Substance Abuse On/Off?

My husband has been abusing prescription meds for years.  Before I met him he had surgery & admitted he had been addicted to Vicodin but was able to wean himself off.  He suffers residual pain from the surgery & migraine headaches.  For years he was getting prescriptions for Vicodin & was going through the bottles much sooner than he should have because he was taking more than the prescribed dosage.  When that ran out I guess he was ok because he wasn't getting it any longer.  I use Ultram for back pain which is not an opiate but several times he has stolen mine.  Once he refilled a bottle without telling me & used it all.  I had to hide my pills & he actually found them recently & finished the bottle.  In addition, he takes Effexor for anxiety but does not believe in therapy.   He takes Ambien every single night yet he usually ends up staying up acting stoned & eating - clearly stress is keeping him up.  I told his doctor about his abuse & the doctor confronted him telling him he cannot treat him unless he seeks help from an addiction specialist.  Did I do the right thing?  He is beyond mad at me & feels he can no longer trust me.  I am not sure I did the right thing because it doesn't seem he is really "addicted" due to his ability to survive without.  I just think he uses it to escape from his psychological pain.  

[Coolio Hernendez]

You did the right thing.....The fact that you are worried enogh to do that means there is a problem....He is mad because you have made it incoveinent for him....Trust me i am just like him....

Stand strong .......You did the right thing....

[GoingToMakeIt]

You did the right hing.
Oh and Ultram is a synthetic opiate and is highly addictive. So be careful with it.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

You absolutely did the right thing.......its not like you could trust him.......

[avisg]

Wow, ya I think I would have tried to get him to help himself before telling his doctor .He is not going to get help because he wants help he is going to have to get because he is being forced to .That normally does not work out very well. I have to say if it were me I as well would feel very betrayed and would have trust issues .Did you give him the option of going to his doctor before you did?  At this point whats  done is done . There are many good addiction specialists out that can help him .Have you looked into any al non meetings for yourself (i know alnon is for alcohol but it work just as well for other drugs to) I am sure with time he will come around ...
ohhh just so you know tramadol is a synthetic opiate it is highly addictive that is why he was taking it .Good luck let us know how things go.

[coop522]

You said you are just like him - would you forgive your wife?

[wannabefree330]

You did the right thing.  As coolio said, you have made things inconvenient for him now and he will be angry...but so what?  It may save his life!  The stealing of meds, lying and sneaking are all addictive behavior.  You are only enabling him if you allow that to continue-so you did the best thing.  Does he think he has a problem?  And, does he want to quit?  Those are the two important questions here.  If he doesn't, I'm afraid you can't do anything but wait until he realizes he needs help.  While he was able to quit on his own before, that doesn't mean he can do it again.  I fooled myself for a long time thinking that.  Just because he has run out and you think he did okay, doesn't mean he didn't have any problems.  He could have been getting meds from other sources-other doctors, friends, relatives, buying them off the street.  An addict will go to any length to get their fix so don't think he wouldn't.  
What you can do, is continue what you are doing.  Find Alanon in your area and attend meetings.  Go buy a small closet safe and lock up your meds.  He'll be p1ssed, but let him know you care about him and think he has a serious problem.  And, tell him he's selfish for taking your meds that you need for actual pain.  Keep a close eye on your bank account too.  If you see money unaccounted for, limit the amount avail to him.  Set your boundaries, what you will tolerate and what you will not, and make sure he knows the consequences.  Follow through if he crosses them, an addict needs to know he's not going to get away w/anything in order to 'see the light'.  Its almost like treating him as a child who needs specific direction in this area.  Show him this site, and encourage him to post his issues.  maybe another addict can get through to him?  I'm really sorry you are going through this, but you seem like a wonderful wife who just cares about her husband and is willing to learn anything she can on how to help him.

[coop522]

See your comments make me think maybe I overreacted.  I can't see him getting the meds from others (although he has gone through many doctors).  I also can't see him stealing the money.  Am I wrong in that he is not a true addict but just an abuser?  As for the questions on whether I have approached him before going to his doctor - yes.  He has admitted his abuse problem in a joking manner but has never agreed to getting help.  He has agreed to see the referred doctor specializing in addiction but he says he is doing it just for me - he either thinks it will get me off his back or thinks it will get him his prescriptions back - not sure this is his admission he has a real problem.

[GoingToMakeIt]

One of the definitions of addiction is abuse of meds.

[addictedme]

I didnt see the part where you talked to him 1st

[wannabefree330]

i don't think you overreacted.  You can't do anything about his abuse, but you can do things to clean your side of the street.  I know you can't see him stealing meds from family/loved ones.....I could never see myself doing that either, until I was doing it constantly.  What is the difference between an addict and one who abuses medication?  Just try to help him see how bad it's gotten.  Support him if he decides he wants the help.  If he does go to the doctor...even 'for you', it may help him realize the severity of the situation.  Denial is really hard to overcome so it may take him some time.  Just set your boundaries and stick to em.

[addictedme]

whoops...I see it now but I agree with avisg

[avisg]

he needs to want to get clean for himself

[lady67]

I understand why you did what you did, but as someone who has been on the exact same drugs your husband is on, I know I would have lost it with my husband if he would have done that.  I now see that he would have done it with my best interest at heart, but when using, everything seems different.  I remember taking everything he said to me the wrong way.  I would fly off the deep end at the slightest little comment.  I do know that my husband loves me more than anything and I am thankful for what he has done to help me in my sobriety.

He may be very resentful for a while, but you need to constantly reassure him that you did it because you love him.

Good Luck
Susan

p.s.  the ambien changes our personalities!

[coop522]

Susan - thanks.  When you say the ambien changes your personalities how do you mean this?  I ask because when he is on it he is very defenseless - I can say anything to him & he won't argue - but he also won't remember it the next day.  There have been times that he has really let his guard down while affected by it but that seems to be the only time.  By the way, the problem is also we take many of the same meds - I use Ambien at times too but I get knocked out - he stays up & raids the fridge - it's really disgusting and beyond a turnoff.

[bandnmom]

I will be honest with you...omg if anyone would have done that to me i would have lost it. But as i sit here now, clean for seven months, i know that would have just been my addiction talking and yelling and being angry. i know you are concerned for him and worried and i am sure he is not looking at it that way. Did you talk to him about any of this before you went and contacted his docotor? Was it something you have been threating for a while? I am by no means saying what you did was wrong but i am sure you know that if he doesnt want to get help it is never going to work. No matter what extremes you go to. Good luck to you and your family!

[coop522]

The night before I asked him if his doctor knew how much stuff he takes & how the ambien doesn't even help.  He joked I should go & tell him, be him.  I was in therapy the next day & cried - yet again - how our marriage is not going well & felt I have to do something - i have spoken to him but he is very defensive & not open to talking.  We share the same psychiatrist - he uses him solely as a prescription pad.  I use him in conjunction w/ therapy.  I had my own appointment that day & broke down telling him why I was distraught - I felt he should know because in a way he is unwittingly enabling him (I did it willingly for years).  I know it wasn't a great idea but really felt like it was this or commit him - he would not willingly do anything about this & it's not fair to the rest of us.

[lady67]

The Ambien made me where I didn't care about anything.  Not my family, not myself, nothing.  I started taking it during the day and ended up wrecking vehicle after vehicle and doing and saying things I didn't remember.  I would meet people later and they would start talking about something we discussed and I didn't even remember seeing them.  It is a horrible drug in my opinion.  I ate continually and gained so much weight it is unreal.  My family didn't like for us to go anywhere because they never knew what I would do or say.  

How long has he been on the Ambien and is he just taking it as directed?

[coop522]

He has been on it for over 3 yrs.  He has taken more than prescribed at times but not too much.  I am bothered that he will take it before showering & shaving (20 min) so he is not in bed & getting ready for sleep right after so it's not that surprising that he doesn't fall asleep easily.

[cattalina]

I was on ambien as a teenager, and it definitely got me high.  Do a search online, there's a few websites dedicated to people that have had addictions to ambien and what the effects are.  And I just wanted to mention that a large majority of addicts use to deal with their psychological pain/issues, so that's a reason why he IS an addict, not why he isn't.  You did what you needed to do for both of you, and in the long run he'll realize that.  Hang in there, do some research online about the meds he's taking as well as addiction.  Once you know more, you'll be able to find a way to talk to him.  Good luck.

[bandnmom]

I am totally agreeing with you. Just so you know i was in no way judging you. You seems like a very strong women and like u said it is not fair to the rest of you. You have to look out for you and your family. He needs to realize what he is doing to you all and for an addict that is a hard thing to do. we only really look at ourselves. selfish yes...but true.
good luck to you and stay strong for you and your family.