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Tapering from hydro, then CT..Need support please
I realized, thanks to BKitty that I posted on an old thread. Here it goes. I am a newlywed. He is a high ranking military official and does not even drink, though neither do I. He is beyond a straight arrow. we have never used drugs. Well, I did try marijuana while in Amsterdam, but did not like it, lol. I am a professional, had a great career and life and was doing fitness modeling . Before I met my husband I went on a rock climbing trip one weekend as I have always been extremely athletic and adventurous. I overdid it and ended up ripping my right thigh muscles, inner thigh, including my groin. I continued to work out and made it worse. I had physical therapy for almost a year and was prescribed 5/500 hydros at 60 a month. I rarely took them, but when I had PT and worked out I did. I started to take more than prescribed. One day my best friend and I were going out and she asked for a pill, though she never had an issue with them. She said we would get a buzz without calories. It shames me to admit that I agreed. I never thought I would ever have any dependency. Not me. I am the strong one. I was brutally raped,beaten and left for dead by a stranger as a 15 year old virgin. My dad, whom I adored was diagnosed with cancer and passed a month later. A year after my only, and big brother was murdered in a robbery. My mom has had severe depression and opiate addiction that started with knee replacements, then used to self medicate against the grief. Working out was my addiction. Now here I am. I was told I am only physically dependent so no help except from places that want to charge me 30,000 a month. I do not want to see a pill. My mom told me to taper for a week, then stop. I was taking up to 10 to 12. some days nothing. But my mom would give me hers and am ashamed to say I bought them. I started my taper with tons of vitamins and fluids....I do not want to rush it ,but my mom said, if you do not need it, do not take it. She has been through it because she has had her knees replaced so I am listening to her AND my body. I am on day 5 of 2 in the morning and 1 at night if I need it. I do have my Valium to help. I was taking meds on and off since 2008, but consistently for a year and a half. I got out yesterday to run errands, was cranky, which is not me at ALL. I feel achy and just not good today...thought it would be easier with tapering. I started my taper with 3 pills, could that be why? Feeling so blah and disappointed in myself today :(
I honestly don't know if there is a difference between the pills and the liquid, but I have heard it suggested to use the name brand(?). I used the (name brand) pills and they worked great for me. Definitely something you want to have. I only needed it for a few days; and I would use it only if you do need to. Hopefully someone else will come along with info. about the pills v. liquid issue. Good luck ;)
Thank you! I just started a post about taking the plunge tomorrow since I only have 8 left and already feel crappy...do I need immodium pills? Hubby bought the liquid? Glad to know they will pass...I told my mom now I know how she feels with hot flashes, lol..no fun...I have everything else and have been taking all vitamins for almost a week....
Yes, at least for me it was. Sweating was one of my worst symptoms in w/d. I piled up clean towels, washcloths, underwear, tshirts - anything cotton & comfy. After a meltdown (which came often those first couple days), I would strip down, wipe down my face and neck with a cool cloth and get dressed again in clean, dry clothes. It felt so good every time. I swear I changed my clothes every couple hours (gave me something to do I guess:) But don't fret - this too is just a symptom and it will not last long. They may come and go quite a bit for a day or two. By day 3 my "hotflashes" were completely gone!
Thank you so much Julie! I told my husband about the site. Well actually after you wrote me the first time, I cried and went upstairs and told him what you wrote. He knows the site has been helping where he cannot. I just cannot believe all the support, and love...it is enveloping and so encouraging. Is feeling hot out of no where normal? Thanks for all your support!
Isabella
Isabella
You sound GREAT - you are gonna do this! Protein drinks and hot baths and massages; whatever you need to do to treat the symptoms. And that is ALL they are - symptoms; like having the flu. They are temporary. And you even have time off - perfect. You will NEVER regret this decision. Keep us posted with how you are doing or if you have any questions about specific symptoms, etc. Good luck.......:))
Julie
Julie
FourJays that meant so much to me! You have no idea, thank you for believing in me! I am staying on the blog, resting...doing whatever I can...I feel worse today than I did yesterday, but I know it is going to be a battle mentally and physically. I feel blessed mentally, because I have overcame a lot without anything other than talk therapy and managed to accomplish a lot with my education. I am stubborn, so I hope that helps me, lol...I am in SO much pain now...start of withdrawals I guess, but I am not taking one of the few pills I have. I am here posting. I am going to have a protein drink, take a hot bath and my husband is going to massage my back if I am not too jumpy with BenGay :). I took vacation time, my husband did too...we have no children, so I have to go for it!
Thank you Clong45....I look back at just a few years ago and think, what if I never rock climbed...would another injury had put me in this position? It does not matter now. This struggle has given me something beautiful. Insight. Before I could never understand how anyone could get addicted on anything. That is the blessing I take from this. I understand now. I will be sticking around, the support is awesome...:)
You can do this for sure.....with your strength and determination, and the support of your husband - you've got this! The physical discomfort is temporary. The metal temptation is tough, so you Must be tougher. You are clearly a survivor given all that you have endured in your life. You SO deserve to be free of these pills and have a clean and happy future - keep pushing forward, and you WILL do this. Good luck to you :)
Hi Vicki! Thank you...I think I tapered too fast and too low. I have 8 pills left. I am not going to get anymore. Well I DO NOT want to...I just want to be myself so bad. I do not think 8 pills is a good amount left for a taper, but I will try it and take what comes day by day. You all are so supportive. I do not know how I would get through without a "safe" place to not lie about amounts, frequency....I appreciate you all....
Thanks for the advice, and your experience, it means a lot. I only have 8 pills left. I am not going to go get more. I am going to have to deal with being uncomfortable and feeling crappy. My husband is really supportive. We are going to take a walk today. He wanted to take me out to shop and get my mind off of it, but i am so achy! He bought out the drugstore with icy hot , vapor rub, and every vitamin he saw, plus Gatorade. I am trying so hard. This feeling, plus I am going to feel withdrawals, but I have experienced pain, that makes this seem like nothing. I keep thinking about how I survived a brutal rape, became an attorney, against the odds, watched my loving dad pass so rapidly, and how scared and in pain my brother was in when he was killed. I KNOW I can do it. I just have to believe in myself.. I have 8 pills left. I am taking 2 in the morning. Tomorrow is my last 2 pill day....
Hi there- Tapering does work if you don't do it too fast and with a large drop...You have a few choices now. You could go back and taper down from your average daily intake or you could stay where you are for awhile and then drop a small amount, etc...
You could also just throw them all out and cold turkey off the things, too, but
tapering is more gentle and less of a shock.
Keep posting with questions and for support. You'll get through this but it doesn't have to be a race! Take your time...
You could also just throw them all out and cold turkey off the things, too, but
tapering is more gentle and less of a shock.
Keep posting with questions and for support. You'll get through this but it doesn't have to be a race! Take your time...
I was never able to do a proper taper myself. I would lay it out in my mind, but then next thing you know I was taking an extra one here or there, especially when I didn't feel as good as I wanted to. :/ A proper taper is coming down a bit, feeling some changes, staying there, then coming down again. Unfortunately, most of us don't have that luxury since we don't have the pills, scrip or funds to do it like that. We aren't allowed to give specifics on here about tapering since we don't know anything about each other's medical history. I'd always wind up taking less and less until I ran out..just prolong withdraws like you are doing. In some ways that's good because when you do stop it won't be as big of a shock, but in others its just dragging it out. It's really a personal decision. I'm glad you had that talk with your Mom too. Cutting sources is huge. No going back and that temptation isn't laying there waiting to snag you back in. Good on you! How many days til you are out completely?
Thanks YesLife :). Because of my family is why I never took any drugs, or drank. When I was injured I was stuck, but I thought, these pills will never get to me. I forgot about the physiological dependence as well...I am just so fed up, that is why I tapered so rapidly. My mom is cheering me on and will not give me a pill if I even asked. We already set that boundary. I want my life back...running, rock climbing, hiking. I get so tired working out or anything physical. I have been loading up on all the vitamins from Thomas recipe and being Vegan, I am putting good stuff in my body. I just do not feel like I am tapering I feel like I am in withdrawal...achy, hot flashes, then cold, runny nose, and generally feel crappy...taking all the advice I can get....thank you so, so much for all your positivity, I really need it right now....
Hi and thank you Life! I have my own house with my husband, so mom does not live with me...I think I might have been so frustrated at pills, never wanting them that I went down real fast in such a short time. I am scared that if I start over and taper slowly my body might be messed up. It is messed up already though, lol. I really need to figure out a taper schedule for the amount I was taking and do it right. My mom said oh, you have gone several days without meds so you will be fine because she took way more than I did for blocking out my dad and brothers death and the hospital tapered her that way...but maybe that is not what is right for MY body....just so sad and confused today..
Thank you so much. By the way, I am sooo proud of you...you make me feel that I can do it...I thought maybe I was tapering too fast because I just feel awful...it so frustrating to have great insurance and still be told I do not need the help. I am confident I can do it at home, I am just not sure I tapered correctly...thank you so much ! And keep up the good work :)
Wow! You certainly have every reason to have an addiction. Not only does it run in your genes but the traumas you have suffered. I am so sorry you have had to deal with those things.
Your body is adjusting to the dose changes which does cause some withdraw symptoms to begin. It sounds like you really want this and that's a huge first step. Congrats on taking your life back from those life sucking pills. You don't realize how much they have turned on you until one day you wake up and notice that you don't live like you used to. It's going to take a while for your natural energy to return and you will feel flu like for a few days when you stop. Look up the Thomas Recipe on the bottom of this page for some OTC products that can help ease the symptoms. It sounds like your Mom has quit using now too? If she hasn't, it's going to be very challenging to want just 'one' from her when things get rough. Our minds can be very tricky during and after withdraw. Stick around...there is some excellent people and support on here.
Your body is adjusting to the dose changes which does cause some withdraw symptoms to begin. It sounds like you really want this and that's a huge first step. Congrats on taking your life back from those life sucking pills. You don't realize how much they have turned on you until one day you wake up and notice that you don't live like you used to. It's going to take a while for your natural energy to return and you will feel flu like for a few days when you stop. Look up the Thomas Recipe on the bottom of this page for some OTC products that can help ease the symptoms. It sounds like your Mom has quit using now too? If she hasn't, it's going to be very challenging to want just 'one' from her when things get rough. Our minds can be very tricky during and after withdraw. Stick around...there is some excellent people and support on here.
Hi and welcome. Tapering takes time so dont rush it. The less of the drug thats in your body the less "shock"withdrawals take place. The problem that you might have is starting again as they are in your house from your moms using. If your going to be sucessful, they need to be out of sight out of mind, so you might ask your mom to keep them locked up and maybe get your own house to!
oh my girl...you have been thru so much! I am in shock right now! I am only 5 days clean so not really the best one to give advice but thru am going to try. Lol. You tapered way too fast! A taper is slow and steady. You pretty much just quit! If you want to drop that far down then you are just prolonging your withdrawals at this point! I can't remember who says it but they say slow and steady will win the race that this is not a marathon! I am sure others with a lot more experience will be along shortly! I wish you the best of luck!
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Seems like you have been through alot to say the least. Most of us here can relate one way or another. You have gotten some good advice already. I'll add that it really dosent matter what you do at this point. 8 pills aren't gonna do much but prolong the inevitable. You got the support of your husband which is great.. Addiction is a disease, not a choice. All of us here didn't dream as kids about having a drug control our lives when we got older. It just happens, But, we can choose to not let this disease wreck our minds or bodies any longer. Stick around....this forum will be a blessing for you, it was for me.