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Talk about hitting home.........
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Talk about hitting home.........

Hey guys, hope everyone is well. I wanted to see who caught Celebrity Rehab last night. I forgot it was on and only caught like 20mins. But the part I caught was when they were all in the group session and Brigdet Neilson was telling that girl that is was the drugs that made her mother not care for her, and she did love her but just couldn't show it because of the drugs. I forget the girls name, but she instantly started to cry. Well, so did I. For so long I have blamed my parents for the life me and my brother had. Getting tossed around from Foster home to foster home. Being woken up at 4am with 10 police men raiding our house. God only knows what my parents were doing to warrant a drug raid. Strangers coming in and out of the house all hours of the day. Being left home, alone, with no food, for days at a time at ages 13 and 11. She dies when I was 11, and we both literally raised ourselves. Both my parents lost their lives from drugs, and yet I became the very same thing I hated so much. It never occured to me that it wasn't my parents not loving us, it was that they couldn't love us the way they needed to. I had so much anger and hate towards them. And now look, I have done the exact same thing. Most certainly not to their extent, but I became an addict. Something I vowed I'd never become after what I saw at such a young age. I often wondered, after my mothers passing, if she was sorry for drinking every day, and doing what she was doing. And bringing her children to the bar with her everynight because she couldn't afford a babysitter. For never being there. And then for leaving her children to literally fend for themselves. But, now I know that she didn't choose the drugs over us, the drugs chose her over us. They had sucked her and my father in, just as they did me.

Anyway, sorry for venting and maybe this is too much info, and most of you don't know this about me, but I just had to tell you all this. As it took me a long time to realize this. And i do believe if they could tell me anything, it would be that they were sorry. And I pray that they give me the strength to stay sober. As they never got that chance.

Hope all are well....xo

Lisa
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Avatar_m_tn
wow..........  you must be such a strong woman now.....  but you're right..  as we know now what its like to be dependent on a chemical substance, like our parents were..  doesnt mean we dont love the kids, BUT we know we need to break the chain and pattern now.. dont let our kids turn out like us.. i feel the same as you, i now forgive my father.. he had a very bad car accident, got on pain meds, and it escalated from there until he left my mom so he could have his drugs... now that i'm an adult, i know that the drugs is what made him do the things he did, and i do forgive him..  great post lisa...
keep smiling
John
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Avatar_f_tn
I just was watching this show online.  WOW. I too blamed my mom for what I have become. But waching this show, and I'm planning on having my 15yr old daughter watch it as well, like I said on another post, I don't want her growing up to be like her mom and her grammy.  But ya know, if I watched it at her age, I'm not so sure it would have changed my way of thinking at the time.  I can only pray it does for her. She's such a sweet smart girl.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm in Canada and we don't get VH1 through our satellite provider. :( That's one show I really wanted to see. At least I get to hear about it through all of you folks :)
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Avatar_f_tn
i guess i should have called YOU to remind you it was on...LOL!

yes i caught the whole show...it was an eye opener and hit home with me too. what really scared me was watching jeff conaway (from the show Taxi, i am dating myself here, lol) and the extent of his withdrawals and his pain...but STILL wanting to leave only to start the process of escaping it all over again...he is in rough shape, man. i guess to some extent some of us are lucky we never had to go through this to the extent he is...but it also made me quite sad, these people have everything in the world, and yet they are still JUST LIKE US!  no difference...money does not solve a thing, if anything maybe it even hinders them from searching for help because they do not have to worry about the financial aspect of it all...and brigette nielson seems to really understand her addiction and the root of it all, i think she will be instrumental in helping a lot of the other celebs...

i can identify with what you said hun...so much, i was in foster care also, my parents are still living but i just dont ever see them, they are quite nonexistant in my life...not sure if this is good or bad...these are the issues WE need to confront lisa and  and find the proper way of dealing with these feelings, they can be so damaging, but will make us stronger when we are able figure it all out...xxxooo
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Thank you so much. You are so sweet. Yes, it is amazing the feelings of hate that we harbor for our parents when we think they have chosen their drugs over us. And we see first hand what it does to a child, and yet here we all are. I swore I would NEVER put my daughter through an ounce of what I went through. And I know I've never let her see or know anything. I pray that she is still too young. But that is a fools wish. SHe is smart and at 8 knows that mommy isn't happy anymore. And mommy is always tired and mommy never wants to go do anything. I do pray that I can break that chain. And not turn out like my mother and leave my daughter here by herself. Praying and wishing that she had her mom to talk to, to tell her what to do. I won't let that happen to her. I won't..

Thanks John...

xo
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Avatar_m_tn
Hello,that was a sad story.what your parents did was a Selfish-thing. They lost control and where overcome with the insanity os addiction.But,they also played a part in not getting help/treatment,we cant excuse their behavior, as we all exercise self-will,you stated that you are an addict,but you have a conscience,and know whats right and whats not.I dont see you coping out and abusing your flesh & blood for the selfish disease of addiction. there is no cure!!!,BUT theres a treatment abstinance.Good-luck sweety,remember history doesant have to repeat itself. love john
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HONEY, I am so sorry. I forgot myself. I had alot of running around to do last night, and I just forgot. I am also having major, major hair issues and I was trying to fix it.

Anyway, Yes, I too was saddened by Jeff. When he was crying and just moaning, I started to cry. I remember just sitting there, literally wanting to be dead then go through that. Its seriously an eye opener...

Hope you are well my friend.

Everyday we find out more and more we have in common. I did not know you were in a foster home.....

Im here if you want to talk, you know that....

xoxo  
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Avatar_f_tn
i too didnt know about your childhood...i was in 2 foster homes and got thrown out of both of them...at this point i had already developed my own way of caring for myself, and no one was going to try and do it for me or tell ME how to live...i should have listened...hindsight is 20/20...but when your only 13 you already know it all...yeah right...LOL!
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Avatar_m_tn
thats all we can do is make sure we dont let our kids go through what we did.. we cant change the past.. but, we can fix the present... please dont beat yourself up for what is already done..  that was my problem as well.. remember lisa, everything happens for a reason , right? there must be a reason for all of this......
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Yes, everything does happen for a reason.......

xoxo
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214607_tn?1287681159
I totally know what you mean, I too knew it all. I've had such a huge wall up my whole life, that no one has ever gotten through it. I guess as a defense mechanism we develop ways to protect ourselves, as we have no one else to do so. Gosh, Amy, we really may have been seperated at birth...........lololool..........


Love yu girl.....

xoxo, Lisa
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