Suboxne Addiction

[lizzann11]

Okay, so I'm new to this forum. And I'm not good at writing so I'm just going to explain my situation, two years ago I met my boyfriend and he introduced me to suboxne and eventually I got addicted to it. I hate doing them, if I can't find them I get sick, and if I can only get the orange suboxne's they make me sick to my stomach, but if I can get the white subtex they don't, but regardless I would love to get clean. I only do about an eighth at a time. The 14th is our 2 year anniversary, but our relationship has been very emotionally abusive and I've been wanting to leave for a long time, but couldn't due to my addiction and not being able to feed it on my own. I'm scared and not willing to go to rehab. This would kill my parents because I have convinced them I have quit. I really don't know what else to do. I've been thinking about cutting down what I do drastically then quitting all together, but I'm not sure. Any advice would be apreciated.

[InNeed0924]

You're right about weaning off. The less the better. I quit at 2mg/day and it was really painful. I likely made it worse on myself by quitting caffeine at the same time.

I've read that people get down as far as .25mg/day before quitting. I think that's ideal. There's lots of info on the net about weaning.. lots of ppl mix the sub with water and divide it up that way. Its hard to split those 8mg pills up too much.

[lizzann11]

Thank you all for your feedback, I think deep down my parents know that I'm am still using, they just don't know what to do. I'm just such a wuss, the withdrawal is so bad, waking up every morning is excruciating, and that's my problem with rehab, to go away with people I don't know to be alone in a bed to go through sleepless painful nights. And I think if I did tell my parents it would be a lot easier for me and they would want to help me as much as possible, I just dont think they would be willing to go along with they way I want to do it. I've read a few blogs about other suboxne addictions and it seems like I've I gradually lessen the amount that I do each day that I can quit with little to no pain. And with my strong will to actually want to quit subs I think I can do it.. I just hope that someone with a little more knowledge on the subject can help me make a plan and help me think of some things I can try to lessen the side effects of the withdrawal.

I'm so so glad I found this blog and I am so grateful that you wonderful people have decided to take your time to read this and not judge me and actually want to help me. It's a refreshing and uplifting experience. It really gives me SO much hope that I NEVER had before. Thanks again Minn, Slender, InNeed, and Sara.

And another thing, sorry to mislead you, but my name is actually Sarah, I just didn't want anything too personal out there.

[4slenderthread]

Hi there Liz!

   First of all, I want to say: "WELCOME" to medhelp. There are so many people here that are educated about addiction and recovering from their time involved with their drug of choice. I say recovering because there is no true recovery - there is just the choice and determination to get clean and continue to stay that way! Addiction sticks with us the remainder of our lives. I think of it as an obnoxious, feral creature that follows us around, always begging and waiting to be ' fed.'
   Personally, after educating myself here at medhelp, I then went into rehab and got clean. My drug of choice started with vicodin, percocet, then morphine and finally oxycotin. Granted, I was under the care of a physician for my back pain - but that didn't make me any less of a mess! She told me I wasn't addicted, I was only dependant. Hmmm .. I don't care how someone 'sugar coats' a condition, because the truth is the truth - I was addicted to 180 mg. of Oxycontin a day!
   I spent a week in rehab.I slept for the first 5 days, because they were giving me suboxone - which just knocked me out! Looking back, I can now see how very little information came my way. I wasn't a 'professional rehab-er' like everyone else I spoke too. Even the nurses offered no information. I should have stayed for the optional 30 day in-patient group - but my husband arranged the whole thing and I believe he just didn't want me gone that long. As it turned out, it would have made my life a whole lot easier!
   I came home assuming that I was ... done. Yeah, right. The following evening I was (still) withdrawing from the oxycotin - but I couldn't understand what was happening. After all, it was supposed to be cured, right?? I promptly checked myself into a hospital that had a detox facility. I know (now) that I was through withdrawls ... but I stayed about 3 days and they sent me home with a prescription for suboxone. I don't really understand why - I wasn't going to start using again! It wasn't until approximately 3 to 4 months later, here on medhelp, I looked up information on suboxone. I couldn't believe that I was taking another opiod! I was beyond angry! Here I thought ... I don't know what I thought -- I was just mad. I realized that I was going to have to get myself off the sub ... on my own. InNeed is right, suboxone is harsh, but I wasn't going to be defeated! I was worth fighting for ... and so are YOU!    
    I know that rehab isn't something you want to do - because you said that your parents believe that you are clean. Believe me, parents know when something isn't just 'right.' Sometimes they 'see' it in what we do or don't do ... say or don't say. No matter what, as long as you are honest and open with them, they will be loving, supportive and forgiving ... and you are going to need that support! Parents can 'bounce back' from anything, as long as they know their children are on the right path! They just want to know that their daughter is healthy and happy!
   You mentioned that your boyfriend introduced you to subtex. Does he know that you want to stop? You mentioned that your anniversary was this month, but the relationship has become emotionally abusive - but you have stayed this long because he was getting the subtex. You became dependent on him because of the drug he was 'feeding' you. I can understand why you would want to leave. If he isn't going to get clean, it would be a disaster for you to stay. He is dependent on you using along with him. That's why having your parents behind you is so important. You are going to need that stability - your boyfriend isn't going to help with your sobriety. He may feel threatened if you decide to give up using and start a clean life.That's just something for you to keep in mind Liz.
   I hope that you will keep in touch here. You can send me a message anytime you'd like! I'm on your side and you will be in my thoughts!
                         Take care sweetie ... 4slenderthread  

[InNeed0924]

I took Sub for about 16 months to beat a horrible opiate addiction.  Detoxing off of Sub isn't like the detox from hydrocodone, or even oxycodone.  Sub detox is L O N G and harsh.  You will absolutely NEED someone in your corner to comfort you.  I know it's hard to disappoint your parents, but for me, that was the best thing I did for myself to find sobriety.

My advice is this: bite the bullet and tell your parents.  It will be hard, I know, but I think in order to fully heal, you need to come clean.  At the very least, they'll be able to hold you accountable to staying clean in the future.  Even better, if your parents offer you a good support system (which they should), it will make this detox much easier for you.  It helps immensely to have someone to talk to.  Sub is no joke, please take it seriously.

I don't know if I've answered all of your questions.  I'll check back shortly!  Stay strong!  Beat this!

Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

[dominosarah]

Hi and welcome to the forum~~I am glad you found us.  I dont have any experience with Subs either but others who do will be on at some point.  We are a great support system here.   We all came with the same fears so we know what you are feeling.  You can and will get your life back~~sara

[lizzann11]

Thanks Minn for your support. I hope with the help of a few others a can create a plan that a can ween myself off of subs with little to no pain, because I thinks that's y biggest fear. The body aches and cold sweats is what kills me. I'd love to be clean by summer.

[minn66]

Hi liz and welcome. My DOC was hydrocodone, so I don't know anything about subuxone. I did want to offer support and let you know that you aren't alone. I quit cold turkey in November, 2011. If I recall what I have read here correctly, it can be tricky quitting the sub. There are a lot of knowledgeable, kind and helpful people here who will be glad to help you.

Please stick around and someone who knows more than I will respond soon.

I am glad you took the first step and posted your story. It is hard to do, even on a forum like this.

Good luck,

Minn