Suppliers

[missinmylife]

I know everyone said to cut out any and all suppliers for the DOC...but what happens when you have a legit prescription, and yes I know you can tell your Dr. that you are stopping, but you also have your Mom, Dad, cousins, sister, brother, and so on and so forth all taking the same crap too......am I really expected to ignore ALL my family for the rest of my life?

[missinmylife]

Thank you for the advice, you are right, it is hard, really hard, especially when I want to stop and he says at times that he does too but I know the addictive part of him is what keeps him on the same road, one day he hopefully will meet me on the road to recovery.

[YesLife4Me]

Oh yes, heard all that before too from my ex (and used the same excuses for myself) when we would use up the daily amount   He would get so angry with me for not giving in that it would start a huge argument and then I would either give in or he would go get more on his own.   You can't control what he does, only what you do.   Try not to focus on what's going on with him as much as you can.  As you well know, the addict mind is powerful and he will try to pull out all the stops.   Just stick to your guns.   I finally got fed up trying to manage mine and my exes and the excuses so I just let him have his scrips and said 'have at it'.   That was not easy to do!    It's not easy to sit back and watch someone destroy themselves especially when you are throwing them a life saver and they won't take it.   Then add in your own addiction struggle on top of that.   The anger and resentment is what caused me to relapse over and over.  I promise you though that if you focus your energy on what he is doing, it will eat you alive, consume your thoughts and drive you crazy.  

[missinmylife]

Thanks again. I think that I am going to start giving my hubby's to him right before he goes to bed at night for the following day and if he runs out, tough! I did tell him tonight that I KNOW he took EIGHT instead of SIX for TWO days over the weekend because the count was off, at least he admitted it but he said OH THE PAIN.....ugh, seriously, I know all the excuses, been there...done that and beyond sick of it!! I told him as nice as I could that it is not going to do either of us any good if I take less and he takes MORE because he will be over medicating and we will still be spending money we do NOT have. We are living in a bad situation right now and that makes it hard but I told him that I am NOT going to track down pills for him when we run out just because he is over medicating when he knows I am cutting back. Just because I cut back doesn't mean that he can take more, grrrrrr.......pure frustration!

[bugsy2222]

Hello Hun, Well all I can say is "Dido" my family and cousins are all addicts. Tis is something "YOU" have to conquer, its your battle, nobody else, you have to decide. Your hubby is on his own, you can try to do it together if you both are on the same page. Its probably one of the toughest experiences you will go through in life besides bearing children. The addictive demons love to hang around our brain and attack s when we are weak! Well,I am her for you if you need something, I know, I need all the help I can get.  Take care and good luck,,peace and love Bugz (bob)

[YesLife4Me]

I'm sorry.  I know it really does s.u.c.k. when you are still 'pill counting' but not for the same reasons.   :(    

So hubby has been cut back from 180 to 150?   You might need to only get out what you need for the day as well, and keep those on or near you, until he gets used to only getting his daily amounts to minimize any risk of any more missing.  If he asks why you hid them, tell him that since you are cutting back, out of site, out of mind?    

[missinmylife]

I do have a notepad right next to my laptop and it says:
11/08
9a.m
2p.m.
and so on

Hoping this helps. It does really suck though.

[YesLife4Me]

You said you both are getting 150 now.  Is that each or total?    

Put a notepad near where you keep them and everytime you take one, note the time and how many.   He will see that you are tracking them.    My ex had a million excuses why I was missing some.   The pharmacy miscounted, I took more than I thought, maybe one of my children or their friends got into them (even when they were hidden), I probably dropped some, miscounted, misplaced them, I gave him some earlier and just forgot, you name it.   The worst one was one morning I had JUST taken some, put them in my purse and went to work.  I put my purse in a locked drawer at my desk and a few hours later went to take some and 40 of them were missing.   He let me believe that one of my coworkers must have stolen them.   Nobody knew I had them and they would have had to rummage through my desk at the exact right time when nobody would see them.  And if someone was going to steal 40, why not take the whole bottle?    One time I had hidden them in a tall box of wrapping paper and bows at the very bottom.   Of course some were missing, and when I confronted him, he denied, then said he was looking for scissors to cut a tag off something and came across them.   (duh, there were scissors in the bathroom and kitchen).   The excuses addicts come up with are crazy... of course I had all of mine too.   I guess I just wanted you to know I understand, especially when you are trying to do the right thing and see what's going on around you.  

[missinmylife]

I asked my husband how many he took from the bottle because according to what he should have taken and what I knew I had taken, there was 5 missing and it was the second day after it was filled, he said the pharmacy miscounted......yeah right! It makes me so mad!

[YesLife4Me]

Oh yeah, been there done that too with my ex husband.   He was getting 90 methadone and 100 percs a month while I was getting 120 norco and 60 morphine tabs a month.    I had to hide mine because he would dip into mine and he would still find them no matter where I put them.   I tried holding his for him and he would always find them or badger me until I gave him a couple more because he was 'hurting' or badger me to give him a few of mine to hold him over.   It was an awful cycle!!      The stories I could tell.   I became so fixated on his usage after I was dropped from the pain clinic for being off on my count for the 3rd time.   I was so mad at him for putting me in that position, and angry that he was getting a legit scrip but abusing it.  Looking back, I was enabling him by allowing him to have some of mine and instead of focusing on myself, it was easier to get some from people I knew and blame him instead of myself.   Yep and whenever I confronted him about missing pills or his usage he would turn the tables and tell me I was the crazy one.   Makes my head spin thinking about those days.   What a mess!!     Best advice I can give is focus on you and hopefully you can lead by example.  

[missinmylife]

Thank you! That makes total sense. My spouse has a prescription also which makes this way more difficult, but he is supporting me except that I am the one who holds the meds. and always have. We each got 180 a month and now get 150 a month. That is a LOT of medication to have in your possession every month. He knows that I have cut back to four a day but I am still holding them because where he works, he does not trust to take them with him and so I am the one who keeps them in my purse and he takes 6 a day to work in a small bottle in his pocket, he is supporting me but he is not taking less at this time. He says he wants to eventually but I am not waiting for him because I tried that before. His use of meds. has gotten worse and he isn't noticing it until now I have kept track of my doses and so I have been counting what is left and have noticed some missing and asked him, he got pissed at me but I guess I will wait for him to be ready.......it's the rest of my family I worry about but I don't have to see or talk to them daily but I can't ignore them forever either. I guess I will just have to be straight with them and tell them that I am tapering until I quit totally and if they love me, hopefully they support me and I hope you are right about them seeing their own problems. They are all addicts but will not admit it. It is sad to me and maybe another reason behind me wanting to be CLEAN AND FREE!!  

[Teresa1717]

Well, That obviously makes things more difficult, but at the end of the day YOU have to do whatever is best for YOUR recovery! Obviously cutting out your family is not really an option but you can distance yourself from them. Tell them YOU are getting clean and to respect that by not using in front of you or talking about pills in front of you. Tell them if they love you then they will respect your decision to get your life back. And of course tell your Dr. and Tell your pharmacy!

Pills will always be around us. We all have someone who takes them legitimately, so its up to us as addicts to figure out how we can surivie in a world that has so many speed bumps in our way.

I wish you the best and hope things will work out where the family is concerned!