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Teenage Son Smoking Weed
I have an 18 yr. old son who is an avid marijuana smoker. He probably smokes two or three times per day. He says that smoking helps him concentrate for probably the first time in his life. It helps him feel less angry at the world (believe me, he has some valid reasons for his anger). He was never diagnosed with ADD per se, but he has always had a problem getting his thoughts from his head to paper, and thusfar, has struggled in school. This is graduation year for him and he is barely passing. He has always been somewhat of a stubborn kid, butting heads with authority, but on the opposite side, he is literally brilliant. He scored very high on an IQ test (140), has been slated by his teachers as highly intelligent but a low achiever. Prior to his weed habit, he was moody, often defiant and just plain
annoying. He would not or could not follow through with tasks or orders. He frustrated very easily. Now that he is smoking weed, he is a changed person, and I hate to admit it, a pleasure to be around. He's cooperative, he can hold his focus on a task for hours on end, he's cheerful, so I am at a loss as to what to do? I know that weed is not only illegal, but also habit forming, and I am concerned with him finding employment and keeping a job as many companies spot check. By the way, he has been on ADD medication in the past, and anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, you name it, and nothing has worked. I am an advocate of the legalization of medical marijuana, but I doubt he could get it prescribed just for the above reasons. He is aware of my feelings about illegal drug use, but how do I look him in the eye and say I don't believe it actually helps him in more ways than not?
annoying. He would not or could not follow through with tasks or orders. He frustrated very easily. Now that he is smoking weed, he is a changed person, and I hate to admit it, a pleasure to be around. He's cooperative, he can hold his focus on a task for hours on end, he's cheerful, so I am at a loss as to what to do? I know that weed is not only illegal, but also habit forming, and I am concerned with him finding employment and keeping a job as many companies spot check. By the way, he has been on ADD medication in the past, and anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, you name it, and nothing has worked. I am an advocate of the legalization of medical marijuana, but I doubt he could get it prescribed just for the above reasons. He is aware of my feelings about illegal drug use, but how do I look him in the eye and say I don't believe it actually helps him in more ways than not?
As long as he's addressing the underlying issues with a therapist, i.e., anger, concentration problems, etc... than (in my opinion) it would be acceptable for him to smoke weed (It really sounds like he's depressed, btw). But, if he's just MASKING it with weed, than you're gonna have a big problem down the road. You know what I mean?
Not every employer does drug testing. I have only had to take a drug test once and that was when I was being hired by a very large company that had that as a policy for all new hires. Since it wasn't observed and I knew about it ahead of time it would have been possible to "fake it" if necessary. Of course faking a drug test is not morally right but it may be a necessary evil when you're in a situation where you would not be hired or lose your job just because you are taking a substance that you need to function well.
Except for this one employer I have never had to take a drug test anywhere. Most employers I've had has had a policy of drug testing only when there is a suspicion of drug use. So even if your son continues to smoke pot it doesn't mean that he won't be able to find a job. I'd recommend that he look for work with small business and mom and pop places as they are much less likely to require drug testing.
If the pot works for him, let him smoke it. It's a lot better for him than most pharmaceuticals. Marijuana can be habit forming but it is actually quite rare that people become addicted to it. I know that society wants you to believe something else but it's simply not the truth. Except for the possible legal issues with buying and smoking marijuana I see no reason not to. If you are concerned by the possible lung issues that can be caused by smoking it you can encourage him to ingest it in other ways like cooking with it.
Except for this one employer I have never had to take a drug test anywhere. Most employers I've had has had a policy of drug testing only when there is a suspicion of drug use. So even if your son continues to smoke pot it doesn't mean that he won't be able to find a job. I'd recommend that he look for work with small business and mom and pop places as they are much less likely to require drug testing.
If the pot works for him, let him smoke it. It's a lot better for him than most pharmaceuticals. Marijuana can be habit forming but it is actually quite rare that people become addicted to it. I know that society wants you to believe something else but it's simply not the truth. Except for the possible legal issues with buying and smoking marijuana I see no reason not to. If you are concerned by the possible lung issues that can be caused by smoking it you can encourage him to ingest it in other ways like cooking with it.
Well Girl, your writing my story with him the new character. As far as pulling his grades up?? Bull!!!..I only did what I had to to get by. I had the smarts,I just wasn't interested..Sports? Chuckle.My dad had to bribe me to play basketball as I am tall. He played as a young man and wanted to see me take a shot at it too. We grew up in a sports enviroment. Did it all. Tennis, AAU swimming Golf, track, all of it. But it was one of those things I was being pushed to do so when the upper high school stuff came around, I was rather rebelious about it.BUT, thee was something I wanted. A new motor for a boat I had..He said He would make up the difference in tradein if I played. I said "ok" lets go get it..He went "No so fast!" After the season...Ummm, I said nope, ain't gonna do it. He coutered with he would give me a dollar for every point scored but I still would have to wait..So I did play and made a heck of an allowance at the same time. I was a terror on the court..Never took it further than high school though..Btw, I turn 55 in a week so I do have alot to reflect on if you want to point him toward me..I will say this about herb. It keeped me out of trouble. Give me a joint and I would drive home like I was taking a Sunday drive. Mix some alcohol in that, and you had a Nascar driver..And that is fact. I had to neigotiate acouple more deals with the oldman to acquire my next toy. A Datsun 280ZX turbo...And believe me, after a couple drinks, I had a bad tendency to test its limits..Luckily nothing ever bad happened..but if I had to choose, the pot is the lessor of the two evils....Have him read some,,If he wants to poke at my brain some tell him to bring it on..I remember 19yo like the back of my hand....:)
hi it seems there are alot of issues here. i myself smoked off and on for 35 yrs, it can definitely helps many conditions. i also let my 2 oldest smoke. who are now son 25 & daughter 19.when in high school it definitely zapped their motivation levels, both very bright,but no motivation for school or work. that is a big factor, also affecting his weight. on bp meds at 18.you also know this sets him up for lots of other health problems. does he go to counseling? considering the divorce issues, addiction in your family would definitely recommend it. my son was at first diagnosed with add and then it was later changed to bipolar. the anger issues are very bipolar, young adults rapid cycle from being docile to getting angry. has he gone to anger management classes? maybe the drs. just havent found the right meds for him yet. my son smoked for 10 yrs.the last 5 non stop always had a joint in his mouth . then decided to quit 2 yrs. ago when he met a girl.since he stopped his motivation is beyond words. he has a great job now in a sale position he never went to college had quit hs in his senior yr. didnt have enough credits. he just got his ged last jan. he does take paxil now has always had anxiety issues, and the pot did help for awhile. then he got very paranoid from it. i do not believe it is a gateway drug either. many times the depression meds are affected by the pot so that could be why they havent worked. maybe he should consider stopping for awhile and see if it does affect his motivation, it would more than likely return, exercise would also help with his natural endrophins that would make him feel better, hope i was some help.
blessings to you,
debbie
blessings to you,
debbie
Hey! I'M a clingy Mother! We have to be! It's not like the days when I was growing up...
My mother thought if she sent me to PAROCHIAL SCHOOL FOR 12 YEARS her job WOULD BE OVER AND IT WAS THE NUNS' PROBLEM! LMAO!! Like that worked out!!
I grew up in Mass. I probably know you! LOL I,also,hope that medical marijuana becomes legal there. I doubt it will be soon,though. That's been a battle for at least 25 years!
So,how many different ADD meds has he tried? I know there are several newer meds he might try. Also, there's a pretty good diet that's been around for a very long time. It's strict
but it works. It's called the HCG diet. Ask the doctor about it.
Talk to him and see how receptive he is to a medicine instead of the pot. Unfortunately, the pot will hinder him in the future so he needs to get it addressed before the future is right now!
My mother thought if she sent me to PAROCHIAL SCHOOL FOR 12 YEARS her job WOULD BE OVER AND IT WAS THE NUNS' PROBLEM! LMAO!! Like that worked out!!
I grew up in Mass. I probably know you! LOL I,also,hope that medical marijuana becomes legal there. I doubt it will be soon,though. That's been a battle for at least 25 years!
So,how many different ADD meds has he tried? I know there are several newer meds he might try. Also, there's a pretty good diet that's been around for a very long time. It's strict
but it works. It's called the HCG diet. Ask the doctor about it.
Talk to him and see how receptive he is to a medicine instead of the pot. Unfortunately, the pot will hinder him in the future so he needs to get it addressed before the future is right now!
You live in one of 12 states with pending med marijuana laws. The weed works in many different ways for people. For some it does make them not motivated and just kinda idle in life. For others it does the opposite(drive, creativity, concentration, etc) there are so many different strains now that are bred for different effects. Some help more with insomnia some for depression some for eating habits among a bunch of other things. Just go online and look up med marijuana strains and there will be tons of websites to do some research on. It's crazy how much info there is now. In my state it's almost impossible to find dirt weed these days. Everything Is "kind" and very well grown. If or when it is legal in your state you should be able to go to a dispensary or get a caregiver or grow your own and then you know exactly what you are getting. No more street weed, it's wonderful. I hope all this helps a little. I'm not trying to push the med marijuana thing but I am totally pro on this subnet and I'm just giving you MY opinion on it. But I suggest you do some research and you and your son will be able to make an informed decision on this. Once again, good luck. Hopefully it passes in your state for you and others that live there and benifit from it.
i think if it helps him, let him do it! as long as he dosnt smoke it more that 2 3 times a day its not that bad in my opinion, when my kids start smokin pot i dont think it will bother me at all.
No, no, I wasn't criticizing what you said to me...I'm sorry, my head is just spinning today, I just wanted you to know that I"m not one of those clingy, can't cut the apron strings mothers (though some might not believe that! LOL)
I am also concerned about his weight. If you could see his father's side of the family, you'd see where it comes from, both that and the height. He was basically raised by this grandparents after the divorce because when I moved out, I had to move to a place I couldn't take him for lack of space. That was five years ago. So his meals were served by them. He is really not a compulsive or emotional eater, but the food he is served has not always been the healthiest, and as we all know, school food, until just recently is no better than McDonalds, so combined with that and the "video game" generation, you can pretty much guess why he's that heavy. He is under a doctor's care for that, although
he hasn't lost much weight as of yet. (five months). His grandparents are BIG junk food junkies, she doesn't cook much except pizza and pasta. His father is a huge cheese freak and pizza eater, so with that around him so much, there you go. If he were to have been able to live with me, I think that would have been avoided. It just seems that there are so many issues pertaining to his heath and well being these days that I'm at a loss. Thank you for your info. Keep it coming as I really need some support!
I am also concerned about his weight. If you could see his father's side of the family, you'd see where it comes from, both that and the height. He was basically raised by this grandparents after the divorce because when I moved out, I had to move to a place I couldn't take him for lack of space. That was five years ago. So his meals were served by them. He is really not a compulsive or emotional eater, but the food he is served has not always been the healthiest, and as we all know, school food, until just recently is no better than McDonalds, so combined with that and the "video game" generation, you can pretty much guess why he's that heavy. He is under a doctor's care for that, although
he hasn't lost much weight as of yet. (five months). His grandparents are BIG junk food junkies, she doesn't cook much except pizza and pasta. His father is a huge cheese freak and pizza eater, so with that around him so much, there you go. If he were to have been able to live with me, I think that would have been avoided. It just seems that there are so many issues pertaining to his heath and well being these days that I'm at a loss. Thank you for your info. Keep it coming as I really need some support!
I just thought of this: In Massachusetts, pot has been decriminalized. If he's ever caught with any, and it's under an ounce, it's a $100 dollar fine. Like a speeding ticket...
Okay...I said this was a dilema and I DO understand. I have one child, female, age 20.
I never said you should turn your back to him and I know we are parents forever! That said,
there's really not a lot you can do except listen,talk,be understanding,and point out the cons of smoking pot daily.
Employment IS a huge concern. Mostly everyone drug tests! The only choice here is to find a legal drug that will offer the same effect as pot. That would require a visit with a doctor. It's obvious this is a form of self medication...
I don't consider pot as a "gateway drug". Some do,though. There are no withdrawals and I doubt a very high tolerance. A concern is where he's getting it and what's in it. The pot of my youth ( a million years ago) is nothing compared to what's around now.
A greater concern to me is his weight. At 400 pounds he may find he's descriminated against when he attempts to seek employment. Sad but true. Also, it's just plain not healthy...
All you can do is express your concerns,which is your job as a mother, and support him.
A doctor's visit would be helpful, as well.
I never said you should turn your back to him and I know we are parents forever! That said,
there's really not a lot you can do except listen,talk,be understanding,and point out the cons of smoking pot daily.
Employment IS a huge concern. Mostly everyone drug tests! The only choice here is to find a legal drug that will offer the same effect as pot. That would require a visit with a doctor. It's obvious this is a form of self medication...
I don't consider pot as a "gateway drug". Some do,though. There are no withdrawals and I doubt a very high tolerance. A concern is where he's getting it and what's in it. The pot of my youth ( a million years ago) is nothing compared to what's around now.
A greater concern to me is his weight. At 400 pounds he may find he's descriminated against when he attempts to seek employment. Sad but true. Also, it's just plain not healthy...
All you can do is express your concerns,which is your job as a mother, and support him.
A doctor's visit would be helpful, as well.
Wow...thanks for looking that up for me...you just saved me the time! I sure hope they do pass it. Also, thank you for relieving my fear of the tolerance to it. I love my son dearly and am so afraid of him becoming drug dependent. I have dealt with addicts all my life (mother, grandparents, husbands) and it's not pretty or fun. I have been through the emotional pain of watching people I love ruin their lives and one of them died of an overdose. So you can see where I'm coming from. I have a bond with my son that I cannot and will never break. I just want what's best for him and hopefully to help him make the right decisions for him. Ultimately, I have to accept whatever decisions he makes. I know that, but if I can guide him in the right direction and be a peace with myself in doing so...it sure would be great. Thanks again!
Funny, I just had that same conversation with him. We went through the pros and cons and the employment issues. I am leaving it up to him, but am going to let him read all the replies I get. My son is a kid who has always had to learn the hard way about everything. He has never been in trouble legally, but I'm not so sure that will last since he's now an adult. As far as college, his dad got into legal trouble a few years ago, and any money that was put aside for that was spent to defend him in court. It wasn't my money, it was his grandparent's. If he does decide to go to school, it will be either a state college, or a vocational school and with financial aid. The above effects (low ambition, school performance) you hit the nail right on the head. Although he has never really been academically productive, he is capable of it. In fact, he brought up all his grades this term to passing, which he attributes to the weed (he can concentrate and complete a task now he says). He has never had a lot of ambition to do much in life. He was always a laid back, live and let others do it kind of kid. He has been told over and over that he could play football because of his size, and that he could make big bucks with his knowledge and smarts, but he just sort of watches the world go by. Even as a child. It's very frustrating and sad to see this. I do not think this is drug related. It's just his innate personality. When you said that you wouldn't want your child to become med dependent, isn't becoming weed dependent pretty much the same? Or are you relating to the physical withdrawls? My head is spinning right about now. Thank you so much for your good advice. You sound like a great parent and your kids should consider themselves lucky to have you!
Your state is in the process as far as I was able to find on the Internet of trying to pass a bill for medical marijuana. Just do a little research. If it passes and he is legal then maybe a job and drug screen will not be a problem. Another thing about weed is that you don't get to much of a tolerance for it. It's not like pills where you have to keep doing more to get the same effect. And with some if the strains out there it is very potent and you don't need alot to get the beneficial things out of it. I have been smoking for 20 years+ and I still only need a litlle bit to help me out.
Not sure how to approach this.It sounds some like me back in high school. It tended to mellow me out as I did have some underlying anger issues as well..There is a line though that one mellows out too much and inturn one loses ambition to do other things other than plan on getting that buzz at the end of the day..He may be more pleasant to deal with in general, but as far as his school stuff, I can attest to the fact that it does interfere with getting assignments done or scoring well on pop quiz's and such...It does affect memory....
Once the thought of getting a job comes up is probably the only thing I can think of that will catch his attention as drug testing in the workplace is basically the law of the land now..He will have to make a choice...Because if he continues, gets tested and terminated,,that record of employment will follow him whenever he looks for that next job..
There are some legal meds out there that could give him the same mellowed affect but at such a young age I personally wouldn't want my child to become med dependent..Does he have any vocational goals in mind? Is he making plans for college? I tend to think this might be the starting place to get into conversation with him as to what longterm goals he has..Then address the subject of how the pot use will affect his ability to acheive those..He's at an age where he's going to do what he wants to and trying to impose some sort of consequence may tend to backfire..Some sort of open but realistic conversation from an adult standpoint without being overbearing is about all I can think of..I have four teens ranging from 13 to 19...There are a few issues I have to deal with, nothing of major concern, but when I do see things I don't like, I try to place their actions in their laps and ask how they plan on working around some of these activities when it comes time to fend for themselve's...Because the outside world isn't going to tolerate it.....Ummm...
Once the thought of getting a job comes up is probably the only thing I can think of that will catch his attention as drug testing in the workplace is basically the law of the land now..He will have to make a choice...Because if he continues, gets tested and terminated,,that record of employment will follow him whenever he looks for that next job..
There are some legal meds out there that could give him the same mellowed affect but at such a young age I personally wouldn't want my child to become med dependent..Does he have any vocational goals in mind? Is he making plans for college? I tend to think this might be the starting place to get into conversation with him as to what longterm goals he has..Then address the subject of how the pot use will affect his ability to acheive those..He's at an age where he's going to do what he wants to and trying to impose some sort of consequence may tend to backfire..Some sort of open but realistic conversation from an adult standpoint without being overbearing is about all I can think of..I have four teens ranging from 13 to 19...There are a few issues I have to deal with, nothing of major concern, but when I do see things I don't like, I try to place their actions in their laps and ask how they plan on working around some of these activities when it comes time to fend for themselve's...Because the outside world isn't going to tolerate it.....Ummm...
What state do you live in? I think pot is way less dangerous than alcohol and pills. And by the way it is not physically addictive. There are no withdrawals if you stop using it. That's a fact. After using it for a while you can become somewhat mentally addictive but your body won't really react to not using anymore. I agree with the other post that your son is an adult and if it helps him then so be it. Just talk to him about it and see what his options are.
And Vicky, I do understand that he is 18 and able to make his own decisions. As a matter of fact, in most cases, it's a real relief to me. He knows that in just a month or so, he will hopefully graduate high school and then it's on to a career. But how does one get a career if they can't pass a drug test? What if he gets a job he loves and gets spot checked and then
LOSES the job because he gets caught? Won't this be worse in the long run? I don't know how old you are, but just because a kid turns 18, doesn't mean they don't need their parents and HE comes to ME. It also doesn't mean that you just cut the ties and let them make bad choices without at least giving an opinion. You can teach a kid to be independent without turning your back or staying silent. But thank you for your input. I appreciate it.
LOSES the job because he gets caught? Won't this be worse in the long run? I don't know how old you are, but just because a kid turns 18, doesn't mean they don't need their parents and HE comes to ME. It also doesn't mean that you just cut the ties and let them make bad choices without at least giving an opinion. You can teach a kid to be independent without turning your back or staying silent. But thank you for your input. I appreciate it.
I respect his right as an adult to do it. I guess what I'm getting at is that although he is 18, he is still my child, and we are very close. He is open with me about most things, and he comes to me for answers and support with his problems. I am just asking opinions and answers to my questions about the obstacles he will undoubtedly face. I smoked myself in high school, but it just wasn't for me. I am not against it's use, just worried about the consequences. Now, another worry of mine is that the weed will no long work, and he will go on to bigger and "better" drugs to get the same effect. Does anyone know of any new medications out there that actually help people like him? A little background. We are from MA. He's six foot four and near 400 lbs. He is on BP medication and Paxil. When you buy weed on the street, especially in his age group, you may not get "weed", if you know what I mean. Happened to me once and scared the life out of me. There are so many pros and cons and I'm trying to help him decide what to do. He said that if he could find a medication that works as well as the weed, he'd be willing to try it. That way he could avoid all the legal and employment obstacles. Thanks.
Why do you feel like you need to do something? He's 18 and has made the decision to use. That's his right. He's obviously a lot more comfortable and productive with pot in his life so I'm sure he won't want to give that up!
The one problem I see is work related. Most employers require drug testing and pot hangs around for a very long time. It's a dilema!
He could ask the doctor about an rx...you never know...In the meantime,he should start thinking about a career where he is his own boss!
Good luck!
The one problem I see is work related. Most employers require drug testing and pot hangs around for a very long time. It's a dilema!
He could ask the doctor about an rx...you never know...In the meantime,he should start thinking about a career where he is his own boss!
Good luck!
Oh by the way you can get it prescribed where I live for just about anything as long as you have some sort of medical records. They prescribe for pain, cancer, hep, rls, among many other things.
Where I live medical marijuana is legal. I'm not sure of your state laws but I think it can be very helpful for certain people. I am about to start the process of getting my license. I agree with you that it should be legal and decriminalized. Look into your state laws and see what can be done. You would be surprised at how many things it can treat. There are also many ways you can use thc besides smoking it(eating, vaporizing, etc) it can be beneficial for some so good luck. Not sure where u live so it may not be an option but it's worth looking into.
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