of it."  are you on any anti-depressants?  those helped me so much.   others have gotten good results with the aminos.  the amino protocol is in the health pages.  as far the cravings,  if it were easy we would not be addicted.  evrytime you get through one without using, you are one day longer clean.  draw from your spirituality,  thats why we have a tue Higher Power.  this too shall pass.  hang in there.  and PLEASE DO stick around.  love ya and have missed you.

p.s.  stay in touch.

pp.ss. are you getting aftercare?

[Flutterby111]

holy crap!  I just logged in for a minute, I almost forgot about this place.  completed the 12 steps at Celebrate Recovery and I'm doing well!  I'm sober... :-)  I had a little lapse on adderol, which oddly I had never taken before, but it only lasted a couple weeks til I realized I can't take ANYTHING!  So I take a lot of vitamins and supplements and exercise and water! Life is good!  I can't believe I got off the stuff.  wow.  Been off the pills for gosh, 1 1/2?