Temptation walks into my work at 19 days clean AND depressed as all get up

[redbull]

Holy Crap! I've told EVERY person that I deal with and share goods with that I'm in a bad way and have to detox and not even sure I'll live through it, but if I do to please please please respect my choice and NOT EVER give me a pill. They all were cool and supportive and said not to worry, my wishes will be respected and they understand. Most of em have been there done that..God Speed. However, one of them outside my work place that has 3 types of cancer and gets everything and anything he wants (and a lot of it) shows up at work today. Small talk takes place and he's wanting a new client I told him about some weeks ago (I'm out so he wants to fill that void of income) So I make the intro (who am I to judge, and this guy needs him, till he can get out) They do there thing and an hour later he says to me that if I want he'll front me 100 pills (pay when I can) WHAT a Xuckin Xick. He knows im 19 days free and it doesn't help that I can't yet smile being I'm so dang depressed. I just thought to myself "OK God I get it, for the second time in my life I humble hit my knees and say the 7th step prayer (weird stuff has been happening since) and now THIS. I wanted to cry right then and there, but I was at work. I just stood up and said "Bro, I asked you not to do this please excuse me"...and walked away (trembling) I walk all the way to back of the shop trying to compose myself. God how that Xucked with my head. I managed to shake it off and he had left (thank God) All day long I kept saying to myself "You are not well but you're better" These 7 words got me through the whole day and I didn't even think about calling him, just thought he was a Xick. Anyway....I just needed to get that off my chest....My God, this Xhit is real.

[gnarly_1]

God at 19 days that would be hard for anyone and I agree with you he is a xick
but temptation is everywhere and if we want to score each of us know where or how the key here is to get rid of the desire only threw aftercare can that be accomplished as often as not we tend to detox and do nothing we are no moe the dry alcoholics just with pills you must treat the disease and thats aftercare booth N/A and A/A are free and everywhere just google them but you got to get dow to the root of wht drive you to want to use in the first place .....strong will will only get you so fare it is treatment weather it be a counselor therapist that specialize in addiction or n/a or a/a for free with the 12 step program
you will loose the desire to use its worked for me for 6yr7mo on weed alcohol and eveything recreational and 2yr 2mo on methadone I used na at first then a substance abuse counselor take the time to treat it your right there where its time to treat itI wish you the best of luck in your recovery God bless......Gnarly    

[Bkitty]

~The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery,,There comes a leap in consciousness, call it intuition or what you will,,and the solution comes to you and you dont know how or why.~Bkitty

You did it!! ;)

[Bkitty]

Thats jacked a$$ed up! Tread carefully my friend,,landmines and boobie traps are among us as we head in to clear waters. Ive dodged a few myself. We got each others back in this! Ill be here and try and let ya know whats ahead,,so far sunny skies ;)

[redbull]

Mind f*ck is the perfect word for it too. My head thought 100 different thoughts all at once, just total overload of good and bad all at the same time. All those things you said Bkitty and more at once. It was all I could do to just get it down to a simple 7 words that felt good yet SO serious. Those little slogans always saved my xss in years past when I worked my program so well. I HAVE to remember that, silly xss slogans worked every time. It kills me that they are so dumb yet SO real and LIFE saving. I'm ok about it now I just needed to share it with someone before I bursted inside. That's how he makes his money, no job just his pills to peddle, we all have bills. But My God...how jacked up was that?

[Bkitty]

Thats a total mind f*ck !! But boy did you handle it. Always always keep that guard up,,,and you did just that my friend. Well done. Remeber,,one day at a time. Think of all the things about the drugs that you DONT miss,,,the money,,where ya gonna get your next fix,,the lying,,feeling like a piece of dung,,etc. Think about what you have. Your beautiful daughters a good buisness,,you get it. Im not too far ahead,,everyday gets better,,the fog slowly lifts,,I promise. Hang in there.

[fpvfem]

Congrats mate u did the right thing I'm 7 days clean today still got a long way to go but I'm doing it like u told everyone don't call me I don't wanna know and they ain't but they not real mates anyway pat on the back your inner strength shone thru ya kickin arse mate keep up the wicked work mwah from oz

[vicki595]

I'm sure that was a very difficult situation but friend: YOU ROCK!!