Suboxone withdrawal...when will this get better?

[Geetbase]

Hi all, this is my first time on the site, but I'm in distress.  I've been an abuser of oxycodone 30mg pills for about 2 years.  I switched to suboxone for the last 6 months.  I was on about 1mg a day, sometimes a little more, maybe up to 2mg on some days.  Well, I finally decided that I don't want to be a slave to a drug anymore.  I want my life back.  I used to be a motivated, successful person.  Since I started the opiates, I've lost my job, lost my motivation, isolated myself from my friends, and spent most of the money I had saved up.  I hate myself for it.  

Anyway, so, what I did, since I couldn't handle the first week of sub w/d was to go back on very limited quantities of oxycodone for about 5 days, tapering down to the last 15mg before jumping off.  It is now the beginning of day 4 for me, but I'm depressed as hell, anxiety all day, my lower back hurts, chills, sweating comes and goes, and I can't seem to muster up an appetite for the life of me.  I'm just wondering how long it will take before I start feeling better.  Can anyone give me some words of wisdom/support?  It's so difficult for me to not just take a small piece of sub just to feel better.  I'm literally teetering on that idea.  I hate this.  I wish I never started taking any of these opiates in the first place.  If I had known what it would do to me, I would have never touched them, but since I can't go back in time, I just have to suffer through this.  Any words would help.  

Thank you.

[Pat1956100]

Hey there
If you can make it 3 days then you can make it.  Day 3 is usually the worst so you were probably almost over the worst.
If you only used last night try not to take anymore and see if you can stay clean for the weekend.  
I made the mistake of caving on Day 3 my first attempt at getting clean and was devastated when I found out that I was almost over the worst of it.

[Geetbase]

Thank you for your response.  I really appreciate you taking the time to write all of that.  I hear you too, but the problem for me is that the wd's are so bad that I just can't take it.  I'm not mentally strong enough to endure the wd's so I end up going back on something, whether it's subs or oxy again.  If I could get some clonodine, maybe that would be my saving grace, because so many people seem to do extremely well on it.  People say up to 90% of the wd's symptoms are kept away with it.  90%!!!  If wd's are reduced to 10% of what they are, I can do it, for sure.  

I dunno what to do.  I made it like 3 days, and I grabbed more pills last night.  *sigh*.  

[nursegirl6572]

Sorry to hear of your relapse.

If you don't start making some big changes, you're going to still be at high risk for continued relapses.

For one, you need to CUT your sources, ALL of them, and get rid of anything you have.  You are very much stuck in the habit of self medicating away anything that ails you, from w/d to mood (your example of the trams and the Christmas party...that was a CLEAR sign that you were headed back to a relapse).  

That behavior has to stop, you need to learn how to stop that thinking process.  Sure w/ds stink, and everyone who is trying to get clean has to endure feeling lousy, either physically or mentally, but the answer isn't to keep throwing more pills at the issues.  You have to decide once and for all to get off that merry go round.

You also need to get serious about aftercare...NA/AA meetings, private addiction counseling, the MORE you do the better.  You need to learn everything you can about addiction, especially how the addict mind works.  

You need a lot of education about relapse as well.  Relapsing works in stages, a person relapses LONG before they swallow a pill.  You need to learn how to identify triggers and learn what to do when you've realized that you're in the early stages of relapse...and head it off at the pass.

The biggest issues seem to be you not cutting your sources and not getting rid of anything you have in your stockpile.  Also, you're heading into another detox already trying to figure out what kind of pills you can take to ease the process.  To me, that's worrisome, with your history.  You HAVE to get out of that mindset, because while plenty of people who are detoxing take various medications to treat the symptoms of w/d, YOU struggle with self medicating in a pretty big way.  So for YOU, IMO, I think it would be best if you could try to get through this with as little help from medications as possible, even non-addicting ones, because the medicating away symptoms becomes a mindset, whether you feel you need to take Suboxone, or Tylenol.  You're stuck in that trap.  Others are less at risk because they don't have that history like you do...that has become a pattern for you and has led you to many relapses.

I wish you the very best and am sending you lots of positive thoughts and prayers that you make this the LAST time.  Addiction is a progressive disease, with the chance of a positive overall outcome diminishing with each relapse.  Detox also becomes a lot more difficult to endure each time you put yourself through it.  You can do this...you were doing very well the last time.  Make the necessary chances and break free of the chains of addiction!  YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

[Geetbase]

All,

    I'm back again.  I've been using Oxy's for almost 9 months now.  I hate myself.  I've been crying almost daily because I feel like a failure.  I feel like I've ruined my life.  I quit and made it 3 months and I finally felt back to normal.  Why did I ever do this again?  

    I never was successful at quitting after that.  Only that 1 time did I ever make it.  But here I am once again, I stopped the Oxy as of Monday and used sub for the past 2 days.  I haven't had any sub since yesterday afternoon.  It's almost noon today, so I should start feeling crappy by tonight.  I've been trying to get some clonodine, but I cannot seem to get any.  If anyone has any tips on how to get this, I'd really appreciate it.  

    I managed to get a new job, which I really like a lot.  I'm doing well and my manager likes me and my work, but I have a feeling that they will know something is seriously wrong while I detox at work.  I'm scared to death.  

    I'm hoping that the 2 days of sub use will lessen the amount of withdrawals that I experience, because unlike before, where I had been coming off of a long term use of sub, this time it's a long term use of oxy, the withdrawals of which usually are much less in terms of duration than from sub.  2-3 days.  So I'm hoping that the 2-3 days of sub use will see that the worst of it is over.  I'm not using the sub long enough to become dependent on it again.

    Anyway, I just wanted to reach out to this community again, because every time that one of you has responded, it really has helped me, just to be able to read something from someone, because I'm doing this alone.  I've been successful at keeping this from family and friends and work, so the only person who knows what I'm going through is me, and that has been ridiculously difficult.  I've also put on 45lbs since I started using oxy again.  I'm a mess.  I really wish I was never introduced to this stuff.  God help me.

[ariley13]

It looks like you have been around for awhile and probably know the drill. Try not to be too hard on yourself. The good thing is that you haven't stopped trying tho quit. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and let's do this! Get that recovery plan in place. Get rid of all of the stuff that wasn't working and try to implement new things that will. I am sending much support and encouragement your way. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey.

[Geetbase]

Here I am...once again with the will to stop...stopping as of tonight.  Got all the stuff ready, ammodium, benzos, I need this to end before next monday.  Gold Turkey.  Here goes.  

[loveland430]

So much to all of you.

3 years building painkiller abuse from Vicodin Percs Oxy and Fentinal…or however you spell it lol and then snorting heroin.

I've been off the last 2 for a month now and been going off on subs…first day of every other crumb…I only had 3 strips that i had saved. No insurance, so I have 2 crumbs left and the nightmare is over. I feel bad for the last post i read about the person who had 3 months clean then partied on their bday. Ughhh soooo something i would do!! It helped me to read that because we all have to realize that even drinking (in which i've also quit) can lower inhibitions and launch us right back into the devil's arms.

I just wanna thank everyone. I'm in a ton of achey pain and crying and all that ****….but i see the finish line…and i know if i just keep going I can do it. I have a family and so many people who love me. You all do too. If you don't love yourself enough to persevere just tap into the love that they have for you and imagine how they would feel to find you not breathing in your bed…that's what made me do this….my Dad looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "where's my little girl" That moment i knew it was over….it's one thing to hurt yourself…but don't break the hearts of your parents children husband wife friends grandparents on and on who love you sooooo much and  have to watch you deteriorate. We can't be selfish. I know I was for so long

ok so my question to those off subs….is it better to rest your body when you feel the w/d or should I go work out and just push myself to get up and get going? I feel restless but weak…any advice?

So much love again to you guys….  

[Geetbase]

So, after 3 months clean, my birthday came around and sure enough I decided to "party" one more time and damn it, that time turned into 3 months of non-stop use.  What a relapse!  So, here I am, ready to give it another go.  Why did I ever do it again.  I knew better.  I'm so disappointed with myself.  I spent so much money that I can't really afford to have spent and now I'm in the dog house.  So here we go...day 1.  I'll keep you all posted.  This really is more difficult than I anticipated.

[YesLife4Me]

I'm on day 23 off opiates and some days are just rough with energy and motivation.   I just hang on to the promise that it does get better.   I figure the month or so it takes me to recover is worth the rest of my life.   However, I am concerned about you taking the Trams occasionally.  They do have an anti depressant in them, so that's why you feel better.   But they also have a synthetic opiate in them which could be causing your energy levels to keep going down because each time we put ANY opiates in our system during the detox and withdraw process we are resetting ourselves backwards.   It may not be as bad as the first time, but it is like taking one step forward and 2 steps backwards.   Please get rid of those too.   They are worse to come off of than opiates.   Been there, done that.   And Happy Holidays to you too!!   Congrats on 3 weeks!!

[Geetbase]

Today marks week 3 - I still have very little energy. I've been getting myself to go for hikes and get some exercise, but although it helps while I'm exercising and shortly thereafter, the increase in energy levels disappears afterwards.  I'm depressed with no motivation to do much of anything.  I'm hoping this will all change sooner than later.  

I didn't throw away the Tramadol or the Gabapentin, I took one tramadol with food a few times over the last week, it seemed to take away the depression and lack of energy, but I understand why.  I'm not trying to be addicted to anything from this point on, but on days when I really really need to feel good, if I'm going to a Christmas party or something like that, yeah, I'll probably take one, just so I'm not the depressed, drained, person that I would be otherwise, even if it prolongs my recovery, I would rather have some good days during my recovery than none at all, but only for specific days.

Still haven't taken any sub, I gave them away and although I've wanted to, I haven't given in to my cravings to go grab a blue for a fun night.  I have no physical pains other than still not digesting properly, but the lack of energy/motivation is bothering the crap outta me.  I don't know how I'm going to manage working a new job if this keeps up.

Just wanted to keep you guys updated on my progress, to say Happy Holidays, and to once again thank you for the support.  Support from all of you has helped me immensely.  From my friends to, but support from anywhere is helpful for this type of journey and I will always appreciate it.  Gracias!

[evolv]

congrats! THROW it all away, the sub, the tram, all of it. IMHO, ha

[Geetbase]

Today is day 12 going on 13, I started feeling better yesterday at day 11.  I still have some lethargy/lack of energy, and still sneezing a bit with not so normal stools, but it's nothing really to complain about.  I still haven't touched the subs I have.  I'm going to give them to people I know who are on maintenance.  I have no plan on using them.  Hopefully the rest of the problems normalize in a little more time.  I'm happy I defeated the demon.  Thank you everyone for your support.

[deweyseth]

geetbase! it wont take 2 years, today is day 100 for me being clean, after a 20 drug addiction, then last 5 years on 32 mg of suboxone, did a long taper, went real slow when i got to .25mg, just wanted to encourage ya some it is tuff and will never want to go through it again, the energy thing will come, it takes time eat right and take vitiams and EXERCISE is key if you just go for a slow walk for 30 minutes, i know i didnt feel like exerciseing i forced myself and always felt better after, started out walking now i run 5 miles everyday and eat lean meat and vegies, also stoped  caffiene, helped alot with anexitey, you can do this just take care of yourself, it will get better trust me, god bless!!

[weaver71]

You have bottle of escape on hand talking to you all the time. Cut your sources and get rid of what you have. Choices and decision making aren't a strong point for most people in detox. Set yourself up with the only option is success. Thinking about pills all the time is part of the problem. That will go away when the pills are gone long enough. Surrender to the process, it's really a small amount of time and sacrifice, when you look back on it. Keep moving, eat nutritious, and don't use, you won't regret it in no time.

[Map1944]

I was on sub for years and just last summer got off it.  I wouldn't switch back to your doc!  The WD from sub is bad but you can get through it

[Pat1956100]

It's just part of the withdrawal.  You have to build up your energy.  FORCE yourself to get out and walk.  Make sure you are eating healthy.  The depression will pass usually.  
Get rid of the Tramadol and subs.  That isn't the answer or you will be right back to using and abusing again.
Check out some aftercare.  You are going to need some support.

[toothfairie]

sorry you are feeling bad....i know how you feel, as does everyone on here......the depression and no energy was and is one of the worst things for me....that and anxiety......ugggg at work it really gets bad for me....especially this week for some reason.....i'm better at home....but i have to work so that's not an option for me to stay home....so i do breathing exercises and try to stay busy when it comes on really strong.....it really does get better tho.....but i had to get rid of ALL the pills i had around me to be strong enough to stay clean.....i knew if they were there i'd take them....

hoping you feel better tmrw!  and get some rest tonight....  :)

[Geetbase]

No, I stopped the gabapentin as my tolerance shot through the roof.  At first, 900-1200mgs worked wonders, then it didn't seem to do anything at all.  The next day it took 2400 to have the same effect.  I took 600mg this morning out of desperation just to see if it would make any difference and nope.  Seems like that miracle is over, so I'm not going to be taking any more of that, but OMG did it help with the acute stuff.  It's this lack of motivation/depression that I'm struggling with lately.  It's making me want to take a tiny piece of sub just to get myself off the bed and go to the gym or something, but I know that will hurt my progress, so I've been refraining so far.  I have some Tramadol, which I might try taking one of (I know I shouldn't take anything, but I'm really getting desperate for some relief/normalcy).  If there was some definite end to this paws that I knew was coming, I could probably make it, but if it's going to be one of these "may last for up to 2 years" type deals, I might be screwed.  

Thank you all for the support.  I really needed it.  

[Pat1956100]

Congrats on getting off of the opiates.  It sounds like you went through hell.
The depression and lack of energy are normal.
You need to eat healthy and try and force yourself to do things now.
Are you still taking gabapentin?

[toothfairie]

Congrats on day 8-9!  that's awesome!!....i think the no energy thing and depression is all part of the WD process....is and was for me.....i never did subs but was on Norco for many many years....so glad to see you are doing better tho!!  just keep posting and let us know how you are doing!!  we are all here for you!!  stick close to this site....it was a God send to me  :)

[Geetbase]

Day 8-9...so far so good.  Feeling depressed and have no energy.  I'm hoping this will change soon, but I think I did it.  I'm done taking opiates.  Thank GOD!

[Geetbase]

So, this is day 5 once again without sub.  The gabapentin has helped TREMENDOUSLY with the wd's.  The only symptoms I have are sneezing fits.  No pain, nothing.  I actually feel good enough to go out, go to the gym, and be happy.  I'm going to try not to stop the gaba today and see how it goes, I might be in the clear.  NEVER AGAIN will I EVER put an opiate in my body after this.  DONE!  It's evil and people need to know about this crap before they ever take it.

[Geetbase]

I just got some neurontin(gabapentin) from my mom, and OMG does it help with the wd's.  It makes me feel goofy and drunk, but it has taken away almost all the anxiety and gives me the energy and positivisty to actually get out of bed and do stuff.  I'm going to try it for the next few days and then stop so I don't get addicted and then see how I feel.  I'm at 24hours from my last does of sub, which was only about .125mg (maybe even half of that), so not very much.  I was feeling anxiety when I took my first dose of gabapentin and I was outside and doing stuff within an hour (almost fell over in the shower though, lol).  This is a miracle drug so far.  I recommend it to anyone that is suffering wd's from opiates.  May I be given the strength to push through this!

[SunnysideUP27]

You just have to be really strong. It is the hardest thing that you will ever do and it is not easy. You need to beat this thing and start drumming up some clean time, plain and simple. The first few weeks are tough physically. And then the mental comes into play. I am almost 200 days clean and although I feel 100% better than the beginning, i still struggle with occasional anxiety and just lack of motivation at times. It is a long struggle but a battle that must be won. Aftercare, exercise, vitamins will all help but it is TIME that will heal this wound. Please just be strong and keep telling yourself you can do this and you WILL get past this I promise! I lost so much when i decided to quit and I pushed through. At times I thought I would never make it but Here i am clean and sober enjoying life for the first time in 7 years.....