This is my first post, so I just want to say, "Hey, what's up, everyone?! I'm glad to have found this site!" :)
I've been up all night due to a little binge (the ingredients: an 8 ball of coke, a couple bags of heroin, and 5 klonopins) and have been reading the posts on here for over 2 hours. It's surprising to me that there's so many people on this site who say they have experienced extreme withdrawal symptoms after they stop taking suboxone (even while completely following a doctor's plan). I've been on suboxone for almost 2 months now, but I've now started taking the suboxone sporadically. (Just an FYI, my dosage is supposed to be 16mg/day). I have gone two full days without taking any suboxone a couple of times now. The idea is that by going without it, iI'll get it out of my system so that I could do a few bundles of heroin (my drug of choice) and actually enjoy it. The first time it worked pretty well (I think I went longer without my suboxone before I did the h). I did it along with an 8 ball, which has always been my favorite combo. I get to enjoy the "up feeling" from the coke, while also staying calm and not anxious because of the heroin. Anyway, I also didn't take the suboxone again until 3 days later, and I felt fine the whole time. No withdrawal symptoms from either the h or suboxone. I was surprised, because I thought doing heroin again, even once, would probably put me right back into addict mode (i.e. using 3+bundles/day). Surprisingly, I felt ok throughout it all. I spent a full day in bed just sleeping and watching TV, letting myself recover from the lack of sleep. I went back on the suboxone only because my boyfriend and mom found out I hadn't been taking it consistently. After having the heroin for the first time in 2 months, I was amazed I didn't immediately feel the need to go out and buy more. I had some cravings, but they were not nearly as bad as the one's I would get before I went through detox. This doesn't make sense to me...
Also, I've started doing coke and smoking dust a few times a week. I just can't seem to get myself off the drugs. If one stops, I just substitute another. I always need some mind altering substance in order to stop all the voices in my head constantly telling me I'm worthless, ugly, and embarrassing.
I'm not sure where to go from here? Should I ask my doctor to put me on a higher dose of suboxone in order to help with the h? In all honestly, I already know what I should be doing to get myself well. I need to work out every day, find a job I actually enjoy, get into some sort of a daily routine, spend more time with friends and family and actually go to them to open myself up when I need help.
Lately I've been sleeping 12-15 hours a night, and I find it almost impossible to get myself out of bed. I've had depression and anxiety issues as far back as I can remember. I just don't know where to go from here. I just want to somehow FINALLY feel happiness! I'm 25, and I can honestly say, I've never been truly happy. I feel like being a junkie is my destiny, and I've always seen myself dying young. Hell, I've been suicidal off and on since I was 10, and there's been several times in the past couple years that I have gone to sleep after ingesting a pretty toxic, large and incredibly dangerous cocktail of drugs. They weren't real suicide attempts, it was more me feeling like I just didn't give a **** if anything did happen. Messed up, I know.
I just want to hear advice from as many people as I can. I am extremely lucky in that I have an awesome support system of about 12 friends and family members, whom really love me. And I love them all more then they could know; I'd give my life for any of them, no second thought. I'm rambling though. My main point, is to hear as much advice as I can, positive or negative, everything and anything is welcome. Also, I really want to know about the suboxone. If people really go through such bad withdrawals after stopping it (even after tapering off) why didn't I experience any of those symptoms after being off it for over a week?
To answer your question, you would not feel withdrawal from the Suboxone because you have mass quantities of other drugs in your system.
Is your doctor aware that you are abusing Suboxone? Have you ever sought treatment for your depression? Those would be two places to start.
You are well on a path of utter destruction and that is heart breaking. Please seek help through any means that you can. Talk with your doctor, get honest, get into an in-patient treatment center....whatever it takes. You will surely die if you continue as you are.
Ok, Im gonna have to make this short and sweet. You have a BIG problem if you need a mind altering substance in order to live. You need to stop your cocktail of drugs or that loving family you have is gonna find you in bed not breathing. I would recomend seeing a psychiatrist because your mental illness seems to be the main thing triggering your drug abuse. You are self medicating. I grew up with my mother in that situation and found myself in that situation, thank God I got myself out of it. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you, Please, seek help, you should really concider going to be an inpatient at a facility that deals with substance abuse and mental health. You are abusing the suboxone treatment, you are using it so you dont have withdrawel from your frequent drug use. Try just sticking with the suboxone and dont do anything else. I had a really bad opiate addiction and the suboxone helped me so much. Ive been clean from opiates for 8 months now and stopped the suboxone 2 months ago. Please talk to someone close to you. If they love you they wont judge you.
Please get help....u r so young....and yes with all the stuff ur taking its dangerous....u wanted to know the bad the bad is just simply not quitting...everything else can be done...but u have to do it...JUST DO IT....good luck and keep posting....
First of all, if you have a 3 bundle a day heroin habit, Suboxone isn't going to do much for you at all... and that's a huge mistake that a lot of doctors make... When I was on methadone, I had to taper down to 30mg and be stable there for at least a week before my doctor would even switch me over to Suboxone because in order to be the most successful, your opiate tolerance level should be the equivilant of 30mg of methadone. I'm not sure what that is equaled to in heroin. I know in the beginning I had about a bundle a day habit and they started me out on 30mg and it wore off in about 12 hour and I started to feel sick. I went up to 50 or 60mg of methadone a day, I forget.. and that would make me feel ok - without and warm fuzzies or high feeling. I was pregnant at the time, so I wanted the smallest possible dose (and luckily, my daughter was born without w/d or any problems and is completely normal and awesome) but anyhoo, being pregnant meant that my body was not getting the full dose, and fyi in case anyone is wondering, less than 5% of what you take in actually crosses the placenta, to the baby...
I tapered down to 30mg eventually and made the transition to Suboxone successfully. I've never had a craving or anything.. it was perfect.
Coming off Suboxone (after 5 years) wasn't really that bad. My doctor decreased my dose (16mg a day) by 1mg every 2 weeks and I took it down as far as I could go. I was literally cutting the film strips into a million pieces and would take 1/16th of a mg towards the end.
I don't think upping your dose would help at all.. Forget everything you know about raditional opiates... Suboxone doesn't work that way.. it's really unique. Over time you should start to feel better as your brain begins to heal and those extra receptors die off.
Also, if you take some Tagamet (Cimetidine) a half hour before your Suboxone dose, it will help slow your liver down from metabolizing it so quickly.. so the extra medicine will stay in your blood instead of voiding in your urine.. and as more receptors in your brain become free, the Suboxone will attach to them.
I can't explain everything there is to know in this little text box.. There really is a lot to it and people just have no clue. It's not a "miracle" cure and like everything, there is a catch.
What an incredibly depressing story. On the bright side, it sounds like you have nowhere to go but up. Not to be rude, but I can't quite get from your message what you really want to do. Do you want off these drugs? Do you want to get control of your life back? I know it's easy to say 'yes' but in such a severe situation it's going to take a STRONG commitment from you to get clean from this hole you've dug yourself. You are wonderfully blessed to have such an amazing support group to be there for you through your rough times. And we will all supplement them here whenever you choose to share with us.
As far as my thoughts on the subs, my only guess is that due to the extremely long half life of the drug and given your current dosage, even if you are 'off the subs' for a week, you will still have trace amounts in your system. Especially with taking so many other drugs at once, you aren't allowing yourself to feel the wds, or feel really much of anything. Please seek real help, every life is a special one and you are no exception.
OMG, please get help. You are taking so much that you could seriously die. Sorry to sound so harsh but even though I don't know you, I care about you. We are addicts and can relate like no one else can. Please, get help. Can you check into a detox center. This will be hard to do alone.
Well I can relate to your story. Not only was I addicted, my husband was as well. Our relationship was completely wrapped around drugs and I never thought I would see the light. Then I went to jail and my eyes opened. We almost lost our kids, we did lose our home, wrecked cars, lost jobs, and the list goes on and on. When I went to detox I was given subs and I have been consistently taking them daily for almost a year. During that time I naturally learned how to live life on lifes terms. The subs helped the. raging feen within. I am wd from them now and I know this discomfort will pass and hopefully I can put all that ******** in the past. First you have to want help then you have to get it out in the open among the ones who support you. With their support and your drive you can get thru this. You may feel so alone right now but during a sobriety journey you will see how many go thru the same as you. I hope you choose life because you just wouldn't believe how much more beautiful it is without numbing it all away.
You are using these drugs to kill the pain that you feel because you are a addict. Thats what we do best drug and more drug to not feel anything. The last treatment center I went to showed me that I was powerless over drugs and I was slowly killing myself. They told me I had a diease that was treatable if I would listen to them. I was addicted to cocaine alcohol crack and pain pills. I started going to AA and NA meetings working the program the best I could it dont seem like its been twenty yrs. but it has, I no longer think about the drug days if I do I think how much pain I went through. AA says every body ant going to like us but some will. Talk to your Doc. about the problems theres the naltrexone implant can help you. And the vivitrol injection.
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