Suboxon

So I finallygot clean with the help of suboxone.  I have 96 days, am heavily attending meetings, have a sponsor, will soon start the steps, etc. I feel that I am willing and taking most of the right steps ( I should eat better, excersise more, and maybe attend meetings DAILY as i used to, but I feel like I'm trying my best)  However, I am terrified once I get off my suboxone I will use. I am not fearful of W/D's and my doc has assured me that I will not come off them sooner then I should... However, I would like to get off ASAP as I have no insurance and between what I stole from my family in my addiction, what they have paid for since I haven't been working, and what has been spent on treatment, the subxone is just kind of added guilt for me....

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

In my humble opinion i feel that maybe you should stay on the sub and start tapering your dose until you are not terrified of using again. You are in much greater danger of returning to use than you are of anything else. Everyone wants something to happen ASAP - - unforunately thats not the way the world operates sometimes. As son and a father I have to volunteer that there is nothing that my son could do that I would want him to feel guilt over  ...... perhaps he could feel remorse and a multitude of feelings -  but a guilt trip does no good and frequently does harm. Keep working those steps and working on recovery ...... and good luck to you ......

[LateAugust]

As the  mom of a daughter with a very strong addiction, I can only share with you what I would say to my daughter.......    the past is exactly that,   the past,  and there are no emotions, especially the very harmful (for your recovery) ones, such as guilt that  will change what you did or not do in addiction.  However all of the actions you are taking now at  this point  and  going forward creates the person you are today, and the dreams of what you will achieve in the future, I am sure is what your family bases their memories and love they have for you,  not what happened in the past due to your addiction, rather for the person they love unconditionally.

Most parents that I have talked to,  can, do and did seperate the actions of their child they love,  from  what was the addiction. Do/did I hate the addiction and the harm it cased to my daughter and our family,  yes more than I have hated anything in my life.   But did I love my daughter any less????  No,  no-one in her family loved her any less because she was not her addiction,  it did not define her, it could not destroy   all of her beauty that she has and will hold again in her heart, mind, body and soul.

It sounds like your family did what they wanted to do to help you find your way back to sobriety.    Do they ever throw it in your face,  or try to make you feel like you  "owe them"?   I think the greatest gift you could give your family, would be to focus on your recovery and continue with your commitments and the positive direction you have obviously taken.  Addiction takes so much away.......  it will take time to rebuild all that has been broken,  but IMHO, and speaking only as I would to my daugher.........   You are doing great, please don't jeopordize your sobriety, by putting false or negative thoughts in your head, about what you think you "owe" your family.   If they truly have been there during all this time,  sit down and talk to them......  you may be surprised by what they tell you,  and I am fairly sure  guilt is the last thing they want you to be feeling.......      This is just how I/we think about  my daughter....   it sounds like you have the same family support she has...  talk to them sweetheart, let them know what you are feeling.  Communication is so very important to aleviate unnecessary concerns.

My best thoughts and wishes for you always........

[mom_of_two136]

You feel just how I felt with my husband. I had cost my family so much and I felt guilt because suboxone is expensive (my insurance did not cover it). I talked with my husband about it and he was very supportive. He would rather spend the money on my recovery than taking a chance at me relapsing because I was not ready. If you were in active addiction for awhile it will take time before you are ready to wean off. Do not be in such a hurry. Talk with your family. I bet they feel the way my husband felt. You need to be selfish to a certain degree at this time. You need to build a strong foundation of support and recovery. I am sure they will understand and support you. Try to stop looking back and look forward. You are doing awesome so far, keep it going. Best wishes in your recovery.

[worried878]

great advice...relapsing will be more expensive than waiting this out..waiting til u r ready..u will know it when u r ready./.u will feel it in ur bones

[Prospero73]

Great advice from the other parents of addicts, which I can only echo.  Never mind the guilt: your recovery is the most important thing in the world, for you and for everyone in your world.  You CAN recover from your addiction, but those who love you will never recover from your loss if you don't make it.  It's just a long goodbye.